Really don't like my boyfriends female friends

Rebeler

I love my bf but I really can't stand his female friends. Total case of insecurity I know. Have known these girls a good few years before I started going out with my boyfriend, and I didn't like them back then. Then I get together with my boyfriend, two unlikely candidates, and I find that hge has scored twice with one of the girls I particlualry don't like. I avoid nights out with them as much as I can, but when I see the phone ring or a text from one of them I go mad. I know that he is perfectly entitled to female friend, as I am to male friends, but it drives me nuts. I love him to bits and I feel we have a very strong future together, but in other ways it is driving us apart. Is it OK to extremely dislike his friends?
I am seeing a counsellor for anxiety issues, but I feel if I bring this up with her, it will cloud the oiriginal anxiety issue which may or may not be related.

Any advice or coping mechanisms greatly appreciated, as I fear my behaviour may drive him away, and that's the last thing I want.

Thanks

Oriel

You're not going to like the replies on here, I'm afraid.
As for mine, I don't see a future in it at all, move on.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I'd like to think I'd tell a counsellor everything. If you've started a thread about it it's bothering you & definitely worth telling her. I'd say the fact that you're holding back is clouding other things.

Anyway jealousy is normal, even for non-insecure people. Especially if he's scored them before. Just don't ask who's texting him.

If you try to stop him seeing them he'll think less of you. I certainly would. He will tell her why & she might start telling him about how he'd be better off with someone less jealous.

Act as if it doesn't bother you & it might just stop bothering you.

Talliesin

Tell your counsellor.

the_syco

You won't last that long if you make them enemies, tbh. Talk to the shrink about it, as it sounds like it's related.

bronte

Op, I would say to myself.."He chose me....I'm the one he wants to be with" and I'd forget about anyone else.

He's going out with YOU!

Don't let little insecurities (that we all have) ruin what you've got.

If he's happy with you he won't be distracted by these girls.

Insecurity can be a very unattractive quality.

If you're worried mention it to him in a jokey way and you will get your answer.

Hope it works out.

kelly1979

i agree with the other posts, u need to talk to ur counsellor about this especially that ur seeing her for anxiety related issues, as this is obviously causing u a lot of worry and stress, so i'd say it is relevant to bring up to the counsellor
from my own perspective i think it's 'normal' to feel insecurities around ur boyfriends female friends especially if he was with 2of them before, it shouldnt be done but lets face it, most women compare themselves to others, she's prettier, funnier etc. when ur thinking these thoughts and these insecurities arise just remember ur the one he's with now, so u obviously have great qualities that he likes about u,
these girls arent a threat as he's not with them.

Beruthiel

Rebeler wrote:

I am seeing a counsellor for anxiety issues, but I feel if I bring this up with her, it will cloud the oiriginal anxiety issue which may or may not be related.

I would have thought it would be related on some level, when seeing a professional, tell them everything, how else can they make a correct decision?

I love my bf but I really can't stand his female friends. Total case of insecurity I know.

They are his friends, yet he has chosen you as his g/f, so what does that tell you?

I avoid nights out with them as much as I can, but when I see the phone ring or a text from one of them I go mad.

It's not a requirement of a relationship that you love all your partners friends, however, to 'go mad' over a phone call is way OTT and this is something you need to learn to handle.

I love him to bits and I feel we have a very strong future together, but in other ways it is driving us apart. Is it OK to extremely dislike his friends?

It is ok to dislike them.
It is a total over reaction to say it is driving you apart and you have to look inwards to see why this is the case. Self esteem and confidence have a lot to do with this reaction.

K-9

Why aren't you telling your counselor all this?

Posters here will try and help you, but the counselor knows you better than us.

someothername

like everyone else i think you should tell your councellor about this - the insecurity is probably all related?

on another note - can you not discuss this also with your bf?
explain to him how you feel.... he doesnt have to drop his friends because you dont like them , but if he knows certain behaviour from them is tormenting you then he has a chance to address that?

Jack B. Badd

It depends on whether you really dislike them because of their personalities or whether you dislike them because your boyfriend is friends with them... If you simply don't like the girls regardless of them being friends with your boyfriend then you two should probably discuss this and try to organise things to that you don't have to spend so much time with them. But expecting him to give up his female friends because he now has you as a girlfriend is a joke. I know it can be unnerving meeting your boyfriend's female mates, probably more so than when you meet his male ones, but at the end of the day he's entitled to be friends with whoever he wants and if you try to interfere with that or come across as overly conscious about it it will eventually affect your relationship with him.
Personally, I'd talk to your counsellor about it as they'll be the most likely person to get to the bottom of the issue for you.