Gay Debs?

LegacyUser

Ive my debs coming up and i really want to bring my new boyfriend (for all intents and purposes call him rob). I came out in school and all the guys were sound enough about it. I went to an all boys catholic rugby school and the guys are, well they can be a bit rough but theyre really sound once you know how to deal with them. My boyfriend went to a mixed school so hes not used to having to deal with an all male/alpha male type testosterone driven "hoorah" environment. I know they wont say anything mean on purpose but im desperately afraid the other guys from my school somehow scare rob off or really upset him. He's pretty sensitive about what people say and i know he wont appreciate that you just cant let alot of stuff my friends say seriously.

Am i over reacting? I want to enjoy the night and i want rob to enjoy it too but i'm not sure he'll be able to.

Has anyone any advice?

Victor

Perhaps break the ice by doing something well before the event so that people know each other?

b3t4

I can't see anything wrong with forewarning your boyfriend on how people might be. Fore warned is fore warned and all that.

The same goes for your friends. Do they know that you've a boyfriend and that you are bringing him to the debs?

Unfortunately, something like this might not be the first time your boyfriend has to experience this so at least this time he has a loving boyfriend by his side.

Life is a strange one,
Ang

Sangre

I remember a guy came out at our debs twice, he did it the seconded time because he thought no one heard the first as no one reacted. It was actually because we all assumed he was gay anyway and didn't care.
We were actually more suprised he didn't bring a male date.

This was a typical south dublin all boys rugby school.

r3nu4l

Victor wrote:

Perhaps break the ice by doing something well before the event so that people know each other?

Yep, bring him out for a night with one or two of your mates from school. Once they know him he'll be fine!

Ekancone

Unreg123cg wrote:

Ive my debs coming up and i really want to bring my new boyfriend (for all intents and purposes call him rob). I came out in school and all the guys were sound enough about it. I went to an all boys catholic rugby school and the guys are, well they can be a bit rough but theyre really sound once you know how to deal with them. My boyfriend went to a mixed school so hes not used to having to deal with an all male/alpha male type testosterone driven "hoorah" environment. I know they wont say anything mean on purpose but im desperately afraid the other guys from my school somehow scare rob off or really upset him. He's pretty sensitive about what people say and i know he wont appreciate that you just cant let alot of stuff my friends say seriously.

Am i over reacting? I want to enjoy the night and i want rob to enjoy it too but i'm not sure he'll be able to.

Has anyone any advice?

Isnt that the norm?

azezil

I went to a debs with a guy once, was no biggy at all... most people didn't know he was gay until the night, we had a ball!

justsomebloke

daithifleming wrote:

Isnt that the norm?

God no.

usually it is all boys catholic GAA school

patrickolee

I think it's great and a sign of the changing times that you are even considering bringing him. I'm sure you'll have a blast. You will always get eejits who will try and make you feel uncomfortable, if they think they can. If they don't think they can get to you, they won't try. Ignore them, you (and he) will be fine. Good for you.

jimmychin

sounds like a recipe for disaster and will end in tears

Nevyn

I think it is wonderfull and i hope you both have a great time.

Zillah

You're very brave, and by the sounds of things school kids in Catholic Rugby Schools are much more mature than they were a few short years ago.

Like someone said, maybe bring him along to something else before hand so they know him a little bit for the debs.

justsomebloke

OP just remember how people act around you while sober and in small groups maybe slightly different to how they will react as a whole when under the influence of drink and what ever else

seamus

Jaysus, my debs was only in 2000 and I'd say that one of the gay lads (no-one had officially come out at that point) bringing a guy would have ended in a fight at some point.
If you're comfortable with it and think it'd be cool, I see no reason not to do it. Maybe it'd worth your while bringing him out on a "pre-debs", just going out on the beer with your mates from school and your boyfriend, to get him (and perhaps some of them) comfortable with the idea.

the_syco

jimmychin wrote:

sounds like a recipe for disaster and will end in tears

Fore warned, and all, but remember: this is the last time they'll see you, they'll all be trying to get madly drunk, so people will fling words at you... but don't take it to heart: you won't be seeing them anymore.

seamus

the_syco wrote:

Fore warned, and all, but remember: this is the last time they'll see you, they'll all be trying to get madly drunk, so people will fling words at you... but don't take it to heart: you won't be seeing them anymore.

Indeed, there's nothing better than bumping into that rugby jock four years later and find out that he's working in the local centra full time.

Talliesin

seamus wrote:

Jaysus, my debs was only in 2000 and I'd say that one of the gay lads (no-one had officially come out at that point) bringing a guy would have ended in a fight at some point.

I was out in my last year in school in 1994 and that certainly didn't result in any fights.

seamus

Talliesin wrote:

I was out in my last year in school in 1994 and that certainly didn't result in any fights.

Obviously a difference in attitudes and scumbags I guess. There were fights at mine anyway

the_syco

seamus wrote:

Obviously a difference in attitudes and scumbags I guess. There were fights at mine anyway

There was one or two fights outside mine, I think. The reasons were stupid. My point is: there won't be any teachers around. If you know of some scumbags who have a problem with you being gay, be prepared for a talking. Saying that, you'd be surprised at how little they give a f**k outside of school. I'm sure about your school, but the mentality of some schools ensure's a pack mentality, and thus in the school you're in or out, but once school ends, no-one cares, and everyone is there for the craic.

randylonghorn

Unreg123cg wrote:

I came out in school and all the guys were sound enough about it. I went to an all boys catholic rugby school and the guys are, well they can be a bit rough but theyre really sound once you know how to deal with them. ... I know they wont say anything mean on purpose but im desperately afraid the other guys from my school somehow scare rob off or really upset him. He's pretty sensitive about what people say and i know he wont appreciate that you just cant let alot of stuff my friends say seriously.

Doesn't sound to me as if the OP anticipates fights or anyting like that.

I may be misinterpreting, but it sounds to me as if he's worried that
... a certain amount of slagging and general pishtake will go on
... that he's used to it and takes no notice of it, probably gives as good as he gets
... that his friends / classmates know he doesn't take it seriously
... BUT that he is afraid that Rob, who doesn't know them and who tends to be a bit sensitive anyway, will take them seriously and get upset.

I think you have already got two very good bits of advice on this thread, OP:

1) Explain to him how they are likely to be ... maybe not so much frame it in a very heavy way, but more "ah here, you have to realise, this shower take the pish out of everyone, you shouldn't take them seriously".

2) have him meet some of the people who will be there in advance, preferably in a casual way without making a big deal of it ... maybe arrange to meet a couple of the lads and their girlfriends some evening for a drink, or to go to a film, or whatever. A couple of such meets with 4-6 people probably better than meeting a big group at once.

And I guess I would add that if the slag starts, act exactly as you normally would ... which I presume is to slag back. If he sees that you are comfortable and just having a laugh with them, he is far more likely to relax than if you immediately turn to him and start reassuring him ... that kinda makes a big deal out of it.

Miss Fluff

Of course bring Rob OP, what's the alternative, bring a girl? Fair play, you've come out at school, plenty people wait until after, years after. Your friends know so why bother with a charade? If you are in regular contact with your schoolmates and meet them socially, bring Rob out with you a few times before the big night so the novelty factor for some of the more narrow-minded among them will have worn off. You won't regret it. My vbf is gay (him and his partner refer to me as "Wifey":) ), he came out at about 12. He never compromised or apologised for who he was and you shouldn't either. If you make a big deal out of it, it will be. Be gay and proud my love and have a great night.

Time Magazine

Ah, debs.

Stupid scumbags. They spent the night doing coke in the toilets for ours. I think they started on some people afterwards. I got off lucky.

OP, I think it depends on how confident you are being open. If the two of you pluck up the courage to be open about it, it will be very hard for other people to say anything offensive accidentally on purpose.

irish_bob

id say go for it , seeing that its a rugby fee paying school , chances are homosexuality is pretty rampant throughout the class

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

Victor

Take it easy folks.

Dave!

If a bloke came out while in my secondary school, they woulda been teased like crazy. Since you said you didn't get any abuse, I don't see any reason why your fella would. If you're concerned that you/he will, then just be discrete (ie. don't be meetin the face off each other all night!)

Good luck to ya

roberta c

It wont be just a gang of guys, like in school, all there girlfriends will be there too! There prob going to be less inclined to mocking gay people, most girls going out with rugby-jocks would be all anti-skanger very PC* or at least pretend to be!




*gross generalisation!

Zillah

seamus wrote:

Indeed, there's nothing better than bumping into that rugby jock four years later and find out that he's working in the local centra full time.

I love when that happens!

UU

Hey all!

I actually came out to my whole class at the pre-debs. It wasn't really any big deal. I think they always suspected that I liked other guys. I was supposed to bring a guy with me to my debs (he was just a friend, I was single then as I am now), but he couldn't go so I ended up dateless! I still had a fücking brilliant night though so it wasn't any biggie. I think it's great that you're determined to bring your fella with you to the debs. If someone says something, don't take it to heart. People are drunk at the debs all the time and often say stupid stuff.

Well I hope you have a great night and your fella does too!

Good luck!

gavo82

hey man!! i say get the **** back into the closet!!!

orlyice

gavo82 wrote:

hey man!! i say get the **** back into the closet!!!

What the heck?? someones got a serious case of homophobia, you are a dying breed sunshine!!!!

Beruthiel

gavo82 wrote:

hey man!! i say get the **** back into the closet!!!

Banned.

the_syco

daveirl wrote:

This post has been deleted.

A group of scum who's life revolves around going out of their head on coke at the weekend, as opposed to a group of scum who's life revoles around playing rugby/soccer/GAA at the weekend. The former will be out of their head on coke, and if they get abusive, will ruin the night. If the rugby/soccer/GAA heads don't mind you being gay, it won't be an issue on the night.

8k2q1gfcz9s5d4

daveirl wrote:

This post has been deleted.

sissor me timbers!

Victor

Maya Flabby Mesquite wrote:

sissor me timbers!

Banned.

emoKILLER

Victor wrote:

Banned.

bit harsh



op, if you dont go, you will always regret not going

the_syco

emoKILLER wrote:

bit harsh



op, if you dont go, you will always regret not going

Second this. I only know of one person who didn't go, but his reason was that he didn't want to see hie mates pissed out of their head. Also, this guy didn't drink.