I love you! ... thank you!

LegacyUser

I'm feeling quite low right now. Being going out with my girlfriend for the last 3 months almost, we're both mid 20's. It has been the most amazing relationship either of have ever been in, both of us had said this on numerous occasions. We've so much in common and have such a laugh and the sex is absolutely fantastic. In short, everything is perfect. Today i told her i loved her for the first time. But all she could say was "thank you". I'm absolutely flabergasted she didnt say it back, she's practically gestured it to me at least two times in the past. I'm so so confsed. She even organized a break away for us to go to in 5 weeks time, after this mornings proceedings. I just dont know what is going on in her head and where this relationship is headed now. Little help anyone?

the_syco

Would you prefer her to say "I love you" and not mean it, or to wait, and say it when she feels it? If she said it on the 2nd day, and you didn't "feel" it, would you say it back, just to please her, even though you don't feel it?

Perhaps she wants to wait untill she feels it as well.

thecleverone

Dont be too dis-heartened. Like the previous posted said, not everyone falls in love at the same time. My boyf said it to me about 6 months before i said it back but he agreed he didn't want me to say i loved him for the sake of it. He wanted me to mean it. The phrase "i love you" is flung around far too easily these days. At least you'll know when she says it, she means it.

boardinwork

You're only with her 3 months! Dont jump the gun!

seamus

3 months, chill out. Give her some time to process it.

As the_syco says, would you prefer that she said it back to you purely to make you feel better, or that she says it to you when she means it?

That's the problem with relationships. They screw with your head. In your mind, the fact that she's not saying, "I love you" means to you that she doesn't actually like you at all, and is thinking about breaking up with you. Try to engage your logical mind for a second (that's the guy who takes a nap whenever she's around), and realise that's completely ludicrous.

The fact that she has organised a trip away clearly indicates that she loves spending time with you, is mad about you, and wants to spend even more time with you. Those three little words can be a big step, no need to rush them.

LegacyUser

Was going out with my girlfriend and after 2 months she caught me by surprise one night and said i love you, my response was absolutly nothing. My point is i didn't feell l loved her at the time,(now i know i do) as you said were getting on fantastically at the time as well,(think timing is also key)Suggest you now wait for her to say it to you, the last thing you want to do is pressure her or make her feel guilty for not saying i love you too.

jdivision

She mighn't have been expecting it so quickly. Relax and don't let it eat you up, otherwise you could mess whole thing up by having doubts when you should have none.

ntlbell

I never understood this, telling someone you love them is not so you can hear it back, they don't magically fall in love with you after you say it.

it's 3 months and really is very early doors.

D Bronc

Everyone needs to be told to talk to their partner Explain that you said it coz you felt it and maybe its too soon for her and dont give her a chance to respond and say she dosent have to say it to please you, and you can slow it down a bit and then drop it.

In the meantime just
TALK TALK TALK

LegacyUser

'Hi again everyone, thank you all for the supportive comments.

Last night I talked to her and explained that I was worried that I had screwed things up between us. She immediately cut in to explain to me that she just has huge issues about the i love you phrase, and always has for that matter. Its just something that was never really said in her house growing up although the feeling was there. She even has had several relationships fail because of her inability to say it.

For her its more about showing your love rather than saying those words which dont actually prove anything unless you mean them anyway. And she does care for me, is crazy about me, wants me in her life, sees a long future for us, feels everything i'm feeling but doesnt want us to fall into the trap of saying i love you all the time, even when we dont completely mean it.

In short, everything is great again, if not better. I wasnt ever looking for her to say i love you to me just to hear it. I was just so confused because all the signs said she loved me but i couldnt understand why she couldnt say it.

What i've learned from this is that its so important to talk in a relationship, its the most important thing really. And we do talk, all the time, we're lucky like that. And also taking a step back sometimes, looking at the facts logically without letting emotions take control can really help too.

Thanks guys, case closed '

LegacyUser

I was going out with my bf 10 mths b4 he say "i love u"......

Would u love her to say it and not mean it.....

I am now married to that guy 14 yrs on and dont feel the need to say it everyday and it is special................i know people that say it to their otherhalf a few times a day now thats mad,.....

shapez

I wish you the very best. But, as people have said, it's early days. Come back in 3 years and let us know how you're feeling. Have a great time!!

patrickolee

... and don't say it again!

rubyred

I told my bf after six months - but he didn't tell me until after two years. But I knew that he'd never told a girl he loved her and so was happy to wait - when he finally told me I knew he really meant it.

And also, after I said it that one time I didn't say it again in case it pressured him into saying it sooner than he wanted. Now she knows that you love her don't say it again for a while and let her have a chance to say it in her own time.

milkerman

'I love you' are words that have been devalued through being used too often and too casually. I think at this stage they are only words, no more.
Your GF is right, loving someone needs you to 'do the walk& not just talk the talk'.
She sounds dead on actually - respect.

sweet-rasmus

good to hear you get back to us all. and you are right, communication is the key in relationships

Hrududu

Very strange. This was the plot of a tv show I saw years ago. Then again The O.C. ripped it off years later. Even down to the exact wording "I Love You" "Thank You"

seamus

It was in Friends. Circa 1997 I think.

sjaakie

10 months wrote:

I was going out with my bf 10 mths b4 he say "i love u"......

Would u love her to say it and not mean it.....

I am now married to that guy 14 yrs on and dont feel the need to say it everyday and it is special................i know people that say it to their otherhalf a few times a day now thats mad,.....

pardon? my husband says it to me every day , i say it to him every day and we genuinly mean it. Call us mad but we love little moments together.

NextSteps

unloved01 wrote:

For her its more about showing your love rather than saying those words which dont actually prove anything unless you mean them anyway. And she does care for me, is crazy about me, wants me in her life, sees a long future for us, feels everything i'm feeling but doesnt want us to fall into the trap of saying i love you all the time, even when we dont completely mean it.
'

Aww. Nice one.

Dudess

I really don't think you could actually know whether you love someone after three months. You might love lots of things about them and love spending time with them, but to love them, as in to be in love with them? Expecting that after three months is a bit schoolgirl-ish.