no contact

LegacyUser

Was seeing this guy for last six weeks, I know it's not long, but we were getting on really well, I had trust issues with him which I put down to my own insecurities after some thinking (I posted here about them) and well just wanted to enjoy the thing and see how it panned out. So he went away for a couple of weeks on a trip he had planned, he'd asked me to go and I said I couldn't get away at that notice, and this guy had also asked me if I wanted to move in with him, as in after the first week of being together, but I had said no to this as it was much much too early for me to do that. For me that is a big move ya know? Anyway I did reassure him that I liked him, etc. and he accepted my not wanting to move in at that stage.. and then as the couple of weeks went on, we had one quiet drinks date, he asked me to meet him before he had to work one evening, and when he had his next days off I hadn't heard from him and just started to think that there was a lot of sex already compared to dating. Ok two weeks together, I know, too early for sex, but it just happened the first night we met. And I know, 2 weeks is nothing in terms of knowing someone, but it's been 2 years sinceI broke up with my ex, and this is the first time I've really felt so strongly for a guy.

Anyway, and sorry for the length here, but he had told me some stuff and while he was on holidays I had time to think about all of this, (i posted here before), stuff as in every girl ended up thinking he was a bastard, and how his ex was so jealous he just couldn't handle it anymore, he said he had cheated on her tho, cause she 'drove him to it'. Ok, fair enuf. I have been hurt in the past, and I guess I did think about this stuff too much.

So he came back from his holiday last week, we met up and had a nice night together, but I had gotten a little tipsy and I started asking him why had he told me those things, about how many women he'd been with, etc. etc. and I think I cameacross needy. We had said before that we're going steady, but I just needed reassurance that it was't just a sex thing and he said no that he was serious about me.

And I don't know. Something happened. The next two days I was back in work, so was he, and as I was feeling the need for space I didn't call him or anything. He didn't call me either. Then Wednesday night I rang him late and his phone wasn't on or connected or something, and well I haven't heard from him once all week. I feel somewhere deep down that this is him cutting me off, that he's avoiding me (I haven't called him since), but it's not like him to not contact. So I think I've been dumped? Thing is, I like him, and definitely wanted to get to know him better, and just expected that the next move would be a proper date. Now I'm starting to think that he has realised that I am serious about him, he's not feeling the same anymore, and is avoiding having to talk to me to tell me he doesn't wanna see me.

Wibbs

Honestly? From this and what you've posted before, I think you're getting a lucky break if he is backing off. I really do. It just smells bad to me. You deserve better. I know you hear that a lot, but in this case I really believe it to be true. You're projecting to much of what you want onto someone who may not be capable of giving you that. If you think at this early stage that you may or may not be dumped, or you don't know where you stand it's a big red flag. I would cut my losses.

Firetrap

I think you should accept this relationship as being dead in the water and move on. It looks to me like he's ignoring you in the hope that you'll go away quietly and save him the messy business of telling you to your face that it's over.

For what it's worth, quite a few things in your post alarmed me and are making me think you're better off without him.

Riamfada

It dosnt sound like you were actually a couple though.... whens too soon to back off? After the first drink, the first date, the first few weeks, before it becomes ... a formal break up

comongethappy

I agree - it's best to call it off if you want a serious relationship with someone. He sounds like he's not too sure himself if he want to be committed (previous cheating, etc). I'd say let him go before you regret it - at least you had tried.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your advice guys. I slept on it, and I'm walking away from this now. Ok, so he has more than likely walked away from me too, and it's sad how there isn't a word between us to say enjoyed your company, etc. even to say let's be friends when in reality we probably won't be in touch with eachother again, but I guess this is the real world. But yea I amn't the jealous type but this bad feeling I have would never go away and yea i'm better off just moving on!

Thanks for all the advice in the other posts too. Friends had been giving me similar advice, but somehow I think I just needed to hear it from strangers.

LegacyUser

'Okay...so since I last posted, we haven't been in any contact at all, then just today I got a text out of the blue from him that he had meant to send to someone else, I just replied telling him he'd sent it to me by accident..a few hours later he texted me saying that he wanted to let me know that his phone had been broken and that he got a new one and when he did he got my message (Ok so I had sent one when I got really drunk at the end of the week that he hadn't tried to contact me) and said he saw a bit more what I was like. Thing is I had said one thing that was a bit out of line, fair enough, but I had gotten drunk and was really upset cause of his cutting me off with no explanation and no closure. I know, I still definitely shouldn't have done it.

But what I don't know is, why after three, more, weeks did he text me with that 'just so you know' msg. I just replied saying I didn't believe him, and that I wasn't going to be taken in twice...

Maddening thing is I was doing nicely forgetting about him, now I can't think of anything else..'

LegacyUser

'Guys what do ye think...was this a revenge thing or could it be true about his phone not working? I find it hard to believe cause his sim would have been working even if his phone wasn't so he still could have contacted me sometime in that week had he wanted to..

Just why did he text out of nowhere?? Please tell me your thoughts, anybody!'

Drift

His phone may well have been broken .. you mentioned in your original post that you couldn't get through one night. But even if it was broken he would have found a way to contact you if he really wanted to ,which he didn't (and you didn't either).

He could have texted out of nowhere because he was drinking - just like you did.

My guess though is that when you replied to his text that he sent by accident he just thought wtf I'm going to get this off my chest and let her know I didn't like the text she sent. You can call that revenge if you want or closure if you prefer but does it really matter? Things just fizzled out for whatever reason and it doesn't sound like either of you want to get back together so they'll fizzle out again if you just preoccupy your thoughts with other things for a few days.

(P.S. I found it a bit difficult to get the timeline of things right from your post but I hope I got it)

LegacyUser

Yeh your timeline's spot on really: hadn't heard from him all the week after we had seen each other (and he was meant to be getting paid that day or definitely the following day) so the thing about getting a new phone as soon as he had got paid doesn't make sense cause he'd have got my texts at the very end of the week straight away then. And I forgot to mention that his phone did actually ring when I called it up a couple of hours before I texted him, and I tried twice, so there can't have been a lot wrong with it!

The text he sent me by accident was a msg saying he was off to this pub but would be 'free later, can't wait'... so it insinuated that he was meeting a girl. Maybe he sent it to me on purpose to hurt me, r knew I would reply and wanted to get that off his chest like you suggested. I'm pissed off he had my number and even though I'd deleted every msg of his I forgot to delete his number and I told him to get rid of my number and I would his.

Ok, end of that. Had a nightmarish night starting to think I blew it after all, but don't think that's the case. Thanks Drift )

Drift

You're welcome, and these things happen its not really a case of who blew it and who didn't. The relationship is still blown which isn't a bad thing because it didn't seem to be going the best anyway. Just think of it this way; the two of you weren't suited so you're aswell off to split sooner rather than later. Onwards and upwards

amtc

after many many years I've learnt it's very true - he's just not that much into you. Guys don't think - if they want to call they will. If they don't they won't. It's that simple!

LegacyUser

I've already resigned myself to that fact... he was lying about the phone being ****ed so much that he couldn't ring...etc. It's the msg out of the blue that I found not so typical of men...as in sendimg me a text by accident..who does that... and being very vengeful or suddently needing his closure. Closure wasn't so important to him when he stopped contact that week.

No I already know you're not going to get called if the person ain't interested but these really late evil msgs are new to me amtc.