Favourite Movie Funny lines

mickrourke

Well go on - give us yours,

One of mine has to be:

Hardy: I have some terrible news, I'm afraid your uncle died
Woman: thats terrible, is he really dead?
Laurel: I should hope so, they buried him
Woman: Oh no. What did he die of?
Laurel: He died of a Tuesday, or was it a Wednesday

Film - Way Out West

FrCrilly

Hot Shots

Charlie Sheen in a Buddhist commune says: (something along the lines of)

“The people here are celibate, like their fathers and their fathers before them”.

folan

Naked Gun

He has a 50-50 chance of surviving, but there's only a 20% chance of that

Plug

Father ted.

Dougal being interviewed by a television company.
"I don't believe in an organised religion"

stipey

Carol the waitress, Simon the fag.


and

There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

(well I didn't wan't to quote the whole movie for this one!)

grahamo

The Jerk

Navin Johnson kicks a hard man in the nuts and is hopping around holding his foot after hurting it.

Hard mans mate: 'You shouldn't have done that....That was "Iron Balls" McGinty!'

kmick

See no evil hear no evil.
Setting@
Evil Femme Fatale has her hands in the blind guys pockets searching for a coin or something. The blind guy (Richard Prior) says

I don't know what you're looking for,but it's a little to the right.

The Bollox

South Park:
Cartman: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what I said was" *takes out megaphone* "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE... TO SUCK MY BALLS?... MR. GARRISON"

Plug

kmick wrote:

See no evil hear no evil.
Setting@
Evil Femme Fatale has her hands in the blind guys pockets searching for a coin or something. The blind guy (Richard Prior) says

I don't know what you're looking for,but it's a little to the right.

Remember the black dude ask the mad girl, "is a fcuk out of the question" that was funny!

Mr. Presentable

Groucho Marx, "Duck Soup"
(Talking about Margaret Dumont as Teasdale) Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did!

Groucho Marx, "Horse Feathers"
I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.

Groucho Marx, "Horse Feathers"
You know you've got the brain of a four-year old child, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.

Woody Allen - Sleeper
My brain?! That's my second favorite organ!

Woody Allen - Annie Hall
Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love

djkeogh

Anchorman.

It's so d@mn hot. **Drinks milk from carton** Milk was a bad choice

Ph3n0m

Ghostbusters:
We've been going about this all wrong, this Mr. Stay Puft's okay, he's a sailor, he's in New York, we get this guy laid we won't have any trouble.

or

Dr Ray Stantz: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!
Mayor: Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes it's true.
[pause]
Dr. Peter Venkman: This man has no dick.
Walter Peck: Jeez!
[Charges at Venkman]
Mayor: Break it up! Hey, break this up! Break it up!
Walter Peck: All right, all right, all right!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, that's what I heard!

Anchorman
I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

It's a formidable scent. It stings the nostrils. I'm gonna be honest with you, Brian, that smells like pure gasoline.

Deep Blue Sea
Their brains weren't large enough to harvest sufficient amounts of the protein complex. So we violated the Harvard Compact. Jim and I used gene therapies to increase their brain mass. A larger brain means more protein. As a side effect the sharks got smarter.

FrCrilly

folan wrote:

Naked Gun

He has a 50-50 chance of surviving, but there's only a 20% chance of that

Naked Gun

OJ Simpson’s character is unconscious in hospital with his grieving wife by his side. Frank Drebin, in the presence of another detective, assures her:

“Not one man on this force will rest until we find the low life who did this to your husband. Now let’s go get a bite to eat”.

dubtom

She's very ill, we must get her to a hospitable.
A hospitable,what is it.?
It's a big building with windows,but thats not important right now.

And obviously...
Surely you can't be serious.
I am serious,and don't call me shirley.


Both from airplane

jobonar

Pirates of the caribean: dead mans chest.

Jack Sparrow:"Why is the rum always gone"
*stands up and falls into a cabnet*
Jack Sparrow:"Oh thats why"

makes me laugh every time

Oriel

Airplane.
"and don't call me Shirey!"

Many Forrest Gump quotes.

SoundWave

The Departed:

"I'm gonna go have a smoke right now. You want a smoke? You don't smoke, do
ya, right? What are ya, one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuk yourself."

better seen than read... but still crack up when i hear it.

HankScorpio

Anchorman

To Veronics Corningstone at the party:

Let me start over...................I WANNA BE ON YOU!!, Oh that came out wrong.

The Departed

During the botched surveillance, an agent asks Mark Wahlberg:

Agent: Who the f*ck are you?
Wahlberg:I'm the guy who does his job...You must be the other guy.

Noffles

Bluto's speech in Animal House...

"......When the Germans bombed Pearl harbour"

beans

Night of the Living Dead

"Like this job?"

The Big Lebowski

The scene where Jesus just bowls a strike, and does his little victory dance. Pan across first the Dude, then the back of Donny's head as he looks around to see what's going on, then Walter.

It's one of my favourite funny scenes of any movie I've seen. Donny is magnificent.

or the scene where Walter has the gun in Smokey's face and the dog is jumping up at his leg...

or "The Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, yes, and proud we are of all of them"

or "You mean coitus?"

Damn that's a good movie.

Blackhorse Slim

Woody Allen, Take the Money and Run

Words to the effect of.. "I used to play the cello in a marching band" followed by footage of him dragging a stool along with the marching band, playing a note, getting up, dragging the stool on a few steps...


Ghostbusters

"Sh! Listen... can you smell it?"

Oliverdog

Naked Gun:

Ed: [after Ludwig has been hit with a poison Dart, fallen off a baseball stadium, run over by a car and a steam roller and trampled by a marching band] Oh, Frank! It's horrible. It's so horrible!
Frank: [comforts Ed] I know...
Ed: My father went the same way...

Jesus Wept

beans wrote:

Night of the Living Dead

"Like this job?"

The Big Lebowski

The scene where Jesus just bowls a strike, and does his little victory dance. Pan across first the Dude, then the back of Donny's head as he looks around to see what's going on, then Walter.

It's one of my favourite funny scenes of any movie I've seen. Donny is magnificent.

or the scene where Walter has the gun in Smokey's face and the dog is jumping up at his leg...

or "The Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, yes, and proud we are of all of them"

or "You mean coitus?"

Damn that's a good movie.

+1

I re-watch it every few months, watched it last week again.
One of my fav ever.

comewatmay

ANCHORMAN


San Diego, it means a whales vagina!!!!

i love that film

FrCrilly

Naked Gun again, script was something along the lines of:

Frank:“Congratulations Ed, I hear your wife is pregnant”.

Ed: “Yeah, and when I find the low life who did it, I’ll…..”

This is the kind of line you can keep in reserve and use in real life to, hopefully, a positive response.

prospect

Excellent thread:

Naked Gun:
"Nice beaver"
"Thanks, I just had it stuffed"

Happy Gilmore
"Hi, I'm a Hockey Player, but I'm, playing Golf today"
or
"I have a record, I am the only person ever to take off their skate and try to stab someone with it"

admiralofthefleet

who framed roger rabbit

"didnt you used to be called eddie valient, or did you change your name to jack daniels"

folan

robin hood, men in tights

Lets get out of these womens clothing and back into our tights.

joker77

Dodgeball
"You're about as useful as a cock flavoured lollipop"

Intermission
Colm Meaney's character asking about Colin Farrell's black eye:
"Staying out of trouble?
Jesus. Doesn't look like it.
Who did that to you?"

Colin Farrell:
"Your old one, man.
She poked me in the eye with her cock."

littlejp

Another from Happy Gilmore:

Shooter McGavin: I eat pieces of sh1t like you for breakfast.
Happy Gilmore: You eat pieces of sh1t for breakfast?

fillmore jive

Intermission

Det. Jerry Lynch: My only human quality to speak of is a fondness for celtic mysticism. The artistes like Fáinne Lasta, Raithneach, hAmrán na Gealach and Clannad. Do you like them artistes? What am i saying? Of course you do!

Wayne's World

(ordering chinease food) Wayne: I'll have the cream-of-sum-yung-guy.

Lola123

comewatmay wrote:

ANCHORMAN


San Diego, it means a whales vagina!!!!

i love that film

Best filme EVER!
Also...
Camera guy says to ron : "Why would you say that ron? Poophead. Poop coming out of your mouth. I hate you ron burgundy"

Ron:"I'm in a glass case of emotion"
Ron:"I just wanna say something.....aaaaaagggghhh"
Ron:"Whats that baxter, you ate a whole wheel of cheese? I'm not even mad".

"Sex panther, 60% of the time, it works every time"

The Novacastrian

Naked gun???? or some film with leslie neilson...

he's on the phone to the hospital enquiring about someones health and he says...."let us know if there is any change".....he puts down the phone and says...."he's dead!"

MistressPandora

Anchorman:
Brick: "Look Ron, I'm riding a furry tractor!"

Ron: "Come on now Baxter, you know I don't speak Spainish!"

Men in Tights:
Robin: "Unlike other Robin Hoods, *I* can speak with an English accent."

The Princess Bride:
Inigo Montoya: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."
Westley: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die."

Oh there's too many funny quotes from movies, too many!

Dregon

My Favourite: Anchorman
Just after coming out of a side street


Brian Fantana: Where is the suit store? We've been walking for forty-five minutes.
Champ Kind: Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut.
Brick Tamland: Okay!
Ron Burgundy: Well, is it a shortcut or not?
Brick Tamland: Fantastic!


much funnier to see:D

admiralofthefleet

just watching kingpin at the moment. a great line:

guy on bench: "hey roy, can you get sick from drinking piss?"

roy: "yeah, i think do"

guy on bench: "even if its you're own"

faceman

This is Spinal Tap
Nigel Tufnel: [on what he would do if he couldn't be a rock star] Well, I suppose I could, uh, work in a shop of some kind, or... or do, uh, freelance, uh, selling of some sort of, uh, product. You know...
Marty DiBergi: A salesman?
Nigel Tufnel: A salesman, like maybe in a, uh, haberdasher, or maybe like a, uh, um... a chapeau shop or something. You know, like, "Would you... what size do you wear, sir?" And then you answer me.
Marty DiBergi: Uh... seven and a quarter.
Nigel Tufnel: "I think we have that." See, something like that I could do.
Marty DiBergi: Yeah... you think you'd be happy doing something like-...
Nigel Tufnel: "No; we're all out. Do you wear black?" See, that sort of thing I think I could probably... muster up.
Marty DiBergi: Do you think you'd be happy doing that?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, I don't know - wh-wh-... what're the hours?


Nigel Tufnel: You can't really dust for vomit.


Marty DiBergi: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
Nigel Tufnel: [pause] These go to eleven.


Ian Faith: They're not gonna release the album... because they have decided that the cover is sexist.
Nigel Tufnel: Well, so what? What's wrong with bein' sexy?


Clerks
Dante Hicks: 37! My girlfriend's sucked 37 dicks!
Customer: In a row?

RuailleBuaille

Laurel & Hardy

Phone rings.
Hardy picks it up.
Listens, nods and says 'Yes it is'
Hangs up.
Gestures towards phone to explain: 'Operator said it's a long distance from California'



Blazing Saddles

Are we awake?
I'm not sure, are we black?

Sam Vimes

The big lebowski again (can't remember the exact quote)

the dude:why'd you bring the dog bowling

walter: i didn't bring the dog bowling. I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a ****ing beer. Its not taking a ****ing turn dude

mickrourke

A classic line, as old as me grans arse but still good

Clouseau: Does your dog bite?
Innkeeper: No
**Clouseau goes to pet dog it takes a bite out of his glove**
Clouseau: I thought you said your dog does not bite?
Innkeeper: That is not my dog

And here is the youtube link

nice1franko

As Good As It Gets
(Jack Nicholson to his gay neighbour who just been burgled and hospitalised)
Don't worry, you'll be back on your knees in no time.

Ph3n0m

Anchorman
Ron Burgundy: Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard's Delight.
Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
Ron Burgundy: It's quite pungent.
Brian Fantana: Oh yeah.
Ron Burgundy: It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way.
Brian Fantana: Yep.
Ron Burgundy: Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.

Great Odin's raven.
Knights of Columbus, that hurt.

Clerks
Jay: I don't care if she's my cousin or not, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight

prospect

The Wedding Singer:
"She's gonna get it, she doesn't know it, an I'm gonna give it to her"

Holy Grail:
"The peril is troo perilous"

FrCrilly

ItchyInside wrote:

Blazing Saddles

Are we awake?
I'm not sure, are we black?

Blazing Saddles

When the people of Rockridge are considering uniting with the discriminated against rail road workers (in return granting them a plot of land each) in order to defeat the bad guys, a spokesman stands up:

“Okay, we’ll give some land to the n*gg*rs and the ch*nks, but we don’t want the Irish”.


(Mod, if anything I’m being racist towards Irish people).