Should I persue?

LegacyUser

I was away for a few weeks this summer and met a guy i really liked. He's funny and smart, plus he's very good looking. He's pretty much perfect. But he's got a girlfriend. One night, we both got really drunk and ended up kissing (it was a mutual thing). He admitted that he really liked me and all that. Until we parted ways we were quite coy with each other but didn't kiss again. I want to keep in contact (because I'm head over heels about him) but now he's gone back home to his girlfriend. I haven't made any real attempt (besides a bebo add) to talk to him since I got back but he's not been online (his internet access at home is down) so I don't know if he wants to contact me even. We didn't exchange numbers. What should I do? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

pog it

He has a girlfriend. And he kissed you! ......Forget him!

It's really very simple.

CathyMoran

He has a girlfriend - leave him be.

Knockoff Nige

I seem to be missing the whole bebo generation. It seems to be the best ever way to sell your identity.

You should accept that he thinks he made a mistake and doesnt want to contact you. Move on. Any girl can get another womans man, it takes a real woman to get a man of her own.

DRakE

Nothing ventured!

AngryBadger

DRakE wrote:

Nothing ventured!

Maybe, but then again come on?

You met a guy on holiday, and you kissed him. You don't really know anything about this guy, (at least that's how it seems) beyond the fact that he has a gf. Would you really want to get involved with someone you know FOR A FACT cheated on someone they were with before starting with you? Could you really trust someone like that? Would you really want to be with someone so lacking in backbone and absic respect for other people that he's TELL YOU he has a gf, and cheat on her with you, thus (although you may not see it like this) using and disabusing you since if he really liked you so much why wouldn't he break up with his gf and be with you?

Also, as a guy, if I meet someone and i want to be with them or i'm at least interested in them, I'll be in touch with them. the fact that he hasn't made an effort to contact you tells me it's not going to happen. Maybe you were just a bit on the side during his hols, maybe he went back and realised he'd made a mistake, maybe he just went home and slid back into his relationship comfort zone. in any case you're better off forgetting about him and moving on.

CathyMoran

Unreg. girl wrote:

He's pretty much perfect.

You can not know someone after a few weeks, no one is perfect. You are simply lusting after the dream of someone not the real person. The fact that he has a girlfriend. Imagine if you were his girlfriend, how would you feel if he went off with someone on his holidays. These things tend to come around.

Doctor DooM

Unreg. girl wrote:

He's pretty much perfect.

Clearly not that perfect if he's talking to another woman behind his gf's back, making moves on you etc.

SligoBrewer

Knockoff Nige wrote:

You should accept that he thinks he made a mistake and doesnt want to contact you. Move on.

my thoughts exactly.. if he wanted something to happen he would have tried to contact you by now

K-9

Unreg. girl wrote:

I was away for a few weeks this summer and met a guy i really liked. He's funny and smart, plus he's very good looking. He's pretty much perfect. But he's got a girlfriend.

So he's not perfect then!

Seriously, wait a bit longer and the above will come to you, without the gf.

Femelade

Why would you want to pursue someone who is already taken! He has a girlfriend!!!....He's not perfect if he cheated....enough said...

Beruthiel

Unreg. girl wrote:

but now he's gone back home to his girlfriend.

Why you are even on here is beyond me. He has a girlfriend. If you had a b/f already would you be totally happy with some random girl hitting on him with a view to taking him off your hands?

Scoobydoobydoo

If her cheated on her he can cheat on you.
Someone like this is sneaky, not perfect. Is that really what you want?
Call a spade a spade.

Wibbs

Beruthiel wrote:

Why you are even on here is beyond me.

I second the motion.

He has a girlfriend.

The OP seems to have some difficulty with this simple concept. :rolleyes: Ah well if she does pursue him and gets somewhere, the fallout will make an interesting but obvious thread in 6 months time.

MrBaseball

On this board, every relationship is treated as completely sacred. He kissed her when he was drunk. We don't know anything about his relationship with his girlfriend. She could be an abusive witch he's about to leave anyway.

He's going out with her, they aren't married. People trade up in relationships all the time. "I've met someone else" etc etc. Girlfriend/Boyfriend is not some sort of lifetime obligation, they could be going out 2 weeks. I'm not sanctioning cheating, but people in relationships meet people they prefer to their partner and trade up all the time..

That said,in this case, he's gone back to her and not contacted you, so take that as a cue to leave it be. If he's still with her, and you stick around, any situation you can get into probably isn't going to do you any good.

Anthony_1980

leave him be im afraid

if u had a boyfriend would u appreciate somebody else just trying to but in ???

if he really liked u etc he's have given u his number or tried to contact u

MrBaseball

MrBaseball wrote:

On this board, every relationship is treated as completely sacred. He kissed her when he was drunk. We don't know anything about his relationship with his girlfriend. She could be an abusive witch he's about to leave anyway.

Well then he should have left the gf and then kissed OP. Then we wouldn't care.

randomname2005

Unreg. girl wrote:

I was away for a few weeks this summer and met a guy i really liked. He's funny and smart, plus he's very good looking. He's pretty much perfect. But he's got a girlfriend. One night, we both got really drunk and ended up kissing (it was a mutual thing). He admitted that he really liked me and all that. Until we parted ways we were quite coy with each other but didn't kiss again. I want to keep in contact (because I'm head over heels about him) but now he's gone back home to his girlfriend. I haven't made any real attempt (besides a bebo add) to talk to him since I got back but he's not been online (his internet access at home is down) so I don't know if he wants to contact me even. We didn't exchange numbers. What should I do? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Firstly, nobody is perfect! Secondly, you have made an attempt to contact him. If he gets back in contact with you, you should ensure that he has broken up with his current G/F before getting together with him.

If you do pursue him/the relationship, you need to think about trust issues in the future - would you let him go away with his mates for a week/weekend, knowing that he cheated on his g/f with you?
R

hullaballoo

Aside from the moral aspects of whether he'd cheat no you in a similar position (he might not), or whether you're a *bad* person (you aren't) or whether he's a *bad* person (he probably isn't - everyone makes mistakes like that at least once in their lives) - there's another aspect.

As someone pointed out earlier, it's easier to get with someone else's man. That's because men in relationships, though they might be happy, always have a 'what if' question running through their heads. An attractive girl showing interest in you is always flattering, but for the most part, you can deal with it.

Sometimes, if things aren't going smoothly in the relationship, or if there's an absence (such as holidays), men are far less able to control the 'what ifs'.

So, if he broke up with her to go off with you, he'd probably start to regret it within a very short amount of time. He wouldn't be giving himself the opportunity to look at things objectively. That's incredibly important in these matters. An overnight decision to break up with a long-term girlfriend in favour of a newer model spells disaster (not least for the newer model who is likely to feel used and abused at the end of it).

You're best bet is to cut contact for a good long time. If in a year or so, you're still pining (and you won't be), look him up and find out if he's still got a girlfriend. If he does, wait some more. If not, get in touch. If all of this sounds unrealistic, then just forget about him.

thalia_13

Like what was already said, the fellas gf might be a complete witch!! Anyhoo thats not the point here, obviously the OP is very smitten at the moment, and I know from experience that its kinda hard to just shake off that feeling quickly! I dont think she should make any effort on her part to contact him, either he is feeling guilty and wants to cut all contact, or else he may even be playing another girl for a fool, and at the mo is busy doing that!

I know when I was in a v similar situation, when I found out he had a gf, I backed off. He remained in contact etc, trying to get me to relent, but I just felt like I would only be a booty call as such, when herself was not around.....

If he does get back in contact OP, just make sure he is single before anything happens! it gets very messy when he has a gf, no matter how much you like him, you WILL get very hurt, and ultimately he is gonna come out happy, with two women fighting over him (kindof...)

LegacyUser

hi,

thanks for your responses, but i think the fact that he hasn't had any internet access since we've seen each other and the fact that neither of us gave over our numbers was ignored. i added him on bebo, yes. but he hasn't been online since then. and i didnt give him my number or ask him for his - pretty much because of the girlfriend thing.

like most people, iv slipped up before too so i dont think the ''once a cheater'' mantra is always relevent. im not sure what the story with his girlfriend was, he just mentioned on a more sober occasion that he happened to have one.

i think il follow the above advice and not contact him again. if he wants to get in touch, thats fair enough. but he's a nice guy and i dont think he'd be into sneaking around behind his girlfriends back. us kissing was a once off. maybe just consider him for the future?

I know how hard it is to stay away from someone you really like, especially when you havent really heard a definite response that they dont want to see you. But consider this; people make mistakes when theyre drunk. He told you about his girlfriend when he was sober, he kissed you when he was drunk. Maybe he does like you, but he likes his girlfriend too and it would be wrong to intervene. It would be far easier for you to get over him than for her to get over him, since they've been together, and he probably would cheat on you with her or someone else if you two did get together. Hurt all round im afraid.
But hey, maybe I'm being harsh, maybe you shouldnt try to get over him. Maybe you should wait around every day for your phone to ring just incase its him, and then try to get him to break up with his girlfriend, and hope that every time he might regret the break up that he wont blame it on you, and not think about the fact that he has a history of kissing other girls, or that he can be swayed to break up with people whenever a pretty girl comes along, and then im sure you two will live happily ever after. Please for your own sake consider that even if you did get what you want, it probably wouldnt turn out to be what you thought it would.