My mates bad influences - how to get rid of them?

vespahead

right this is something which has been bugging me all summer i have two m8s they were my best mates but they do stuff which gets me in trouble and one of them can manipulate me really easily i became friends with them at the start of secondary because i knew nobody in the school i've grown up a bit over the past 3 years and realised they are only going to bring me down,so heres the thing they always seem to know what to say to keep me sticking around and i cant help but wonder when i am going to be doing serious crimes with them because thats were i think there heading.i dont want to blank them but since the summers over and im going to see them everyday its goin to be hard to keep away.its just i've worked so hard over the summer to get my life on track i dont want to fall back in with them every else i know is tellin me there bad news and that im only going to wreck my life if i keep hanging around with them

PeakOutput

tell them to fk off its not that hard really, maybe the first time but after that it gets much easier

masseyno9

Who is this "everyone else" you mention? I presume they're people you've been with a bit more over the summer....Would hanging around with them a bit more outside of school instead of the deviants be an option? If you talk to the other lads in school and whatnot, no biggie, there's only so much trouble you can get in in school!! If anything serious is going on, just stay out.

Cliche....be the bigger man and walk away....

D Bronc

Thank god u realised what they were like before things went too far. Well done.;) This is a tricky one but you could always opt for different subjects so your not always in their classes. I think you need to make some new school friends aswell because if you dont have any other friends other than them it would be too easy to pal around with them. Hope it all works out.:)

vespahead

tanx for the help but its trickier then it seems with these lads,plus all my other m8s tellin me to stay away from them are in my school,and i have to admit i didnt find out what they were like its only my other good freind who told me what it looks like from the outside

randylonghorn

masseyno9 wrote:

Would hanging around with them a bit more outside of school instead of the deviants be an option?

I would say that something like this is the direction to go ... fill the times you would normally have spent with them with other commitments ... hang around with other people, do other things, get involved in sports, whatever. And rather than blank them, what harm if you chat with them for 5 minutes at break or whatever, once you always have somewhere else to be that evening, or whenever ye would have been inclined to hang out and get into real trouble. That way you may be able to avoid any major confrontations, but just seem to gradually drift apart. If that doesn't work, you may just have to be blunt about it as PeakOutput says, but I can understand that you may want to avoid that if you can. Stick to your guns one way or the other. If they're dragging you down that much, they're not much good as friends.

comongethappy

It sounds bad - but be rude. If they want to hang out, turn them down. Make up any excuse you can think of (blame it on your parents, work, etc). Try to get an afterschool job maybe (if old enough) to keep you away and give you a good excuse. You can talk to them ocassionally, but let go. Ignore them if they are suggesting stupid things.

You're doing right to cut them out now and make a better life for yourself. There are "toxic" people, who just drag you down with them, even if you just hang out with them to help them. I had a friend who went downhill after her bro died. I felt sorry for her and kept hanging w/ her despite all the stupid stuff she did, but then time came when I copped on that she'd only drag me down as she started rapidly going downhill, and I cut off from her. Life got a lot better after that. So stick to your guns, mate!

LegacyUser

'get a girlfriend, that will take up all your time'

david1two3

Its not all down to them and you are a saint,if you were really doing the right stuff you would have passed them by. How do I know, well I only hung around with all the wrong people until one day I took my brothers advice and had to fight them off for a few years but I was not one to be told what was or wasnt going to be. When I made up my mind ,that was it ,no further dealings with them.This enraged them and seen as we were all alcoholics it became very messy ,the main protaginist was 3 years older than me and he attacked me whenever I was looking the other way,he lost every time and I never looked for it at all. Now I do no drink ,no drugs, no cigarettes and ride up to 350 miles a week but always at least 100. I do what I want and mix with who I like which is something we rarely realise we are allowed to do as children. I will save your life and I will apprehend you if neccessary , what ever I need to do for everything to be OK. I dont care what the norm is , I dont need to be popular and as a result my friends , rare as they are , are real friends.Do what you have to do but do it soon and talk with someone you trust, preferably someone who does not know the others as a biased view is never of much value

Beruthiel

vespahead wrote:

they always seem to know what to say to keep me sticking around

Break that habit and get it into your head that nobody can make you do something unless you allow it to happen.
The only person in control of you is you.
Fair play for realising where this is going if you keep it up. You have other friends and you can make more, where is the loss of two losers heading no where fast?

Foxykitty

you need a hobby that you can do but they can't and everytime you see them just say "sorry i have to go and ...." it's a habit and you need to stop blaming people for what you do it's YOUR life.

LegacyUser

'I had to do this problem a while back, but with a whole group of lads (about 8-9 of them).

'Wasters' doesn't even begin to sum them up. They were sound for the first 2 or 3 months but then I started to realise my old friends were a) avoiding me or b) having others telling them to stay away from me.

Ringing me at 8 in the morning trying to get me out knacker drinkin in some random field. Two of them started doing some deliveries for a few other local scumbags. Going out every weekend and starting fights 'just for the craic'. A lot of other things I'm not going to write.

I shyd away from most of it - but they were so ****in clingy - and it got harder and harder to get away from the group.

The last straw was when I got a fairly vicious beating one night by another group (just for hangin about with these lads). Cowards, every last one of them, it took 5 of them to jump me in a dark park (we sorted it out later, but nothing I'm proud of).

Anyway - I cut it off with them just before heading into 6th year - but it wasn't easy. They kind of had some stuff on me (things I got involved in really because of them) and weren't making it easy.

So I had to change my number (house and mobile), gain the trust of my old - true - friends, and it was only with their help that we got these scumbags to keep their distance.

Sorry for the rant - but just remember - you 'can' isolate yourself from them.'