Debs Stress (People I dont know)

deadconfused

Ok, this may be long and also bear in mind, that even though if you think this problem is a big one, it is for me, as I am quite an underconfident, shy person.

Next Wednesday I am going to a debs, with a girl I dont know at all, My mate (saying that I only know her throught the internet and know her to see although Ive never spoken to her) asked me if I wanted to go with her. I said yes, but I am terrified I'm gonna make an arse of myself in front of a big group of people and that it will haunt me for a while. Lots of people going to this debs are from my estate and many work in the shopping centre where I work and I keep thinking that I am seriously going to mess up and then the only way to escape the humiliation is to move away. (Which is what I have done all my life, I always run from any type of situation).

Now onto another problem, Ive never been out with a girl, Ive never kissed a girl etc... Ive also never been to a debs (besides my own which I went to on my lonesome) and to be honest, I'm not really to sure how to treat her or whatever. I mean should I like pay for the drinks. Also what do I do with the corsage? Do I just hand it to her or what?

Also does anyone know anyway I could really learn to relax and not be stressed out that day? (My mates have said drink, but I havent before so dont want to have a bad reaction then) I mean its bad enough I have to meet loads of new people, it took me two years to settle at secondary school, I'd just like not to alienate these people, as they may think I am being fairly ignorant.

Anyway help would really be appreciated as it would relieve some of teh great mass of stress I'm under atm.

comewatmay

relax man a debs is no big deal, its one of the greatest memories you will ever have.Just be yourself dont try to be anything your not.Relax have a couple of drinks and enjoy yourself.if you two dont get on so be it but dont let that ruin your night.

Selphie

I was pretty nervous going to my bf's grads last year. We'd been going out for a couple of months and I felt a bit under pressure to do and say all the right things in front of his parents at their house and in front of his friends and classmates at the hotel.
It ended up being a great night out!! When you go to collect the girl, bring a box of chocolates and a bunch of flowers or something. The corsage will come with a strap or a ribbon that you can tie around her wrist. Tell her she looks really beautiful and shower her with compliments etc. Just try and be yourself. Chances are she'll be nervous too, but if you just try to relax as much as possible, things'll go grand. Its no big deal really.
Confidence with girls just comes naturally. I was no social butterfly myself and while kissing for the first time seems a bit overwhelming, it'll be fine and will seem just natural. Paying for the drinks.......yeah, you should pay for a few of them at least! If she's a decent enough girl she might offer to pay for them herself, then again this is her special night, so just try make a bit of an effort.
Try not to stress. I'll bet you'll have a great night!! It'll be savage fun. If you're still worried, check out the LC forum, there's lots of threads there about debs and stuff. Or drop me a PM if you have anymore questions. Really though, just relax. There's no real way to relax on the day itself, just try to feel confident, as if its just any other day. Have a few drinks on the night, not too many, and treat your girlie as if she's a princess. And it'll all be fantastic! good luck!

Micko23

This is what I think from my own experience anyway....

Just give her the coursage. Thats all you have to do. When you get to the debs, just insist on getting her a drink so you could just say 'Well I need to get to that bar, what do you want to drink?' Dont buy her all the drinks, just the first one or two. She will probably offer to get you a drink anyway if shes guilty that you bought two.

Its a shame you feel you have low confidence but you could use this as an experience to gain confidence. This girl clearly has no problem wanting you to go to her debs so you should be confident with her. What i can imagine is that she will definitely introduce you to people who she is friends with and you might really get on with if you simply shake their hand to introduce yourself to them and simply start talking to them. Dont think about kissing girls and such pressure. You should focus on the fact that you dont know them, they dont know you and you have nothing to lose by saying hello to them. Remember, you say you dont want them to think that you're ignorant so just do this and it will break any barrier you have so that you can quite easily talk to them again. Take it on as a task to talk to at least 5 people asking the usual small chat. You wont be humiliated just talking to people one on one. Everyone will be on a good buzz and will be happy to talk to you if you came with there friend.

You seem worried about lads you know from youre estate. If you dont like them ignore them. Chances are, you dont know them really as you have been holding back from talking to people. You are just like everyone else- get on with some people dont get on with others, so dont feel put down if you feel put out by anyone.

In my experience Debs is overrated and you will prob think it is as well. Most people will be drinking and this will give you the opportunity to hide away and ignore people because you dont feel comfortable- dont do this. Have a few drinks yourself (dont get pissed) early on and get to know your date only if you want. I pissed off from mine and so did a good few of my friends as the night wore on! You dont have to impress all of these people. If you focus on getting to know a few like I said, you will have a good night. If you get on with your date, sure dont feel pressured. You could, perhaps, easily bring up wanting to meet up with one of the days after the debs even if your mate who knows her comes along.

Good luck!

Elessar

I wouldn't even bother going tbh. I never went to mine, and for good reason - they're a load of crap. You'll forget about it after a while. If you are really unsure, cancel it. Trust me, unless you like the idea of being in the same room with people from your year and getting drunk, have a good night in. Similar thoughts made me shiver.

Static M.e.

Don't mind the chap above they are great fun, I went to four different debs and loved every minute of it.

Simple Rules
Dont get hammered / pissed etc. you can drink your little heart out just know your limits. Stick to bottles of beer all night, some dark bottle like Heinekan or whatever that way you always have a beer in your hand but you don't have to be knocking them back and people wont notice.

Dont be late arrive on time to pick the girls up and give her the corsage, just hand it to her. For bonus points see if you can find out what colour dress she is wearing the get a corsage to match / compliment the colour if not just go for white.

Look the part; Try your Tux on well before hand and make sure it fits well. Make sure your white shirt is clean and ironed. Dont go over board on the aftershave / deoporant.

This is a much bigger event for girls than boys she will have planned this for months so be sure and let her know how beautifull she looks. Talk to her and try and ease her nerves she will be just as nervous of meeting someone she doesnt know. Thank her for inviting you.

Buying her drinks: This is more down to you and your money. I know guys who never buy a girl a drink, I know girls who refuse to pay for drinks...
My advice buy the girl a drink as soon as you arrive, after that stand around and talk to her / your mate a bit, she will be showing off her dress & talking to her class friends etc if your see her getting low try and signal to her if she wants another one. After that your the drinks job is kinda done just be friendly and nice to her.

Kissing girls is easy so dont stress over that, first off you DONT Have too its not a big deal. From memory I think you usually have a slow set if you have been getting on with her well all night and having fun. Ask her to dance then during the dance when she looks at you just lean in to her and kiss her on the lips she will do the same and viola, you've kissed.

I could really learn to relax and not be stressed out that day?

Thats a hard one but a trick to relax is to look relaxed, I forget what psychologists call it but the fact that you act relaxed and confident makes other people around you relaxed and confident, which in turn makes them talk to you, which in turn makes you relaxed. Dont stand on the edge of crowds move in and talk to people. Most people will be stressed out as well that day but some hide it better than others mostly though drink and big talk so dont feel like your on your the only person stressed, try an enjoy it

Just reread your post about not drinking before. DONT use drink to relax yourself jesus if you get hammered and start puking everywhere THEN you'll have a bad night Stay on bottles all night, NO SHOTS or Candy Drinks like fat frogs, Wickeds etc. If you beer gets flat and you have only drank half of it dump it and get another one, if anyone notices say it tasted like crap and you wanted another end of story.

Eat the dinner they give you, it will sober you up and enable you to drink more than usual. Be as nice as you can be to your date she will appreciate it

Remember Don't Panic and try and enjoy yourself.
(Sorry for bad spelling)

boardinwork

Everyone gets nervous before the debs. Especially if you are me and you're girlfriend is sick and you have to bring her ugly cousin :mad: and go to her house while all the neighbours take pics of the "lovely couple". Dont worry about it. Sure everyone just gets black out drunk. You wont remember a thing

Baraboo

Everyone here is stressing the "don't drink until you are throwing up" or "only have beer" or "don't drink too much"

The guy states in his post that he does not drink. This would be a very bad night for him to experiment with his alcohol limit for the first time. Stay well away from Alcohol for this night, try and be polite and thoughtful, buy her the first few drinks weather alcohol or soft and stay with an ambiguous looking soft drink yourself in case you feel out of place. If you can stay sober while all around you are pissed you could get a reputation as a wise if slightly serious type, which cannot be bad.

Do not worry about kissing for the first time, just do what seems appropriate and natural. Do not be aggressive or forceful and always leave on the first date, especially at your age and experience level, feeling you could have done more but were restrained rather than feeling you went a bit too far and put the girl off. The fact that you do not drink can be an advantage rather than a disadvantage as you remain much more in control.

Finally, be yourself and enjoy the night.

Good luck. - Let us know how you get on.

justsomebloke

had to say never went to my own debs, had no interest in going. However went to 2 with girls that I didn't know, still had no interest in going on either occasion.

Just go and enjoy yourself, it's only a night out and as already stated don't get to drunk and you should be fine and you might enjoy yourself.

Talliesin

deadconfused wrote:

Now onto another problem, Ive never been out with a girl, Ive never kissed a girl etc.

First time for everything. As long as you don't bank too much on the debs being that first time, it might.

deadconfused wrote:

Ive also never been to a debs (besides my own which I went to on my lonesome) and to be honest, I'm not really to sure how to treat her or whatever.

The whole point of a debs is that it's most people's first time - that's why it's called a debs.

MagicMarker

comewatmay wrote:

its one of the greatest memories you will ever have.J

Woah!! Overstatement of the century there!!!

I never went to mine to be honest, the majority of people i went to school with were scumbags, i didn't really want to socialize with them outside of school and i have absolutely no regrets about not going.

Just chill out man, tis not worth worrying about it. You'll realize that in years to come.

Oh yeah, why not meet up with this girl before the debs? Get to know each other so you feel more comfortable on the night.

Drift

Hey OP, if haven't ever had drink before then now would not be a good time to start. Just stick to soft drinks. I don't drink at all so I did it for my Debs and no-one had a problem with it. If you do prefer that your non-drinking goes unnoticed then lucozade in a pint glass looks very similar to cider and obviously if you have a coke, nobody's going to know if its a vodka and coke or simply a coke. The lucozade would be better though - pint glass is more manly

I was a late starter with kissing girls (much later than you) so I can empathise. Its actually quite easy the key is not to be all over the girl, leave her wanting more and you can be sure she'll come and get it . Also you'll know when the time is right ... if its going to happen at some stage later in the evening the two of you will be closer together than normal, dancing or otherwise, and she'll be staring up at you, thats the time to just lean your face in close to hers and lock lips .... its really obvious especially when you're as young as you are. Don't push it though - it may not happen either. If it looks like its not happening just play it cool like it doesn't matter to you, she won't want you trying to force things to happen.

slumped

the girl i brought to my debs abandoned me after an hour - bitch!

i went to one in dublin with a girl who invited me - she got rat arsed and fell about the place.

Just act casual - you don't need to score her - you just need to go and have the craic - be the gentleman!

muppetkiller

comewatmay wrote:

relax man a debs is no big deal, its one of the greatest memories you will ever have..

What ? what kind of life do you lead lol Debs are nothing special and you'll have alot better nights in the future. Mine was Just lots of people getting drunk and getting there wallets stolen (so watch yours) lol.

Most important thing is to Complement the girl when you see her and then hand her the corsage.
Just try at first not to say too much until you've got comfortable chatting with her. small talk will help you though it.
Offer to get the first round of drinks when you get there and if you have a buddy there , have him sit with you so at least you can have someone there to chat too and involve you in any conversations.

The funny thing is most night you expect to be great are crap and visa versa.
Just don't try too hard to impress any person.
As for trying to relax just focus on your breathing ...deep inhales and exhales will slow your heart rate down and ease the nerves (obviously don't be doing this at the dinner table lol)

oh and remember she wants to go with you...don't be so hard on yourself..
She wouldn't have gone with you if she didn't think highly of you...focus on that..

Corkgirl21

I agree with all the comments about bringing chocolates and a corsage! Definitely agree with the people who say not to drink! I don't drink (I'm 21) and never get any hassle for it. If you drink at all people will start buying you drinks and irish people just take no for an answer when they want to buy you a drink!!

The main thing I wanted to say is that you sound like a really sweet guy so just be yourself and you'll be fine. Most people are nervous at their debs, I'm sure she's nervous about bringing someone she doesn't know so ye're in the same boat!!

I hope it goes well! Good luck! Try not to be nervous and let us know how you get on.

deadconfused

I'll be sure to compliment her when handing her the corsage. lol I'm not trying to score her atm! I think I will just stick to the coke then that night (In manly pint glasses of course);)

Thanks for all the advice guys, I will be sure to let you know how I get on.

dc69

if you have never drunk before have 3 or 4 pints and youll be ok.it wil loosen you up etc

deadconfused

btw I found out she will be wearing black so what color corsage should I get? white or would any colour do?

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

Static M.e.

As above.

If you can't get any advice from the flower shop, I would get her a white/ivory Orchaid.

Good luck btw

qwert2

Hey don't worry about it. I know that's easier said than done. I can emphasise with you totally. I am shy and used to be extremely shy when I was younger, so shy infact I wouldn't even make eye contact with a girl never mind go to a debs. Something I learned over the years is that no one else gives a damn about anyone else, people usually are only concerned about themselves, bear that in mind. It's not a bad thing, it's just a fact of life and human nature. By realising that this will take pressure off yourself allowing you to feel more relaxed in the beginning. Also most people at the debs will more than likely feel nervous or uneasy. Also see this as a learning curve, you'll look back in years to come and realise what the fuss was about. Remember its good to step out of one's comfort's zone. Enjoy & relax

LegacyUser

'Please don't stress. She's probably just looking for good company because she doesn't want to go to the debs on her own. Girls get a lot more stressed about that than guys!! I know, I was there once! If you get her a corsage and chocs she'll be delighted.

Even if you did do something embarassing, believe me, no one will remember. So much happens at the debs that each person only remembers what happened to them personally.

Relax, have fun. Hope you've a great time.'