Title?

LegacyUser

Hey Am a boards user.

Im 16, male and im going into 5th year.

Its 1 o clock in the morning before i return to school for my first day .

Ok so i just started crying for the first time in years, strange i dont know why.
I just feel really confused i guess about me, i mean i cant even describe my feeling at the moment.

Ok ill start somewhere i suppose, i'll do it in bullet point form, not most important on top or anything .

- I just feel i find it hard to motivate myself to do things you know? i mean like say for eg going out with friends, i want to, and i just dont. And then theres things i love doing like playing piano or swimming and i want to do them, but i dont, i mean it feels like theres not enough hours in the day, but yet i still just spend countless hours playing pc games that i dont want to play.

- Another thing is my friends group, part of why i dont go out as much is because i think i have a crap peer group. i'd love to make new friends but i really dont know how?

-To tie in with that i just find it so hard to talk to new people, i think thats why i find it hard to make friends.

- Most of all when it comes to friends, it just seems that im completely differant to mine, i mean i find it hard to find people that i share interests with, and when i do i cant utter a word, but give me somebody i'd never hang around with and id banter for ages

Now im starting to type easier the first half toook bout 10 mins to turn into words from my head.

- And now im at the stage where everyones getting into relationships and Sex is the new thing, but jeesh i'm hopeless with ladies, i havent gone out with someone in 2 years. Yes i know that some are better, and to give it time, and that i will find somebody and all that, but i mean im not getting better, id say im getting worse lol.

- Im going into 5th year tomorrow and i dont know what subjects i want to do, ive picked them, and ill probably change, after a year of thinking in transition year. And Then people asking "so you know what you wanna do in college". i mean i just dont know at all .

Im Plucking at random here my head is just full of everything i cant even right it down in a understandable way.

Then i find myself listening to hallelujah by Jeff Buckley on repeat for ages and shove everything to the back of my mind.

i just need to talk you know but i dont know who to talk i mean i know my parents are there but i just cant bring myself to do it, nor my friends, my schoool guidance counciller or anything.

Thats why ive posted here i suppose, because being annonymous is the only thing i have decided on, all advice is greatly appreciated.

Beruthiel

Calm down, take a deep breath and try to take each day as it comes.
Realise that at 16 your hormones are all over the camp and difficult to control.
Personally, I found 16 a horrible age to be and wouldn't wish to go back to that age for love nor money.
It's an age where you're not a kid anymore and still to young to be an adult.
It's confusing and restricting.
You're not feeling anything different from any other 16 year old out there.
When you realise the above and come to terms with that, I think things can be a little easier for you. Know that it's fleeting (difficult I know) but before you know it, it's over and once you get the far side of it, things will get better.
For now, just do your best and pick the subject you like. Friends will come and go and by the time you hit your mid twenties, you'll have completely different friends to the ones you have now.
Try spending less hours on the games and go swimming, if you love it so much it will give you a lift. Pick a couple of times a week and stick to it. Nobody is going to push you into doing this but yourself. Mentally kick yourself in the ass and just go do it. It will help.
30 mins now and again on the piano wouldn't kill you either, again, set times for yourself and stick to them.
As for girls, you're 16. Where's the fire? You've got all the time in the world to meet someone, why not work on yourself first and when one comes along you'll be that much more interesting because of who you are. Trust me on that one
As for not wanting to talk to your parents, they were 16 once to and remember all of it, they would be more understanding than you think.
I'm a parent myself, being older just helps put things in a little more perspective.
Good luck!

sjaakie

everything beruthiel said is true. I would like to add some:

sign of time nowadays that youngsters have such an amount of technology, things to do, explore that it becomes an overload and nothing seems appealing anymore.

im a mother of a 17 year old young man and he has similar problems , i just want you to know that you most definitly are NOT alone in this.
As a mother ( and his father too ) i have put a lot of time in examining this because for me it was a big worry especially because my son did not talk with us about his thoughts and worries, after years of trying to open him up he now talks more and feels more comfortable.

set yourself little goals every day or a few times a week.

You will feel better if you can talk to people that are similar to you.

if you want you can pm me and maybe you like to chat with my son.

D Bronc

Every teenager has felt like this at some stage. And when theyre older they say i wish i was young again But you shouldnt feel under pressure to pick subjects now there is people out there who have picked there subjects and go to college and do a year and realise that its not what they want at all.
There is a site you can log on to and kinda test yourself to see what kind of person you are and how u deal with situations etc. and it wont tell u exactly what youre gonna be but it will lead u in the right direction.

Its called www.careerdirections.ie its very good.

You sort yourself out first theres no rush and trust me everything else will follow like friends etc.
Best of luck.:D

Talliesin

I .. Dunno :S wrote:

Then i find myself listening to hallelujah by Jeff Buckley on repeat for ages and shove everything to the back of my mind.

While not a bad version, and prettier than the original, it is inferior to the original in being too serious. Cohen was aware that he was being melodramatic when he wrote it (a partial pastiche of his own earlier style) and there's a sense of self-mocking irony in his version. Buckley though sings like every syllable should be taken on face value.

Funnily enough, that's how Cohen sang when he was Buckley's age.

Priorities fall into place a bit better as you get older. 15-16 is about the worse time of all, since it's when you are most feeling an urge to do something real in the world, while you still have little capability in our society to do so, and when you have a growing need for significance in your life but have yet to find what it is that is significant to you. It comes though.

Victor

I .. Dunno :S wrote:

- And now im at the stage where everyones getting into relationships and Sex is the new thing, but jeesh i'm hopeless with ladies, i havent gone out with someone in 2 years. Yes i know that some are better, and to give it time, and that i will find somebody and all that, but i mean im not getting better, id say im getting worse lol.

It will all happen in time. As Southpark's chef says "there is a time and a place for everything and its called college". In the meantime, there is always Wesley. But be aware, sometimes hearts are broken.

- Im going into 5th year tomorrow and i dont know what subjects i want to do, ive picked them, and ill probably change, after a year of thinking in transition year. And Then people asking "so you know what you wanna do in college". i mean i just dont know at all .

Talk to the careers counsellor in your school. In the meantime, you could just pick what you like / are good at.

What are you good at?

leninbenjamin

school is overhyped and overrated. make sure you give yourself enough time for the activities like you want to do. for example, i used get up at 6 and spend around on hour on the instruments in the morning, just because i had more energy for it at that time, i'd often be a bit tired and lethargic in the evenings.

on the subjects, dont get too worked up about it. no one has a notion at 16 of what they really want to do, and many people end up on a completely different route in college than what they selected in school. if possible pick the ones you find more stimulating, but if you're really worried about it just try keep as many options open as possible i guess.

ladies at 16: too immature and irrational for me so i wouldn't bother about it either, although i may have just had bad luck.

and musically Buckley's version is FAR superior to Cohens. that's all that matters to me, whether the syllables should be taken at face value or not is irrelavant for me (and i'd hazard a fair few others too), the syllables just get lost in the atmosphere and sweet tones.

Firetrap

Poor thing. It's bringing back memories of what life was like when I was your age. I hope you got over your first day back at school and that you're feeling better now.

Make no bones about it, it is tough being your age and being faced with horrible things like choosing subjects for your leaving cert etc. I remember when I was your age I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do and the guidance counsellor in my school was great. I can still remember the sheer terror that the word "career" struck in my heart.

I think you should pluck up the courage to go talk to the career guidance counsellor in your school. Or if not, there are independent ones out there. He/she will be only too delighted to help you. Not everyone your age knows what they want to study in college and sometimes somebody who doesn't know you well can be perfect for giving you impartial advice. As for choosing subjects for your Leaving Cert, I'd have thought you should choose ones that you'll get the best grades in and the obvious ones that you'll need as basic entry requirements (e.g. Maths, English, Irish, European language).

You will have to make an effort to tear yourself away from your PC/console and interact with real people. It really is way too easy to sit yourself in front of a computer or TV and waste away the hours playing games or surfing the internet. No wonder you were feeling so miserable last night; you know in your heart and soul that the time you're spending playing computer games could be better spent doing something healthier and more constructive.

The reason you don't have time to go swimming is because it's no longer a priority in your life. Force yourself to go for a swim a few times a week. Once you get out of the house and go for your swim, you will be so glad you did it.

As for making friends, unless you're a complete weirdo with no social skills (which I don't believe you are), you will make friends. Thing is, you're going to have to do the running yourself and make more of an effort to strike up conversations with people. Most people will happily talk to you. Are there people who swim at the same time as you who you can talk to? Does your school have extra-curricular activities you could get involved in? Are there any team sports you might like to try out? The key here is for you to get involved in activities that involve interaction with other human beings.

Don't panic on the girls thing. Actually, panicking will scare them away. There is no rule anywhere which says that you should have a girlfriend at 16. It'll happen in time at its own pace. It's a cliché but "Be yourself" is the best advice anyone can have when it comes to girls. Girls can smell BS a mile away and I don't know anyone who likes cheesy chat-up lines. If you meet a girl who you click with, you'll have no bother having banter with her etc. That's far more important than trying to shove your tongue down her throat.

Try not to tie yourself into a knot about things. As I've gotten older, I've learned that the only way to cope with life is to take it day by day. There is no grand plan for us. Fix up the little things in your life and you'll find some peace.

challengemaster

I .. Dunno :S wrote:

Hey Am a boards user.

Hey

Im 16, male and im going into 5th year.

well.. me too. just back today actually.

Its 1 o clock in the morning before i return to school for my first day .

been there done that.. anxiousness before going back, or just cant sleep.. it happens, then you wonder why you're wrecked the next morning

Ok so i just started crying for the first time in years, strange i dont know why.
I just feel really confused i guess about me, i mean i cant even describe my feeling at the moment.

well.. everyone gets confused at times during their lives, and everyone has to take a step back and look at themselfs at points. atleast you're talking about it

- I just feel i find it hard to motivate myself to do things you know? i mean like say for eg going out with friends, i want to, and i just dont. And then theres things i love doing like playing piano or swimming and i want to do them, but i dont, i mean it feels like theres not enough hours in the day, but yet i still just spend countless hours playing pc games that i dont want to play.

I know.. to be honest, I don't do the whole going out with 'friends' thing. being in a loud nightclub/disco where 99% of people are drunk, and some stoned.. doesn't sound like fun to me.. other things, it can be hard to motivate yourself to do... sports can be one of those.. they're enjoyable, but just don't go.. I think most people have gone through that, just something that happens.

- Another thing is my friends group, part of why i dont go out as much is because i think i have a crap peer group. i'd love to make new friends but i really dont know how?

ok, now i feel like I'm kinda talking to myself, only a few months ago.
I can say that my 'friends' group, as such, is complete sh*te. some I don't care about at all, and certainly wouldnt even risk breaking a sweat if they were in trouble, as I know they wouldnt for me. others arent so bad.. The group of "friends" i have in school, are really just people I know.. there's the odd few I might actually think of as a friend. then there's people outside, which I consider friends.. now I've always been a bit mature, and therefore had older friends.. some of my closest friends are ~20+, most finished the LC anyway. I think you just need to look at it for yourself, decide who is a real friend and who isnt, but still have them as an aquaintance(sp)

making new friends? the one thing I'll say about this is be yourself. for so many years I tried to be someone that I thought people would like.. gah, feck that. If you're yourself, then people will (eventually) like you for being you, and having some reason for it (same interests, or otherwise). If you're yourself, then also you get people more likely that you'll enjoy having as friends. heard the birds of a feather saying? its true..

-To tie in with that i just find it so hard to talk to new people, i think thats why i find it hard to make friends.

shyness.. or just not knowing what to do/say.. been there again. like I said, be yourself. In the end, you'll know if someone likes you for who you are or not. and be confident (but not arrogant) about yourself. (there's a very fine line). people like confident, arrogant pisses people off. If you think you'd like to be friends with someone, then talk to them a bit, start a conversation, go from there.. You've been talking most of your life, so you should be able for that

- Most of all when it comes to friends, it just seems that im completely differant to mine, i mean i find it hard to find people that i share interests with, and when i do i cant utter a word, but give me somebody i'd never hang around with and id banter for ages

Maybe a confidence thing? you could feel that with someone you share interests in, that they might not like what you say, or not like you due to it? just kind of guessing here.. never really tried to answer that one myself

Now im starting to type easier the first half toook bout 10 mins to turn into words from my head.

know that feeling..

- And now im at the stage where everyones getting into relationships and Sex is the new thing, but jeesh i'm hopeless with ladies, i havent gone out with someone in 2 years. Yes i know that some are better, and to give it time, and that i will find somebody and all that, but i mean im not getting better, id say im getting worse lol.

ah this is what used to get me bigtime too. and to be honest its a bit stupid if you look at it. fecking 14 year olds having sex. :rolleyes: - It's not that I wouldn't consider myself good in any way with ladies.. but more the fact that I wouldn't be the "rebellious" type guy all the girls go crazy for around that age.. don't feel so bad, I haven't gone out with anyone ever
ah but when the time is right.. etc.. Sooner or later, someone will pick up on me. Same with you. Trying to get a relationship doesnt work, just let things 'go with the flow' and it will fall into place eventually. like I said, just be confident (but not arrogant) about yourself, and be yourself.. it will come.

- Im going into 5th year tomorrow and i dont know what subjects i want to do, ive picked them, and ill probably change, after a year of thinking in transition year. And Then people asking "so you know what you wanna do in college". i mean i just dont know at all .

well, the thing is, we're experiencing things all the time. some of those will effect our choices about certain things.. I'm not so sure what I want to do in college either. I mean it's still fairly open for now. plenty of time to decide, but It's also narrowed down a lot from whats there initially. You've worlds of time to decide. CAO is like 2 months before the LC or something? look, just do your bit of career guidance or so and focus on what you'd like to do, and don't leave it until 2 days before CAO application date and you'll be fine. a good friend of mine said to me before 'I know many people in their forties who still dont know what they want to do, and by god, they're the best people I know' - things don't have to be set in stone, so relax

Im Plucking at random here my head is just full of everything i cant even write it down in a understandable way.

Then i find myself listening to hallelujah by Jeff Buckley on repeat for ages and shove everything to the back of my mind.

i just need to talk you know but i dont know who to talk i mean i know my parents are there but i just cant bring myself to do it, nor my friends, my schoool guidance counciller or anything.

Thats why ive posted here i suppose, because being annonymous is the only thing i have decided on, all advice is greatly appreciated.

well, you're talking to us, you're asking for advice.. so atleast you're doing something about it

Family can be hard to talk to, I mean they've been there done that but some things you just don't want them knowing. and from around 13 start to cut them off. (males, anyway)

Friends.. unless they're ones that are true friends and understanding, then bin that.

I think that talking to us about it will be in some way benificial to you anyway and fair play for saying it.

ps. everything beru said, esp. coming to terms with things making it easier is true and well put.

My 16yo $0.02

CM:)

ellenmelon

dude. you're going through what a lot of people go through when they are nearing the end of high school. generally freaking out over all aspects of your life is worrying but pretty usual.
with regards to feeling like you need to know what to do after high school..you dont need to know right now. when i was in my last year of high school, i didnt know what i wanted to do, i just knew that i didnt want to go to uni. luckily i had the opportunity to do some fun things first year out of high school (some singing in various shows) and then emigrated overseas for three years.
im know nearly at the end of my first year in tertiary study (im 22 and at an performing arts institution that gives degrees but isnt your 'usual' uni) and wouldnt change a thing. im so glad that i waited till i knew for sure what i wanted to do, cause im pretty sure i wont be changing professions once i finish my degree!
there is a lot of pressure in ireland (in my opinion) to go straight to uni and thats not always the right option and i think it sounds like it might not be the best option for you either.

give yourself time to think, and if there is anyone you can talk to, its always a good idea to have a sounding board for whats going on in your head.

thats my two cents anyway...good luck

patrickolee

.... and don't forget the sunscreen

LegacyUser

'Hey, cheers everybody for their advice.
Its all good now, i know what i need to sort out :P.
Really cant tell ye all how much your advice helped, glad i came here

Thanks,

'

Strange_Fruit

dont worry believe it or not i know how you feel!It WILL all come together.and dont worry about your carreer.I put down my CAO choice a day before it had to go out and i love it.Just try to think,would you like to be doing that without being paid!

Magic Eight Ball

Sound like a typical teenager to me.
Wouldn’t worry to much.. Until you get a mortgage, then be afraid, very afraid.

Selphie

Trevor Coulahan wrote:

Sound like a typical teenager to me.
Wouldn’t worry to much.. Until you get a mortgage, then be afraid, very afraid.

Oh yeah, you teenagers, all the bloody same. You and your silly little problems. Wait till you become an adult and then there'll be something to worry about, but for now nothing matters........:rolleyes: grrrr

OP wrote:

Its all good now, i know what i need to sort out :P.
Really cant tell ye all how much your advice helped, glad i came here

I'm 18 and still find myself crying sometimes at night cause things get too big for me to handle. It's all a part of growing up! I'm glad things have become a bit clearer for you

challengemaster

ok well you cant be having a worse start to a year than me.. dude in my class dropped dead 5ft from me.. so.. er.. (anyone thats wondering, yes, this was the 'sudden death at moate community school in westmeath' on the news/radio)

glad you're feeling better about things now any other problems and dont be afraid to shout. drop me a pm even