thats a quater of an hour i will never get back!

sitout

on hold to the gas company for about 10 minutes
eventually a dublin lady picks up
my god im tired
she too sounds tired
we are annoying each other,she is crawling under my flesh
deep sighs, furrowed brows,forced calm tones ,underlying predjuices!


"it'll only take a few minutes now ok"

still phucking holding
twelve minutes and 21 seconds now
she really does not care,perhaps i should have delt with it differently
when is some one going to invent the time machine
"it'll only take a few minutes now ok"
NO ITS NOT OK but i said that in my head!

"whats yer name again love"

r3nu4l

Only on hold for 10 mins? That doesn't sound realistic, try 45 mins

It's a good concept and something that 99% of the public can understand, so it's not too difficult for the reader to empathise with the level of irritation either.

I think the piece captures enough of the realism of call centre fury without going too deep.

Did you consider including anything about why the call centre worker does not care? --> The pay not being worth the abuse etc?
Another thing you could include in a longer version would be the transfer of calls to other departments, the usual run around.

Finally, I'd recommend a good spell check too

sitout

r3nu4l wrote:

Only on hold for 10 mins? That doesn't sound realistic, try 45 mins

It's a good concept and something that 99% of the public can understand, so it's not too difficult for the reader to empathise with the level of irritation either.

I think the piece captures enough of the realism of call centre fury without going too deep.

Did you consider including anything about why the call centre worker does not care? --> The pay not being worth the abuse etc?
Another thing you could include in a longer version would be the transfer of calls to other departments, the usual run around.

Finally, I'd recommend a good spell check too

thank you! lol to the spell check im sooooooo bad its not funny that side of my brain has been out to graze for manys the year!

the raven

i don't like the idea of lengthening it. a piece like this stands better on short legs.

i like the conversational style of it, in fact i'd emphasise it a bit more, e.g. changing "she too sounds tired" to "she sounds tired too" etc.

one thing is that i think the "time machine" line is unnecessary, it's stated that you're frustrated already, so it doesn't add anything extra.
same goes for "but i said that in my head!", as long as that lethargic response from the lady remains it's understood that you're shouting in your head, plus the fact that it isn't in quotations.

all in all, a good piece


oh and one last thing, titles are important; the one you have isn't great. just crop it a bit, even something vague with a somewhat relation to the piece, like "15 minutes" or whatever.

sitout

thanks "the raven" i found your comments thought provoking to say the least.
i however must disagree with you on the time machine elament of the piece i think its vital to the whole concept. i do however agree with you on the lenght any more and it become tiresome!

busted flush

honestly i did not like this at all! im not getting at you but seriously this was just boring , not enough colour not interesting enough to captivate. in my honest opinion it was 38 seconds il never get back!