How can I end things with her and when should I...

LegacyUser

OK, Ill keep this short so people reading it wont have to thrall through too much ...

Im going out with my girlfriend a year now. We met by complete random fluke and immediately hit it off and started going out. All was going well and I really like her and care about her, problem is that I dont want to be in the relationship anymore. Theres a couple of minor reasons but the main one is that I feel Im too young to get into sometihng so serious and want to go out on the town with my mates as a single guy and experience new things and meet new people rather than being in a long term relatioship. Im 22 and shes 20 and this is actually the 1st serious relationship Iv ever had, which is probably why I feel so trapped and smothered right now.

Heres the problem, she just had her best friend end their friendship and ditch, which shes very upset about of course, and hasnt many friends (mainly because she lives in a fairly isolated area), so Im a massive part of her 'social' life as well as her hanging with my mates. On top of this, shes starting university in the same college as me in a few weeks, then a few weeks after that its her birthday.... For those reasons (and more I wont go into) I just cant break up with her right now, so Iv been acting as best as I can that nothings wrong. She keeps telling me Im the nicest person she ever met, Im so thoughtful, her best friend, make her feel great about herself and so on... so I feel absolutely terrible about this...

I have 2 things to ask

1; Am I doing the right thing in acting as though Im perfectly happy now because of all the troubles and so on she has (meaning I wont be able to spring this til around January... Iv worked that out )

2; How badly would she take something like this... shes totally head over heels and I feel bad just thinking about it. Anyone been in this situation before?

I really do care about her and do love her, its almost like a case of 'right person, but at the wrong time', but I just feel too overwhelmed by the seriousness of the relationship and how she seems so totally into it (odd thing is a few months ago I was totally into the relationship too, but not anymore )

Thanks for any replies

little miss

Its far more cruel to her if you keep this going until January. You need to finish it asap, and let her move on. The first term in college is the most important in terms of making friends. She'll be even more lonely and isolated if you keep things going until the start of next year as she'll be spending time with you rather than making an effort with new people. You'll have totally ruined her college experience.

If you care about this girl, break up with her now or you really are a bastard. There's never a good time to do it - you'll always be able to come up with an excuse why the timing is wrong. But in the long run, she'd hate to know you'd been hanging on there, knowing it was over and letting her fall more and more for you. Its not fair on her.

Yes, it will hurt her. And yes, she'll be upset. But she will get over it and move on. Ensure it is a clean break. Don't give her false hope and don't do the let's be friends thing or keep contacting her. That will force her to become more sociable and make new friends, and actually enjoy her time at college. Don't spoil this for her. Its not her fault you feel like this.

McGinty

I agree with Little Miss, now is the time but also do keep in mind that no one is responsible for the happiness of the other, that also includes the unhappiness of another. You can only be responsible for your own happiness, and personally I would hate someone to be with me out of sympathy, I would feel the relationship was false. Good luck with it, and if she tries to make you feel guilty or responsible for her happiness don't accept it.

Poco Loco

I agree, you need to do it now. Then, hopefully, she will take the opportunity to make new friends and meet people when college starts. College makes a big difference and opens lots of new doors. By doing it now, she can have some time to wallow and then be ok to face into college and meeting new people.

I would say, don't do it unless you are 100% sure. What if you break up with her and shortly realise you miss the relationship and are tired of the single life etc etc - you need to be sure. If you are, then go for it. It just wouldn't be fair for you to mess her around and be wanting her one week and wanting the single life the next. I think it's important for people to experience single life so I know where you're coming from. I'm a girl but I see it in a lot of guys (and I feel its important for girls as well!), this happens, they need that experience. But just make sure you realise that you can't just put her on the back burner - you have to assume you will never be with her again. If you're ok with that then go for it. You're not a horrible person, these things just happen.

randomname2005

You need to do it now. From personal experience, I should have broken up with an ex about 9 months before we actually did part ways. I used the same logic as you - she is going through tough times, has exams coming up, etc. etc. but in the end I was making myself miserable, prolonging the agony for both of us and it would have been easier on both of us in the long run if I had broken off with her a lot earlier.

Now, how to break the news - I dont know, you know her the best. What I will suggest is don't fabricate an arguement just so you have a reason to do it. Be honest with her.

R

azezil

randomname2005 wrote:

You need to do it now. From personal experience, I should have broken up with an ex about 9 months before we actually did part ways. I used the same logic as you - she is going through tough times, has exams coming up, etc. etc. but in the end I was making myself miserable, prolonging the agony for both of us and it would have been easier on both of us in the long run if I had broken off with her a lot earlier.

Now, how to break the news - I dont know, you know her the best. What I will suggest is don't fabricate an arguement just so you have a reason to do it. Be honest with her.

R

Nail head hit on the.
Yeah you're best off just breaking it off sooner rather than later, I like yourself didn't break up with someone when I wasn't happy and it just made me miserable. Don't do it while angry though, you'll only regret it afterwards, best to do it when you're calm cool and collected.

I'd still give her a bday present though, don't be a cheap ass about it lol

justsomebloke

ye as already stated the first few weeks in college are generally the most important in making new friends so if you are going to break up, do it as soon as possible as then at least she will have a few weeks to get over the relationship and look forward to college

milkerman

You have a unanimous answer to your question - and that's a rarity for this forum. If you have any scrap of decency you must break up with her.

sweet-rasmus

yeah, as said. tell her. just like you've told us; you "feel too overwhelmed by the seriousness of the relationship". don't wait for a good time to say it, because there will never be one. be honest with her. best of luck

randomname2005

sweet-rasmus wrote:

best of luck

Yup, good luck.

someothername

my advice is do it. and soon.
for all the above reasons and also cause the longer you leave it the harder it will be to do.
good luck!