advice needed?

LegacyUser

This isn’t a very big issue compared to some of the issues that are raised here but here’s the deal…I’m a guy and my friend had a load of emails printed on her desk, when she left the room I saw my name mentioned in one of them, being naturally curious, I read the email. Wish I hadn’t!
It involved a conversation about me in which another girl said she didn’t like me and that anyone she had ever spoken to who had met me didn’t either! She said I didn’t come across well. In fairness I don’t know the girl that is saying this very well…I wouldn’t call her a friend or anything but thought we got on ok.

The thing is that I do see her on a regularly…as she is also friends with my girlfriend. Just wondering whether I should let it slide and carry on as normal as if I hadn’t read the mail (don’t think I really care what this girl thinks of me really) or change how I interact with her by trying to come across better (although I don’t know how..as I am just myself with her) or just cut down conversation with her down to the bare minimum since she doesn't like me.

As I said I don’t know her really well, so I don’t know why she would say this about me or why I would matter to her!

Any advice on what I should do is appreciated )

Marksie

Poet Robert Burns wrote, “If I but had the eyes to see myself as others see me.”

Its one of the hardest things to do OP, but if the womans assertation that "anyone she had ever spoken to who had met me didn’t either!" is taken as true, then it implies that how you view your self is radically different from how you are being viewed.

ave you any idea in what conteext she was talking about?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the poetic reply Marksie.
To be honest, we are talking about maybe 5 other people that she knows who would have met me ever. She seemed to think that I dont come across well when I speak to people. ??

JCB

So your three options
1) Stay the same
2) Try come across better
3) Talk less to her

Definately do NOT take option 3, unless you want to be up for bullying charges - since your boss doesn't know you've seen the letter, your action backs up her claim etc...

Option 2 is a possibility

But i'd say stick with option 1. You are going to change towards her now anyway, it will come across whether you realise it or not (unless you are a really good poker player!). She will be hypersensitive to any change in your personality, hence option 2 could come across looking fake. Stay yourself, just be more aware of your actions towards her i.e. is it looking like you're excluding her, mocking her etc...

Don't forget you could have misinterpreted the situation, you've only seen the letter, maybe there's another one saying that everything's grand, you don't know.

It's probably a misunderstanding - give her the benefit of the doubt.
P.s. i'd be inclined to leave your gf out of it, if I were you! Good luck.:)

Edit: On second read i see that the e-mail is not to the boss - it's to a workmate - maybe it's not that serious then (girls do love their bitching )

Ishmael

The real question should be; Does what she thinks of you matter to you?

If so, then maybe you should try to take a look at the way you interact with others and change accordingly.

dodgyme

She probably knows nothing about how other people view you. Thats the first thing. I have a mate that always tells people I think exactly like he does on a given issue when infact I am only replying yes to whatever he says to move the conversation on. So her assertation is b&&sh*t. Secondly how should you react, well do nothing. Be yourself and dont judge yourself on the whims of others who as you say dont know you very well.

OwenM

I'm no expert on the difference's between men and women (who is) but I do think women look for or imply consensus on an opinion when arguing a point or idea so she may have imagined or elaborated on the comments of others in order to add weight to her opinion. Something like "All my friends think so too....".

Either way she does seem to have a problem with you.

BobTheBeat

So you dont come across well..., is this in a business or a social sense, like do you make presentations or have dealings with her on a business level? Because if the answer is no, then she should fúck right off. People can be very picky and strange, if it really matters to you how she or others feel, then observe your attitude around her. If not, dont be bothered.

If it really bothers you, you quite probably have grounds for a bullying case there. I wouldnt be too enamoured about someone going around an office trying to drum up opinions on how they feel about someone. It shows a very poor business and professional ethic.

Kali

Slightly off-topic but what sort of person prints personal conversation emails out? I don't believe that someone could be that thick.

Anyway who gives a toss what people think about you... if you want to make things better than try a bit harder, if you don't care then just let it slide. Women are always bitchy, I wouldn't take even take to heart in the slightest.