Professionally burning/darkening faces?

Fenster

I've been working on a portrait of my wife for a few days that I'm planning to send back home as a birthday. I know exactly what I want to do with the picture, but my efforts to date look fake and heavy handed. Here is the picture as I have in mind:



And here is the original:



Would anyone here have suggestions for a better shadow? I have no issues with cloning, toning, cosmetics, etc.

Fajitas!

You need to get the shot better in camera.

There's too much background & light in the background.

Set her up against a wall, or a cloth, or something darker at least.

Put your flash off camera, with a snoot (cereal box will work grand), and set it to underexpose by half a stop, at 105mm, and shooting straight at her, at about a pretty perpendicular angle to her face.

Your post processing is spot on though.

I'd say either crop closer to her face, or further away, I don't like it too much as it is... And I'd suggest darkening the back of her neck, it's not very flattering when you can see so little of the rest of her neck.
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Fenster

Well this was my original crop for the picture:

ThOnda

WOW!!! What a surprise! I like the way you work!
But make your life easier next time by follosing some of Fajitas' advice.
I like the final picture. Very nice.