Platonic Friendships with Women

Thundercracker

[closed]

LadyGodiva

I agree its a sad state of affairs, but at the end of the day if the girls decide to walk away then it shows their lack of backbone. Harsh but true

star-pants

hmmm I have a best friend who's a guy, we've been close friends for... um... 7 years I think -- he's got a longterm girlfriend, I've had boyfriends and neither of us have ever had a problem. We're really close and when we were first friends and both single we got a lot of 'suuuuuure ye are friends' thing...heck we still get it!! lol. But if ye both dont have an issue it's ok, and if you reassure your other half and they're not ok with it, that's their problem. Peoples other halves can't choose your friends..
My bfs never had issues with my male friend, they asked, of course as you would if anything had ever gone on between us (which..ew never would!! lol) but once I reassured them they were fine.

It's a pity that some people don't get it.

milkerman

For what its worth, I once had a gf that had a long term platonic male friend. Until they both got truly hammered at a Christmas gig and then it went a good deal further than platonic.
Not saying its right or fair, but some blokes figure the best way into a knickers is to get into the good books first.
The boyfriends maybe figure you to be predatory, especially if you are particular about your appearance.

davyjose

Ok - you have a girlfriend. So imagine someday your girlfriend becomes very close to another guy, whom she is keen to spend a lot of time with. Now you might trust your girlfriend, BUT would you trust her emotions. i.e. what part of you would be entirely convinced that she wasn't falling for him??
I genuinely can see why this guy would become unsettled. It sucks but it's just how things are.

axer

Thundercracker wrote:

it was so refreshing to have a fellow female friend

Are you male or female?

Knockoff Nige

I think its impossible as sooner or later one of them will feel stronger than the other. If that happens, things will change. Something might happen, someone might make a move and get rejected or one of the two will sense something and become more distant.

I had a female friend before. People used to make jokes that we were a coupel. I was single and she had a husband. The jokes drove her insane but didnt tell me thety were happening. One night she gets a little drunk and a bit too close. I be a real friend and lauigh it off. Then she gets told the next day that I tried it on. She decides to tell me never to talk to her again.

Basically its not worth the effort.

Thundercracker

[closed]

Knockoff Nige

As I said, they are not worth the hassle because you'll never figure out why you're being a victim. Appreciate good friendships but keep a safe distance. People will always put 2 and 2 together and get 5000. They want gossip. Also, the boyfriend will usually be jealous and insecure about it.

CathyMoran

Men and women can be friends, I do not see the harm in it. My best friend is male and I would have been disgusted if my husband had an issue with it, he is a best friend for a reason, I like him platonically and that is it. Her boyfriend sounds very insecure. Similarly my husband has female friends.

MrBaseball

You seem pretty hung up on this situation, with all that detective work and all. You must be fairly hard up for friends, heh.

I had a girlfriend once. She had a "best friend" who was some guy. We'd been going out for a while and I get this big sob story about how she actually likes him, blah blah, I broke up with her. I've observed many other situations which went the same way. You know, all this "just friends" stuff is overblown. There is a certain type of guy who ends up "just friends". If the guy is a normal confident guy, there's every reason a boyfriend should have a bit of a problem with it.

Reading the amount of detail you're going into here, the bebo stuff verging on stalking her and such, I'd say the boyfriend might be onto something.

Of course people can do what they want, he doesn't own her blah blah....

Talliesin

Thundercracker wrote:

I genuinely make no advances whatsoever upon these women or make inapropriate jokes or go places where it would be viewed that our actions could constitute a date (i.e. the cinema)

Making no advances is a pretty obvious line, but why the hell not go to the cinema? The whole point of going to the cinema as a date is that it's something you might do with a friend and hence "low pressure".

The world is always going to contain people whose neuroses get in the way of their lives. People are always going to enter into relationships with such people and have those neuroses affect their lives also.

Really, you can't do anything about that. You might as well complain that water is wet.

Just get on with your life, be a good friend to your friend, and make the best of it. Don't pre-empt assholes by going out of your way to not be suspicious (you can just as easily make someone suspicious doing that after all), just act as if your friend's partners aren't loonies - when you get it wrong they were probably going to act up in a weird way at some point anyway, and when you get it right you've enjoyed your friend's company more.

Knockoff Nige

Talliesin wrote:

Making no advances is a pretty obvious line, but why the hell not go to the cinema? The whole point of going to the cinema as a date is that it's something you might do with a friend and hence "low pressure".

The world is always going to contain people whose neuroses get in the way of their lives. People are always going to enter into relationships with such people and have those neuroses affect their lives also.

Really, you can't do anything about that. You might as well complain that water is wet.

Just get on with your life, be a good friend to your friend, and make the best of it. Don't pre-empt assholes by going out of your way to not be suspicious (you can just as easily make someone suspicious doing that after all), just act as if your friend's partners aren't loonies - when you get it wrong they were probably going to act up in a weird way at some point anyway, and when you get it right you've enjoyed your friend's company more.

Well, I'd be wary of doing things this as no matter what you do, people will speculate and it could lead to you being the bad guy. If you're going to do it, be careful.

Talliesin

Knockoff Nige wrote:

Well, I'd be wary of doing things this as no matter what you do, people will speculate and it could lead to you being the bad guy.

On the other hand though, no matter what you do, people will speculate and it could lead to you being the bad guy. Might as well ignore the speculation (or laugh at it, some of the speculation I've heard about me is pretty darn hilarious).

You can't go through your life worrying about what everyone thinks, because people think such conflicting things. It's good to have a way of "setting the bozo bit" and realising that some people are just so likely to be wrong that their opinion is best annoyed. Someone assuming you are shagging all your friends is a good indication of that.

Knockoff Nige

Talliesin wrote:

On the other hand though, no matter what you do, people will speculate and it could lead to you being the bad guy. Might as well ignore the speculation (or laugh at it, some of the speculation I've heard about me is pretty darn hilarious).

You can't go through your life worrying about what everyone thinks, because people think such conflicting things. It's good to have a way of "setting the bozo bit" and realising that some people are just so likely to be wrong that their opinion is best annoyed. Someone assuming you are shagging all your friends is a good indication of that.

I think thats a little naive. You could lose other friends should anyone without a bit of sense decides to spread a rumour. Dont give them the bait. If you do, you'll soon see that everyones word against yours will not be in yuor favour

Talliesin

Knockoff Nige wrote:

You could lose other friends should anyone without a bit of sense decides to spread a rumour.

And not having idiots calling themselves my friend is a bad thing why?

Not suffering fools gladly is a great help in having wonderful people in my life. Something that makes fools think less of me is a plus.