Met a Nigerian lady...see her again ?

snapplejacks · 04-09-2007 12:38pm #1

I recently met a young Nigerian lady in dublin. seemed very nice so i'm wondering (after i told a few people about her) is it safe as some non-nationals over the years have built up a bad reputation...i'm not sure exactly what to think now but I would like to see this lady again.

Doctor DooM · 04-09-2007 12:46pm

Not all non nationals are scumbags, just like not all Irish are scum bags.

Don't let rumours and stereotyping get in the way of a potential fun time would be my thought. You never know where it could lead, and you'll never find out if you dont do it.

Is there another reason you are worried? If your gut instinct says not to trust this person, then its prob best not to. Otherwise, go for it.

aidan24326 · 04-09-2007 12:50pm

snapplejacks wrote:

I recently met a young Nigerian lady in dublin. seemed very nice........I would like to see this lady again.

Isn't it enough that she seemed nice? What difference where she comes from? Believe it or not, not all Nigerians are crooks. Honestly. You might be pleasantly surprised. Or you might be trolling. Are you just taking the p1ss here?

snapplejacks · 04-09-2007 12:55pm

i am being honest.
the only thing which makes me doubt her is that she had no money to pay into a club we were going along to. i'd like to find out more information from her personally and judge for myself.

i didn't want to go down the stereotyping route and judging her by what i hear on others opinions...

maybe part of my doubt stems from my low self confidence so that when someone is keen to meet me again and especially as she is very nice it makes me doubt even more unfortunately, my problem of course.

bronte · 04-09-2007 12:58pm

You should take her out again, and see how it goes.
If she's a bit of a gold digger then you'll know soon enough.
Gold diggers come from all over though.

Good luck

aidan24326 · 04-09-2007 1:21pm

There's only one way to find out. Take her out and see how it goes. Nothing ventured nothing gained. And you've nothing to lose. Forget that she's from Nigeria and treat her as you would any other girl. As for having no money to pay into the club, maybe she doesn't have a job right now, maybe she was just broke that month. Again her being from Nigeria is irrelevant. You seem to have no real reason to doubt this girl other than her nationality, so you're being a bit unfair. Like Bronte said if she turned out to be a scrounger you'd find that out soon enough.

What if you were in a foreign country and a girl passed over a date with you as she'd heard on the grapevine that all Irish are drunken, fighting bowsies (a stereotype which existed in the past). Wouldn't you feel a bit aggrieved?

It's true that Nigeria has developed something of a bad rep due to it's high rate of fraud scams etc. but you can't tar everybody with the same brush. That's how stereotypes get started.

Marksie · 04-09-2007 1:23pm

snapplejacks wrote:

i didn't want to go down the stereotyping route and judging her by what i hear on others opinions...

Lack of self confidence notwithstanding, judge by your own feelings about this woman, not by what you have heard others say about a race of people in general.

There is way too much of that going around about men and women in virtually every nationality. Take the person as an individual not a cardboard cutout

ircoha · 04-09-2007 1:29pm

of course see her again. if u are concerned then keep it all on neutral territory and if there is an opp for a bit of 'hows ur father' then stay in a hotel.

curiousxxx1 · 04-09-2007 1:49pm

snapplejacks wrote:

i am being honest.
the only thing which makes me doubt her is that she had no money to pay into a club we were going along to. i'd like to find out more information from her personally and judge for myself.

My friend RUN....... how can she not have moeny to pay into a club... there are so many ATM's around. Money isn't everything but it does make a difference..

mukki · 04-09-2007 1:52pm

metting her in dublin is a good start, if you'd met her online i'd be worried

sjaakie · 04-09-2007 1:56pm

I did not had money for years and therefore did not go out, when y meet a guy its not the first thing to tell that y dont have money and if he wants to go to a club : what do y do? imagine the embarrasment she must have felt. I think you are to judgemental here.

Take her out again and let her decide what the two of you gonna do on that date.

Going out and do fun things together does not have to cost much.

monkey tennis · 04-09-2007 1:59pm

curiousxxx1 wrote:

My friend RUN....... how can she not have moeny to pay into a club... there are so many ATM's around.

Way OTT reaction - she could be a student, or on a minimum-wage job. Having ATMs all over the place isn't much help if you don't have money in the account.

OP, if she starts asking for a couple of thousand to help her brother PRINCE MUGAMBI OBOWA out of prison or whatever, then you have cause to be worried. Otherwise, I think she deserves the benefit of the doubt.

curiousxxx1 · 04-09-2007 2:10pm

monkey tennis wrote:

Way OTT reaction - she could be a student, or on a minimum-wage job. Having ATMs all over the place isn't much help if you don't have money in the account.

OP, if she starts asking for a couple of thousand to help her brother PRINCE MUGAMBI OBOWA out of prison or whatever, then you have cause to be worried. Otherwise, I think she deserves the benefit of the doubt.

Who told you Nigerian students are poor? Jeez they are all over the place-loaded....
You don't go to a night club when you don't have money and ask strangers(even on a date) to pay for you.. it is just not right... call me anything you want but what the hell happened to PRIDE?

johnnysmurfman · 04-09-2007 2:18pm

monkey tennis wrote:

Way OTT reaction - she could be a student, or on a minimum-wage job. Having ATMs all over the place isn't much help if you don't have money in the account.

OP, if she starts asking for a couple of thousand to help her brother PRINCE MUGAMBI OBOWA out of prison or whatever, then you have cause to be worried. Otherwise, I think she deserves the benefit of the doubt.

She could be an asylum seeker, this is most likely as most Nigerians at one stage or another are, if so then it's likely she doesn't have money as they only get 19 euro per week.

Talliesin · 04-09-2007 2:18pm

curiousxxx1 wrote:

Who told you Nigerian students are poor? Jeez they are all over the place-loaded....

Yeah, and that's obviously indicative because everyone who is too broke to go out will, every night, head out and hang around outside just so that everyone can compare the relative affluence of different groups.

How I hated that when I was on the dole many years ago. I longed to just go home and read a book or maybe watch some television but no, I had to hang around clubland so that I could be tallied as another Irish native who couldn't afford to go on the piss - if I had snuck off home how could taxi drivers complain about the foreigners that had taken my job?

curiousxxx1 wrote:

You don't go to a night club when you don't have money and ask strangers(even on a date) to pay for you.

You might if you were invited and they insist.

monkey tennis · 04-09-2007 2:19pm

curiousxxx1 wrote:

You don't go to a night club when you don't have money and ask strangers(even on a date) to pay for you

I don't see anywhere where she asked him to pay for her. Most people would offer to pay if their date couldn't afford it.

muppetkiller · 04-09-2007 2:20pm

I'm with curiousxxx1 here on this one.
Not that it matters if she was Nigerian or Irish but any woman who goes out for the night with a fella and hasn't a penny in her pocket is either a gold digger/user or just plain stupid. Stay clear.

If someone is broke ..they normally would refuse the date and say 'I'd love to but i'm skint ..maybe next week' (or when the person has a few bob)..
Then you can say 'don't worry about the money my treat'..

But to go out without any money expecting you to pay is just nonsense.

curiousxxx1 · 04-09-2007 2:24pm

Thank God for you muppetkiller, it doesn't make sense.... Regardless of the situation... if she couldn't afford it she could have said NO.... Or even asked for a second date and paid for the date herself.....

snapplejacks · 04-09-2007 2:41pm

i don't think she was expecting us to go in somewhere that was pay at the door. its nothing major so what i'll do is see her again and take it from there.

she was a bit of a clingy type, but sure that's allowed.

Oriel · 04-09-2007 2:47pm

What does she do for a living?

muppetkiller · 04-09-2007 3:13pm

snapplejacks wrote:

i don't think she was expecting us to go in somewhere that was pay at the door. its nothing major so what i'll do is see her again and take it from there.

she was a bit of a clingy type, but sure that's allowed.

Ya she probably thought you'd walk around holding hands and not want for anything because you had each other lol :rolleyes:

If it happens again P45 instantly...

curiousxxx1 · 04-09-2007 3:16pm

snapplejacks wrote:

i don't think she was expecting us to go in somewhere that was pay at the door. its nothing major so what i'll do is see her again and take it from there.

she was a bit of a clingy type, but sure that's allowed.

Fair enough... but she should have been prepared..
I guess this is just the early stage so mistakes are allowed... but beware

missmatty · 04-09-2007 3:16pm

What kind of clingy? That sounds odd.

muppetkiller · 04-09-2007 3:23pm

Oh lots of women are clingy ..but they have money in their pockets too..

Ickle Magoo · 04-09-2007 3:25pm

I'd have to say I'd never agree to a date & not have any money on me...I'd at least want my cab fare home or to pay for my round or ticket or something but I know there are still women who expect the fella to pay for everything even if they had money.

It obviously got you thinking or you wouldn't have posted but if you like her why not try puting your worries to one side & try to get to know her a bit better. If the same thing happens next time or you can't shake of the doubts then you know where you are. Best of luck.

Talliesin · 04-09-2007 3:29pm

Eh, was this a pre-arranged date?

I got the impression that the OP met her while he was out and invited her to come along to the club there and then.

Ickle Magoo · 04-09-2007 4:24pm

Not sure if it was pre-arranged - the OP says if it was or not...

Tho I I'd have the same thoughts re a spontaneous date tbh.:)

scruff321 · 04-09-2007 4:28pm

for feck sake thats a stupid way of thinkin..dont judge people by a certain stereotype if u like her go for it,ul only find out then wat sort of person she is

Nevyn · 04-09-2007 4:47pm

mathie offtopic and unhelpful posting will get you banned from this forum.
Read the rules in the charter and abide by them while posting.
Have a nice day
Thaedydal

snapplejacks · 04-09-2007 4:56pm

it wasn't a date nor pre-arranged....we met for the first time in the bar before we got friendly and moved on elsewhere. thanks for all responses.

Gyalist · 04-09-2007 7:15pm

OP, your situation is more likely cultural. In West Africa, women generally run the home and rear the children but have very little real economic power as they do in Western societies. There is the expectation that men should be their provider. So, if she has not been in Ireland for a long time, she may not be totally clued in or she genuinely did not have any money as she didn't expect to go on somewhere else.

SarahSassy · 04-09-2007 7:18pm

aidan24326 wrote:

As for having no money to pay into the club, maybe she doesn't have a job right now, maybe she was just broke that month.

If I didnt have money to at least offer, on a date, to pay into a club then I wouldnt go.

OP, male and females from everywhere are money grabbers. Dont judge her in advance but watch it.

How Strange · 04-09-2007 7:34pm

OP, I would be cautious but reserve judgement until you see if this is a one-off or a habit that will develop. When I was a student I would go on dates with only enough money for a four drinks and a bus fare home. If he suggested going on somewhere else I would suggest a place that wsa free in but once I had to use my taxi money to pay into a club and buy a round of drinks. I was too embarrassed to tell him I had no money as he had plenty. A kindly taxi driver took pity on me when I told him why I only had enough money to get a couple of miles down the road. He thought it was funny!

Anyway, I digress. The point is give her another chance if you like her and then see what happens. If she doesn't have money again to pay in either stop bringing her to clubs and stay in a pub/late night bar or decide it isn't for you.

Baraboo · 04-09-2007 7:56pm

Not to be too cautious and not prejudging but the incidence of Aids is much higher in Africans including Nigerians, Especially in females, than in Ireland.

http://data.unaids.org/pub/EpiReport/2006/20061121_EPI_FS_SSA_en.pdf

How Strange · 04-09-2007 8:07pm

Baraboo,re HIV/Nigeria/Women - Ireland tops of the league for binge drinking in the EU. So what does that tell you about the OP. Nothing. Comments like that are unhelpful and scaremongering.

Firetrap · 05-09-2007 12:33am

Approach with caution. I'm sure I'll have the PC police jumping on me here and that I'll be called a racist but maybe she's looking for a way to stay in the country. It's not unknown for non EU nationals to marry/have kids with Irish people as a way of strengthening their case for staying here. By all means see her again if you want to but don't disengage your brain and stay safe.

Needless Gossip · 05-09-2007 1:35am

The undertones of racism in this thread are shocking. I honestly didn't think it was this bad in Ireland.

Firetrap - he's not asking if he should marry the girl, just whether or not he should go on a second date with her.

Gyalist - she didn't have money to pay into a club. She didn't ask the OP for financial help to rear her family.

Baraboo - what How Strange said.

Gyalist · 05-09-2007 8:14am

The undertones of racism in this thread are shocking. I honestly didn't think it was this bad in Ireland.

That's true, but what does that have to do with what I wrote?

Gyalist - she didn't have money to pay into a club. She didn't ask the OP for financial help to rear her family.

Did i say that? I was trying to explain the likely cultural expectations re paying for a date. I'd appreciate it if you didn't impute racist intent to what I posted.

mathie · 05-09-2007 8:48am

Thaedydal wrote:

mathie offtopic and unhelpful posting will get you banned from this forum.
Read the rules in the charter and abide by them while posting.
Have a nice day
Thaedydal

Sorry Thaedydal too much posting the the After Hours forums these days!

curiousxxx1 · 05-09-2007 10:42am

Lads....
Just to let you know, i am a 24yr old Nigerian(international) student... and i am female... so please stop with all the bull**** about culture... regardless OP should have detailed the how they met and not sent us on a wild frenzy....
I do know that AIDS/HIV is very common in Africa but that doesn't mean all African's have it
It's unfortunate the lady in question couldn't afford the entry fee.
Beware also... it's true about people looking to marry EU citizens to strengthen their case and extend their stay in Ireland