The Memory Remains...!

af_thefragile

Yeah, i'm back here once again...

I guess by this stage i can safely say i have no interest left in what is my ex is upto n neither do i wanna get back into any sorta relationship with her.

I've accepted all the facts that have been thrown at me over the past months and i've learned to life with it n move on. But lately I've seem to be sorta missing her. My mind keeps going back to all the good times we had, all those conversations and the days we used to spend together. Like they were the best days of my life! I miss the friend i had. The person she was. She's become someone elz now. Its like the person I knew died when we broke up. The girl i loved with all my heart and lived for is dead, dead to never come back again.

Yeah, its a harsh fact and i've accepted it a while ago. But it hurts. I miss her. My mind keeps constantly thinking of her. Mind mind keeps constantly thinking of what she is now. I just can't get my mind off her!!!
I just can't stop relating everything to her, i can't stop mentioning her at every possible instance i see! I can't stop remembering all the things she said, all the things she did. I still feel everything i'm doing, its for her. To show her what i am, what i can do, what she's missed out on! This is now what i wanna be! I don't wanna compete with her. I just wanna leave her alone. I just wanna forget her, get her completely out of my mind and move on with my new life! I just want her thoughts from festering my mind constantly!

I'm doing fine now. Things in my life seem to finally be settling down in place. I'm moving into a new year in my coll, my band is starting to do well, life seems to be good!
But I feel there's something missing. Everything feels meaningless. Or maybe it feels meaningful when i do things with the intention of competing with her! But i don't wanna do that! I don't want my band to sound good just to overshadow her band and to prove to her i'm better! She already knows what i am! I don't need to prove anything. But it feels like if i remove her out of the equation, i suddenly lose all purpose!

And then, I don't wanna get into a relationship until i know i'm completely over her. But I feel i can't get over her until i get into another relationship and see for myself I really can find proper love again.
And that brings me to the feeling that I can never find the sorta love my ex gave me again... I just can't see myself finding someone that good a person. I still think my ex is a nice person. I dunno if i can find someone that nice a person as her. I don't wanna compare my next relationship to my previous. But i don't think i'll settle for anything less. I feel I'm desperate to get into a relationship so that i can forget her soon and move on with my new life.

Aah!! I'm still a mess!!!

This is all nothing more than just a crazy rant!

/rant!

IRISH RAIL

Sometimes Its Good Just To Get It Out.

Talliesin

You had a break-up, not head-trauma, so of course you aren't going to forget.

All you can do is to make sure a healthy proportion of what influences your choices is thoughts about the future, rather than the past.

af_thefragile

IRISH RAIL wrote:

Sometimes Its Good Just To Get It Out.

All my friends have gotten sick of listening to my rants...
So have i gotten sick of speaking bout my ex...

But then when my mind gets overloaded, this seems to be the best place to let it out!!! Better than me sending a stupid mail to my ex or driving my friends crazy with another stupid rant!

But yeah, i really wanna be able to stop constantly thinking bout her... Its really messing up my mind!!


And i do think a lot bout the future too. Like i've been working on my band and got loads of plans for it. And then even a new year in coll is gonna start soon.
Its just days like today where my mind keeps wandering all over my ex and i just end up sitting here doing nothing, its these days that really bother me!

pog it

Well you are definitely better off ranting here than to her, for sure.

And, to echo Irish Rail (kind of!) sometimes It's Good to Just GET OUT and Have Fun!!!

Another thing.. there are loads of good people out there who will make you happier- you broke up with this person for a reason and while I didn't read your previous posts, it's still the same advice ----get out there and meet new girls, even if just for a chat and some company. You will feel loads better cause it speeds up the process of forgetting your ex

milkerman

You wont ever forget her. But in time the hurt goes away and you will be able to think of her without getting down in the dumps.

The best remedy is a fun vivacious woman with a healthy appetite for sex!
and the country is full of them. So just go find one with one purpose on your mind - FUN & GOODTIMES

Hairspray

Get a diary or blog and by no means text or contact ur ex when drunk!!!Lol its hard not to do that stuff when u have nothing really going on in ur life.Go job hunting or take up a new hobbie that will take ur mind off her or something.

star-pants

af -- I'm exactly the same... I'm 2 &half months past the break up & that's whats started happening me, can't get them out of my head, recalling first dates, fun time, cute things, having dreams, somehow bringing them up in conversation without realising etc.. And the same feeling of not wanting to be with anyone else til I'm clear of this.
I'm hoping that it's a phase everyone goes through and soon it'll stop. all you can do is just grit your teeth n try & get through it pet -- that's what I'm tryin to do. It's driving me nuts at times, because you just want to be able to get on with it & not have them in the back of your mind 24/7.

davyjose

af_thefragile wrote:

And that brings me to the feeling that I can never find the sorta love my ex gave me again... I just can't see myself finding someone that good a person.

AF, I read your last thread, and I really found a lot I can identify with. It's years since my heart was broken for the first time, but I will never forget it. I felt exactly like you do now, but guess what? I got over it. And just like you have moved on from where you were a couple of weeks ago (jesus, that's a horrible place isn't it), you'll move on from this point. You'll see that you were lucky to have moved away someone immature enough to have such little regard for your feelings, but you won't feel resent towards them; sure you'll still have fond memories of them, but it'll just stop mattering what they do.
I totally understand when you say you feel you're competing with them. It's just, as I said, the next step. That'll fade, and when it does you'll see that it's YOU you're living your life for, not anybody else.
And trust me, you WILL fall in love again, and they'll so unbelievably overshadow your ex, that even if you still were competing with your ex (which you won't be) you'd win hands-down

Phantron

It takes two years.

Then you'll start feeling better.

Loki1983

Phantron wrote:

It takes two years.

Then you'll start feeling better.

Two years!!!!????

Dude.

Phantron

Loki1983 wrote:

Two years!!!!????

Dude.

Sorry, but it's the truth.

The tric is not to get a backlog of girlfriends in two years...

It gets easier every day. And hey, at least you're remembering the good moments instead of the bad ones.

Phantron

Loki1983 wrote:

Two years!!!!????

Dude.

Hang on a minute, you're totally not the original poster! :mad:

spinandscribble

Phantron wrote:

It takes two years.

Then you'll start feeling better.

eh it depends how long they went out. tbh the guy seems really young and the first cut is the deepest.

Esel

Two years for a bereavement, not a break-up!

Wibbs

It all depends on how you approach it. If you make the decision to fully accept it's over with no hope of reconcilliation then the healing period is going to go a hell of a lot quicker. Also look at the energy you're wasting on someone who chose to walk out on you. Sod that, she doesn't deserve that energy. All she deserves is your best wishes for the future. Thats it. End of. When someone walks away from me I say good riddance. Their loss and I truly believe that. Plus I guarantee you'll be thankful she left you a few years down the line. My first "love" I wouldn't touch with yours now if I went back in time. She didn't respect herself and she didn't respect me. Today? Well lets just say the intervening years have not been kind to her.... Even if she had been wonderful, something caused the breakup, so unless that something can be changed and both wanted it, it's better to move on and find someone better and trust me, with the billions of women in the world there is someone better who will be a partner and friend as well as lover.

Kell

af_thefragile wrote:

I guess by this stage i can safely say i have no interest left in what is my ex is upto n neither do i wanna get back into any sorta relationship with her.

Yet here you are posting about her again. Interesting start.

af_thefragile wrote:

I just can't get my mind off her!!! I just can't stop relating everything to her, i can't stop mentioning her at every possible instance i see! I can't stop remembering all the things she said, all the things she did. I still feel everything i'm doing, its for her. To show her what i am, what i can do, what she's missed out on!

This disturbs me. How the fúck can you have nothing else to do other than to think of your ex? Is your life really that boring?

af_thefragile wrote:

I'm doing fine now.

??

af_thefragile wrote:

But I feel there's something missing. Everything feels meaningless.

So which is it? Fine or F*I*N*E??

af_thefragile wrote:

I feel I'm desperate to get into a relationship so that i can forget her soon and move on with my new life.

If for some obscure reason you do start a relationship, be sure to tell all of this to your new GF so she at least can make an informed decision as to the amount of emotional shíte that her new beau is bringing to the table. I expect that the relationship wouldnt go further than five minutes after the conversation.

af_thefragile wrote:

Aah!! I'm still a mess!!!

Clarity- at last.

Dude, do yourself a favour. I am not surprised that your mates are bored out of their heads with your waffling. Now, and I am being kind here, have you any idea of how much of a whiney áss big girls blouse you sound like? Have you no self esteem at all that you choose to live in the past whining like a lost kitten in the rain?? As I said above, I am worried that your ex dominates so much of your thoughts. Have you really nothing else to be doing than revelling in being such a whiner? Jeebus.

Fill me in as I missed out on the Mills and Boon volumes up to now. How long were you together, apart and how old are you and what caused the break up?

K-

*Fúcked up*Insecure*Neurotic*Emotional- sounds like the OP to a T

star-pants

Kell : catch up here
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055130548&referrerid=&highlight=

and perhaps try not to be rude -- it's not the easiest thing getting over someone if you were mad about them. It happens to lots of people, you get to that point where you keep remembering the good stuff, first dates etc... you'd be surprised how much it can cloud up your thoughts.

Kell

star-pants wrote:

and perhaps try not to be rude --

Take a look to the left of this post. Thats it- just under my avatar. Location- "Around PI's having a......." Capiche?

star-pants wrote:

It happens to lots of people, you get to that point where you keep remembering the good stuff, first dates etc... you'd be surprised how much it can cloud up your thoughts.

Mr/Ms/Mrs Pants. People can choose to live in the past daydreaming about how great the love of their life was, and not really progress anywhere emotionally. Or, people can choose to say to themselves "ah títs, that didnt work out quite as I expected, however it has been a good experience that I can now put behind me and move on".

I tend to favour the latter type of person. Living in the past is a complete and utter waste of time and thought, so you'll pardon my acerbic reaction to people who CHOOSE to be in a downer over an ex.

K-

star-pants

ok, so you laugh away then.

Ms Pants if you wish to be formal --
I do agree that we do have a choice in how we feel, but there are times when you don't have total control, like something happens/ or you see something that reminds you of them, and it's still a little raw so you can't see it for just the happy memory it was.. it stings a little too..
Not everyone can turn around right after a relationship n go 'well jeepers that was unexpected but sure..ah well..had fun whilst it lasted...lets move on'
Yes you do think to yourself 'it was good, glad it happened...pity it's over' etc..but of course you're going to be sad... and feel the loss. especially if they were a big part of their life,you're going to reminded whether you like it or not, if lets say you did certain things on certain days etc.. or did certain things together. I do agree you need to choose to move on.. but it's easier said than done for some people.

Kell

Star-Pants wrote:

but there are times when you don't have total control

Now thats pants. A bit of training and you are always in control of everything that goes through your head or heart. You can choose to allow emotions to take you where they will, but you have the power to haul them back in too when things look like they are getting out of hand.

Right. So I read through the first odd pages of the original post about how her mum made her end it, and she started going out with another dude (the drummer from the band) a day or so later. (Note: I am also a drummer, so I cant help but giggle. Girls are often curious about guys with so much rhythm lol)

Wibbs posted a lot of stuff (surprise surprise) on that particular thread. He doses his posts with sugar, I dont, so what may be helpful to the OP while he is still looking at the past with those "the past was really good" glasses on, is the following-

a) the ex is either a complete liar in telling you her mum made her do it, or she is a complete and utter spineless fúcker. Either way, would you really want to be with someone like that? Honestly??
b) the ex copped off with the drummer from the band the day after the split, thereby defining herself as a complete and utter wench from hell. Again, does the OP want to be with someone as insensitive as that. I am not for a minute suggesting she should remain celibate for the remainder of her life because of the hurt she meated out on the OP, but FFS, a day later and she is fúcking someone else? Harsh

Instead of burying his head in the "actually made up in his head really good time past" the OP should take a reality pill and see that she was quite a bit of a cúnt, who treated him really quite poorly. Jeebus, the last ex who tried to conceal our relationship was 16 at the time and her dad used to listen to German marching music to relax, and had guns and swords, so I saw her point. This dude is obviously in his late teens early 20's as was she so they are quite entitled to ruffle a few feathers to get what they want. Her mum ended it my árse- so she "accidentally" had a dude waiting in the wings to pick up where she left off? The girl is a sow and should be viewed as same.

What the OP's post smacked of to me personally was that he is someone who doesnt have the emotional intelligence to appreciate that he was well and truly fúcked over by the fire breathing ho from hell that is his ex. He also suffers a lack of esteem evident in the fact that three months on he is still bleating on about how much everything is wrong without her. It is also eveident from his original post when he said that he felt he would not meet someone like her again. If he liked himself, such thoughts would not cross his mind.

As for considering a relationship to get over the previous one?- Thats just fúcked up. I can picture it "Good morning honey. Did I tell you that the reason I got into this relationship had nothing to do with being attracted to you, but had everything to do with proving something to myself. By the way, how do you like your eggs?"

The OP, and I am trying to be nice, appears to have zero emotional intelligence. To re-iterate, someone who cant see they have been fúcked over and not react in the correct fashion, hasnt a grasp on what actually happened. A perfectly reasonable reaction to being informed that your 1 day old ex is now seeing someone else, would have been to flip the lid. Three months on, in normal land, it would be festering and everytime he thought of her, he would be quite angry and be thinking "I hope she gets gonorrhea the fúcking ho". As for "ooh poor me, our relationship was sooo perfect until she royally shat all over it"- that really baffles the fúck out of me.

Lack of emotional intelligence and lack of self esteem go hand in hand, therefore I would suggest that the OP take a long hard look at himself and decide to put himself first from now on. Having a relationship in secrecy at his age? Does this guy actually like himself??

K-

Wibbs

Kell wrote:

Take a look to the left of this post. Thats it- just under my avatar. Location- "Around PI's having a......." Capiche?

Very droll altogether, if a little banal, but it's hardly a cogent answer, now is it?

Mr/Ms/Mrs Pants. People can choose to live in the past daydreaming about how great the love of their life was, and not really progress anywhere emotionally. Or, people can choose to say to themselves "ah títs, that didnt work out quite as I expected, however it has been a good experience that I can now put behind me and move on".

Very true, in an ideal world after a few scrapes that have built up the scar tissue enough that you begin to cop on. Clearly the OP hasn't reached the same page as you in this. We've all gone through it to one extent or another and we came out the other side with hopefully a better take on the situation. That's the first step in understanding. Well done you've gotten to that point. The second step in understanding is realising and making allowances for those who've not reached the same place as you and being sympathetic. You clearly by your posts in this instance have not reached that point. Not so well done. We can all give advice certainly, but you learn that said advice often falls on slightly deaf ears, until people are ready to take on board said advice from others who have gone trough the mill. Everyone's a rent a genius after the fact. If not none of us would make any mistakes. They just have to live it and go through it. Hopefully learning from it. The OP has come some way towards that and yes I think at this stage he needs to let it go more, but that'll come with time. It's part and parcel of the emo years. Better he's ranting here than to his mates or worse to the ex.

I tend to favour the latter type of person. Living in the past is a complete and utter waste of time and thought, so you'll pardon my acerbic reaction to people who CHOOSE to be in a downer over an ex.

So you were always this clued in? You were not. Your flippancy speaks volumes. The worst cynic is the one who has had their previous naive worldview challenged, snaps over to the opposite position and has yet to reset the mechanism to the grey area. The latter is where the solution usually lays. Do I think the OP's overreacting at this stage? Yes, a little. Do I understand why he may be doing so? Yes. Do I think him getting out in this way a good plan? Yes, if he learns from it and moves on. He'll move on at his own pace.

Now thats pants. A bit of training and you are always in control of everything that goes through your head or heart. You can choose to allow emotions to take you where they will, but you have the power to haul them back in too when things look like they are getting out of hand.

A bit of training? Jaysus. Yea that's only lovely. How does he get this training pray tell? Experience and external advice. Must be great being so clued in straight out of the womb.

b) the ex copped off with the drummer from the band the day after the split, thereby defining herself as a complete and utter wench from hell. Again, does the OP want to be with someone as insensitive as that. I am not for a minute suggesting she should remain celibate for the remainder of her life because of the hurt she meated out on the OP, but FFS, a day later and she is fúcking someone else? Harsh

Agreed. Singin from the same hymn sheet here. It was planned. She made her decision to jump this guys bones well in advance and then kept the OP dangling as a liferaft just in case.

What the OP's post smacked of to me personally was that he is someone who doesnt have the emotional intelligence to appreciate that he was well and truly fúcked over by the fire breathing ho from hell that is his ex.

Agreed again. He'll learn from it though.

It is also eveident from his original post when he said that he felt he would not meet someone like her again. If he liked himself, such thoughts would not cross his mind.

True, but all too common in "first love" scenarios.

As for considering a relationship to get over the previous one?- Thats just fúcked up. I can picture it "Good morning honey. Did I tell you that the reason I got into this relationship had nothing to do with being attracted to you, but had everything to do with proving something to myself. By the way, how do you like your eggs?"

Agreed again. Three for three.

Lack of emotional intelligence and lack of self esteem go hand in hand, therefore I would suggest that the OP take a long hard look at himself and decide to put himself first from now on. Having a relationship in secrecy at his age? Does this guy actually like himself??

All been said before. Now the OP just needs to see that.

af_thefragile

Well i'll state a few facts here..

Firstly when i wrote this thread, i was in that sorta state of mind where i was missing her. I'm not always like that. It just hits me at some instances. When i wrote that first post was one of those. I just felt overloaded and i needed to let some things out. I don't think i was really looking for any sorta advice. Just was looking for an outlet!

Then i'm better now. I never said i've fully recovered from the break up. A lot of things happened over the past 2-3 months and it was really a lot for me to overcome. I'm getting there, but i'm not quite there where i can say i'm completely over my ex and have comepletely moved on.

My new college year is starting and i'm looking forward to that. Though i don't really care much cuz i hated coll last year. I don't see how this year might bring anything good but i'm still trying to be optimistic bout it.
I've also got a band i'm working on. Which is in the process of making but still keeps hitting major roadblocks every quite often! But i don't give up on it and keep inching ahead with it. It should get there someday soon.
So i do have a few things in life apart from my ex. But sometimes it all feels meaningless...

I really don't wanna get back into a relationship with my ex. Maybe friends at somepoint (which i can't see happening anytime soon either!), but i'm never gonna get into a relationship with her again cuz well, my ego just can't accept her back after all of this and she has become a different person to me now. She's not the person i loved.

I don't think too bad bout my ex cuz i really cant! I had the best time of my life with her. She was the nicest person i had ever met. She really was. Though i only knew her for 8 months before the breakup, i knew her pretty well and i knew she loved me and she did love me a lot. It was almost the perfect sorta relationship. It was just the last month when things started to go downhill and she screwed up towards the end. She became someone elz. I really can't call her a bitch or anything like that cuz she is not one! She did leave me and go away with another guy the next day but thats only cuz the sorta person she is. She was/is immature and weak. And i don't know why i'm defending her!!
All i wanted to say was well things did go horrible wrong towards the end but the 8 months we had spend together before that were the best time of my life. There was a lot of love. It felt real, it felt true. It was my first really serious relationship. I had been in one before, but it wasn't really as serious as this one. We had stuff planned out for our whole life n **** in this relationship.

So finally i wanna say I'm not completely over this yet. Its gonna take some more time. I'm gonna give it that time.
I don't wanna get back into a relationship with my ex. I never wanna get back into a relationship with her. Not after all that has happened. But i do know i had an awesome time with her while we were together and it was the best relationship i was in. I just can't see how any future relatioinship could top that!
It was like we fit together perfectly and were perfectly compatible. There was unreal amount of love and trust. It wasn't a lusty teenage relationship. Infact there was not much physical aspect to it at all. It was just the feeling of proper true love which i don't know if i'll be able to feel again!!

Most probably i'll be able to find a better relationship, i hope. But i just can't see that happening as of now! I just can't see myself finding the perfect girl cuz i've ended up too picky with my choices. I know i'm not gonna settle for anything less than whats perfect for me. I'm not gonna try to adjust myself according to her. I need to find someone who fits perfectly with me and my lifes. And i can't really see many of those around. One reason why i don't see how i'm gonna find a better relationship again!

af_thefragile

Oh and this month would have had been our first aniversary... More precisely on 9/11! It'ld be a year since we had known eachother for. We always used to say it'ld be great if we'ld make it that far n all... We certainly didn't!

Maybe thats another factor that contributed to this thread!!

tbh

no, what contributed to this thread was that whenever you think of your relationship (the good times, I assume you choose not to remember the bad times) you get a nice warm feeling in the bottom of your stomach (or wherever). Starting another thread is just a way to prolong that feeling. Insert tbh's snooze button analogy.......here:

It's like hitting a snooze button on the alarm. You know you have to get out of bed, just not...yet. That's exactly what you are doing, and you should enjoy doing it as long as you realise that every time you DO do it, it sets back your recovery 9 minutes*


*actual delays may be months.

Wibbs

af_thefragile wrote:

I don't think too bad bout my ex cuz i really cant!

NO but you should accept she acted none too sweet at the end.

I had the best time of my life with her. She was the nicest person i had ever met. She really was.

So far so good, but let's face it, you're young and this was your first big relationship

i knew her pretty well and i knew she loved me and she did love me a lot.

After 8 months unless in bloody unusual circumstances, in 90% of cases, you're not dealing with love beyond the moon in june, hormonal nonsense.

It was almost the perfect sorta relationship.

You realy need to see that it wasn't. If it was you wouldn't be here and BTW there's no such thing. In any case you simply haven't enough experience of relationships to make that judgement at this stage. If all you ever drove was a 20year old clapped out mini, a drive in a micra would make you think it was the best thing ever.

It was just the last month when things started to go downhill and she screwed up towards the end.

Look, whatever gets you through the night, but this is the dodgy line. You have got to understand that unless she's a class A swivel eyed looper, this shít didn't come from nowhere and you do have to take responsibility for some of it with your needy emo behaviour. Take responsibility and learn from that.

She became someone elz.

...or after your relationship, she learned more about what she wanted in a man and went elsewhere to look for it. You should do the same, but DO NOT go off with someone else until you get this stuff straight in your own head.

I really can't call her a bitch or anything like that cuz she is not one!

True, she just another person who made a choice that affected you, so let her go.

She did leave me and go away with another guy the next day but thats only cuz the sorta person she is.

What? Stop making excuses for her. If that's the "sorta" person she is, then what the hell are you moping over her still?

She was/is immature and weak.

At this stage there's two of you in it and TBH she's looking the stronger one. She made a decision and stuck to it. If she was as immature and weak as you say, she would have stayed with you for a quiet life. She didn't.

And i don't know why i'm defending her!!

So stop.

davyjose

af_thefragile wrote:

It was just the feeling of proper true love which i don't know if i'll be able to feel again!!

Come on man. Can you not see how rash a judgement this is??? So when you're 36 you'll still be comparing every woman you meet with a girl who screwed you over in your teens?
I understand how you feel right now, I've felt that way before too. But guess what, I've also come through it, and what your saying now just sounds, well, a bit silly.

af_thefragile

I guess you guys are right...

I always end up giving this relationship wayy more importance than it deserved! Maybe cuz it was my first proper serious relationship and she was the nicest person i had met in my life YET. She was just another girl whom i had a good time with for a while and then things didn't work out towards the end. This really is gonna take a little while to sink into me! I really have given that relationship too much recognition!

I need to start believing there's more to come in the future. I do sorta believe it, i just can't see for now how its gonna happen!
I'm not the sorta person who'ld go around "trying" out girls, having one night stands and all... I wouldn't be properly satisfied in a casual relationship either. But then as you've all said, I'll get into another relationship in the future and its gonna be good in its own way. I know it'll happen. Just can't believe it for now!!


Oh and one thing i've learned from all of this,
You've gotta start believing that only you are responsible for everything in your life! Everything that happens in your life are a consequence of your actions or how you decide to perceive the things that happen to you. Only then you'll have total control of your life!
If you start believing you're powerless in your life, thats where you start to lose control over everything and things start to go wrong!
So sitting there and asking "why?!" is not the way out of things! It was you, it wasn't someone elz to ask why?!

Phantron

Write some music. It's therapeutic. Just nothing about her.

af_thefragile

Phantron wrote:

Write some music. It's therapeutic. Just nothing about her.

But she's the subject of the song I'm currently working on!!:(

Though i'm just using her as nothing more than a subject to base my lyrics around. Just to help being out the emotions i wanna convey in the song.

Don't let it effect my life...

And this is also the last song I'm gonna write bout her. After this it'ld be like giving her too much importance. Wouldn't want my whole album to be bout her, that'ld just be too much!!

Kell

Wibbs wrote:

So you were always this clued in? You were not. Your flippancy speaks volumes.

Whether you choose to believe it or not, no I have never been devastated by being dumped. Never. I dont get that attached to people to let them have that effect on me. Its like missing people. I dont miss people either.

Wibbs wrote:

All been said before. Now the OP just needs to see that.

As per the last outpouring last month, his state of mind doesnt really seem to have come on at all. He's writing a song about her at the moment FFS. Whats the point in nicely wrapping him up in cotton wool when he clearly hasnt moved on at all in the slightest? He is WANTONLY wallowing in self pity. As he said in his original original post, his mates have a pain in their collective rears listening to his warbling.

K-

How Strange

OP, I think its really and truly time you moved on. How long are you going to wallow in self pity? Everytime you come on here with an update you start off being positive 'oh, I'm over her, she's gone, I'v moved on' and within two sentences you are back to square one, moaning and crying about how she was the best girl you ever met.

Please do yourself a favour and forget the angst and the drama. Take her down off the pedestal.

Being broken hearted is one thing but you are supposed to over come it not sit down in protest and refuse to move.

I am sympathetic but its almost time when people will be saying 'enough is enough'

Maple

Seriously OP, get a grip. You're wallowing in self pity man. Face facts, this girl was NOT a nice person, she completely fcuked you over. 100% fcuked you over. She was weak and deceitful. Stop wasting your emotions and time on her. Enough is enough. In reality you should be looking back on your time with her and be thanking your lucky stars that you got out while you did. If I were you i'd be flaming angry at the way she treated you, not whining about having had the best times of your life with her.

Its time for you to make a conscious decision and just move the fcuk on with your life. You have to get yourself out of this rut and move on. You need to acknowledge that yes you had some great times with this girl but its OVER and you need to think about the rest of your life.

Stop looking backwards. Its a waste of your life.

Mr. Incognito

Time.................takes time.

Wibbs

Kell wrote:

Whether you choose to believe it or not, no I have never been devastated by being dumped. Never. I dont get that attached to people to let them have that effect on me. Its like missing people. I dont miss people either.

Oh no I'd believe it, I've a good mate the same, although he is attached to a very small group of people that he's known since childhood, but beyond that he's very much the take or leave it type, especially with women. Another mate was similar to the OP(not nearly as bad in fairness) and the first bloke just couldn't see his issue at all and because he couldn't understand it as he hadn't lived it, his advice of just get over it and move on fell on deaf ears. Different strokes and all that.

As per the last outpouring last month, his state of mind doesnt really seem to have come on at all. He's writing a song about her at the moment FFS.

I agree he's getting to the irritating stage in some ways. That said I've some patience...

Whats the point in nicely wrapping him up in cotton wool when he clearly hasnt moved on at all in the slightest?

Well if you see a lot of the replies, mine included, there's been a few home truths spelled out for him repeatedly. I not sure at this stage what's gonna work other than time.

af_thefragile

Well...

I'm really making a conscious effort here to move on. I myself hate the place i'm in. Like maybe its taking more time for me than it'ld normally take for someone elz... But atleast i'm moving forward! Like i'm the sorta person that gets attached to people really easy. I was really attached to her. Then i had to suddenly let go, it was a lot for me as i hadn't really been through anything of that intensity before. I never really had lost someone that important to me before. Sure she screwed me over. I don't like her for that. Thats a reason why i don't wanna get back into any sorta relationship with her again. But I'm moving on now...
I'm much better than what i was before. I really don't think bout her all the time. I've got my band and stuff now to keep myself occupied.

I just was in a bad state and i needed to vent so i wrote this post. That was it. I felt it was better to do it here than do anything supid somewhere elz!

I think you can make out by comparing me now to what i was in the previous thread, I've made a great progress. I don't waste away my whole day moaning over her anymore! I've got other better things to do in life. Okay, i'm not completely over her yet... But then i'm sure i'll be fine over time... I really am getting there!

Bout the song, well it was an emotional sorta song i came up with. I needed lyrics bout a break up song sorta stuff. Like i was just using her as a subjust to base my lyrics around. The lyrics have little effect on me. They're just nothing more than some strong crafted words to accompany some deep, dark emotional music.
And as i said i'm not gonna write anymore songs bout her after this.

I might sound like i keep hitting the same spot over and over again, but i know i've gotten much better than i was a month ago. I'm much more emotionally stable and aware of myself now.
I need just a little more time and i'll be completely over this...
It was summer all along, no college, not really much contact with friends and the outside world... I didn't have much to do than to just sit at home and ponder over all the things that had happened.
Now summer's almost over, i've got a lot more things in life. Soon coll will start and i'll be busy with that, even my band will be all set up soon, that should be enough for me to find the new life and move on with it with no need to keep looking back at!

LegacyUser

'It's not stupid to feel that something is missing, that some part of you is gone.

If somebody died on you you'd feel the same. It's normal.

But what you really really need to do is see other girls, don't judge them on your previous relationship. Take each person as being different. Just go out, have a good time with them (cinema, dinners, drinks and hopefully some sex!) and in a few more months I absolutely guarantee you will wonder what the fuss was all about. It takes time and it's a process but you'll get there in the end.'

angelicsaz

its excatly a year since I broke up with my ex.......... and honestly.... im still not over him.........
i jus figure with time i'll be ok.....

Live and Learn.....

Yakult

af_thefragile wrote:

Yeah, i'm back here once again...

I guess by this stage i can safely say i have no interest left in what is my ex is upto n neither do i wanna get back into any sorta relationship with her.

I've accepted all the facts that have been thrown at me over the past months and i've learned to life with it n move on. But lately I've seem to be sorta missing her. My mind keeps going back to all the good times we had, all those conversations and the days we used to spend together. Like they were the best days of my life! I miss the friend i had. The person she was. She's become someone elz now. Its like the person I knew died when we broke up. The girl i loved with all my heart and lived for is dead, dead to never come back again.

Yeah, its a harsh fact and i've accepted it a while ago. But it hurts. I miss her. My mind keeps constantly thinking of her. Mind mind keeps constantly thinking of what she is now. I just can't get my mind off her!!!
I just can't stop relating everything to her, i can't stop mentioning her at every possible instance i see! I can't stop remembering all the things she said, all the things she did. I still feel everything i'm doing, its for her. To show her what i am, what i can do, what she's missed out on! This is now what i wanna be! I don't wanna compete with her. I just wanna leave her alone. I just wanna forget her, get her completely out of my mind and move on with my new life! I just want her thoughts from festering my mind constantly!

I'm doing fine now. Things in my life seem to finally be settling down in place. I'm moving into a new year in my coll, my band is starting to do well, life seems to be good!
But I feel there's something missing. Everything feels meaningless. Or maybe it feels meaningful when i do things with the intention of competing with her! But i don't wanna do that! I don't want my band to sound good just to overshadow her band and to prove to her i'm better! She already knows what i am! I don't need to prove anything. But it feels like if i remove her out of the equation, i suddenly lose all purpose!

And then, I don't wanna get into a relationship until i know i'm completely over her. But I feel i can't get over her until i get into another relationship and see for myself I really can find proper love again.
And that brings me to the feeling that I can never find the sorta love my ex gave me again... I just can't see myself finding someone that good a person. I still think my ex is a nice person. I dunno if i can find someone that nice a person as her. I don't wanna compare my next relationship to my previous. But i don't think i'll settle for anything less. I feel I'm desperate to get into a relationship so that i can forget her soon and move on with my new life.

Aah!! I'm still a mess!!!

This is all nothing more than just a crazy rant!

/rant!

I can totally relate with everything you just said!

I just went through a break-up myself with someone I loved very much! She was my best friend too! But as soon as she hit that nail on the coffen all that was gone!
Its annoying because it seems like they just can shove all their feeling out the window and by doing that it hurts the opposite. My ex expected my to throw all the feelings and emotions I built up out the window over night and forget we even existed. She told me to move on, so I did! And best decision of my life! Im so much happier without her! Tho sometimes I wish she was there but she was a bitch to me most of the time!

Honestly I thought I would never get over my ex. Still am not 100% but I decided to go on a date and it really pushed me to say "You know what its my ex whos missing out" like what you said.
But I hate the fact little things, smells, how my day would pan out reminds me of my ex!
With those little things popping out I sets me back! So I made sure to get rid of a good few things I had!

I hope you get over her soon and theirs better out there!
(see you on Ultimate-guitar )