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My Brother is dragging me down

  • 29-08-2007 3:13pm
    #1
    scoobydoo2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29 ✭


    Ok here is the story....

    My brother is known for having a loud mouth and getting himself into trouble (mainly when he is drunk), God knows i have had plenty of arguments with him myself. The difference between us is that i am a quite shy person in general and when i drink im pretty much the same just maby a less shy but not loud or noisy. Recently though when i have went out to the pub with my brother he always causes trouble and gets me involved although i have the sense to walk away, i worried that this might not be enough one day. We both live away from home in a different city so we don't really know many other people to go out with. So my problem is what do i do?
    Should i just stop going out with him altogeather or what??????/


Comments

  • #2
    Rossibaby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭Rossibaby


    have a word and tell him if he starts on someone thats his problem and he'll face the music.but if someone starts on your bro you should be there to help him


  • #3
    r3nu4l
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,399 ✭✭✭✭r3nu4l


    Have a word with him alright. He obviously doesn't know when he's had enough and although he's a grown lad and adult you should still point out to him that his behaviour is unacceptable.

    A chat with him while he's sober or early in the night (during the first pint) is called for!


  • #4
    Slow Motion
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,831 ✭✭✭Slow Motion


    He may be your brother but he's not your responsibility, as the others said a word should be had before too many pints are taken and if it doesn't work then leave him to it and find other people to go out with or go out on your own !


  • #5
    the_syco
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 37,316 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Ah, sure, he knows he can count on you, so why should he bother changing?

    But if you walk away, and leave him to his own devices, he may cop on that he has to get his act together. You may feel guilty when he comes home with a hurt ego, and a few bruises, but it's either that, or BOTH of ye landing in the hostipal.


  • #6
    D Bronc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 71 ✭✭D Bronc


    You need to get this sorted rapidly. People who behave like your brother does always get whats coming to them in the end, sorry but its true and you will get caught in the crossfire. Next time have a word before u go out and during the night, i know its hard to enjoy yourself when your "babysitting". If it dosent work then u have to stop going out with him it might be a wakeup call for him. If not u have to try make some friends i know its hard when your in a strange place, but at least u dont have to be dependant on your brother for socialising. Hope it works out for you!:)


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  • #7
    comongethappy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,753 ✭✭✭comongethappy


    Have a word with him and tell him that when he's had one too many, he doesn't know how to handle himself anymore. Go out with him a few times, reminding him. If he gets pissed and starts trouble - leave him. If he does something stupid (sounds bad) but rub it in, make him realise how out of control he gets after a few too many. Maybe he'll cop on then how bad his behaviour really gets.


  • #8
    milkerman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 460 ✭✭milkerman


    Some people have no capacity for alcohol, some fall asleep, some talk incessantly, some get amorous and some get aggressive.
    You need to explain to your bro that he falls into the last category and that if he chooses to drink beyond his capacity he will be on his own.
    You could end up with a criminal record or even a custodial sentence if you rush to his defence in a row that HE initiated.
    Sure you must stand up for your bro, in this case by telling him to wise up fast.


  • #9
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    scoobydoo2 wrote:
    Recently though when i have went out to the pub with my brother he always causes trouble and gets me involved although i have the sense to walk away, i worried that this might not be enough one day. We both live away from home in a different city so we don't really know many other people to go out with. So my problem is what do i do?
    Should i just stop going out with him altogeather or what??????

    Sit him down one evening when ye are at home and tell him exactly how you feel. See what he has to say for himself. If it doesn't stop, I'd be inclined not to go out with him anymore. I don't see much fun in going out for a night just to start a fight.


  • #10
    scoobydoo2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29 ✭scoobydoo2


    Beruthiel wrote:
    Sit him down one evening when ye are at home and tell him exactly how you feel. See what he has to say for himself. If it doesn't stop, I'd be inclined not to go out with him anymore. I don't see much fun in going out for a night just to start a fight.


    I agree, but i have spoke to him before and only last week i was out with him and dropped him home in a taxi only to have him arrive back to mine a few hours later with his face all bashed up, ended spending the night in the A&E with him cause he got a fractured skull. Not the first time this has happened i might add. He just never seems to learn no matter what happens to him. At a loss for what to do.


  • #11
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    scoobydoo2 wrote:
    I agree, but i have spoke to him before and only last week i was out with him and dropped him home in a taxi only to have him arrive back to mine a few hours later with his face all bashed up, ended spending the night in the A&E with him cause he got a fractured skull. Not the first time this has happened i might add. He just never seems to learn no matter what happens to him. At a loss for what to do.

    By the sounds of it i would prepare for a funeral. I have seen hundreds of guys like your brother. Fueled by drink and invincable until the first punch is thrown.

    Eventually your brother will start a fight he can't walk away from. He obviously has no real respect for himself and needs to learn this. You need to cut him off for a while and stop looking after him.

    This might sound harsh but worse that your brother getting hurt is him hurting someone else who doesn't deserve it.


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  • #12
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    scoobydoo2 wrote:
    He just never seems to learn no matter what happens to him. At a loss for what to do.

    By the sounds of it, there is nothing you can do.
    One of two things will happen, he'll get the crap kicked out of him so bad that it will make him cop on, this sometimes happens to people, only when they've had a really near miss do they realise what idiots they are.
    or
    as Dragan said, he'll get himself killed in the process.

    You say you've spoken to him already, what has been his answer? Does he know what he's at is dangerous? He's a bad drunk and needs to cut it out until he can handle himself.


  • #13
    jdivision
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,260 ✭✭✭jdivision


    Sounds like he becomes aggressive with drink. He's gotta learn that he shouldn't drink. Full stop. No ones or twos. He has to stop. I presume that's what happened when you dropped him off, he decided to go looking for more drink and got into a scrap.


  • #14
    K-9
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43,311 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    jdivision wrote:
    Sounds like he becomes aggressive with drink. He's gotta learn that he shouldn't drink. Full stop. No ones or twos. He has to stop. I presume that's what happened when you dropped him off, he decided to go looking for more drink and got into a scrap.

    I have been in situations like that. You can't babysit him, your on edge when you're out and you feel like you need eyes in the back of your head.

    Talk to him again, though don't get your hopes up. Really you have to move on. He is the only person that can change himself, not you. Hopefully he realises that before its too late.

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



  • #15
    Sandy2004
    Closed Accounts Posts: 120 ✭✭Sandy2004


    Tell him to join AA - from what I've been told of AA - you only need to want to stop drinking to go and dont have to be a 24 hour drunk i.e. (for problem drinkers) - a fractured skull tells me he deffo has a problem with drinking...

    G'Luck....


  • #16
    D Bronc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 71 ✭✭D Bronc


    Would you not show him this thread? It cant hurt and it might make him realise how worried you are, and maybe by reading everyones comments it might hit home. At least your not the one saying it all the time, everyone cant be wrong. Hope it works.:)


  • #17
    scruff321
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 729 ✭✭✭scruff321


    Slow Motion wrote:
    He may be your brother but he's not your responsibility, as the others said a word should be had before too many pints are taken and if it doesn't work then leave him to it and find other people to go out with or go out on your own !

    true,but it is also hard when sometimes people who drink have a habit of been **** stirers and normally end up getting a few slaps


  • #18
    karen3212
    Closed Accounts Posts: 668 ✭✭✭karen3212


    hi op,
    you obviously really care about your brother, and i'm sorry to hear how much it is hurting both of you. Is there any reason why he can't control his drinking, i mean I've always wondered why some people just can't stop at a certain point. Are you able to discipline your drinking, is there any way he would substitute water or something in between pints, or maybe drink lower alcohol drinks?

    Otherwise I agree with people above, let him out alone, because he is going to get hurt again, and even if it is difficult, you need to protect yourself too. Is there any way he would consider speaking to his GP or anything about it?


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