Was away with my girlfriend the past 6 weeks...now i'm home :(

LegacyUser

I don't know if i'm lucky or unlucky. I don't know if this is a healthy problem or not. But all I do know is I don't feel too good at the moment.

Call me a drama queen but I went away with my girlfriend - just me and my girlfriend of 1 year and 3 months to Greece for 6 weeks... - and we had a blast. I had a fear at first going because everyone told me "This holiday is make or break..." and I was always confident that it would make us stronger but a part of me was always terrified that we could break up even though we got on so well normally but 24/7 with someone is different to seeing them every day for an hour or two. Anyway, we went away and had an awesome time, an amazing time. We had a few silly arguements but nothing ridiculous. We just learned about each other and they mainly happened in the first week, after that we were on cruise control...no problems at all.

I was in love with her before I went away with her and her with me. I knew that. But after being away with her for 6 weeks, all day every day and sleeping in the same bed as her every night and hugging her and then to come home to Ireland where I don't get to sleep with her every night really is bugging me out. I am 23 and she is 22 and we are planning on going away for a year when I finish college in May, i'm in my finals and she has finished already. So for the time being we are staying in our own houses, but I really think I have made my year ahead of me an awful lot tougher because I went on this holiday because I just feel like I need her more now or something. She lives 20 mins away from me and I still see her each day but it's not the same...

I have not told her this as I don't want to scare her and am a firm believe of being a challenge in a relationship and always being slightly mysterious to keep either party on their toes etc and while I have told her the situation is a bit of a head**** for me, i am not going to tell her i feel like i need her more etc because that **** ain't cool!

So have you any advice for me? I just feel so lost without her going to bed at night, it's pretty damn weird. I suppose the feeling is like having someone there with you all the time and then suddenly there not...it's just damn crazy...

help a brother out please...

Carrigart Exile

There's nothing quite like being wrapped around the human being you love; welcome to that wonderful feeling. Try and look at your relationaship outside the physical contact, if it is still brilliant, then tell her. Tell her you adore being beside her.

The_B_Man

So basically ya just want to move in with her?

go for it.

masseyno9

Thats sweet and all, but the bit where you said about why you didn't tell her makes no sense at all. You've been with her over a year, just had a great time away and 'learned' about each other, yet you still talk about not telling her how much you want/love/miss her. And that stuff about being mysterious is also bad. A good relationship has to have good communication, but if you're keeping secrets (which, is essentially what this is) then its not good.

Just tell her, she'll love it! And if she feels the same, and its possible then maybe you will move in together.

Sorry if the first part sounded harsh, but if there's something on your mind, then (women being women) She will notice....she'll pester you, you won't say anything, she'll get worried and eventually you'll be the subject of a 'what's my man up to' thread in PI.

Honest and open man, thats the way to do it!

TinaSparkle

A 6 week holiday is not the same as living with someone. Yis are young but not too young to start living together its totally different when you have bills to pay and a place to keep clean.
If you are only back from holiday and heading back into college of course its gonna suck but once you get into a routine it will be ok.
I am assuming though that you at least get to spend 1 night together if that is not the case then do something about that.

Talliesin

WreckedHead23 wrote:

am a firm believe of being a challenge in a relationship and always being slightly mysterious to keep either party on their toes etc

I blame Emily Brontë. You are not Heathcliff. Grow up.

faceman

im waiting for the obligatory boards response, "you have a bird, be happy". Seriously though, what you are going through is quite normal.

It sounds like you have both a wonderful relationship and clearly she makes you very happy. Take it in steps. Tell her how you feel after the holiday, she prob feels the same. The_B_Man hits the nail on the head!

Yv

My boyfriend and I lived together last summer for 1-2 months (it was a case of moving in for a while when someone else moved out, I live at home usually) and when I moved home it was exactly how you said - I'd feel so lonely at night, I'd miss him more than usual, etc. But it's natural, & if you're together that long & get on like a house on fire then I don't see how it'd scare her away to tell her you love spending the night with her :P

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

A few of you seem to be missing the point, I told her I miss her and she has said she missed me too but I am not going to sit down and start crying because I miss her so much, I need to get over it and get on with it. Moving in is defo not an option yet, we are both too young and we will be (if all goes to plan) going away when I am done with my finals and off for at least a year if not more...so that will leave the door open of moving in when we come back...but that is so far down the line at the moment.

It's just a bit awkward because I have the house to myself a fair bit and she can't tell her parents she is staying over because that won't go down at all...nothing against me, it's just her parents are like that and to be honest, mine are too but they don't know when they aren't here...

I love her so much, I just miss her a lot but there is no point telling me all this as she can do nothing about it, she can't come over to mine and spend the night etc, maybe rarely but not weekly by any means. She could only do it if she said she was staying in a friends house...

Ah what can i do? I just have to get over it don't I?

faceman

OK now Im confused. What exactly are you looking for here?

You're in love with her, you miss her. You cant move in with her. There is no brainwave answer. You just have to sit it out until you can move in and bring the relationship to the next level.

Sleepy

WreckedHead23 wrote:

I just have to get over it don't I?

You've got the answer there alright.

I pretty much ruined one relationship by going on holidays with the girl in question. We had an amazing time away together and from the minute we got back all I got was 'why can't you be like that all the time?' questions! Consider yourself lucky on this one!

aidan24326

I find it very odd that she's 'not allowed' to stay over in your house sometimes if she wants. Bloody hell she's 23 not 16! She's allowing her parents to have too much control over her in that case. They're entitled to say what can't or can't happen in their house but at her age what she does in her own time outside of that is her business. She should force the issue and just stay over at your place sometimes if she wants to, the parents would get used to the idea after a while, and if not then too bad. Welcome to the 21st century parents.

CathyMoran

23 is not too young to move in with someone, I moved in with my now husband at 24. It was akward for us as well as my parents made me get my own place and I used to stay over at his all the time but it worked. It is nice that you miss your gf, that is a good test on a relationship. In the mean time, either move in with her or wait.

Seth Brundle

aidan24326 wrote:

I find it very odd that she's 'not allowed' to stay over in your house sometimes if she wants. Bloody hell she's 23 not 16! She's allowing her parents to have too much control over her in that case. They're entitled to say what can't or can't happen in their house but at her age what she does in her own time outside of that is her business. She should force the issue and just stay over at your place sometimes if she wants to, the parents would get used to the idea after a while, and if not then too bad. Welcome to the 21st century parents.

True but if she is living at home and has younger siblings then the parents are entitled to feel that she must act responsibly whilst using their house. If not then she can move out of their house entirely.

takola

kbannon wrote:

True but if she is living at home and has younger siblings then the parents are entitled to feel that she must act responsibly whilst using their house. If not then she can move out of their house entirely.

Sorry but that's ridiculous. The girl is 22. It's not like she wouldn't be acting responsibly. They would know where she is. And they've "allowed" her to go off to Greece for 6 weeks where she could have done any number of irresponsible things! So in other words the parents are telling the younger kids you can go off to another country and do whatever you want but you're not allowed to do anything while you're at home.

OP I'm not sure what exactly your issue is. You miss her. Fair enough. You're saying you can't do anything about it? What do you want us to tell you?

23 is definitely not too young to move in together. The two of you aren't children anymore.

LegacyUser

kbannon wrote:

True but if she is living at home and has younger siblings then the parents are entitled to feel that she must act responsibly whilst using their house. If not then she can move out of their house entirely.

That's exactly it. You are spot on.

Also, she didn't say she was going away to Greece with me, she said that she was going away with a friend of hers...to be honest, i think they kinda knew anyway but they didn't say anything and she didn't either...

But, I have some news...she stayed over in my house this weekend and she told her folks that she would be staying in a friends house and that really made me feel good. I think they kinda know in my opinion, as she doesn't usually stay over in friends houses at her age but it's all good...hopefully she can keep doing it some weekends! That would be great!

ircoha

op;

and am a firm believe of being a challenge in a relationship and always being slightly mysterious to keep either party on their toes etc

Other posters think you are old enough to move in: based on this sort of stuff u have a lot to learn.

always being slightly mysterious

FFS:eek:

At the rate you are going when are the repeats?

LegacyUser

'Forget that comment then yeah? None of you seem to understand what I mean and I probably wasn't clear.

You are seriously misunderstanding what I meant...'

axer

WreckedHead23 wrote:

'Forget that comment then yeah? None of you seem to understand what I mean and I probably wasn't clear.

You are seriously misunderstanding what I meant...'

Dude, ask the girl does she want to move in with you. That age is not too young in fact - I think her age is too old to be living at home. Parents will be parents at the end of the day so she has to fight her corner i.e. parents should not be a reason not to move in together.

seamus

WreckedHead23 wrote:

But, I have some news...she stayed over in my house this weekend and she told her folks that she would be staying in a friends house and that really made me feel good. I think they kinda know in my opinion, as she doesn't usually stay over in friends houses at her age but it's all good...hopefully she can keep doing it some weekends! That would be great!

Seriously, she's 23. She can do it all she likes. If her parents don't like it....well it's not happening in their home so there's nothing they can do about it.

To be fair, I've met a lot of people who spend their time telling their parents what they want to hear, even at 30. There's some mental block on telling them how it is, "Yes I have sex and yes I enjoy it frequently". Instead there's some, "I don't want my parents to think I'm not 14 any more" attitude.

If you think that you're ready to move in together, then suggest it. She may decide not to - this isn't a setback or a refusal, but it may just mean that she's not ready yet.

I feel your pain. I'm 8 years in a relationship, and we're dying to move in together. Money and location don't make that a possibility yet, but we'll probably reach a point soon enough where the desire to move in together will make us willing to sacrifice much of our current freedom.

Tar.Aldarion

Just lived with my gf for the summer in galway and she moved back to dublin, it really sucks op, you have it easy. :P
You just have to manage it, and it's a pity having a double bed, looks so empty without the person. She's only 20 mins away, you'll be ok.

zoos

Hey OP i understand fully about her parents thig and all that... Im 22 and have been going out with my boyf for 2.5 years, and my parents would never ever 'allow' me stay with him! this used to drive my boyf crazy as he is 25 now and his parents would never have thought the same way! but my parents are old-fashioned catholic people who wouldnt agree with sex before marriage etc....
Saying that they are not stupid and I reckon when I lied saying i was staying in a friends house they knew, and they defo (i know this might sound weird) wanted me to lie to them. They didnt want to hear the truth. we just had an understanding.
But now I have just moved out, not with my bf, but with my friends and he lives near enough to me to be able to stay over or I at his. The easiest solution not to break my parents hearts! hee hee
well good luck anyway OP, just get your finals and think about your year abroad... you'll get used to the idea of not sleeping together every night soon enough... and on the rare occasions when you do, it'll be all the more special!

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I'm back.

I am used to her not staying over mid-week, I would love it if she could come over at weekends though especially when we are out together etc and will just be hoping she tells her parents that she is staying in a friends house again...I think that is the best thing! And that will definitely keep my head together!

It's just crazy being with someone so much and then not...it's not exactly healthy so one night of her staying over every week or two won't kill anyone now will it?

LegacyUser

'aw this thread made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
my parents are away at the moment and my boyf has been stayin on weekends and its sooo nice but you're right the bed the next night is so lonely without them.

To be honest all I got from this thread is that your in love dude '

Manic Moran

Even when I was 30 and engaged, my parents would still set a room for my fiancée.

We may know that a 23-year-old is capable enough of moving out, but sometimes parents take a bit more work...

As for the OP, you're doing better than I did. After falling madly in love, and having that 'honeymoon' period similar to that you experienced in Greece, I got sent to Iraq for a year. At least you get to see your better half every few days.

Write letters. Old-fashioned, stamp the envelope deal. They're much underrated and really form something of a glue even when arms won't reach. Express your sentiments as you appear to be having as described in this thread. Won't do you a lick of harm.

NTM