Thinking of getting back in the dating game

LegacyUser

My girlfriend of three years died last year in an accident. Its been the toughest year of my life but my family and friends have been fantastic.

The thing is I'm getting really lonely now and long for some female companionship. Obviously I miss the physical aspects of a relationship but more than anything I just want someone to talk to and have a laugh with. I'm getting invited to a lot of weddings and christenings etc and its very hard going to these events by myself.

I live by myself so I spend alot of time on my own. My question is whether girls would find it a turn off to date someone whose previous partner had passed away?

A friend of mine mentioned to me recently that she would hate to be the first person to go out with me. She was drunk at the time and probably didn't mean it but it still knocked me for six a bit.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Anthony_1980

hey

firstly im sorry for ur loss

u have to be 100 % sure that you ready to move on , as you dont want to mess with any womans feelings

id hold back telling a woman that unless u trust her and know that she isnt the type to make a huge deal out of it

we all have our pasts and alot of people dont tell current partners as it has no relevance so

its up to you to make ur mind up , if u worried then dont say anything at first

but be ready to move on and hope it all goes well

Anti

Yeah sorry to hear of your tragedy.

If you feel it is the right time to move on then it probably is. Maybe you shoudl talk to your friends and family about this. They might be able to give you some insight into this.


Best of luck.

IRISH RAIL

Try a few casual dates/flings first to help you get back into the swing of things.
then when your comfortable enough look for something bit more serious

HAPPYGIRL

I think the only concern a girl would have is that you are ready to move on and become involved again. Otherwise i dont see any problem. you've been through a tragic experience, like the others said take things slowly..... but good luck, you deserve it

McGinty

Hi Op

I am sorry for your loss, if a girl really likes you it won't be a problem, I dated a widower for some time and we got on great, I didn't have a problem unfortunatley one of his teenage children did and thats kind of how we came undone but you don't have that problem so it should be okay. Also the fact you feel ready to date people is a good sign, its kind of like your ready to live again, i say this cos my sister died nearly two years ago and at the time I couldn't handle company but like you I feel ready to get out there and meet people and have fun. The very best of luck to you.

Ekancone

I wouldnt see the point in telling someone straight away OP, so if you go on a few dates i wouldnt bring it up. However, if you do fall in love again and you trust someone enough to tell them then you should. If the other person truely loves you then they will be fine with it. Sorry to hear about your loss, it must be very hard to let go i'd say.

I wouldn't mention it if you were just dating, wait til into the relationship a bit I guess. I wouldn't say there'd be much issue apart from maybe the woman might not know how to handle the information and so on, might be awkward for a little bit

Talliesin

Unsure male wrote:

My question is whether girls would find it a turn off to date someone whose previous partner had passed away?

This is another case of a more general question asked here a lot:

Would [insert sex here] find it a turn off to date someone who [insert aspect of partner's lifestyle or history here]?

The answer always is; some would, some wouldn't.

Plenty of people do build happy relationships after one or both of them has lost a partner. It happens, it can happen to you.

If you really feel you're ready, then go for it.

Neither project nor hide the history. If conversation gets onto life-stories then sure, mention it, otherwise concentrate on the person you're on a date with.

chuckles30

As a woman I wouldn't find it a turn off. Like some of the others have said, don't bring it up until you've built up a level of trust. Good luck with it and hope it works out for you.

Judes

I'm sorry to hear what you went through, breaking up is hard enough but to lose somebody in an accident must be heart breaking. But it sounds like you do have a wonderful network of family and friends but time to expand your circle. If you feel ready to move on - take small steps. Why not start with joining a few clubs/associations - where you will meet women but on a platonic basis - then when you are feeling more comfortable you could always try dating then. A lot less pressurised. Best of luck and hope all goes really well for you.

tin-head

rubyred wrote:

That is an incredibly heartless thing to say. You have obviously never lost someone close to you.

Your quite right, I normally keep them chained the walls so they can't go anywhere.

Marksie

Tin-head: banned

LegacyUser

'Thanks everyone for all the advice.

Its not that I've been stuck indoors for the last year. I'm only 30 and I go out most weekends with my friends and work colleagues. I have lots of female friends who I get on great with but I suppose my problem would be how to have a conversation with a girl when the pressure is on.

When I was younger I was useless at it. Always ended up getting too drunk cos I was nervous and then making a balls of it.

Having thought about it more then maybe i'm not ready for a relationship with someone else. Cant imagine taking down the pictures I have of my girlfriend around the house or on my phone (still have her number in my phone even).'

SarahSassy

Sorry for your loss.

Its often difficult to get back into dating and getting to know the opposite sex after a number of years in a relationship. Dont beat youself up about that.

You have decided you are not ready to start dating but this is the ideal time for you to start to practice dating. Try talking to new girls, flirting a little when the mood takes you and see how you feel. Im sure your confidence will build but you wont put any pressure on yourself by thinking you are chatting someone up, you are merely taking to a female stranger....

If / when the time is right and someone comes along, you will have built up some conversation skills and confidence with the opposite sex. You wont be panicked and nervous and you can enjoy the experience for what it is.

Firetrap

As a woman, I wouldn't necessarily find it a turn-off but I'd have to admit that I'd suffer some self-doubt. In my mind, it's a bit like the rebound girl. It'll be up to you to show your new girlfriend that you're over the death of your old girlfriend and that you're not after a carbon copy. Good luck!

littlesurfer

I think a lot of girls would recognise how genuine you are ..or appear to be. I personally would not be put off by it, although hearing it on the first date might be sharing too much too soon. As long as she doesn't feel second to a memory then i can see no reason why you have as much a chance finding a partner as anyone else....when you are ready!

Best of luck!