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gf trouble,heads wrecked

  • 13-09-2007 9:37pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    me an my girlfriend of over a year now, very rarly get to spemd time together, well alone anyways, im always the one calling around to her house, but it always me her and the rest of her family sitting in front of the tv, dont get me wrong i dont mind this, but theres only so much i can take and its starting to come to a head, were im sitting there with a pissed off head on me, even her family wud ask me wots wrong i look pissed off,,

    like its nice just been able to chill on your own with your GF no wot i mean, but never really happens, most nites id be there till after 1am, and its horrible at that time been all tired and having to drive home,

    but then when we do plan on going out doing something even just a drive etc. like tonight were we were saying mite go to the pics,

    said shed gives a call in an hour when we was finished her things at home and we head out,,,

    so im sitting at home messing about on the pc, looking forward to going out seen her, some alone time ya no,

    when i get a text saying "elaine called in babe text you ina bit" elaine been her friend,

    i text back,

    "so i guess were not doing anything tonight"

    she texts,
    "ill text you ina bit"


    now my head is wrecked, so ****ing annoyed and pissed off,

    this happened be4 and i flipped, went made, saying droping our plans for your friends etc.

    turns out her friend had something important that needed her help, so i was turned into the bad lad for going mad,,


    so now i dont no wot to make of it,,

    like so short in the text msg,,

    sorry if im beenin a fool writing this but need to get it of my chest,, be4 i snap
    thanks


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    Don't understand why the time you spend with her also involves her family? What age are you?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,820 ✭✭✭Femelade


    can ye not just head up to her bedroom to watch tv or something? Thats what me and my boyfriend do, we would stay down stairs for a while first but head up after a while to have a proper talk and just to be alone..


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,097 ✭✭✭IRISH RAIL


    she must`nt have much resppect for you if she cant even give an explanation about being stood up ??
    my advise is leave while your still young.


  • Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 18,848 Mod ✭✭✭✭Kimbot


    You have 2 options here:

    1: Sit her down and talk to her about this and say that you want to spend time together just you and her.

    or

    2: You will have to leave her.


    One big thing though, don't loose the head with her, always keep calm. ;)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 388 ✭✭Scoobydoobydoo


    If she makes plans with you she shouldn't break them for her friends, unless she gives you a very good explanation and it's a rare occurance.

    Equally, she should sometimes make plans to see her friends and not break them for you.

    You need to sit her down and explain that while you like her family, you don't want your whole relationship to be based on sitting on their sofa with them. You need variety, which is normal and fair.

    If she can't accept this, then I think you should have a good think about where this relationship is going and whether it's worth continuing with.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'see it gets a bit more complicated here,
    she as a child from a different relationship, so this is means were mostly in her house at night etc. because she cant be asking her family to be babysitting the whole time, i understand that and dont have a problem,
    iv said a few times do ya wanna go chill out in your room, and she'd be like i dont have th tv in there etc.


    we nearly finished not to long ago over this type of thing,
    we spend no quality time together, and we realised that together and said we need to change our ways to make more time, but it slowly but surely isnt happening


    if i call in during the day, its sitting around drinking tea talking, then we arrange to get a dvd that night, im back in, the house is full, we mite have to wait till her mas finished looking at her programme, then we watch the dvd, eventualy ono by one her family wud head up to bed, and by 12at nite alone at last, but both of ous wrecked tired and fit for bed, then iv to head home, only a 10 min drive but one i hate,do be half asleep half the time,

    with her having a child we dont get time alone during the day, which i dont mind and i like being with her and her child, but at nite time its me her and her family,

    and then **** like last nite happens when we get time together,

    i got a text then half an hour later last nite, saying is it to late to do something now?,

    i flipped and was bull thick and i didnt help the situation,
    the she rings up going bad saying how she knew id go mad and just jump to conclusions thinking she stood me up,

    all she ment was ill be another few min, elaine called,

    thats fair enough if she ment that, but i wasnt to no if id be sitting there waiting for another hour, was getting near 11 at this stage, no time to be doing anything, i couldnt help but go mad


    my heads wrecked last nite just brought things to ahead, gonnna have to talk to her about the situation, and keep calm- which ill find hard cause i get stressed out over small things,,
    i love her to bits, but im finding it hard to keep that love because we never get time to love each other if ya get me,,

    thanks for your comments'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,702 ✭✭✭✭TheDriver


    I agree with Scooby, itsonly going to get worse. Be careful though, obviously you don'tmind her family but she may see it as being an attack on her family but she should have enough cop on to want to be alone with you and chatting etc. Get out if theres no change coz head wrecking is not good. What age r u by the way?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    yeah i no, i can really start to see how people can develop serious problems over there heads been wrecked, thats why i want to act on it and sort it out,

    im 22, my Gf is 21,

    but i can tell u i feel like im 16 when im sitting there, and even more so while i write this


    you can only imagine what our sex life is like, past few months its just not been happening, and when it does feels like the first time all over, al nervous etc..

    and we use to have a good sex life, one extreme to the other is also messing my head


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,401 ✭✭✭✭Anti


    If i were you i would forget about this relationship. She obviously puts you last in most things. Time to move along mate :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 240 ✭✭Knockoff Nige


    Anti wrote:
    If i were you i would forget about this relationship. She obviously puts you last in most things. Time to move along mate :)
    Give her an ultimatum. If she has to think about it, dump her.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 388 ✭✭Scoobydoobydoo


    I can totally relate to the situation with the child, I have been through this as well.
    So, when there's a child involved, for her, she's a lot more restricted than her friends, and for you, well they're not your ties, yet you are willing to put up with them because of your feelings for her. For a guy your age, this says good things about you.
    Your frustrations are understandable, but you need to sit down with her, explain what's bothering you, tell her you want to make things work, but as things are, it's not working for you.
    If you want alone-time together you need babysitting support. Decide together whether one night out a week would be enough and if so, who will help you out. Maybe even sometimes during the week, if her parents are there, you could go out for a walk or for a drink when the child has gone to bed - just an hour or two.
    As regards going to her room - she says there's no tv so what's the point? Well, I would be wondering what the hell does she need to be in a room with a tv all the time for? Plenty of time to be stuck in one when you're older and settled down!!
    Finding somewhere for intimacy I can imagine may be difficult, if neither of you has a place of your own. Keep an eye open for opportunities though!

    You just need a bit of variety, you are not asking for anything much actually.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Dump her. Your young. Do you really need this woman who has a child? Can you not find someone else without the baggage of a kid? This woman sounds like a nightmare and the fact she has a kid makes it worse. Dump her. Your young, you don't need this. She seems happy out doing her own boring things. So let her stick with the kid and you go off and have some fun. Dump her.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 388 ✭✭Scoobydoobydoo


    cheesedude wrote:
    Dump her. Your young. Do you really need this woman who has a child? Can you not find someone else without the baggage of a kid? This woman sounds like a nightmare and the fact she has a kid makes it worse. Dump her. Your young, you don't need this. She seems happy out doing her own boring things. So let her stick with the kid and you go off and have some fun. Dump her.

    Nice


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    cheesedude, your name say it all,

    i knew all that be4 i even first asked her out,
    its not as if i went in to the relationship and a year on only realised she had a child, i knew it from the start, i knew it would be different,

    the point im making doesnt direct back at a child been involved


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,380 ✭✭✭chuckles30


    Perhaps between ye, ye could buy a portable tv/dvd combi for the bedroom - you can get them for a reasonable amount of money these days. Then at least ye'd be able to get some time together away from the family and watch your own choice of dvd. As somebody else said, maybe ask her family to look after the child another night.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 240 ✭✭Knockoff Nige


    What if you guys got a place of your own?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    22noname22 wrote:
    iv said a few times do ya wanna go chill out in your room, and she'd be like i dont have th tv in there etc.
    When your partner finds you less interesting than the idiot-box, I'm really not sure there's any hope left.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    You seem to be missing my point. But fair enough, I don't give two french fuc*s if you take my advice or not.

    You seem unhappy, she clearly doesn't like you much and simply by you being there, shows you have more commitment and are far more in this relationship than she is.

    If that's how you want to sail through life...being walked over? Then fair enough.

    But any sensible person would know that this is a waste of your time. Especially since you have spoken about this before, I'll make a bet with you, I guarantee you will not be happy with this situation in 6 months or even a years time...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 240 ✭✭Knockoff Nige


    cheesedude wrote:
    You seem to be missing my point. But fair enough, I don't give two french fuc*s if you take my advice or not.

    You seem unhappy, she clearly doesn't like you much and simply by you being there, shows you have more commitment and are far more in this relationship than she is.

    If that's how you want to sail through life...being walked over? Then fair enough.

    But any sensible person would know that this is a waste of your time. Especially since you have spoken about this before, I'll make a bet with you, I guarantee you will not be happy with this situation in 6 months or even a years time...
    Oh dear


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Talliesin wrote:
    When your partner finds you less interesting than the idiot-box, I'm really not sure there's any hope left.

    Exactly. Also from the Op, there seems to be no chemistry at all. What do you talk to this girl about OP? Do you have anything that you talk about or do you just spend all your time in with her family watching tv? You said yourself when you have sex, your nervous and it feels like the first time....do you really call that a relationship?


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