Cats & dogs diary!.

arybvtcw0eolkf

Got this one in an email this morning and thought it was hilarious, and very, very accurate!.

The Dog's Diary:

8:00 am - Dog Food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



The Cat's Diary:

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates
and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt
for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order
to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely make condescending
comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due
to the power of "allergies". I must learn what this means, and how to use
it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The
dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be
more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an
informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am
certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective
custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe, for now.

Glowing

Spot on!

stovelid

:cool:

Amimad

Brilliant:D

AntiVirus

Class!

comongethappy

deadly - and so true!

Alfasudcrazy

Great stuff.

You could add to the list with mine though

Rip up a few rags - preferably cushions - my favourite thing.

Dig a few massive ankle breaker holes in the garden - my favourite thing.

Terrorise the cats for a while - my favourite thing.

:rolleyes:

Caychadh

That is hilarious. I love the fact that the cat thinks of himself as an 'inmate.' Very clever, hehehe.

franksm

class

NeoRox

Very good

franksm

In a not too dissimilar vein, something I read in the March 2007 issue of the sci-fi pulp mag Asimov's - I thought it was cool:

Cat Spacesuit

How do you pat a cat in a pressurized container ?
It judders against your glove.
You hold the little air-puffed mass,
Stiff against your insulated shoulder.

"Don't pish in the carrier," you say,
Wondering if the general sense of this
Will come through the suit radio
"It's a stinker to clean."

A disapproving meow comes back to your phones.
How long till the next patting,
And will the food be any good ?

-- Ruth Berman

arybvtcw0eolkf

franksm wrote:

In a not too dissimilar vein, something I read in the March 2007 issue of the sci-fi pulp mag Asimov's - I thought it was cool:

Cat Spacesuit

How do you pat a cat in a pressurized container ?
It judders against your glove.
You hold the little air-puffed mass,
Stiff against your insulated shoulder.

"Don't pish in the carrier," you say,
Wondering if the general sense of this
Will come through the suit radio
"It's a stinker to clean."

A disapproving meow comes back to your phones.
How long till the next patting,
And will the food be any good ?

-- Ruth Berman

(Maybe its the after dinner wine)

What?.

Gillie

franksm wrote:

In a not too dissimilar vein, something I read in the March 2007 issue of the sci-fi pulp mag Asimov's - I thought it was cool:

Cat Spacesuit

How do you pat a cat in a pressurized container ?
It judders against your glove.
You hold the little air-puffed mass,
Stiff against your insulated shoulder.

"Don't pish in the carrier," you say,
Wondering if the general sense of this
Will come through the suit radio
"It's a stinker to clean."

A disapproving meow comes back to your phones.
How long till the next patting,
And will the food be any good ?

-- Ruth Berman

eh wtf?

franksm

Philistines. Where's your sense of humour

Gillie

franksm wrote:

Philistines. Where's your sense of humour

Ok I know I was drinking last nite but I cannot understand that passage you posted at all let alone see any humour in it!
Maybe it's just me?:o

sfinksas

Fantastic.