I don't know what to do....

LegacyUser

hey guys...this maybe a long one..warning!

well..firstly...im not sure why im posting this as im not sure what anyone can say to me as im sure ive heard it all before..maybe just to lift some of the **** off my shoulders might help.

Basically...im giving up on myself completely.I feel like im no good at anything anymore.I'm in my early 20's and I dont know what do with my life anymore, im so lost its not even funny.Whats happened, is that all my problems have accumlated into this monster problem and I feel like theres no way out.

Currently this is how I am :

Due to a lack of friends(its a complicated one, lets say ive been unlucky with finding decent nice people)..I stay in almost everyday (wasnt always the case, its getting worse) I find solitude infront of my computer day in, day out.I have a well paid job, which ive just ended there recently.The reason why I did is because I am awaiting my results back from my college...a year which i needed to repeat do to my own faults and errors. I find out this wednesday if i get back into my college or not(had to re-do assignments) If I dont, I do not know what I am going to do.(Its an art college) so im extremely stressed right now.

To add insult to injury, over the last 6-7 months I've been lacking in alot of confidence, well..all my life really but more specifically in the fore-mentioned time phase, my self-esteem is shot and due to this, I stay indoors, eating....using the computer...eating...using the computer, avoiding all social contact apart from my house mates (which are foreign which doesnt help). I've put on 2 stone in weight over this period and now im disgusted at the way i look. characteristically, im sensitive, kind, considerate, passionate,fun, witty,loyal, very funny and very creative, but as i lack the core foundation (confidence) its all gone to the dogs.Ive been told quite alot how handsome I am aswell..but I dont see it..but all of this means nothing to me.

At this point..I feel suicidal, you may be thinking "ehh..cop yourself on mate", believe me, its alot worse than im letting on. I eat because it makes me happy, and im happy because I eat, its a vicious cycle.I've lost all motivation to achieve anything and the worst part is, no-one knows as I feel when I tell people , they'd be thinking.."oh..another moaner" (sorry..Im an over thinker).

I dont tell my parents as I hate worrying them, they know I've been to a shrink but as I'm seen to be stereotypically happy with a go getter attitude, it by-passes any connection to whats really going on with me.

I've aspirations to own my own club one day and to have my own Runner/sneaker label but they seem so far away now, I can't see the woods for the trees!

If anyone has any advice, please fire away, and if i havent made anything clear, please ask me and ill be happy to answer

Apologies about the length of the post.

How Strange

OP, I think you should consider cognitive behaviour therapy. You are caught in a very negative and destructive cycle of self-hatred/isolation/over eating and this has to come from somewhere. CBT would help identify why you are caught in this cycle and teach you how to break out of it and cope with all the triggers.

Also, switch off the pc and get out of the house. Go for a walk, do anything but start interacting with people again. The sun is shining today (where I am anyway) so do yourself a favour and go outside and enjoy it. Take that small step and maybe the next step will be a little easier. (no puns intended!)

LegacyUser

'Thank you so much for your reply...yea...

I know that this has to be delt with by myself but when you stuck in the middle of it all it can become a bit hard to figure out..

I think i will try that cognitive therapy, as i really need to sort this out a.s.ap other wise i dont know where ill end up...'

Beruthiel

giving up wrote:

I can't see the woods for the trees!

And there's your problem. At your age you should be enjoying life.
Stop looking at the bigger picture.
Tackle each of your problems one day at a time.
Don't like how you look, start doing something about it today.
You will find other friends, but not if you continue to spend all your time in front of a computer, get out there.
Sometimes our problems seem so big that they are difficult to tackle. However if you push yourself to do some little thing each day that may lead you somewhere you will have something to be proud of yourself for.
Respect for one's self is an important thing, you would appear to have lost that. Gaining it back is entirely up to you and can be done once you snap out of the self pity.
You have taken the first step towards that with your decision to see a professional. Know that you have the strength to do this.
Best of luck!

muppetkiller

Also set yourself short term goals..
A lack of a Goal in your life will result in you feeling unmotivated and saps your energy.

As for your weight , it's not going to drop off inside the house .
Go for a jog. Set a distance of 2km as your goal. walk some of it if you need to but finish the distance.Do it 2 -4 times a week and add a km each week for 4 weeks. After a month you'll be feelign much better about yourself and running is great for clearing the head.

You also use this negative outlook and make it a positive thing in your Art ?
you'll probably find too when you get on a canvas , it leaves you too ...
Best of Luck

Knockoff Nige

I think what you should do is not focus on building friendhsips from nothing, but building your life and filling it with hobbies and interests. Then, when you are really enjoying life, you'll notice you'll have many more friends. Dont be afraid to try new things just for the experience. First and foremost, its your life. Second to that is finding people to share it with. Basically, build a life, win some friends.

LegacyUser

'Hi OP

I don't post here much but you sound so nice, and that you're being so hard on yourself, I just thought even as a complete cyber stranger I would give you a cyber hug. I've gone through many stages in life feeling useless, worthless, and "what's the point in anything?" too. But if we didn't all go through that we'd never come out the other side, a stronger person with a new lesson under our belt. Feelings like this usually signify change, or the need for change, so all I would say to you, if it's of any use, is be very gentle with yourself while you're passing through the cycle, and like the others have advised, get some excercise, eat, but eat wisely for your own body, nourish yourself both physically and externally doing whatever it is you are creative and good at (obviously you are good if you're at art college). Artictis people tend to be also very senstive, I know as I'm on that side of things myself and sometimes take it all too seriously. Life's a maze to be lost in, laugh in, sometimes not figure, but always experienced and a lesson is there in everything somewhere. And tomorrow the pressure you're under with waiting to find out about college will be over, and you'll be surprised how much it's been affecting you that you didn't realise. Good luck with it, I hope you get what you want. I've come through all those dark stages, (sure there will be more but I know better how to deal with it now!) I too give into food cravings when I feel low like this, but it always ends out worse so I try now to drink some water, take deep breaths, call a friend or family member and see how they are doing to get out of my own head, and it passes. Not always, sometimes nothing will do but a slice of cheescake, but it's ok now and then. And now I run four times a week and am ten times stronger in my mind as well as y body for it. It's a matter of choosing to look after yourself. not always easy, not always fun, but sensible, and it works for the most part. Sorry if this all sounds like cliched nonsense and doesn't soothe, but just know that everyone, whether they look any different, struggles every day. people say life is short but it can seem long if you're not enjoying it, and the rule of thumb is to start making it fun for you. Make a list of the things that make you feel good, and use it to start moulding your life to what you'd like. It sounds like work? It is!! But it works after a while. I made one, am only about a third (if even) through it but already I have a life that's ten times more fun, and more full. Sorry this so long, and best of luck, have fun too!!'

LegacyUser

'Thank you so much "looking in" ....(sorry...lame reply )

Yea..you are totally right about all of it...i think what ill aim for is baby steps..setting myself small goals and eventually leading on from that.

Something good came out of something horrible in the last 2 days.A close relative of mine died and I had to go down to the country for the removal/funeral...literally home about an hour.The mad thing about this situation is that many of my relatives I hadnt seen in over 10 years were there..cousins i used to hang out with all the time were there and were so grown up...it was jaw dropping..they all were the same lovely lovely people and I had a blast

My relations with them have been skewed over the last few years due to family problems/difficulties, but due to this sad occasion happening, we were all brought together in this rememberence of happy times and loving memorys.

This whole concept hit me like a train. This has thought me that although we seem to live long lives, its so unbelieveably fragile and it dawned on me that currently im wasting my life.Doing pointless and remedial activities just to pass the time and fill the "bad" areas in my life.

Ive now re-connected with seemingly lost relations and for that im so thankful as now ive something to build on.

And yea, I found out yesterday that I was accepted back into my college so the big man upstairs must have been listening to my prayers...:)

PS. to outside looking in.....if you are a member here..can you reply logged in?...

Id like to thank you via pm if that would be ok? Thank you so much '

LegacyUser

OP, I dont think I can say much to help you feel better but I can say this... word for word what you posted is me... age included. You are not alone, even though you feel it. Lots of things in my life seem to be going wrong at the moment and today was one of those really bad days. Been crying for hours, and at 26 on a Saturday night im going to bed instead of being out enjoying myself with friends I dont feel I have. I just logged out to post this to say, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I know you dont know me so this me telling you this does not help much but reading your post made me feel a little less isolated tonight, so I just thought I would tell you that... maybe it might be a little comforting for you too.

take care x

Overheal

I may have said this before here on boards by now but I've been there - just this year. In fact its pretty much been the year's theme.

I ended up losing all of my self esteem after my stepmother passed tragically around christmas - because it wrought a ton of family-based issues with it, to the point that I was amazed at how integral she was to my life here in Ireland. and I spent so much time thinking over those issues that I let 2 months of college slip right through my fingers.. it was a huge blow. All I seemed to do was eat and sleep in front of my PC (no regard for cleaning; and hygeine only because of work) with no real direction.

The only way you can come out of it is to focus on what you consider to be your strengths and use those to crutch yourself up for a while. After enough time is passed you will then understand what you really want, then one day you will just wake up and begin taking it.

At first its scary to get back out - I'm the somewhat stubborn type and dislike being seen as weak, so I once I came back out I had to immediately deal with that. In my case I used an anti-depressant, which seemed to wash away that worry for the time that I needed to re-establish myself.

Call your parents. In truth, I waited until I was out to ask them for help (with some money - I quit my job for school) but I did explain to them somewhat the ordeal I had been through and how I came out of it, and it felt good to; they're you're parents and they raised you - above all others they deserve the feedback of knowing how you are, especially to know where they went right but also where they might still help you.

But most importantly: You have to restore yourself. It can be very helpful in a lot of ways to generate a 2-way self dialog: keep your strengths isolated and use them to resolve your other issues - dont get into the stage of beating yourself up in your internal monologue: turn that around right now if you're to have any chance. For every complaint you make for yourself you need to back it up with complimentive reassurance.

It does sound bad, yes, but theres always a way out - if you just drift though that solution is not always (almost never) going to be the one you want. The best outcomes arrise from what you put into them.

OP - you'll be alright.

suitseir

Hey OP,

Just want to say that I am a parent whose son went through mixed feelings not unlike your own, last year. In fact, this time last year, was a fairly scary time. He is young, and was going through, what he thought, was the worst nightmare in his LIFE. And to him, it was as it is to you! There is no barometer for worries and troubles! Everybody deals differently with them, young and old.

My son and being an only child, kept his problems to himself for about a month and thought that he would be letting himself and us down by showing how WEAK (his words) he was. So he was finding himself in a rut, not going out, not sleeping worried sick. We talked and talked, boy, did we talk. Support from family is probably the best of the lot. Even his close friends, while they sensed something was wrong, he still would not broach the subject with them. Trust me, it is a MALE thing - we women, boy, can we talk about our problems to others, and hey, it DOES help.

So what I am saying, is as previous posts, start small, keep it small for a while, then PUSH yourself further and keep it at that level for another while, then gradually, you will come out of it and why? cause YOU WANT TO! AND YOU KNOW THAT DEEP DOWN INSIDE. The mind is a funny place to be on your own some of the time and hence, the body reacts to what is in the mind. So start getting a HEALTHY MIND by working the oppostie - as in get healthy with the body. IT WILL WORK.

Now a year on in our situation and we have the happiest child in the world. Every day is different - even the dull ones. And trust me you are not alone.

And if you falter, start again tomorrow and keep starting until you are there.

Best of luck