Drifted apart, big magnet required.

Morpheus

Hi everyone.

basically im not romantic, moved into new house with gf but things have nose-dived.

Partly (and a great part indeed) this is to do with my lack of romance.

I need ideas that dont involves sums of cash as
A. I dont have much and
B. She is a firm believer that money doesnt buy you love.

Ive lost touch with my old romantic self (were together almost 6 yrs) not married and if it keeps going this way wont be engaged either!

I need girls and fellas to provide me with the ammunition needed to win her whole heart back and make me once again, the man of her dreams.

Were not breaking up, we've decided to fix problems in the relationship that both of us have with each other, but this is my biggest one and unfortunately im completely blank about things to do.

Ive some plans such as taking her out for a surprise comedy show on wed. I know i know, it involves money but its the first step. i want to make her feel special and let her know that im thinking about her.

I might organise a picnic next weekend.

but please please please help me with some classy ideas.


background:
she's a dental nurse,
loves soccer and plays it
loves camogie and plays it

loves having a mad laugh as in silly immature laughs kinda like teenager house party humour, im not very like that, at least havent been in ages, my particular type of humour doesnt raise much giggles from her so thats a hard one to fix but im working on it.

loves swimming and teaches it part time
loves soppy male singers eg damien rice et al
loves her little car and driving
loves shopping and being fussed over (money warning **)

thanks boarders.

warrenaldo

when me and my partner got engaged just beofre valentines. i was broke for valentines. so i made her a present(i know i know - but...). It was a little pocket notebook that i had used to draw some pictures of our recent engagment and little air bublles coming out of each others mouth saying funny/romantic things that were said r wanted to be said. some funny thought bubbles too.
It was so much fun to make and got me major major brownie points. MAJOR

Lifes_a_Witch

Morphéus -well done for trying to keep it together.

6 Years - about the same time as I'm with my wife, and yes, sometimes it can be a little tricky to keep that spark going.....but only when both sides are a little fecked off - things used to be better etc.

How about you both try something new. It doesn't have to be funny or romantic, just focus on spending time together.

How about taking up a dancing course - it's chaeper over the time - 8 weeks for about 80/head (IIRC).

Else, when you both get home tonight, don't let the telly go on. get cleaned up and get both of you onto a bed or lying down on a couch and just hold her. Maybe listen to some standup comedy, or look at old photos, but spend time together just holding each other!

Wibbs

Morph&#233 wrote: »

basically im not romantic,

What do you mean by that? Romance isn't just about candle lit dinners in Venice. Are you affectionate in other ways(except when you want to get laid, that doesn't count)? If not I suspect that's more the issue.

moved into new house with gf but things have nose-dived.

I presume before everything was alright from you side? Is it possible that the extended periods of togetherness have exposed the cracks?

Partly (and a great part indeed) this is to do with my lack of romance.

Again it's your defintion that needs to be examined, I'd say.

I need ideas that dont involves sums of cash as
A. I dont have much and

B. She is a firm believer that money doesnt buy you love.

Depends what she means by that. If she means she wouldn't go out with a man just for his money cool. If you think she means not spending money and time with her, you're in for a shock. If another came along who pressed her buttons the way you do only with more dosh than you and was bringing her out for a romantic meal a couple of times a month I suspect it would turn her head.

I need girls and fellas to provide me with the ammunition needed to win her whole heart back and make me once again, the man of her dreams.

Start by winning yourself back first.

Ive some plans such as taking her out for a surprise comedy show on wed. I know i know, it involves money but its the first step. i want to make her feel special and let her know that im thinking about her.

Forget the money for the moment. As Henry Royce once said people will remember the quality long after they forget the price.

I might organise a picnic next weekend.

Good plan.

loves soccer and plays it

What about a one a side football match followed by the picnic? Getting sweaty in one pursuit usually sets the scene for getting sweaty in another....

loves camogie and plays it

Maybe avoid that one as women will destroy your ankles playing against them...

loves having a mad laugh as in silly immature laughs kinda like teenager house party humour, im not very like that, at least havent been in ages, my particular type of humour doesnt raise much giggles from her so thats a hard one to fix but im working on it.

That's one you will have to work on as it could be the deal breaker. A perceived lack of compatibility in sense of humour has split may a couple.

loves swimming and teaches it part time

Go swimming with her. If you can't swim, then get her to teach you.

loves soppy male singers eg damien rice et al

You can't have everything...

loves her little car and driving

Maybe go for some accesories for her car. You don't have to splash loads of cash either. Are you mechanically minded? If so maybe you could change her oil and air filter for her.

loves shopping and being fussed over (money warning **)

Go shopping with her sometimes, as you don't have to spend your money. She has her own, but she may like your opinion. Boredom alert though.:D

Romance is more than the obvious and spending time is far more appreciated than spending money as no matter how broke you are time is more precious.

Marksie

I read you post with some interest.

your g/friend is right, money cannot replace all the little gestures that go to making a relationship.

You have been with her for 6 years and have no real ideas what to do?

I am going to say that what is standing out from you, is complacency and laziness in the relationship on your part.

In fact its such that you cannot make a real effort to think of anything to do on your own behalf, but rather pass the task onto someone else.... That is the issue here.

Go back to the basis of what you did in the beginning of the realtionship when you weren't taking her for granted. What did you used to do then that was "romantic".

Big gestures wont really solve the issue here, but it is the small kindnesses, the gesture, the smile, a touch that will count.

Classy ideas come when you have rediscovered what you have lost or couldn't be bothered to keep going. Other than that its is juts putting a sticking plaster on a wound. Temporary and of limited usefulness.

carpainter

It's all about that little bit of effort and thought, keep it simple you don't need to spend a fortune! The weather's nice again, how about heading off for day somewhere together: hillwalking, on the beach, somewhere scenic, visit a heritage site/ gardens etc and just enjoy the weather, the scenery and most all each other's company. Bring along a simple picnic and maybe stop off for a drink or a snack on the way home? If she likes a particular book or film why not order it online (won't cost much) and she'll get a nice surprise when a package addressed to her is delivered through the letterbox. A chilled bottle of sparkling wine (Jacob's Creek, only €14) and a homecooked meal? A shared hobby or new interest?

golden gal

Cheap, cheerfull, cute idea;
How about making her a goodie bag? You can get a cute little gift bag and put really inexpensive but cute gifts into it. Like her favourite chocolate bar and a pack of lovehearts and use the cds she already has and make a compelation cd for her to listen to in her car. And anything else small and cute that she might like!!

Good Luck!!

CathyMoran

How about sending her little text messages saying that you love her? Sitting down and listening to what she has to say? Cooking her dinner? Doing the housework? Going back to the place that you had your first date? Remembering anniversaries? Getting her flowers the odd time (yes, money but not a lot, you could pick them up for €5.00). Going out of the way to get her favorite song that she can not find any more, the list is endless...

Don't know where you live but.....a swim on Donabate beach as she likes swimming its a fab beach....then go for a coffee in the hotel that's at the end of the beach, go out to the terrace and sit on one of the swing chairs, admire the view, chat, cuddle , .... i did it last week and its a fab way to spent and afternoon......this is best done during the week as you'll have the place to your selves take a half day form work....

Storm_rages

ok don't know if this helps but for my birthday the love of my life made me my own top trumps.. with pictures of my friends and family, its actually the sweetest thing anyone has ever done.. but just make sure you are careful in you ratings.. The other things i did for him was 365 reason why i love him each cut out so he get to pick one a day, it takes ages but then so did the top trumps....(ok i hope not too many people are getting sick on their computers!!).

Catari Jaguar

Storm_rages wrote:

ok don't know if this helps but for my birthday the love of my life made me my own top trumps.. with pictures of my friends and family, its actually the sweetest thing anyone has ever done.. but just make sure you are careful in you ratings..

Omg! Thats the best idea I've ever heard. Just told my boyf, he's laid up cos dislocated his knee Should keep him entertained!

comongethappy

The best thing I find in my relationship - cuddles

Make a point of maybe twice a week, lying down (not at bedtime or you'll just doze off), and holding eachother, having a chat. I don't know why, but some of the best conversations I've had with my husband have been in bed. (PS - if you have a tele in the bedroom, no having it on while you're doing this!) Perhaps it's because it gives you a chance to focus on the person and their are no distractions. Not only that, but sometimes looking someone in the eyes and holding them can lead to some very fun nights in

Fanny Cradock

Storm_rages wrote:

ok don't know if this helps but for my birthday the love of my life made me my own top trumps.. with pictures of my friends and family, its actually the sweetest thing anyone has ever done.. but just make sure you are careful in you ratings..

Brilliant

CathyMoran

comongethappy wrote:

The best thing I find in my relationship - cuddles

Make a point of maybe twice a week, lying down (not at bedtime or you'll just doze off), and holding eachother, having a chat. I don't know why, but some of the best conversations I've had with my husband have been in bed. (PS - if you have a tele in the bedroom, no having it on while you're doing this!) Perhaps it's because it gives you a chance to focus on the person and their are no distractions. Not only that, but sometimes looking someone in the eyes and holding them can lead to some very fun nights in

Yes, I agree, that is a great idea.

SarahSassy

I have to agree, things that take time and effort are worth more than anything money can buy... My nicest present was also a photo album made for me. I still have it even though he and I have broken up....

How about telling her to keep a day free and organising everything for her e.g. breakfast in bed, bath with candles around it, lunch booked somewhere nice , act like tourists and maybe go to the zoo, picnic in Phoenix Park, walk aroung the Museum of Modern Art, tour of the Guinness Brewery etc. Time and effort to plan something can mean so much and minimum expenditure is required for most things.

Most people are so busy with life now that they get sick of having to organise things and its such a treat to have a nice day out during which you can just sit back and relax.....

ferdi

Marksie wrote:

I am going to say that what is standing out from you, is complacency and laziness in the relationship on your part.

dont know where you got this to be honest?
Op, how often does your gf do romantic things for you? is she just sitting around waiting to be treated like a princess while making no effort herslef?