Breakup - Makeup - Breakup!!

LegacyUser

Hey All,

I've recently gotten back with my ex of 4 years. We broke up last Summer and it was one helluva break up!! Messy is an understatement. I posted here at the time and received some great advice, I was really cut up at the time.
Anyway, here we are a year later and we've decided to give it one last shot. He asked me back and i agreed as i never really stopped loving him. We've been an item again for 2 months and things have been going great. This morning, however, he ended it.

He's always been a jealous guy and can't stand it when other guys hit on me. I can understand this as it's not a nice situation but what i don't understand is why i'm to blame. While we were together, if a guy hit on me and i blanked him, my bf would freak out at me and leave the bar/club/ wherever.
He told me during our reconciliation talks that one of the reasons he broke up with me was that he found it too much hard work going out with me cause i get hit on all the time. I told him that applies to all women! He said he just wants an easy relationship where he doesn't feel threatened and worried all the time. I thought at the time and still think this is a bullsh*t reason to end things with someone you apparently love.

Sorry this post is dragging on a bit!
A new guy recently moved into my apartment. He's a good looking guy but i've no interest in him. I'm really happy to have my ex back. He asked me out last night but i told him i have a bf and he said fair enough. No awkwardness. my bf emailed me this morning and i told him that my room mate had asked me out and he flipped. He rang me and weny crazy and said he's sick of this sh*t and doesn't need it in his life and that he remebers why he ended it to begin with. He said all i do is cause him stress and worry and he's better off without me.

I'm numb right now. He begged me to go back to him for weeks. He bought me flowers, took me to dinner etc. I kept saying no cause i was scared of being hurt again. My world was turned upside down last year when we broke up. He didn't just break my heart he tore it out and showed it to me!! Dramatic i know but it was an awful break up. Anyway, despite everything, i love him so much. What should i do now? I'm not gonna call him, in fact i have my phone turned off but i can't believe he's acting this way.
Can anybody explain to me why this might be??

Thanks for reading, all advice & insights appreciated.

Ps Is there a new rule in PI that you have to go unreg to post a new thread?

The Sweeper

Your on-again, off-again boyfriend is an idiot.

He has massive, massive self esteem issues. He's convinced himself that it's only a matter of time before you go off with someone better than him. And he can't deal with these issues, so he's lashing at at you.

If you're charming and attractive enough to get regularly hit on, you'll eventually find a great guy who isn't an insecure asshole - stay single, and be safe in this thought: this is your ex-boyfriend's problem, not yours.

muppetkiller

I think many people will back me up here but Run for the hills.
This guy is obviously very insecure and very possessive (both bad traits in a man). The fact that he's flipping out on the phone suggests he may not be all there in the head either.

If guys are hitting on because your attractive, he should see as a positive thing as you're going out with him. And it should never be uncomfortable for a (secure) guy unless you respond to their advances. (Or they are physically handling you).

I've met many guys like this who have dated female friends of mine and they make my blood boil. Next thing you know he'll be telling you not to hang around with your male friends :rolleyes: Seriously get rid of this loser and find someone who deserves you.

Gyalist

He's always been a jealous guy and can't stand it when other guys hit on me.

my bf emailed me this morning and i told him that my room mate had asked me out and he flipped

Hmmm, are you sure you weren't trying to sabotage the relationship?

Anyway, he's done you a favour by dumping you. Sure your ego's a bit bruised because you were the "dumpee" and not the "dumper", but you'll get over it. There's nothing more emotionally draining than being in a relationship with an insecure person. Go off and enjoy your single life and leave your ex to his problems.

Agent J

The 2 above posts are right.

// dont agree with the recent one with the point about you sabotaging it. The ones above that.

He has major issues. Tell me around what age is the chap? I'd expect that behaviour from a teenager.

You arent and didnt do anything intention to hurt him but he cant handle the fact that other people find you attractive. Its a bit nuts to be honest. Try looking at it from an objective point of view. I think you are much better off, i can only imagine what kinda life it was around someone like that...

Stench Blossoms

If you knew that your boyfriend didn't like it when guys hit on you - why did you tell him someone asked you out?

BaZmO*

Buttonmoon wrote:

my bf emailed me this morning and i told him that my room mate had asked me out and he flipped.

Room mate or House mate?

And why did you tell him that you were asked out? I know it doesn't excuse your boyfriend's behaviour but why did you feel the need to tell him this?

randomname2005

BaZmO* wrote:

Room mate or House mate?

And why did you tell him that you were asked out? I know it doesn't excuse your boyfriend's behaviour but why did you feel the need to tell him this?

Maybe because honesty is good in a relationship? Im coming from a different position because I trust my other half 100%, but I would still like to know if she was hit on, especially by someone in a house she is living in.

Is it not better for the OP to tell the other half - look, I was hit on, but I turned him down because Im going out with YOU rather than hiding it and having secrets?

Kazobel

randomname2005 wrote:

Maybe because honesty is good in a relationship? Im coming from a different position because I trust my other half 100%, but I would still like to know if she was hit on, especially by someone in a house she is living in.

Is it not better for the OP to tell the other half - look, I was hit on, but I turned him down because Im going out with YOU rather than hiding it and having secrets?

That's how I seen it too, if he has self esteme issues lying to him and keeping secrets isn't going to make it any better

I very much agree with the first two replies
He's an idiot who can't handle his own self esteem issues so he tries to make it your fault
Run for the hills indeed

tbh

it's pretty simple - now that you are a couple, your boyfriend's problems are your problems, so a couple of handy hints should sort this out:

1. Get rid of your phone. You can talk to your mates in work or face to face. Having a phone will just be awkward when someone rings when your boyfriend is there, so better safe than sorry
2. Explain to your friends that you won't be seeing as much of them anymore. You don't really need friends as long as you have a boyfriend really
3. Find out what your boyfriend likes to do. Then stop doing what you like to do, and do more of what your boyfriend likes to do. It'll seem strange at first, but a quiet life more than makes up for this
4. Learn to get better at reading your boyfriends mind. Many arguments can be avoided if you simply take the time to figure out exactly what your boyfriend might read into any given situation, and then avoid anything that may cause conflict
5. Give up your boards subscription. Your boyfriend will naturally be worried that real people might call him out on his problems, so it's best to avoid this minefield altogether
6. Take lots of photgraphs of the two of you smiling. In years to come when it's just you and your boyfriend, it'll be nice to look back and kid yourself that you were happy once

milkerman

tbh wrote:

it's pretty simple - now that you are a couple, your boyfriend's problems are your problems, so a couple of handy hints should sort this out:

1. Get rid of your phone. You can talk to your mates in work or face to face. Having a phone will just be awkward when someone rings when your boyfriend is there, so better safe than sorry
2. Explain to your friends that you won't be seeing as much of them anymore. You don't really need friends as long as you have a boyfriend really
3. Find out what your boyfriend likes to do. Then stop doing what you like to do, and do more of what your boyfriend likes to do. It'll seem strange at first, but a quiet life more than makes up for this
4. Learn to get better at reading your boyfriends mind. Many arguments can be avoided if you simply take the time to figure out exactly what your boyfriend might read into any given situation, and then avoid anything that may cause conflict
5. Give up your boards subscription. Your boyfriend will naturally be worried that real people might call him out on his problems, so it's best to avoid this minefield altogether
6. Take lots of photgraphs of the two of you smiling. In years to come when it's just you and your boyfriend, it'll be nice to look back and kid yourself that you were happy once

You can move to Stepford too, and dress in 50's style with bobbysocks etc

For F*ck sake you already know what to do, So do it and find someone else. Do not start anything with a flatmate though- too awkward by far.

DaMadSprogabeen

have to say the clincher here is that you mailed him to tell him this. you would have to ask why. honesty thing doesnt really wash. if I did this once and upset the other person I would know never to do it again. why if you knew this was a big thing for him did you feel the need to tell him?
no point everyone slating someone who isnt here to defend himself. can only look at what the op done or should not have done.

LegacyUser

tbh wrote:

it's pretty simple - now that you are a couple, your boyfriend's problems are your problems, so a couple of handy hints should sort this out:

1. Get rid of your phone. You can talk to your mates in work or face to face. Having a phone will just be awkward when someone rings when your boyfriend is there, so better safe than sorry
2. Explain to your friends that you won't be seeing as much of them anymore. You don't really need friends as long as you have a boyfriend really
3. Find out what your boyfriend likes to do. Then stop doing what you like to do, and do more of what your boyfriend likes to do. It'll seem strange at first, but a quiet life more than makes up for this
4. Learn to get better at reading your boyfriends mind. Many arguments can be avoided if you simply take the time to figure out exactly what your boyfriend might read into any given situation, and then avoid anything that may cause conflict
5. Give up your boards subscription. Your boyfriend will naturally be worried that real people might call him out on his problems, so it's best to avoid this minefield altogether
6. Take lots of photgraphs of the two of you smiling. In years to come when it's just you and your boyfriend, it'll be nice to look back and kid yourself that you were happy once

Classic, i'm tempted to email this to him so he can see how ridiculous he's being.
I didn't tell him about my house mate to annoy him, i told him because i didn't think it would be this big of a deal. I wanted him to be aware of the sistuation which I foolishly thought he could handle.
The fact remains, if he truly loved me he wouldn't dump me so quickly and angrily over such a minor thing. I used to work in a gym and almost every night after work there would be an argument because he'd ask me how many hot guys had been in blah blah blah.
This is his problem but he makes me feel like it's mine. I feel the need to fix this. F*ck him though. This is never gonna work. He should go out and find himself a Martha Stewart type woman or Mute who can't stand up for herself.
Thanks anyway guys.

Sleepy

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

He's convinced himself that it's only a matter of time before you go off with someone better than him.

Prove him right.

Mr. Incognito

Can anybody explain to me why this might be??

DING! What is a paranoid wanker? Bob
Correct. You win a clean break and a happy guilt free life.