Slept with my best friends dad

LegacyUser · 15-09-2007 10:25pm #1

Ok this is really hard to put into words but here goes,

I was at a leaving party for my best friends brother who was heading off to Australia for a year. After the pub the party continued on to my best friends house, everyone had gone to bed and I found myself alone with her dad. We got talking and then he leaned in to kiss me, I didnt resist. One thing led to another and before I knew it we were having sex on the sofa with the rest of the family asleep upstairs. I have been friends with his daughter since we were in primary school and have never had any feelings for him before this night.

That was two months ago, I have seen him since and he completly pretended nothing had happened between us. He continued to act normally around his wife and daughter- he even went as far as kissing his wife good bye as he left the house. It gets worse, I found out last week that Im pregnant. My head is completly messed up and I dont know what to do, abortion is not an option for me as I am completly against it.

I sent him a text askin if we could meet again and he ignored it, now he wont answer my calls. I feel like telling his wife straight out but I know it would kill my best friend. I dont know what to do

MagicMarker · 16-09-2007 9:53am

you're screwed sister!!!!

Sorry, i don't even know what to say to you... But if you decide to keep your child, make sure he pays his way. He's made his bed now, and so have you for that matter.

WindSock · 16-09-2007 10:05am

That sounds like an awful situation to be in. You were both terribly foolish, and now you must live with the conequences.
If you wont have an abortion, then how about adoption? You don't have to tell your friend who is the Father, but I would let her Father know what has happened.

Nevyn · 16-09-2007 10:33am

messedup123 how old are you ?

biko · 16-09-2007 11:07am

Send a snail mail telling him you're pregnant. After it arrives, give him a day and then ring again. If that doesn't work call around to the house or better yet, his place of work - there no-one knows who you are.

axer · 16-09-2007 11:16am

While you were an idiot to do what you did, he is a bigger idiot. I think you need to call around the your friends father and tell him you are pregnant with his child - forget about asking him to meet up as he will think you want do get it on again. If he fobs you off then tell your friend and your friends mother. His wife has a right to know. Do not expect a happy ending but this guy has to be told (whether he wants to be or not) and he must pay for his mistakes i.e. child support or whatever else.

bronte · 16-09-2007 11:26am

Op is there anybody else you can confide in?
You're going through quite a bit of stress..and it's important to be able to talk it through with somebody you trust.
He does need to be informed, but right now you have to look after yourself

Nevyn · 16-09-2007 11:28am

http://www.positiveoptions.ie/index.php

texas star · 16-09-2007 12:19pm

Well you need to say it to him but you dont have to involve his wife or your best friend.The fallout will be massive.People live with secrets all the time.People will blame you not him.

DinoBot · 16-09-2007 12:52pm

OP,

You need help and support with this one. I don't know if you have told your family yet or if you can, but you need to tell someone you can trust. You shouldn't be doing this on your own.

Both of you did this and both of you need to take responsibility for your actions. It doesn't sound like its all your fault so I don't think you should shoulder all the burden of blame.

Knockoff Nige · 16-09-2007 1:04pm

Is it definitely his?

pog it · 16-09-2007 1:33pm

Knockoff Nige:

I would, personally speaking, like to assume she knows he's the father.

Ronan Raver77 · 16-09-2007 2:06pm

Jesus!!! Dont contact your mates dad at all...And dont tell your mate anything as you will be the person to give her the bad news..One other thing to do aswell dont think i need to type it.

pretty-in-pink · 16-09-2007 2:09pm

Christ, what a mess. No matter what happens now, its going to be very weird, and the truth never stays hidden forever. Talk to your parents, or a sibling. You should deffo talk to someone.

What age are you?

randomcountdown · 16-09-2007 2:11pm

Joke topic.

Dub13 · 16-09-2007 2:40pm

randomcountdown wrote:

Joke topic.

Why do you say that...?maybe it is a wind up but what if its not,give the girl a brake.

Binomate · 16-09-2007 2:53pm

You got used and abused. You shouldn't have done it in the first place. I'd say you should rat him out. Your friend will probably hate you for not resisting, but it's the lesser of two evils.

Nevyn · 16-09-2007 3:15pm

randomcountdown unhelpful post will get you banned from this forum read the charter and abide by the rules while posting.
If you have an issue with a post use the report post functions.

cowzerp · 16-09-2007 3:20pm

Binomate wrote:

You got used and abused.

i think they both got what they wanted that night-she was the 1 who should of insisted on safe sex and been on the pill if she did not want babies. both of them should be ashamed..op did you consider an abortion?

The Mad Hatter · 16-09-2007 4:22pm

cowzerp wrote:

i think they both got what they wanted that night-she was the 1 who should of insisted on safe sex and been on the pill if she did not want babies. both of them should be ashamed..op did you consider an abortion?

Should have.

And she said that abortion is not an option for her.

What gives you the idea that it should be the girl alone who insists on safe sex?

Ugh. There are plenty of other things wrong with your post (not least your misuse of the numeral '1'), but I'm not bothered getting into it now, and besides, it's not helpful.

OP: Thaedydal gave you a link to positive options. I think that's where you're likely to get the best advice. And don't listen to twerps like this ^

Knockoff Nige · 16-09-2007 4:36pm

OP, I think that you should remember that this is not the end of the world. Its a siutation you could do without right now but its simply somethign you have to deal with one way or another. Accept that you are where you are.

The options open to you might all seem like tough options but life is not about having easy options. Its about taking the right options for you and living with the consequences. Personally, I think you should have the baby, tell everyone concerned and be big enough to deal with having a baby and being honest. Best of luck with everything. Having a baby might be the best thing to ever happen to you, regardless of how it was conceived.

cowzerp · 16-09-2007 4:43pm

The Mad Hatter wrote:

Should have.
And don't listen to twerps like this ^

you want to watch your mouth-you would not speak to me like that offline so dont on a forum. i gave my opinion and am entitled to that.

D Bronc · 16-09-2007 4:47pm

This is a messy situation alright.

You have to let the father of the baby know, i know there will be a fallout because of this but he deserves to know. You said abortion is not an option so im just presuming you will keep the baby and when that baby gets older and wants to know who the father is, what are you going to say?

I think its best you get all this out in the open as soon as poss before this baby arrives and at least your child wont ever have to listen to the rows.

You're friend probably will fall out with you too but tbh you need to get yourself sorted first. You need to speak out right away the longer you leave it the harder it will get.

Tell him first and leave it to him to tell his family, within a timescale, and make sure you make him aware that you will say who the father is (for the babys sake) so it would be best he tells himself before his family hears it somewhere else.

Dont make this another "secret" because secrets turn to lies that get bigger and bigger and you wont know how to put it right.

Hope this helps, and best of luck

D Bronc · 16-09-2007 4:50pm

Knockoff Nige wrote:

OP, I think that you should remember that this is not the end of the world. Its a siutation you could do without right now but its simply somethign you have to deal with one way or another. Accept that you are where you are.

The options open to you might all seem like tough options but life is not about having easy options. Its about taking the right options for you and living with the consequences. Personally, I think you should have the baby, tell everyone concerned and be big enough to deal with having a baby and being honest. Best of luck with everything. Having a baby might be the best thing to ever happen to you, regardless of how it was conceived.

So true!

zAbbo · 16-09-2007 4:58pm

Your friends dad wouldn't happen to be called Georgie Burgess, because this sounds very similar to Roddy Doyle's "The Snapper"

Nevyn · 16-09-2007 5:27pm

Zabbo banned for a week for off topic posting.

cowzerp banned for a month for off topic posting, threathening another poster.

Miss Fluff · 16-09-2007 5:32pm

What age are you OP?

Crea · 16-09-2007 7:51pm

Have to say that Zabbos comment did enter my head.

I'd tell the father of the child but that's it. Don't say it to your friend cause she'll hate your guts. The wife doesn't need to know, it's up to him if he wants to tell her. The way Irish society works it's the girl who's blamed for leading the married man astray so be very careful who is told.

LegacyUser · 16-09-2007 8:08pm

That is at least twice that OP has not answered the question about her age.

If OP is under 18 there are very serious criminal implications for Daddy as well as untold upheaval for his family.

If OP is under 18 Daddy better know about this and start showing some seriously urgent respect for the situation. If he fobs off OP she can remind him that the baby will be the DNA source that will crucify him (whether it goes full term or is terminated).

OP needs to get a move on rapidly about doing something positive to get control over the situation as her needs are pressing. The conselling option is good but you need to get on with it now.

Best of luck with it....

Knockoff Nige · 16-09-2007 8:10pm

Crea wrote:

Have to say that Zabbos comment did enter my head.

I'd tell the father of the child but that's it. Don't say it to your friend cause she'll hate your guts. The wife doesn't need to know, it's up to him if he wants to tell her. The way Irish society works it's the girl who's blamed for leading the married man astray so be very careful who is told.

The wife doesnt need to know? Bloody hell. Are you suggesting that this baby be kept secret and the father pay child support discreetly for 18 years? Thats crazy talk. I'd be interested to know the age of the father to be.

curiousxxx1 · 16-09-2007 8:23pm

OP, in as much as i would like to rant about what happened. The deed has already been done and the repercussion is your child.
Things happen for different reason, It is not the end of the world. I think you need to sit and talk to your parents.
It seems your "best mate" lives near you. The decision to let her and her mother know might cause problems between families, even though it doesn't excuse what happened. Situations like this the girl is always to blame even though it was consensual, unfortunately this may happen in your situation.
Your actions(telling mother and daughter) may break up their "perfect family" but that doesn't mean you should keep quiet. You need to speak to someone or contact Options as most people have suggested.
I wish you the best and hope you keep us informed.

the_syco · 16-09-2007 8:24pm

cowzerp wrote:

you want to watch your mouth-you would not speak to me like that offline so dont on a forum.

I would, so piss off.

=-=

OP, look into getting an Adoption. You mention you were in a pub previous to this, so I'm guessing your about 17-22. Your choice, but if you let someone adopt your baby, you can go on and do college, and live your life.

Also, look at:

Thaedydal wrote:

http://www.positiveoptions.ie/index.php

Nevyn · 16-09-2007 8:43pm

the_syco banned for one week.

Dub13 · 16-09-2007 11:33pm

zabbo wrote:

Your friends dad wouldn't happen to be called Georgie Burgess, because this sounds very similar to Roddy Doyle's "The Snapper"

These kind of things happen in the real world as well.

K-9 · 16-09-2007 11:55pm

cowzerp wrote:

i think they both got what they wanted that night-she was the 1 who should of insisted on safe sex and been on the pill if she did not want babies. both of them should be ashamed..op did you consider an abortion?

So safe sex doesn't apply to a father having sex with his daughters friend then. Ah yeah, see your point.:rolleyes:

Did you bother reading the OP's post. She is against abortion. Her personal choice for her reasons!

dlofnep · 17-09-2007 12:04am

It will be tough to find pity, given the situation you put yourself in. You slept with a married man and now you have to deal with it. If you tell the wife, you could ruin the entire family and split them up. Your friend will hate you. I have no doubt in my mind. You're in an awkward situation and I don't envy you.

If you threaten the father that you're going to tell the wife unless he speaks to you - maybe it will change his mind. It looks like a night of drunken stupidity has landed you both in this mess.

How Strange · 17-09-2007 8:18am

dlofnep... It will be tough to find pity, given the situation you put yourself in. You slept with a married man and now you have to deal with it. If you tell the wife, you could ruin the entire family and split them up. Your friend will hate you. I have no doubt in my mind. You're in an awkward situation and I don't envy you.

If you threaten the father that you're going to tell the wife unless he speaks to you - maybe it will change his mind. It looks like a night of drunken stupidity has landed you both in this mess.

I sort of agree with dlofnep ont his one. The OP knew what she was doing that night. Her best friends father. I've done some really stupid things in my youth but would never have slept with a friend's father.

If she is a minor or even under 18 then absolutely she should tell her parents as the man took advantage without a doubt as he is the adult. If she is over 18 then she has to assume adult responsibility for her actions.

Now the OP has to make a choice but given the circumstances I think she should see that if she breaks up this family as a result of this revelation that SHE must also take responsibility for that. The man cannot be entirely to blame unless as above she is under 18 in which case I believe the dynamic is totally different.

I do feel pity for her being pregnant. It really is worse case scenario but she should consider all her options. There will be nuclear fallout from this and I hope she is prepared for it. As some other posters said, there will be no happy ending to this story and it will take years for the dust to settle.

Knockoff Nige · 17-09-2007 8:31am

How Strange wrote:

I sort of agree with dlofnep ont his one. The OP knew what she was doing that night. Her best friends father. I've done some really stupid things in my youth but would never have slept with a friend's father.

If she is a minor or even under 18 then absolutely she should tell her parents as the man took advantage without a doubt as he is the adult. If she is over 18 then she has to assume adult responsibility for her actions.

Now the OP has to make a choice but given the circumstances I think she should see that if she breaks up this family as a result of this revelation that SHE must also take responsibility for that. The man cannot be entirely to blame unless as above she is under 18 in which case I believe the dynamic is totally different.

I do feel pity for her being pregnant. It really is worse case scenario but she should consider all her options. There will be nuclear fallout from this and I hope she is prepared for it. As some other posters said, there will be no happy ending to this story and it will take years for the dust to settle.

I dotn agree. its obvious that she didnt realsie she was going to get pregnant. Sure, she should have been more wise but we're all only human and we all make mistakes. Teklling everyone concerned is the only way to do it in my opinion. Secrets always come out in the wash.

Things like this affect many peoples lives whether they like it or not. I honestly casnt see how it can be kept a secret anyway. Nature takes over.

Mr. Incognito · 17-09-2007 9:37am

People will blame you not him.

Totally untrue and unhelpful.

This isn't about blame. This is about dealing with the fall out of a tricky situation. Telling his wife I would guess would be revenge for him not getting back to you. If you weren't pregnant would you just continue on your way or do you think there is a relationship here, because you have to realise that for him this was just a once off. Regardless, you have to tell him because this is his mess too and he has to clean it up. Then you'll have to sit down like adults and sort out a reasonable compromise.

How old you are is a big question here aswell??

dlofnep · 17-09-2007 9:58am

Knockoff Nige wrote:

I dotn agree. its obvious that she didnt realsie she was going to get pregnant.

Unprotected sex = Pregnancies. She must of been aware of the possible consequences. To say otherwise is highly naive.

Phantron · 17-09-2007 10:05am

dlofnep wrote:

Unprotected sex = Pregnancies. She must of been aware of the possible consequences. To say otherwise is highly naive.

She should have, but not must have. Ireland isn't the best country for sexual awareness. My secondary school made no effort to teach us, it may have been the same for this girl if she's relatively young.

My advice to the original poster would be to have the baby. Knockoff Nige's comment is particularly helpful and I agree with it.

Glowing · 17-09-2007 10:11am

Phantron wrote:

My advice to the original poster would be to have the baby.

You can't just say - 'have the baby' because you don't know a thing about the OP - she could be 15 for all we know. She needs to do what's right for her and her situation.

Anyway, either way the father needs to know. It's up to him whether or not to tell his family, I don't think your friend needs to know.

Good luck. Not a nice situation to be in.

Phantron · 17-09-2007 10:14am

Whoa! It was advice, not gospel.

My best wishes to the OP.

Anti · 17-09-2007 1:24pm

messedup123 wrote:

Ok this is really hard to put into words but here goes,

I was at a leaving party for my best friends brother who was heading off to Australia for a year. After the pub the party continued on to my best friends house, everyone had gone to bed and I found myself alone with her dad. We got talking and then he leaned in to kiss me, I didnt resist. One thing led to another and before I knew it we were having sex on the sofa with the rest of the family asleep upstairs. I have been friends with his daughter since we were in primary school and have never had any feelings for him before this night.

That was two months ago, I have seen him since and he completly pretended nothing had happened between us. He continued to act normally around his wife and daughter- he even went as far as kissing his wife good bye as he left the house. It gets worse, I found out last week that Im pregnant. My head is completly messed up and I dont know what to do, abortion is not an option for me as I am completly against it.

I sent him a text askin if we could meet again and he ignored it, now he wont answer my calls. I feel like telling his wife straight out but I know it would kill my best friend. I dont know what to do

Sorry to say this to you, and i know ill get banned for this but... Thats what you get for having unprotected sex. Did you not even stop to think about this, or the risk of a sexual disease? I know this is not all your fault, and he is to blame too. But you dint stop him when he made his move.

Enjoy the next 18 years...

K-9 · 17-09-2007 1:29pm

Anti wrote:

Sorry to say this to you, and i know ill get banned for this but... Thats what you get for having unprotected sex. Did you not even stop to think about this, or the risk of a sexual disease? I know this is not all your fault, and he is to blame too. But you dint stop him when he made his move.

Enjoy the next 18 years...

Fair enough, if that's what you think. Hope the father pays too! My God this is his daughter's friend. I'm sure he'd blame his daughter if this happened her!:rolleyes:

Anti · 17-09-2007 1:32pm

Yeah i do feel sorry for her, and i hope he does pay his way. The doorty aul fella.

How Strange · 17-09-2007 1:38pm

The OP hasn't said what age she is. She's been asked at least three times. Why has she not replied?

I think knowing what age she is would affect the replies of other posters.

If she is underage she needs to go to her parents straight away. If she is under 18 then this man is despicable. But if she is over 18 then she is an adult and threatening to tell his wife is not the mature way to deal with this problem. As I said, her age is an important factor in this scenario.

Either way he has a daughter the same age as her. Would he like the thoughts of some randy drunk old goat getting up on her?

curiousxxx1 · 17-09-2007 6:43pm

How Strange wrote:

The OP hasn't said what age she is. She's been asked at least three times. Why has she not replied?

I think knowing what age she is would affect the replies of other posters.

Either way he has a daughter the same age as her. Would he like the thoughts of some randy drunk old goat getting up on her?

Very true, from the obvious silence it seems OP is underage. Regardless, can she let us know as this is a delicate topic. As we all have different views.

uberwolf · 17-09-2007 6:52pm

curiousxxx1 wrote:

Very true, from the obvious silence it seems OP is underage. Regardless, can she let us know as this is a delicate topic. As we all have different views.

It may simply be the case that her web access isn't as generous as everyone elses.

OP if you're set against abortion then no one is entitled to suggest otherwise.

If you're underage the man should be reported.

If you're having and keeping the child then he is responsible for maintenance - the child is now the most important thing in your life and the feelings of your bestfriend etc, are secondary - as they were when you had sex with her dad. It needs to be known by all concerned, and damn the consequences.

If you're giving the child up for adoption then you may consider that you have already given him every opportunity to discover that he is responsible for another child. Whether you elect to make this known to his family or not despite the adoption, then only you know if this will solve or create more problems for you. Maybe he deserves it for being such a slime ball. Maybe your best friend doesn't. If you think it will make you feel better then go for it, it's the least you deserve after carrying his child for 9 months. My gut is that I'd hate him to have no repercussions for this. But that's life if he doesn't.

Kazobel · 17-09-2007 10:15pm

Noone seems to have noticed the fact that she may not have a choice but to tell her best friend, besides the years of lying she'll have to do to hide it I don't think I'd feel to good about myself if I gave birth and my best friend came to it's christening, birthdays, communion etc never having the knowledge that the baby she sees everyday is her brother/sister.

Slept with my best friends dad

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