it hurts...

tryAlittle1

20 year old girl here
still a virgin
been with guys b4 but now with current bf for 2 mths and really love him
he is very sexually experienced ,he puts no pressure on me and is very understanding and gentle
i wanna move our relationship on but its very hard as im so tight
ive not been so much as fingered b4 and he cant even get the tip of a finger in without me crying in pain
we take our time ,he gets me fully aroused and we use lubricatoin

im at a loss as to what we can do?

ansionnachclist

Sex toys. Loosen yourself up at your own pace. Then when you feel comfortable, let your boyfriend pleasure you, again at your own pace. Takes time for some girls.

Good luck .

spurious

tryAlittle1 wrote:

he cant even get the tip of a finger in without me crying in pain

That is not normal. Go to your doctor.

Puddleduck

I say go to your gp, its sounds like vaginamus, which is basically where you tighen up so much that sex is impossible or incredibly painful. Definatly go to your gp, itll be embarrasing sure, but better safe then sorry

Ickle Magoo

Can you get your own finger in? What about a tampon? Is it specifically related to your partner? I think you should contact your GP too, discomfort to that extent should be checked out.

Pal

Ffs

Dudess

Pal wrote:

Ffs

What??? Could you elaborate? Or are you scorning the OP because she's, as you might put it, a "frigid"?

ansionnachclist wrote:

Sex toys. Loosen yourself up at your own pace.

I don't know. If the OP cannot be penetrated by a finger - even when she's sexually aroused, it's unlikely she'll be able to insert a vibrator.
Yes OP, do go see your doctor. It may be vaginismus, which often has a psychological root cause. I'm not suggesting you had any bad experiences or anything - a friend of mine had it and there was no specific reason. I'd say back in the days when the catholic church repeatedly told us sex was evil and dirty, plenty of cases of vaginismus resulted.

McGinty

Hi op

I am really sorry to hear what you are going through, may I ask a personal question, do you ever masturbate, and if so do you just stimulate the clitoris or have you ever inserted your own finger inside of yourself?

If you don't masturbate I would suggest becoming a sensual lover to yourself, this will allow you to open up to your boyfriend because when you become intimate with your own body, you get to know what works for you.

Personally when I self pleasure, I like to touch my wrists, belly, inner legs, thigh, etc and build up a certain amount of heat/sexual energy that way, and then I move towards the gentials, moving in whatever way works for me. Would you consider trying this? It is not as threatening nor is there any pressure to perform, I know you said your boyfriend is not pressuring you but it sounds like you are putting huge pressure on yourself and that could cause you anxiety. Also it may be worth your while visiting your GP, but do try this as well when you are alone. Best of luck

Capt'n Midnight

Puddleduck wrote:

its sounds like vaginamus,

agree

the worst thing to do is worry about it. if it's just a mental block / performance anxiety worrying would make it worse. when you are more relaxed mentally you'll probably be more relaxed physically.

Beruthiel

Pal wrote:

Ffs

Pal
If you cannot offer some helpful advice, don't bother posting in this forum.
Another comment like that one and I'll ban you.
B

Marksie

McGinty has some good advice there

OP: do you self pleasure? and if you do do you try your finger on yourself? do you feel the same resistance and pain. I would advise against sex toys for the moment, its important to get comfortable with how fingers feel before moving to anything else.

Going to the gp would be a good idea to make sure.

Dudess has an intersting point in that you may be simply completely tense and uncertain frm a psychological aspect whihc is manifesting in a physical form.

Not knowing more at the momnet we cannot be sure so think of all the options :-)

Anti

Aye go to the gp, just to get checked out. Im sure its nothing serious, but some girls are alot tighter then others.

tryAlittle1

thanks every1
yes i have tried myself also and its the same
i 've never suffered any traumatic experiences thank god and i was'nt brought up with the strong catholic thing about it being wrong so i guess i must just be tensing up even without noticin i am?
sounds like it could be vaginismus yeah

Dudess

It's hard to know until you speak with your doctor, but yeah, it does seem like it's vaginismus. And just an inability to relax. Relaxing is crucial. And remember that the vaginal opening can stretch to accommodate a baby so maybe you should keep telling yourself that.
Finally, don't worry about it. There's such a big deal made about a person's performance in bed. It's your business, nobody else's. And don't ever lose confidence in yourself - as well as being labelled sluts, girls often have to put up with sh*t about being frigid or whatever (see above idiotic, insensitive and downright nasty comment by Pal). That's complete nonsense. You've been with other lads and you're with a guy now and have been intimate and turned on with him - you are most definitely NOT frigid.

LegacyUser

I agree with posters above. I was the same, nothing traumatic happened to me but I seemed to have a "mental block" concerning "down there".

Contact the Well Woman Centre, they are very helpful (try the Pembroke Road clinic). You can get over this!