Painful Sex

Smiegel

Hi,

Can someone tell me if its normal for vaginal sex to be painful for girls. Does it take them a while to get used to the size of the mans penis? My girlfriend finds it painful when my penis 'expands' inside her and when I penetrate her deeply. I am a 6 foot bloke and she is 5 5. Is she simply too small for me?

Thanks for any help,

Smiegel

niavie

she just needs to get used to you... the more you guys have sex the less it will hurt her...

dame

Are you sure you're doing enough foreplay?

Dudess

And are you her first sexual partner?

Smiegel

well she thought that was the problem so we got lubricant which made things slippier but didnt stop the discomfort

Smiegel

yep i'm her first sexual partner

idunno78

i somtimes experience painful sex even tho it is 'slippery' enough. diffenent positions are sorer then others for me. ones that he goes to deep really hurt. mess around with different positions and find a few that work..

Marksie

Are you sure she is aroused enough or comfortable enough?. It could be that she is nervous amnd this may be the cause.

Are you being gentle and slow?

I noticed that you mentioned penetration deeply? If you concentrate on shallow penetration does the same happen?

Also, is the discomfort internalised or on the opening of the vagina? Are you long, you maybe catching a point, like the cervix for example.

Try woman on top positions and resist the urge to thrust. In tha way you surrender control to her and she can guage the depth and feel what is right.

Smiegel

shallow penetration is not as painful for her

there is a small bit of pain on entry but most is at the deepest lower part of the vagina (as she lies on her back)

Spyral

visit a doctor, the embarassment (that is if you get embarrassed about such things) would be worth a good sex life.

Or read Sex for Dummies. Its rather informative

Marksie

Smiegel wrote:

shallow penetration is not as painful for her

there is a small bit of pain on entry but most is at the deepest lower part of the vagina (as she lies on her back)

It may seem personal, but how is she when you use fingers? Are you endowed shall we say? It may be that she isnt comfortable yet and you will have to be gentle all the way.

It may very well be you are hitting against something deep inside, again one possibility is the cervix.
Try shallow penetration, not pushing too hard or fast. allow her to draw you in rather than penetarrting, the shallow can be very stimuklating for both. So focus on teh openuing and not going deep.
Also focus a lot on foreplay and allow her to be entirely comfortable with it before proceeding. The more aroused she is the easier it is.

Try not to get frustrated and transmit it to her as she will tense up.
On possibility id to cross the T that is lie perpendicular to her and gently move,with her legs over yours. She can reach down and stimualte herself and/or grab you and control teh depth and speed of penetration. It is a very relaxing position.
Woman on top gives her the control as she can guage how things are going and back off if needs be.

There really should be no pain on entry it should move naturally. Do you find that initially you meet resistance then you suddenly go in? or is it a smooth entry?

spurious

Thrusting that is too deep will often cause the tip of the penis to bang off the cervix - this is very uncomfortable and can be very painful for some women.

If there has been enough foreplay, the width of the penis will not be an issue. Only a grossly deformed and over sized penis (bigger than a baby's head) will be too big.

Positions where she is on top should help, or you could maybe try playing with toys before you enter her, rather than diving straight in. An ex of mine had a sex toy she used to call 'John the Baptist'.:eek: Oh the fun we had.

thecleverone

Thrusting that is too deep will often cause the tip of the penis to bang off the cervix - this is very uncomfortable and can be very painful for some women

My sister had the same problem. She's 5'4 and her boyfriend is 6'6 and apparently very well endowed. She used to find it very uncomfortable at the start of their relationship, if not painful, but she said over time the discomfort went and now they have a great sex life!! (Lucky for some :rolleyes: )

TheDriver

Your sister told you that? I could talk to anyone about matters except sister and other family members...........

thecleverone

Yep. We talk about anything. There's only a couple of years between us and we're more like best friends, than sisters. I instigated the conversation though when she told me that he wears a size 17 shoe.... i wanted to know if the rumours were true. Big feet and all that

Marksie

spurious wrote:

'John the Baptist'.

A voice crying in the wilderness???

Gauge

Smiegel- how often have ye been having sex, if you don't mind me asking? If it doesn't seem to be getting any better, she could go to a doctor and see if it's something like Vaginismus (which sounds like a possibility because you mentioned she feels uncomfortable 'inside' even with lube). What this means is that her muscles tighten involuntarily when she's being entered, if this is the case a doctor can help her out with things like pelvic floor exercises to help her have more control over her muscles down there and stop them spasming.

If you're especially well-endowed you might also be hitting her cervix, which can hurt a bit. Have you tried doing it with her on top- she'll have more control over how deep you're going and it might be more comfortable for her.

Here's some information for you anyhow:

Vaginismus Article

Like I said, a doctor should be able to sort it out.

dudara

TheDriver wrote:

Your sister told you that? I could talk to anyone about matters except sister and other family members...........

Please stay on topic

dudara

Smiegel

weve been having sex for about 3 months now

maybe I am hitting her cervix because the pain is mostly at the top of her vagina, we might also try changing positions to some of those suggested

if all fails we'll try the doctor next

thanks for all the replys

Smiegel

as for the question earlier from Marksie ....yep she is fine when i use my fingers ....if only I was happy with that too!

Anti

Smiegel wrote:

as for the question earlier from Marksie ....yep she is fine when i use my fingers ....if only I was happy with that too!

Naughty boy... Its not about your satisfaction ya know. Maybe if you spent more time getting her aroused there would be less pain for her.

LegacyUser

'I have the same problem, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend 2 months ago and even now it hurts when he enters me. We always start off in the missionary position (before switching to another) and he has never been able to enter me without it hurting. We have tried starting off in other positions but it still hurts. Now within a couple of minutes he is all the way in and it is great. I was a virgin before we met and he had only had one night stands (only one or two I think) so we are both quite inexperienced. The way he does it is he tries to get it all in at once but this hurts so he has to put it in bit by bit. Does everyone just go bit by bit or should he be able to put it all in at once? I think the problem is more with me though, fingering hurts me sometimes too.'

Marksie

Smiegel wrote:

as for the question earlier from Marksie ....yep she is fine when i use my fingers ....if only I was happy with that too!

Penetrative intercourse is only a small part of things. Way too many people think sex begins and ends with penetration. It doesn't.

You can switch roles as giver and reciever, its an excellent way of learning about each ithers bodies and responses.

Also, as you are taller you may find that missionary is a deepo thrusting positions and if, like many, the idea is that penetration is deep and hard from teh word go, you will have these difficulties.
Try what is called the thrust of the sparrow, you are just barely inside and light and rapid strokes with no weight behind them.

heathen wrote:

Does everyone just go bit by bit or should he be able to put it all in at once? I think the problem is more with me though, fingering hurts me sometimes too!

I am guessing that he is quite rough as well. Undoubtedly you are tense, is he aware of this?
bit by bit or straight away depends on the arousal state of the female partner. But essentially the guy has to bring his awareness to what is happening, not just concentrating on getting it in or a quick rub on the genitals.
You also have to realise that he is there to facilitate your pleasure 9and vice versa), if you dont tell him or show him or say its too sore, fast whatever he may not be aware and think he is doing a wonderful job.

Its a two way process, you are both very inexeperienced. Now is an ideal opportunity to step back and learn and throw the accepted "rules" out of the window. hopefully yuorb/friend will be amture enough to see that you are communicating for the furtherance of your mutual pleasure and not get huffy or in a strop taking it as a personal slight.

LegacyUser

'

Marksie wrote:

I am guessing that he is quite rough as well. Undoubtedly you are tense, is he aware of this?
bit by bit or straight away depends on the arousal state of the female partner. But essentially the guy has to bring his awareness to what is happening, not just concentrating on getting it in or a quick rub on the genitals.
You also have to realise that he is there to facilitate your pleasure 9and vice versa), if you dont tell him or show him or say its too sore, fast whatever he may not be aware and think he is doing a wonderful job.

Its a two way process, you are both very inexeperienced. Now is an ideal opportunity to step back and learn and throw the accepted "rules" out of the window. hopefully yuorb/friend will be amture enough to see that you are communicating for the furtherance of your mutual pleasure and not get huffy or in a strop taking it as a personal slight.

I think the problem is that we're both so inexperienced. Now he is a fantastic lover, just a bit enthusiastic is all! But as soon as I say it hurts he stops until I am ok for a bit deeper, which doesn't take even a minute. Another problem is that we always have to use KY, if we try it without it he has problems entering me at all, but as soon as we use the KY he is able to. He has a tendency to try and get it all in in the one go and I really wish we could do this but we will have to just do it bit by bit.'

Marksie

heathen wrote:

'
I think the problem is that we're both so inexperienced. Now he is a fantastic lover, just a bit enthusiastic is all! But as soon as I say it hurts he stops until I am ok for a bit deeper, which doesn't take even a minute. Another problem is that we always have to use KY, if we try it without it he has problems entering me at all, but as soon as we use the KY he is able to. He has a tendency to try and get it all in in the one go and I really wish we could do this but we will have to just do it bit by bit.'

nail and head there.

The fact that you have to use KY indicates that you are not fully aroused.

Would it be possible for you two to take a step back from penetrative sex and make the foreplay everything.

This has so many advantages, you learn about each other, you find new erogenous zones, and you find that penetration is not the be all and end all. By having "no penetration" nights (if you want to make a game of it ) you really learn about yourselves and each other and the value of non-penocentric (phallocentric?) thinking.

I guess you are both quite young and smiled a little when i read the word enthusiastic ( i can remember that far back, to my teens). I got the distiinct impressioin of a happy puppy jumping up at the slightest opportunity. Thats said have you seen how upset a puppy gets when you say no bad boy?

We wouldnt want to curb that enthusiasm and this is where adequate communication comes in (to extend the analogy of not upsetting the puppy), telling him how good he is and wanting to try something different (hence the suggestion of no penetration nights).
Not a matter of curbing his enthusiasm, but channelling it .
Practicing giving and recieving in turns and learning.

and yes there is no rush.

Ickle Magoo

Deep penetration can be painful for women with certain cervical or uterine conditions - I've always found deep penetration very uncomfortable, regardless of the duration I've known the penis, lol. I only found out when trying to give birth that I have a retroverted uterus & that is what is most likely to have been causing any discomfort - worth considering a visit to your GP to rule out any gynecological conditions anyway.

The other common cause of vaginal pain other than lack of lubrication is lack of sexual arrousal. When you get adequately sexually aroused the cervix lifts out of the vaginal canal otherwise it can be "butted" (for want of a better phrase!) by the head of the penis, leading to pain & crampy feelings during & after sex. hth.

Sorry - edited for spelling...

LegacyUser

'hey,
i just wanted to add in something here.. everyones mentioning cervical discomfort, and then penis being too long and hitting the cervix.. i'm 25, and i remember that back when i started having sex i hated this feeling, when the penis is too deep and hits the cervix, although if i was aroused enough it would get less uncomfortable, to the point that we could continue that way for a long time. afterwards i would get a bit of cramping..

now a few years on, i've gotten used to the feeling of a penis touching my cervix, and i look forward to it, and use positions where i can be penetrated more deeply. i guess i'm more relaxed and experienced and have figured out that one of the things i like most about sex is feeling my partner be as deep inside me as possible. so i guess its a psychological thing, whether you're thinking "oh no! hes pushing inside me so deep!" or thinking "oh yes! hes pushing inside me so deep!"'

Talliesin

KY has it's place if needed, but arousal does more than just provide for lubrication whereas this is the only thing KY does.