in crisis again

LegacyUser

hi,
i had some troubles with my gf recently. For some reasons i noticed that the attraction was gone and I couldn't see my future with her anymore. These doubts were killing me alive, so I took a lot of time to figure out what was wrong with me, but I couldn't find anything. Eventually i have decided to sit and talk to her, I confessed all my doubts and I've asked for her opinion, I really wanted to fix this situation together. I told her that she didn't anything wrong, she is not changed, she is perfect, it's just myself...my brain wants something and my heart is not feeling the same. She was gutted, she started to cry because she is in love with me and her future was around me...we had a long talk and we decided to put more efforts in our relationship to make it work. Things were fine for a week, everything seemed to be like before, she is still scared i can dump her but I'm trying to do my best to cheer her up.
Unfortunately the doubts are still there, sometimes i feel i want to be on my own, i'm attracted by other girls, I love her but i think only as a friend now.
I feel awful because she doens't deserve that and I dunno what the f*** is wrong with me.
Should I break up with her so she can find a proper bf ? for sure she doesn't deserve to be "on hold" while i clear my mind, I've been there and it was terrible, I can do that to her if i really care.
Do u have other suggestions? please help!

Anthony_1980

break it off man

i was with somebody 6.5 years and just after a while i felt same , became a routine , sex certain days , cinema certain days etc , was attracted to other women and im ashamed to say it , slept with alot while with her , everytime i did it i said never again , but became so easy to do it and get away with it , it spiralled etc

you did nothing wrong yet , u told her how u feel etc , but down the line u might resent her for staying with her when ur heart wasnt in it , its life it happens , sure she'll be sad but she'll get over it with time

i wish i didnt spend 6.5 years with my ex cause after 3 years i wanted out and stayed with her because i was afraid to be single and her emotional blackmail it was easier to just stay as i was , now im single 2 years and its great , own house etc do what i want when i want

most important thing is the longer u leave it the more chance u'll be a dick like i was and cheat

break up is the onlyway forward , we broke up a few times and never was same when we got back together the spark was gone and u cant really get it back no matter what you do

keep us posted

patrickolee

I'm afraid I'm with Anthony on this one... went through something similar with a previous gf. But I got out after 3 years or so. It just wasn't gonna work out, so I broke it off. She met someone else before long. Don't waste the girls time, if you're not into it. Sure it'll be hard for her for a couple of weeks, but she'll meet someone else and will probably be better off.

LegacyUser

I'd definitely agree with the two posts above but I'm just wondering what advise would be given in the exact same situation only with a baby involved.

Anthony_1980

well if u dont love her , then no point staying with her making u miserable and her

just make sure u financially help with baby and look after him/her as much as mother , i dont see a reason why it be a problem

just see so many people unhappy with gf's because of a kid

me personally id always be there for the kid

if u heart isnt in it then why bother

John Mason

you definately need to finish it now, the longer you leave it, the harder it will be for her

LegacyUser

have you thought about taking up regular exercise ? that might help.

milkerman

I think there is little point in flogging a dead horse. However you might try relationship counselling or some such. If you still feel the same way after making an honest effort you should leave this girl for both your sakes.

Otherwise the years just drift by with the regrets growing daily.

GoalsGoneWild

get out of it before you do something you'll regret. was in same situation and eventually got the courage to walk away (was longer than 6 years). both of us are still amicable to each other and are 10 times happier than we were for the last year we were together. you will end up cheating and you will end up regretting it - all the more if you actually get caught.

move on now. it's hard to do but it's definitely the right decision. and that's for both of you - she might just take longer to realise it.

good luck...

tbh

But what if?... wrote:

I'd definitely agree with the two posts above but I'm just wondering what advise would be given in the exact same situation only with a baby involved.

then the obligation is even stronger to split up. Children can deal with two separate parents just fine - but kids know when their parents don't want to be together. A lot of times, they blame themselves.