Orgasm problems, fake it?

LegacyUser

So I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for approximately six months and everything is going well. We get on really well and I’m really relaxed around him. I really enjoy sex although I don’t think I’ve came yet, and if I’m writing that, I guess I actually haven’t. Its not as a big of issue for me as it is for him,it really gets to him, I enjoy sex with him regardless, I suppose it’s just that I haven’t reached full ecstasy yet. Not that experienced sexually experienced and he is my first and have never had the want to masturbate, I’ve never even thought it as an option as even the thought of it doesn’t turn me on. I know lots of girls might not come during sex anyway and other things are better to try. He’s much more experienced than me(he’s had a few long-term gf’s and is a few years older than me) and it has never been a problem with him and his past g/f’s. He does spend a lot of time trying but still no joy. I’m starting to actually feel bad about this but wouldn’t be the type to “fake it” for the sake of it. I know also that if I think about it and there’s too much pressure on me, it more than likely won’t happen either, we’re very open and talk to him just as I’m writing here.its as if I am enjoying things and not having one big explosion. There’s been a few times where not through actually sex but in other ways that it feels like the pleasure is so extreme that I just can’t take it anymore and have to make him stop,this probably sounds really silly! But I’m guessing I have to get though this to experience an orgasm? With my last bf, it happened just like this, he would actually have to hold my legs/arms and continue pleasuring me to ride through this. The current guy doesn’t understand that I struggle at all. Any help would be great.

Phantron

First off, I can tell you right now that no man would thank you for faking an orgasm.

Also...

help please! wrote:

Not that experienced sexually experienced and he is my first

...

With my last bf, it happened just like this, he would actually have to hold my legs/arms and continue pleasuring me to ride through this.

help please! wrote:

The current guy doesn’t understand that I struggle at all. Any help would be great.

If he doesn't know that, then you'd better tell him. If he wants to go to great effort to make you happy then he should be more than willing to help you that way.

LegacyUser

I didn't mean ride in that sense of the word! and my point is that I wouldn't fake it at all, its not like me to. He knows I struggle but he takes in in a way that i'm pushing him away from me and doesn't understand it at if i say i'm enjoying it.

Knockoff Nige

help please! wrote:

So I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for approximately six months and everything is going well. We get on really well and I’m really relaxed around him. I really enjoy sex although I don’t think I’ve came yet, and if I’m writing that, I guess I actually haven’t. Its not as a big of issue for me as it is for him,it really gets to him, I enjoy sex with him regardless, I suppose it’s just that I haven’t reached full ecstasy yet. Not that experienced sexually experienced and he is my first and have never had the want to masturbate, I’ve never even thought it as an option as even the thought of it doesn’t turn me on. I know lots of girls might not come during sex anyway and other things are better to try. He’s much more experienced than me(he’s had a few long-term gf’s and is a few years older than me) and it has never been a problem with him and his past g/f’s. He does spend a lot of time trying but still no joy. I’m starting to actually feel bad about this but wouldn’t be the type to “fake it” for the sake of it. I know also that if I think about it and there’s too much pressure on me, it more than likely won’t happen either, we’re very open and talk to him just as I’m writing here.its as if I am enjoying things and not having one big explosion. There’s been a few times where not through actually sex but in other ways that it feels like the pleasure is so extreme that I just can’t take it anymore and have to make him stop,this probably sounds really silly! But I’m guessing I have to get though this to experience an orgasm? With my last bf, it happened just like this, he would actually have to hold my legs/arms and continue pleasuring me to ride through this. The current guy doesn’t understand that I struggle at all. Any help would be great.

I must have read this wrong. I thought he was your first?

RE*AC*TOR

When you say, "where not through actually sex but in other ways that it feels like the pleasure is so extreme that I just can’t take it anymore and have to make him stop", it sounds like he's going straight for your clitoris, and maybe applying too much pressure.

LegacyUser

'He is my first...'

Knockoff Nige

help please! wrote:

'He is my first...'

So, what was your last boyfriend doing to you?

Beruthiel

help please! wrote:

'He is my first...'

If that is so, then explain the below:

With my last bf, it happened just like this, he would actually have to hold my legs/arms and continue pleasuring me to ride through this. The current guy doesn’t understand that I struggle at all. Any help would be great

Sounds to me like you are not totally relaxed, you're trying too hard to cum that it just passes you by.
Until you can totally relax it will never happen for you. Lots and lots of foreplay, loads of oral + practice. I'm betting at this stage that the frustration has gotten the better of you due to nothing happening.
I don't for one second believe that it doesn't bother you, of course it does, why wouldn't it? You wouldn't be posting unregged on the internet if it didn't, and I for one wouldn't find sex all that interesting if there wasn't some sort of pay off at the end! To get that built up and for it to go no where would drive anyone nuts.

Talliesin

Shot in the dark, but perhaps the OP is referring to penetrative sex with the second guy as the "first time" and not counting the sex with the first guy.

Knockoff Nige

Talliesin wrote:

Shot in the dark, but perhaps the OP is referring to penetrative sex with the second guy as the "first time" and not counting the sex with the first guy.

Na, she said:
'With my last bf, it happened just like this, he would actually have to hold my legs/arms and continue pleasuring me to ride through this'.

Nevyn

Those type of orgasms and stimulation can be achieved in a non penetrative fashion.

tampopo

Thaedydal wrote:

Those type of orgasms and stimulation can be achieved in a non penetrative fashion.

True, and she did say that it was ride, but not in the PI 'ride' meaning.

I agree with Talliesin.

Knockoff Nige

tampopo wrote:

True, and she did say that it was ride, but not in the PI 'ride' meaning.

I agree with Talliesin.

Ok, but she's said she's never actuially had an orgasm yet. I think she needs to confirm it to us.

tampopo

help please! wrote:

the pleasure is so extreme that I just can’t take it anymore

confirmation enough for me

Knockoff Nige

help please! wrote:

I really enjoy sex although I don’t think I’ve came yet, and if I’m writing that, I guess I actually haven’t.

I beg to differ

zoos

RE*AC*TOR wrote:

When you say, "where not through actually sex but in other ways that it feels like the pleasure is so extreme that I just can’t take it anymore and have to make him stop", it sounds like he's going straight for your clitoris, and maybe applying too much pressure.

This is exactly what I thought while reading the OP post! It has to be the problemo! I know I used to have a similar problem to you OP but you cant put direct pressure on the Clitoris... thats the feeling of... I cant take it anymore. You have to get your boyf to just use less pressure and move off to the side slightly. if ya get me... hee hee! once you guys get orgasms from oral etc... it will follow with the sex as you will be alot more relaxed!

LegacyUser

Never had sex with the first boyfriend, just oral but just before i came i use to struggle withthe intensity of the please and i would have to get him to stop before i climaxed,this is when he statred actaully holding my legs/arms so i couldn't stop him! sounds ridiculous,i know!!! I told the current boyfrined this but he doesn't really understand it at all. Also through penetrative sex, am I doomed to be one fo those girls who never climaxes during it, or is there positions etc we could try that would benefit me more. He thinks if I start to masturbate the problem will me solved and I do agree with him as I'll understand more what I like,but it just doesn't turn me on at all.

As for confirmation,I did with the first guy, and i'm thinking once with the current bf.

Thanks for all the advise/comments so far!

LegacyUser

never had sex with my previous boyfriend, but he did make me climax through oral,but at the start with him I wud stop him as I couldn't take it either, and so didn;t climix,it was then he stated holding my arms/legs to stop to stopping him and stop me struggling, ridiculous i know! also, will i end up being one of those girls who actually never climaxes during sex, any advice on things to try to resolve this?? the current guy doesn't understand why i'd push him away if its pleasure for me. I explained to him, the extreme pleasure thing, so i presume also that i'm stopping hoim just before i climax to so I never actaully reach it!

Nevyn

Would you not consider finishing yourself off when it gets to extreme and letting watch so he can learn ?

Talliesin

Help please! wrote:

Never had sex with the first boyfriend, just oral

So you had sex with him then.

Once you are having sex before it's a bit late to be thinking in terms of "where do babies come from". What do you thing lesbians do, sit around waiting for one of them to grow a penis? Oral sex is sex, penetration is just one tiny part of what sex can be.

Help please! wrote:

but just before i came i use to struggle withthe intensity of the please and i would have to get him to stop before i climaxed,this is when he statred actaully holding my legs/arms so i couldn't stop him! sounds ridiculous,i know!!!

You know wrong. Nothing ridiculous at all. It's far from unusual for both men and women. Indeed some people who aren't turned on by the idea of bondage still use it as a practical means to get over such a need to be restrained to withstand the final bits of climaxing.

However, it can be easier and gentler if you are able to reduce the degree of sensation slightly towards the end (whether through physically reducing the amount of stimulation or mentally taking your mind slightly "away" from it). Masturbating and exploring what you do and do not enjoy will help you to do this.

Help please! wrote:

I told the current boyfrined this but he doesn't really understand it at all.

"Hold me down when I'm close to orgasm" doesn't seem like rocket science. What does he say on the matter?

Help please! wrote:

Also through penetrative sex, am I doomed to be one fo those girls who never climaxes during it, or is there positions etc we could try that would benefit me more.

Well, "doomed" is a bit melodramatic for an inability to orgasm from one particular sexual technique. So less than 0.5% of things that make some people orgasm make you orgasm - hardly the end of the world - you can still have a deeply enjoyable, highly orgasmic sex-life if penetration doesn't make you orgasm.

Beyond that though, working on being more prepared for orgasm generally will make orgasm through other means easier. If you first get good at making yourself cum, and then you and your lover get better and making you cum through oral or digital sex, then you can move unto trying more unusual things like orgasm through penetration.

Help please! wrote:

He thinks if I start to masturbate the problem will me solved and I do agree with him as I'll understand more what I like

It likely won't "be solved", but it likely will improve.

Help please! wrote:

but it just doesn't turn me on at all.

Do you find that there is no sensation, or it's painful? Otherwise if it's at least pleasant then just go with that at first -nothing wrong with pleasant. Try to keep your fingers wet so that there is no sticking. Experiment with stimulating the clitoral hood above or to the side rather than solely focusing on the clitoris.

comongethappy

OP - many girls find it hard and sometimes can't orgasm thru penatrative sex.

Clitoral situmaltion is the easiest way for many women to reach orgasm. You should try to reach orgrasm yourself through different means to find out what works the best for you, then share this information with your bf.

MagicMarker

If you don't know how to do it to yourself, how is your bf expected to know? Different strokes for different folks n all, his ex's are not you so experience means nothing really.

K-9

Help please! wrote:

Never had sex with the first boyfriend, just oral but just before i came i use to struggle withthe intensity of the please and i would have to get him to stop before i climaxed,this is when he statred actaully holding my legs/arms so i couldn't stop him! sounds ridiculous,i know!!! I told the current boyfrined this but he doesn't really understand it at all.

It's not ridiculous. Plenty of girls find it very intense.

He doesn't understand? How you told him you climaxed? Sounds like he didn't want to listen. Explain it to him or actually show him the next time!

Also as another poster said, every girl is different. Just because he's more experienced doesn't mean you are the same as other girls he's been with. Seems he needs to open his mind a little!

Also, I think you do need to masturbate and find out what makes you climax. It will help you and him.

milkerman

You might get more out of penetrative sex if YOU get on top. ie. you control angle pressure & all the variables.
Just do what feels good!

Marksie

OK.. I think those that have the term ride in its slang context are incorrect.
The OP means ride as in riding the waves of bliss.

OK the first boyfriend held your arms and legs? . Good in certain contexts but what it appears is that the intensity was close to pain, you were close but not at teh tuipping point. Holding you that way and continuing on would have made it too muhc, better to have moved away and let it becoms less sensitive a but concentrate on another area.

Current situaton: Faking it, a big no-no. Its a alck of communication and if he THINKS you aer cumming he wont realise.
You are inexperienced and don't know how to communicate
Your boyfriend believes the hype that many or all young guys do that perfromance is everything, that penetration is the beall and end all... he has a sensitivity to performance and is taking it badly that he cannot bring ou to a release.
So 1st boyfreind: non-penetrative techniques, get you to the point but couldnt facilitate your passage through to a realse youw wanted.
2nd boyfriend: penetration and then getting upset because its not happening for you.
(Therefore; blend the two)
Communication is the key here, move away from the idea of penetration initially.

Yuo have some idea that arousal is the key to what you want (and by extrapolation helping your 2nd b/friend feel better about himself)
It is a common theme in my posts to talk about touching and stroking, using hands mouth on both non genital and genital areas (for both of you.)
Goodness, even 20 minutes of long deep kissing can arouse you to a very high level. People call it foreplay but if you dont treat it as such it can last hours.
and this is the essesntial point for you both, it is arousal, and how aroused you are that will do this. No-one should be interested in time factors and so if foreplay lasts three four or five hours the point is you can be in such pleasure that when or if it progresses further the ecstatic or orgasmic respnse can be virtually immediate, prolonged and repeated.
How tuned and connected you are to respond to the various changes in breathing and movement, to be aware of how a sudden intake of breath and groan, movement of teh hips or sway of teh body can idnicate a pleasure spot is reached. And also how a twitch can idicate that a sensitivty peak has been reached.

But back to basics, a treatise on advanced techniques would be no good here.
You two have to be willing to communicate and learn to touch and explore each others bodies bringing each other to high states of arousal (and also allowing each other to connect and tune to each other). Light touches, strokes nibbles, fingertuips, whoel hand, massage oil there is a host that can eb brought into play to commence this.
You wont find out how from mates, because that works for them(if they know), you have to find out what works for you. and that inculdes saying yes thats working or no thats not working. and of course actiung as giver and receiver in turns.
There are books out there which form a basic starting point for ideas ( am going to recommend sinful sex by dr. Pam spur, it gives some very good ideas). If someone were to say give oral, well hey great, but HOW? you know already that the clitoris gets sensitive, but what strokes did he use, flicks, hard light, sucking swirling, lapping etc. What about the other areas of your genitals. as well as licks all over everywhere else for that matter
So a text may give you some idea for play, it may also help when broaching the subject. As in oooooooo lets read this.
(any one remember the snapper, Colm Meany reading the book and his eyes widening as he began to realise what was what? Then the scene where he brings his wife off. A humourous idea to what i am getting at)

Penetration well yeah, but hiow shallow or deep, fast slow, or a combination of the whole lot?
positions, well back front top bottom, side, x, T. You can get confused and a groin strain trying too many, but experiment with differeing types and speeds and depth and just give communication again.
Believe it or not the simple missionary, with awareness of each other can be one of the most intimate positions as it allows kissing and gazing to occurr. There are literally dozens of things that can be done in that postion but it all boils down to one thing awarness of selves and other. varyng whats happening when you are aware of not only your response but the sudden grinding of your partner hips, or a slight moan, or indeed a screaming shout all give subtle and not so subtle clues. If you were to say" like that that speed that depth"..he would get the idea

Miss Fluff

You should really think of giving masturbation another go. Once you can make yourself come it's way easier to show someone exactly what you like.

tSubh Dearg

I just want a little clarity on one point, is it that the thought of masturbation isn't a turn on for you? Or is it that when you are masturbating it's not doing anything for you.

If it's the former you should definitely give it a go, I'm not going to say that no one finds the thought of masturbating a turn on but I would say for the majority they are thinking about something else that is.

You need to learn your own body and what it likes and dislikes, how else can you tell a partner what can make you orgasm?