BF going to college

angelicsaz

after school he went straight into an aprenticeship, to earn money (family finance situation)
now at 23 hes goin to college to do electronic engineering.... I really cant see him stickin it out tho, like he 'forgot' hes orentation (sp?) and he starts next week, doznt know his timetable, and isnt bothered finding out, he said hed jus show up... he has no books nothing organised.. and for some reason im the only one stressing over it... i filled out his grant forms for godsake...
should i jus leave him alone or keep pushing him?
its so stupid but i jus want him to do well........
like on top of sorting myslef out for college and workin 2 jobs, ive managed to sort things out for him.... and yet i jus feel like ive been taken advantage tho...
he tells me appricates everything i do... but sometimes i feel words arent enough, i want to physically see him doing well and getting on with college.
maybe im jus pushy????

challengemaster

have you told him how you feel? tried talking to him about it?

one of the most important things in a relationship is communication... So let him know how you feel, and that you aren't feeling what you've been doing is appreciated. From there, It's his choice what he does, but from what he does, you'll know what YOU have to do.. I don't think you're being too pushy. I mean, you did go out of your way to organise things for him when it seems hard enough for yourself at the moment. If he's not willing to cop himself on and wants you to mummy him forever, well...

dlofnep

Let him live his own life and make his own mistakes.. If you mother him too much, he will just become dependant on you. If he wants to have success in college, he'll figure it all out.

Carrigart Exile

angelicsaz wrote:

after school he went straight into an aprenticeship, to earn money (family finance situation)
now at 23 hes goin to college to do electronic engineering....

Are you saying him having a trade isn't good enough for you?

orlyice

Carrigart Exile wrote:

Are you saying him having a trade isn't good enough for you?

I doubt that is what she meant, where does she ever mention or imply that?
He probably went in to a trade he didnt want to do because needed money, dont over react!

i'd sat have good long chat with him and tell him to cop on. he's mature student and needs to take responsibility for his own education.

How Strange

OP, I'd say back off and let him look after himself. Why would he be bothered worrying and fussing when you are doing it for him.

You are his gf not his mother and he won't thank you for doing all this. If anything he will start to resent you because you will inevitably start nagging him if you continue as you are.

Sony

I did Electronic Engineering myself,dropped out soon enough as the course just was'nt for me and did something else - I just thought it important to let you know that this course is extremely difficult, it has always had the highest drop out rate in the college I attended and if not 100% dedicated I think I can safely tell you he does'nt stand much chance of passing..

RE what you should do? Nothing you can do , If you have told him that he needs to take things more seriously already and he's not listening you can only keep encouraging him to do better and to hang in there

It's unfortunate because some people need to realise that not being actively insterested in doing well for your future is a very very unattractive charachteristic of someone, sounds to me as though he's going through a phase of maybe being a bit fed up? He may be just de motivated, Just encourage him to apply himself better and maybe he'll find the maturity to get his act together.

By the way i dont mean any of the above to sound as though its a reflection on your bf Im sure he's a great guy and to be honest mkost peopel go through this kind of thing at some point, best of luck hope things work out;)

ambasite

angelicsaz wrote:

and yet i jus feel like ive been taken advantage tho..

you have, filling out his application forms, FFS, making a mug out of you and will continue to do so for as long as he get away with it, dump the useless fecker.

Mr. Incognito

Are you his mother?

Leave him sink or swim on his own steam.

Maple

its tough but just leave him at it. let him make his own mistakes. i know you love him and want him to do well but if he doesn't want the same for himself then you're at complete cross purposes.

angelicsaz

Carrigart Exile wrote:

angelicsaz wrote:

after school he went straight into an aprenticeship, to earn money (family finance situation)
now at 23 hes goin to college to do electronic engineering....

Are you saying him having a trade isn't good enough for you?

NO NO NOT AT ALL!!!!
I couldnt care less what he did, as long as he was happy.
as was said... he had no other option but to go into a trade... it was his idea to go to college.
Him happy at whatever he doz is good enough for me.
gonna have a chat with him next time i see him, somehow phone or text doznt seem right...
im jus worried bout the backlash.....

ali.c

Sony wrote:

I did Electronic Engineering myself,dropped out soon enough as the course just was'nt for me and did something else - I just thought it important to let you know that this course is extremely difficult, it has always had the highest drop out rate in the college I attended and if not 100% dedicated I think I can safely tell you he does'nt stand much chance of passing..

True its a tough course, but he will find out soon enough if its not him. I think its kinda common to just show up on the first day and see what info you get given, sure the one thing that might be necessary is a refill pad and a pen.

The one thing that he did need sorted was his grant form and as you have already taken care of it for him its already sorted. Books etc, well its a bit early and they are expensive and i did electronic engineering and the books i bought i never used, thats what the library is for.

Maybe he is going back to when he left school and that carefree state of mind??

Either way if the grant is sorted and he knows what day to show up then leave him be would be my advice.

Firetrap

I could be taking this up all wrong but he doesn't seem to be all that enthusiastic about starting the course. Or perhaps he's changed his mind about going. Is he usually as lackadaisical about other things in his life?

Harsh as it may seem, you're going to have to let him make a mess of his own life. The more you do the running and pick up the pieces, the more he'll let you do it. Hopefully your chat will resolve things.

Dave!

Carrigart Exile wrote:

Are you saying him having a trade isn't good enough for you?

Inferiority complex much?

OP just leave him to it. From the sound of it he's gonna drop out, but that's up to him really. If he enjoys it he'll stick with it, if he doesn't he won't.

He has a trade behind him, it's not like it's this or nothing.

Carrigart Exile

angelicsaz wrote:

Carrigart Exile wrote:

NO NO NOT AT ALL!!!!
I couldnt care less what he did, as long as he was happy.
as was said... he had no other option but to go into a trade... it was his idea to go to college.
Him happy at whatever he doz is good enough for me.
gonna have a chat with him next time i see him, somehow phone or text doznt seem right...
im jus worried bout the backlash.....

sorry if my post sounded like criticism, it wasn't I was trying to understand the drivers for this college course. Who's idea was it to go on it? Is he fed up with his own job?

Beruthiel

angelicsaz wrote:

ive managed to sort things out for him.

You're not his mammy and you doing everything for him means he never actually has to make an effort for himself.
He's a big boy and needs to make his own way in life, leave him to it.

Talliesin

ali.c wrote:

True its a tough course, but he will find out soon enough if its not him.

Unless he's floating through on autopilot because enough is being done for him that he can drift along until it's too late.

ali.c

Talliesin wrote:

Unless he's floating through on autopilot because enough is being done for him that he can drift along until it's too late.

I still stick by what i said, when i did the course it was 26-30hrs a week of lectures and labs and the course work that goes with it. If he is expecting a easy ride he will find out soon enough that he picked the wrong course.

I understand the op's concerns but at the same time some people are just chilled out about these things. grant forms are a royal pain in the ass, if somone would of filled out mine for me, i well would of let them. I started my masters last year and didnt read any of the reading list or the list of what to bring on the first day either for that matter. Its not the end of the world, some people just operate differently.

angelicsaz

thanks guys....
i was talkin to him today and he said ' i have finally realised that im in college and i have to work to succeed' so maybe i wont have to say anything after all!
man im tired......
come on the weekend!!!!!!