Feeling a Little Lost?!

Yakult

So I went thru a break up with my first long term girlfriend of 9 months last sunday, and since then I just feel like Im really lost, and theirs loads of stuf i need to get an opinion on!

The reason she broke up with me was because she didnt want a relationship and this broke my heart, then it slowly moved onto I was too clingy and too serious and just no spark anymore! This hit me really hard because I had just started a new school in her town and knew no one other than her and really depended on her for support. but after a day at school she ended it with me.

That really attacked my emotions, one minute I would be fine and another minute I would break into tears! And I didnt really have anyone to talk to! So as usual I begged to give it another go but she told me I would have to get over the fact we wouldnt get back together and I should move on.. So on monday a girl asked to meet me and I said no because I was still meh about everything! I told my ex and she was like "Oh you should meet her, I would meet her myself" But I said no. I just found it unusual that she was so over me after a day.

Upon breaking up with me she was like "we can still be best friends and hang out etc." At that time I was findin it hard to accept that! but after a few days I was ready to and then she tells me she doesnt want to be my friend as she finds it too awkward... I was like "Your the one who said to me about been friends and im trying my hardest to do that but all of a sudden your not letting me be that friend"

So then we argued on friday and she wanted me out of her life.. Untill sunday she texted me about this new girl Im going to meet! (I decided to take her advice and just move on) I was gonna tell her but she found out and sent a really jealous text to me! I didnt know and still dont know what to think! I really rethinking metting this girl now! that night We agreed to be friends again but im getting really mixed emotions from her and its driving me crazy!

I still love her so much and Im not sure what to do... Im thinking their could be a chance of getting back together but still unsure..

Can someone help me and give me advice! its really affecting my life! (Sorry if its all over the shop btw)

dudara

Firstly, R_H_C_P I'm sorry to hear about the breakup. I remember you posting here on boards just a few months ago.

I know you're young, but that doesn't mean that you're not hurting. You have to give yourself some space and stay away from her for a bit. This includes talking and texting. Some free space and fresh air will help.

Doctor DooM

I know you prob dont want to hear this but your ex sounds like she will only bring you further heart ache. I wouldn't communicate if at all possible with her until you are sure you are fine.

Yakult

^^
Yeah thats what Im doing now! I would only say hi when Im walking by her!

^
I will try but Im gonna find it hard! But I will try!

thanks guys so far!

Ms Inquisitive

What age are you R_H_C_P?

Talliesin

R_H_C_P wrote:

Upon breaking up with me she was like "we can still be best friends and hang out etc." At that time I was findin it hard to accept that! but after a few days I was ready to and then she tells me she doesnt want to be my friend as she finds it too awkward... I was like "Your the one who said to me about been friends and im trying my hardest to do that but all of a sudden your not letting me be that friend"

She simply wanted to make the most of the bad situation of dumping you. It probably seemed to her that the two choices where "we can still be friends" and "Watch as I stomp on your heart BUWAHAHAHA!". She picked the former (this is a good thing) but the reality wasn't as black-and-white as she thought it was.

Back off and both give her some space and have some for yourself.

Yakult

^^
Im 17. And I know I young and that I have so much ahead of me but still!

dudara

There is always a desire to want to stay friends when you go through your first major breakups. The people involved don't want to hurt the other, but it does slow down the recovery process. Experience however, teaches you the benefit of keeping your distance.

4Xcut

Op, you just gotta not make contact. Its the best thing for you and you'll get over her quicker. If she wants to be friends, just politely tell her no. She created this situation by breaking up and she must live with the consequences of loosing you as a friend.

Hard luck by the way, that first one's a doozey.

Yakult

^See its weird! I still wanna be her friend!

Like I still wanna be there for her etc.

I wanna ask her where I stand and does she still have feelings for me before I move on! But Im scared, because we are only scraping friends now and if i do that it definly will be gone!

jdivision

I wouldn't tbh. The jealous text is indicative that she'll start wrecking your head and basically playing with your emotions - unintentional or not by her you'll end up feeling worse in the end.

K-9

jdivision wrote:

I wouldn't tbh. The jealous text is indicative that she'll start wrecking your head and basically playing with your emotions - unintentional or not by her you'll end up feeling worse in the end.

Yeah she's being jealous. First it was, "we can be friends", then you get clingy, !now we can't be friends", then you go out with another girl..........she's suddenly jealous.

Shows you can't win! Read the threads on here, so so common.

What I would suggest is, you need time, have some fun with this new gf, just don't get too serious. Rebounds are just as bad as getting back with the ex straight away.

You need time!

Marksie

R_H_C_P wrote:

^See its weird! I still wanna be her friend!

Like I still wanna be there for her etc.

I wanna ask her where I stand and does she still have feelings for me before I move on! But Im scared, because we are only scraping friends now and if i do that it definly will be gone!

You are very young R_H_C_P.
This is your first relationship and in time you will realise that and enjoy it in the looking back.

But not now.

Also, it may be possible for you two to be friends, but not now.

Neither of you is in the emotional place to be friends. It is a bit of a rollerctaster ride hormonally and emotionally for the pair of you. That is something to do with age and experience..you are new to all this

You have been handed the classic we will still be friends scenario, but there is jealousy there.
Also, you were ready to move on in a few days? and were meeting someone else. Juts take a bit of time for a a few deep breaths and get yourself centred again.

The question is what have you learned?

On the subject of being clingy..were you?
Again it is a totally new experience for the pair of you.
Learn a little from what has happened, but do not fall into teh tap of some you see posting of "playing it cool" or "deliberately being distant", thats gameplaying and will lead into trouble as well.

Find the balance, be open and you will have learned a lot from this.

What to do now?

Have no contact for a while until you get on firm ground, you are on quicksand at the moment

Its a fine line between being clingy and overly serious

_blank_

R_H_C_P wrote:

^See its weird! I still wanna be her friend!

Like I still wanna be there for her etc.

You mean you want to do all the boyfriend-y stuff, but not be her boyfriend?

Talliesin

R_H_C_P wrote:

^See its weird! I still wanna be her friend!

Like I still wanna be there for her etc.

Of course you do, that's perfectly natural.

It isn't working out though, is it?

There's this sort of ideal of perfection in remaining friends with an ex, like it demonstrates some sort of epitome of coping maturely with relationships. Really though, there is no perfection in human relationships - people that are friends with their ex are friends with their ex because it worked out that way, it isn't a matter of superiority.

Maybe down the line you'll be friends with her, but it doesn't sound like either of you are in the right place for that.