Is it being Asian or is it something else?

LegacyUser

I'm mid twenties Asian man who was born and raised in Dublin. My problem is I can't seem to find a woman who is attracted to me. Trying not to sound arrogant here but I'm not unattractive, I can also be warm, sweet and funny. I've got a wide taste in art, music and I've got an interesting career that I'm doing quite well in. I thought this would be make me a reasonable catch but it hasn't worked out that way at all.

I feel like I'm a victim of "nice guys finish last" syndrome but my question is this because I tend to not stray from my own circle of friends (I hate nightclubs so most of social activities revolve around pubs,gigs and cinema)? Or is possible that Irish women are a little intimidated by me because I'm Asian? Possibly both?

I don't think there's any shame in admitting there is one has some racial preference/ dispreference. I just want to know what I'm up against because mentally, I'm essentially Irish.

spinandscribble

personally race isnt a issue for me having fancied black, white, asian ect but i know alot of girls that wouldnt be as open.
i'd bet however its the fact you only seem to socialise with your friends thats the problem.

CathyMoran

I am happily married now but I used to have a crush on my best friend who was Asian, if anything I think that being Asian would be considered a bonus.

Tak3n

Maybe because Asian men are said to have really small penises

WindSock

It most likely is to do with racial preferance, as you have mentioned. That doesn't make a person racist however, just before I get shouted down and pointed at by the pc'ers. It's more down to societal conditioning. Unfortunaley, you are an ethnic minority and you haven't yet met a person who will see past that and see you for who you are, rather then the skin you are in. Ireland is slowly moving past that, however, so I hope it will not be long before a girl will be brave enough to date a guy who isn't 'the norm'

Gordon

Tak3n wrote:

Maybe because Asian men are said to have really small penises

Banned

cormie

Is it just Irish girls you're talking about? Have you been mingling with Asian ladies and have felt equal lack of interest?

I agree with boreds, except on the point of it being down to society, I think it's just natural that some people of certain races aren't attracted to others, people just can't help it, it's just the way it is so don't worry about it:) Even ask yourself, are you attracted to girls of all races yourself, don't beat yourself up if you're not, you can't decide what you're attracted to, it's just a natural attraction if you are. Although saying that, I imagine most people of most races can be attracted to others of other races.

Could be something else of course, lack of confidence etc that deters women?

the_syco

Tak3n wrote:

Maybe because Asian men are said to have really small penises

During the 'Nam war, the US dropped hugh (foot long) condom's into Viet-Cong bases, as part of a (mind-f*ck)propaganda war, to make them feel inferior. That and many other tricks were used, to f*ck with the minds of the Viet-Cong.

=-=

OP, I, and many people here, like Asian girls. Some, though, don't. Same with girls liking asian men: some do, some don't.

My advice is something you that you've already realized: you need to broaden your contacts. Try taking up dance classes, or yoga. Somewhere where there will be women, but outside your usual "circle of friends".

You haven't mentioned your age, but if it's the early 20's, you'll find that unfortunately most of the social scene your age in Ireland is based around alcohol-based clubs.

If all else fails, do you like orange juice? All bars stock it, so try one out, and drink orange juice. Say you gave up alcohol to loose weight or some sh|t, and people won't see you as odd (saying you don't drink whilst in a pub may be seen as odd by some people).
Myself, I like metal, so I goto Bruxells or Fibbers, the two places which play metal, and I'll meet like-minded metal loving people there. Look at a music genre you like, and look for a pub that playes that sort of music, and go there.

Also, if you're at ease with the music, you'll feel more relaxed, and thus the women won't see your unease as lack of interest.

Best of luck.

Zillah

Lots of people don't find others interested in them for no real reason. Sure, being Asian might have an effect, whether its good or bad, but there are many more important reasons that you will or will not find someone who likes you.

sjaakie

i think i can safely say its not you being an asian guy, you are only mid twenties, still very young to meet people/women. the way you describe yourself is indeed as a nice guy, and you know? good things come to good people when you never expect it. i think once you stop searching for a girl it will happen for you

neuro-praxis

An Irish girl's perspective: I have to say I generally don't find Asian men attractive, or African men for that matter, and a lot of my female group would feel the same. However I think that it's more the sense of a strong cultural barrier than a physical thing. I would find Irish-Asian and Irish-African men just as attractive as Irish men...maybe you have just been inexplicably unlucky and you need to hang on in there? I have some very eligible and attractive male friends who just haven't managed to meet anybody. It's really not easy.

patrickolee

O.P you've gotta watch this video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63bWYFGBTuE

titled "Why asian guys can't get white girls". My asian partner showed it to me at the weekend.... very funny.


and to Tak3n... its not true!

Cork Exile

I think it can be tough to meet girls in some places in Dublin. Maybe you should give speed-dating a try or even internet dating. I did speed dating once and it was a good laugh but wasn't organised very well so didnt really get a result there. Wouldn't stop me doing it again though
Also internet dating. I've met a few girls through it. Its definitely worth a shot.

mathie

Gordon wrote:

Banned

No offense but what if that is the reason?

I know a lot of my female friends are very 'particular' about penis size.
Can we get some females opinions here?

M

Morrigan

mathie wrote:

Can we get some females opinions here?

M

You're an idiot.

dlofnep

Asian women are hot! Fact.

Maybe it is a case of you're being too nice. You seem like a good person. Get out and socialise more, don't give up. Hopefully you'll find someone in due time.

mathie

Morrigan wrote:

You're an idiot.

For thinking that women care about penis size?

You're dead right.

Bottle_of_Smoke

MAybe, I look Asian, when I was younger I was worried women had a problem with it.

When you say Asian do you mean Oriental/South Asian/Arab?

If you're thinking about it then maybe the women aren't attracted you because you come across as sewlf conscious. Perhaps you speak to women in a manner that suggests you feel inferior to them.(Not attractive)

As I said, I look Asian(oriental), I'm 22 & women are attracted to me.

Maybe join a gym, oriental guys have a smaller build naturally so it could greatly increase how attractive you are.

Overall, yes some women will have a problem with it, but probably less than have a problem with gingers.

StupidLikeAFox

Gordon wrote:

Banned

In fairness it was the first thing i thought so it could be a factor for some women. (first thing after i thought "is this jason sherlock?")

Either way i suppose these arent the women you should be looking for. Its a cliché, but be yourself. Learn to be happy with who you are, if people girls see your a happy outgoing person they'll come along eventually

Anti

Are asian women attracted to you?

LegacyUser

''but probably less than have a problem with gingers.'

Ha, that's hilarious. Does it make you feel better, to think you're better than people with ginger hair or something?

Anyway back to the op, i think its probably a confidence issue, and women can sense this with you. Try and gain some confidence in yourself and if a woman doesnt like you then that's her problem. Not talking about cockiness here, just natural confidence and you'll do much better...'

pretty-in-pink

oh yes you have trouble meeting girls, and it couldn't be because you
a) dont meet many new ones cause you hang out with mates mostly,
b) dont do the pub/club scene (you dont have to drink,its not a law or anything)
c) could possibly come across as boring, or snotty,or needy.

it must be because your Asian-Irish.obviously. :rolleyes:

You're Irish,and most people will see you as Irish.Colour isn't a barrier, culture can be one though.

If you play the race card in real life I'd run a mile in disgust. Its really insulting to anyone who is actually racially discriminated againnst.

If you are as nice as you say, then interact with women on a wider level, and see if that helps. its probably more to do with not meeting people, or maybe people think you're not good-looking. if its cause your asian-irish i'd be very surprised.

edit: was maybe a little unfair, so took some stuff out

Kazobel

I'd say part of the reason is that you stay within your own circle of friends, you seem to want Irish girls to come on to you but the simple fact is if you want a girl you have to put yourself out there and no-matter how you look 9 times out of 10 you'll get shot down because you also have to understand that although you see yourself as Irish others will see you as Asian and there are some stereotypes that come with that in relation to Asian culture because we don't know that much about it so it's up to you to disprove those stereotypes and help someone get to know you as a person as opposed to a stereotype. If you want an Irish girl you have to put the time in too, they're not just going to drop into your lap.

LegacyUser

'just wanted to thank everyone for their different opinions/ideas and wanted to clarify a few things.

1. I DO drink, however I hate the club scene because I hate having to communicate to someone by shouting in some horrible sweatbox with rihanna thumping in the background.

2. I am not playing the race card nor looking for sympathy or an excuse. The post was more a question on how people feel about Irish born/raised foreigners in relationships. Judging by the mixed response it seems like there a quite a lot of women who could see past the skin colour while others and/or their friends would not be so open minded. This is disappointing but to be expected. I guess the best thing to do is just put myself out there (suggestions welcome) and develop a thicker skin for that percentage of irish women who can't see outside their race.

thanks again for the replies. this has been a very interesting discussion and I'm sure with the direction Ireland is headed, one that will come up increasingly in the future'

Terry

AsianIrish wrote:

2. I am not playing the race card nor looking for sympathy or an excuse. The post was more a question on how people feel about Irish born/raised foreigners in relationships.

You're not a foreigner if you were born and raised here.

Perhaps feeling like an outsider is part of your confidence issue.

Knockoff Nige

Terry wrote:

You're not a foreigner if you were born and raised here.

Perhaps feeling like an outsider is part of your confidence issue.

I think his point is that people would perceive him as foreign becuase of his looks. I think he has a valid point aswell. Irish people are not the friendly welcoming nation we're pereceived as being throughout the world. Sure, we're great at greeting tourists but niot that great at expanding our circle of friends.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Reply_ wrote:

''but probably less than have a problem with gingers.'

Ha, that's hilarious. Does it make you feel better, to think you're better than people with ginger hair or something?

Anyway back to the op, i think its probably a confidence issue, and women can sense this with you. Try and gain some confidence in yourself and if a woman doesnt like you then that's her problem. Not talking about cockiness here, just natural confidence and you'll do much better...'

Was just pointing out that nearly everyone has something that could potentially instantly put someone off. Being Asian or Ginger in Ireland are examples. Are you insecure about being ginger?

LegacyUser

Apart from the fact i don't have ginger hair, it's not got much to do with that.
I just think it's funny and a little sad that you use your opinion that you're better than ginger haired people to make you feel better about yourself.
i dont think looking down on other people is the solution.

To the OP, as said before its all about having some confidence in yourself. You're not the only one who's had trouble with girls in the past, and the one's who treat you badly aren't worth even considering...

LegacyUser

the_syco wrote:

OP, I, and many people here, like Asian girls. Some, though, don't. Same with girls liking asian men: some do, some don't.

Like? Prefare. Asian women are fckin HOOOOOTTTTT!!!!!!

OP what height are you? All penis talk aside, height to imo a good 80% of the women i know is a serious factor in a man.

watna

I don't think race has anything to do with it. if you were born and raised in Ireland then it is very unlikely that people see you as foreign. My boyfriend is of Asian descent (Indian, but is from South Africa). His race has nothing to do with it..... I generally don't see it and when I do I notice how gorgeous he is and I like the differences. I'm pretty sure it's not a race thing, because I'm in a mixed race couple I notice other similar couples and it's very common. I just think what beautiful babies we'll have! I don't think it's a problem in Ireland but we've noticed it's different in the UK. We went away for a break there and felt we got a lot more funny looks, mostly from members of the Asian community, truth be told. I think here it is common and very acceptable.

Oh, and the penis thing is certainly not true!

Anthony_1980

i know a few women whos attitude were " i hate f**king foreigners " the fact u look asian might be enough for women to walk away , assuming u just arrived here and dont speak english , plus women go for the oldest sayings

blacks - big willies
whites - average
asian - smallest

ive heard it off a few women , i dont know it its that but women can be small minded.

me personally speaking , i wouldnt touch an asian girl or black girl etc and its nothing to do with racism , i just dont fancy em at all and never had , so maybe them women are the same

xabi

IrishAsian wrote:

I'm not unattractive,

Maybe your not as attractive as you think you are.

X.

Anthony_1980

come accross a bit cocky maybe they see that

dent

whiteIrish wrote:

OP what height are you? All penis talk aside, height to imo a good 80% of the women i know is a serious factor in a man.

Yeah from chatting to the gf and female friends this is a cut and dry issue for many of them. They even take their height with heals on into account.

Off topic: Can't understand how some people don't find hot women of different races hot. Boggles the mind, hot is hot.

Anthony_1980

my advice is get used to it

LegacyUser

I don't think it's cockiness, its seems to be lack of confidence.
Like another poster said it could be any number of issues; height is an important issue for lots of women (and some men) too.

WindSock

Well you don't often see many mixed race couples around. not to say that they don't exist, of course they do. But the majority of coupling worldwide seems to be of the same race. Thats what I mean by social conditioning. We are more likely to go for those that resemble our parents.

Knockoff Nige

boreds wrote:

Well you don't often see many mixed race couples around. not to say that they don't exist, of course they do. But the majority of coupling worldwide seems to be of the same race. Thats what I mean by social conditioning. We are more likely to go for those that resemble our parents.

In the race department? Perhaps. But I think this is a very important thread. Generally speaking, Ireland acts racially.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Reply_ wrote:

Apart from the fact i don't have ginger hair, it's not got much to do with that.
I just think it's funny and a little sad that you use your opinion that you're better than ginger haired people to make you feel better about yourself.
i dont think looking down on other people is the solution.

Read my post again & you'll see you've assumed an awful lot. How is it looking down? Where did I say I'm better than ginger people? Is someone in your family/your partner ginger?

By the by I have ginger facial hair!

I-like-eggs,mmm

I don't know, depends on a lot of other things, not race... BUT if you can pull moves like this chap, you're any girls man Good Luck

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRmqZRPgK1w

DublinWriter

ColHol wrote:

In fairness it was the first thing i thought so it could be a factor for some women. (first thing after i thought "is this jason sherlock?")

Now that's really weird, I thought exactly the same thing when I saw this post.

Maybe the poster wouldn't have been banned if he backed his statement up with a bit of empirical evidence:

http://www.sizesurvey.com/result.html

(ref the section on Penis Size and Race, actual average lenghts and racial perceptions, warning - some graphic images at the end of the page)

OP - I tend to find Irish woman a tad racist and conservative about being willing to date outside of their race, but maybe that's just my own peer group.

patrickolee

Fascinating. Thanks for posting that DublinWriter. So the 'black' race actually have smaller on average than 'caucasian', but think they are all 'average' or 'endowed'. I didn't dare scroll down to the end of the page yet!