i can't.......

LegacyUser

i was in a relationship with my gf for 4 years. we broke up. i loved her so much i really wanted her to be happy and both of us to be happy together it didn't work out that way.

i'm so down i don't know what to do. i haven't slept right in over a week and a half i haven't been eat i just stay in bed. i just don't want to talk this is the only way. it's easyer to not feel this pain any more but i don't want her to feel guilty if i do?

How do i make the pain go away??? PLEASE HELP!

Jonathan

That feeling is an awful feeling but it will go with time. Have you tried talking to a family member or a friend? Talking to somebody might ease your pain.

comewatmay

i know exactly how you feel mate happened to me before.Here is my advice for you.Move on quickly, forget about getting back together,delete her number form your phone.If your on bebo lose her as your other half.

Then go shopping, buy a new outfit that makes you feel good.Get a new hairstyle, treat yourself.

The main thing you have to do is keep yourself busy so you wont be thinking about her.Plan what your going to do the next day and make sure it is packed with activities.

Go drinking,flirt with women and under no circumstances are you to ring her!!!

LegacyUser

'It will be ok, it takes a lot of time to get over a relationship that has failed! Don't do anything drastic because life will get better! It sounds like you should maybe talk to a doctor or a parent or a good friend, it would help you to talk through things with someone. I promise you though things will get better because you are in a bad place now but you won't always feel like you do now. There are many good things in life and many good people, give yourself the chance to experience them. Try if you can to get out of bed tomorrow and just do one thing like even going for a walk, make yourself do something, it will help. Just realise that you won't always feel as bad as you do now. It takes time to get over a break up, give yourself that time. But, in the meantime, try and talk to a friend or someone who can listen. And remember if someone went out with you for 4 years, it was because they thought a lot of you and the fact that your girlfriend was with you for that long shows that she must have thought that there were a lot of very good things about you. You must give yourself the chance now to love someone else and give a new girl the chance to experience all the good things about you!! Don't give up on yourself, things will get better!!!'

LegacyUser

'We've all been there. You really need to stay on top of things. It hurts, it really does, but a: it diminishes with time will go away, b: making a decision to simply get on with things (involving yourself in work/study, socialising, playing sports, occupying your mind basically) makes life a hell of a lot more tolerable. The last thing you should do is sit around and think about her and what she's doing etc, you'll literally go insane if you do.

What you need to do is:

1 - accept that it's over. Accept you need to move on.
2 - stop thinking about her.
3 - get out there and start doing things, every day of the week, be pro-active, anything really, preferably something that's not entirely based around drinking, but go play sports or join a club or something.

If you do those 3 things life will be much much easier. But you need to do them.'

LegacyUser

'Keep going, don't do anything drastic, try and talk to someone like a friend or a parent or even a doctor! And think of it this way, you were in a relationship with this girl for 4 years and she obviously thought that there were a lot of very good things about you, otherwise she would not have stayed with you this long! So there must be loads of other girls out there who would love to experience the good things about you. Don't give up on yourself, things will get better for you, give it time! Break ups take a lot of time to get over.
Try and plan some activities to do tomorrow, even if you just go for a walk or go to the shop in the morning. Just make sure you keep active, it is the best way to beat depression. Just remember, things will get better and there are so many girls out there now for you to meet and get to know. Have some fun for a while and flirt and enjoy being single! Don't give up on things because they will improve!! Things can only get better for you!'

K-9

Read then thread, getting back in contact with ex for advice on how not get back in contact and to move on.

Deamoness

It is really hard getting over some one but you should try and forget her- I know it sounds mean but that's what has to be done for moving on but what ever you do don't get with any one on the rebound as that only causes more confusion for yourself and that's what you don't need now. You need to be on your own and get you head around things then when you are over her then can you move on. Try some things that you didn't think you would do - I tried parachuting, snowboarding even kite surfing and now I am a better person then I was when I was getting over my ex. And if some point in the future then can you two meet up for coffee and just hang out but you have to be completely over her to meet up with her. Less contact always better!!!

LegacyUser

'i understand but i just can't pull myself even to pretend to be happy i can't be bothered. i have to go to work now and can't be fcuked playing nice with anyone or myself. i feel like i have given up.

i know it sounds like i'm a right saddo but i can't help how i feel

i really don't want to be here any more!!!'

How Strange

OP, if you are having suicidal thoughts then you must phone the samaritans and talk to them. The first few weeks after breaking up with someone is hell but, and I apologise for using the overquoted cliche, it does get better. This is not worth taking your life for and you need to put perspective on it. To put it another way, how would your ex feel if you killed yourself? She would spend her whole life feeling guilty. Is that what you want?

In an effort to be cruel to be kind; you have to stop feeling so bloody sorry for yourself, get out of bed and start living again. Drag yourself into work and just get through the day. Then tomorrow will be a little bit easier. That's how its done. Suicide is the easy but selfish way out for you but you will leave misery and destruction behind for your ex, your family and friends. Think about it.

Elessar

I'm sorry you are feeling this way OP, I have never experienced what you are feeling really, but I know it must be horrible.

I won't tell you not to end your life as this is ultimately your free choice to make. But I would say that it is a bit silly to kill yourself over one person. I think you'll look back on this a few years from now and think DAMN what on earth was I thinking, no one person is worth my life.

There is ultimately nothing wrong (or right) about suicide no matter what others say, but only in the case of people who have been through an awful lot more than you. Killing yourself over someone is just plain silly.

Day by day you will feel better, until you are back to your old self. That's the way it works. Just completely sever all contact with the ex. Hope you feel better soon.

Marksie

Unreg999 wrote:

'i understand but i just can't pull myself even to pretend to be happy i can't be bothered. i have to go to work now and can't be fcuked playing nice with anyone or myself. i feel like i have given up.

i know it sounds like i'm a right saddo but i can't help how i feel

i really don't want to be here any more!!!'

That will definitely pass as you move through the differnt phases: from the self pitying "how could this happen to me", the i am so angry, through the i dont care about anyone else or anything, the never again, through to the occasional twinge of regret, then acceptance, then memories then moving on.

Beruthiel

Unreg999 wrote:

i'm so down i don't know what to do. i haven't slept right in over a week and a half i haven't been eat i just stay in bed. i just don't want to talk this is the only way. it's easyer to not feel this pain any more but i don't want her to feel guilty if i do?

How do i make the pain go away??? PLEASE HELP!

I think we've all felt like this at some point in our lives. I felt like the above for 3 months once and thought I was going mad.
All you can do is bite the bullet and take each day as it comes, eventually time will take care of it and you come through a stronger person.
Meanwhile push yourself out of the bedroom and go hang out with some friends, fill your time and stop dwelling on it, that's the only way to start the healing process.

CathyMoran

When I broke up from my boyfriend of 5 years I spent a whole month crying, it did not help that I had had to move back home, my family thought that there was something wrong with me. One day I just decided that he was not worth my tears so I joined a dating site and met someone that very night who I ended up dating for a while. He restored my confidence in me. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, honest.

curiousxxx1

Unreg999 wrote:

'i understand but i just can't pull myself even to pretend to be happy i can't be bothered. i have to go to work now and can't be fcuked playing nice with anyone or myself. i feel like i have given up.

i know it sounds like i'm a right saddo but i can't help how i feel

i really don't want to be here any more!!!'

I was with my ex for 5years and we broke up in January... it was really sad, i broke up with him. I still love him and would always but now i believed i have healed.
The first days were disastrous, waking up and pretending to the whole world that all was well when it wasn't. I started drinking, taking a few trips here and there... but that didn't stop the pain and grief i had in me
Time is the main thing, you need to grief for your relationship like it was a dead cat or something....
Pick yourself up and move on, go to the cinema, gym, bowling, drinking... And please don't go chatting girls...that's only rebound and it's the worst thing to do now... With time you would heal, maybe you should change the decor of your room, sheets too, i found out that it helps
cheer up life continues:)

rocsolid

i did this. i got hammered. for a month(she didnt let me drink!)then i took acid for the first time(wasnt allowed drugs either, although i neverliked them anyway)i was living in the box room of my parents house, no job, no money no girlfriend, near shot myself, so i thought of all the things i couldn do around her and did them. now im a sound engineer, moved to a new city, got a **** cool gaff, hell sometimes i wake up havin dreamt of her and i loved her, sometimes its really ****ing hard but **** her im doin well, i got myself out of it by myself and im doin damn well, grap life by the balls mate and always remember, all the pain you feel now just serves to show you how good it was, its a testement to something that was good, dont long for it, just remember you did something, you loved her, it ended and now its time to go do more. hope you feel better soon buddy

(ps sounds weird but i joined a yoga class, its great, its so strenuous i dont have time to think and i feel really good after)
Ill send ya some light brother
Rocc

pps its always helpful to hate the bitch! go find someone fun, not someone you need to love itll heal ya really quick)

Movershaker

/\ /\ /\

Funny and a bit unorthodox, but good advice all the same (minus the alcohol and acid obv.)

star-pants

Unreg999 wrote:

'i understand but i just can't pull myself even to pretend to be happy i can't be bothered. i have to go to work now and can't be fcuked playing nice with anyone or myself. i feel like i have given up.

i know it sounds like i'm a right saddo but i can't help how i feel

i really don't want to be here any more!!!'

Hey, I know where you're at... I was the same when my bf broke up with me, I didn't eat or sleep for over 2wks.. lost best part of a stone... had to take time off work.. I felt the same as you.. dont wanna be here, don't wanna go to work, play happy with ppl. I kinda pulled myself away from friends n kept to myself.. n just.. cried ..a LOT... and 2months on & I'm still a little raw. BUT.. I'm not as bad as I was ,I'm eating, and sleeping again...

best thing is to keep busy... doesnt matter if you're overly happy or not.. jsut.. keep yourself moving.. work isnt easy to handle I know, but it will get better. When not in work, make sure you're doing something, go out to comedy gigs (they do help!) or out to see a band, or walks with friends or soemthing that will keep you occupied.

Because as much as you can delete them from your life, you can't delete them from your heart, and you just have to try and ignore the pain until it lessens a little.. to a more capable level.. of course you'll still have days where you get very upset and lonely... and I know that ppl saying 'oh you'll be ok' means sweet f-a right now.. and that's true..it does mean nothing.. because you're hurting so bad.. but it does slowly get better.. honest...
I'm still hurting.. I still cry and feel lonely... but I do my best to distract myself then, and hope it will go away.
Some ppl find getting out there & meeting someone new helps -- if you're in that place--go for it! I'm not interested in looking for someone else so I can't give advice on that. BUt a lot of ppl say it works, even just flirting with someone.. boost your confidence a little, even if you dont want anything from it.

But please don't be too disheartened... I hate to think of someone going through this because I feel for you, I really do.. it hurts...like HELL... but the pain dulls at times.. and you need to seize those moments & push yourself up.
If you do feel very very bad--perhaps try what people have said, ring samaratins etc.. or post stuff up here.. I find writing what you're feeling helps.

a *hug* for you, and hopes that you can see you will be ok soon