What to say??

LegacyUser

I broke up with my boyfriend over two months ago and we were due to be going to a gig on Thursday evening, and were both looking forward to it. He cancelled today and said he still loves me, and its too hard for him every day and it wouldnt be wise.

I would just like someone to advise me as to what to say to him. I'm just confused. I'd like to say the right thing, I already said I understand. But, I'd like to comfort him and help him to move on. I'd just like to say the right thing to him to help him move on.

We both finished it after an unhappy end to a 3yr relationship, but I do love him, I just know that my life quality has improved ten fold since our break up, and going back to our relationship isn't an option for me.

I just want to say the right thing.

someothername

you already did, by saying you understand

break ups are hard and take time but keep a distance and it will get easier for you and him...

Ruu_Old

Give him his space as he will have to get over it by himself and I doubt anything you have to say will make it any easier for him. Good luck.

Duckjob

Unfortunately, however well intentioned, you are the last person that can help him move on.

Give him, and yourself space and let it happen naturally.

Edit: The Ruu fella beat me to it.

c-dog

totaly agree wit all above posts its only himself that can get over this and by u comfronting him only brings u back into his life and cos gettin back wit him is not an option for u this will only bring more heart ache on him by talking/seeing u. best off to leave well alone me thinks!!

seamus

There's nothing you can say. If he is still in love with you, and the relationship is dead, then the best thing for him is to cut contact with you.

Harsh, but in reality every time he sees you or hears from you he's back to square one.

Wibbs

seamus wrote:

There's nothing you can say. If he is still in love with you, and the relationship is dead, then the best thing for him is to cut contact with you.

Harsh, but in reality every time he sees you or hears from you he's back to square one.

Nail on the head. You basically have to realise that you can't help him move on beyond getting out of his life and you also have to realise that you may have to wait a very long time before you can deal with each other, if ever and you may have lost an important person in your life for good. You weighed the situation up and took the decision to end it, so end it you must and follow through on that. Keeping in contact or trying to help him isn't ending it for him or you.

missmatty

There's nothing else to say really, he has to deal with it himself. Although I would say don't attempt to comfort him any other way than verbally, ie a drunken 'comfort' hug can lead you places you wouldn't want to go!

Just give him space to move on.

LegacyUser

seamus wrote:

There's nothing you can say. If he is still in love with you, and the relationship is dead, then the best thing for him is to cut contact with you.

Harsh, but in reality every time he sees you or hears from you he's back to square one.

He called back this afternoon. 'Hey, look I'm so I freaked out, but I still love you, and some days I'm fine and others you just keep popping in and out of my head and I wish you wouldnt. Look, I think its fine, we should go to the gig'.

Sold out gig, Thursday night. He paid for the tickets on his card, and even if I still went he has to come and use his card to get the tickets. He wants to come now, because he states it will be fine. But... after reading Seamus' advise, I think its sad but best to cut contact.

LegacyUser

'Thanks to Wibbs, Miss Matty, C-Dog, Duckjob and Quiff81 for the advises offered.'

Star Lord

confused2say wrote:

But... after reading Seamus' advise, I think its sad but best to cut contact.

Totally, best decision for the both of you tbh... If he's still so emotionally involved it's best not to go to this thing together, as you'll only make it harder to get over one another.

LegacyUser

Thanks very much for ALL level headed replies.

We spoke this morning, on the phone for a very long time and I advised him it wasn't best to meet up as we both needed to cut each other off in order to move on, and we agreed but talked about what went wrong and why we didnt need to go there again. It was heavy but I'm going to the gig with my friend now and we decided we would meet up later on down the road when we've both healed and gotton on with our lives. I can breathe now, its finally over, I finally cut him off. I was always taking his calls and being nice to him.

Its great that your advises were clear and I know the problem wasn't that big, but sometimes you really are dumbfounded in your own personal issue.