How much can I take??

LegacyUser

My new Boyfriend (been seeing him for about two months), dropped a bombshell on me a few weeks ago, he is due in court for beating somebody up, ok I've gotten over this because the fella deserved a beating for what he did, anyway, another bombshell was dropped a few weeks ago, there is a girl from about two years ago who he had a one night stand with and she is claiming that he is the father of her child!!!! He is waiting on the results of the DNA test. Like these things happen and I can't hold it against him if he has a child but it just seems like there is just one thing after another with him. I really am falling for him though, and we have a ball together I just can't help thinking am I a mug to put up with all this or should I get over it and be with him because of who he is now (a decent guy who treats me well)....Help Please!!

Dukephil

Look at it this way. He has not lied to or decieved you (that I know). He seems to be very honest with you.
The second thing happened to a friend of mine recently and it was tough for him. Seems like your boyfriend is having a tough time at the moment. Getting dumped on top of it all would be harsh.

How does he treat you? You say well. I would suggest giving the relationship a chance.

Crumble Froo

id say, if you do really really like him, then yeah, keep it up, but maybe err on the side of caution for a while. dont let things go too quickly, or get *too* deep into the relationship until youre entirely sure where ye both stand and that.

Foxykitty

you now things do happen and it seems that he mightn't have told you thoses things as he doesn't want you to freak and run away, he is good to you and he hasn't done anything to hurt you so stick with him at least he is telling you!

have a calm chat and explaine how you feel and ask him to be up front so you can support him alot more.

r3nu4l

Yes you need to give this a chance if he is treating you well.

Have you discussed possible outcomes of the child being his? This child and therefore the childs mother would be in your life for a long time, many years in fact.

Hopefully things will settle down once the court case is over (and he doesn't get jail time)! You should give it a while and see what happens. One way or another you need to discuss possibilities of him being a father and going to jail and what happens if either or both situations don't resolve the way you would want them to.

SarahSassy

The court case for physical violence would be a deal breaker for me.

He has a history of having unprotected sex and on top of all this its a new relationship and he has (possibly) a child with another girl....

Its a lot to take on for the sake of a new relationship. Its hard enough to make one work without all this baggage....

I dont believe there is ever a good enough reason for physical violence and you need to discover if he has a history of violence nevermind a STD.

dlofnep

I wouldn't judge someone for beating someone up, depends on the reason.

As far as the kid thing goes - keep an eye on it. Relax, it's only 2 months. See how it goes.

Anthony_1980

no dis-respect ment ok

he sounds like a dirt-bag

---

no matter what ur man said ok , no reason for violence , takes a bigger man to let it go and a dirt bag to get involved in a fight

generally these sort of men always have kids by shagging some unknown

i may be completely wrong but u see it everywhere

nice looking women with total tools and end up single mothers as he's done a runner

my advice however u like him , is break free , ur young i presume , no attachments , go live ur life and forget em

women always love a bad boy till he smacks her

i bet i get ridiculed for this but its my opinion

what else is he hiding

Anthony_1980

are people blind on here

she just with him 2 months , every relationship at that time is great etc

somebody said getting dumped on top of that would be bad ---- does that mean she had to be unhappy just to keep him happy ????? thats how women who get beat up stay with these asses ---- ohh he;s under so much pressure , not usually like this etc if u having 2nd thoughts now then just break away

daiixi

Anthony_1980 wrote:

women always love a bad boy till he smacks her

aww come on that's not fair. plenty of women continue to love their bad boy long after he's started hitting her.

Anyway, the OP's boyfriend is telling her the truth and not actually hiding anything from her at all. There are plenty of men out there who have children whether from one night stands or failed relationships, should they all be condemned? Yeah it's a lot to take in at the beginning of a relationship but at least it is the beginning and the OP isn't finding out five years down the line. OP you're the only one who can decide what is best for you. If you like him, he treats you well, he gets along with your friends and family and you like his friends and family then I say why not give it a chance? Afterall if it does go bad you can always walk away.

Anthony_1980

didnt mean women like a smack

just mean women like the rugged bad boy until he does something to her

he never mentioned a 1 night stand till he was caught-out

Gaz

Anthony_1980, i really dont think we have enough information to label the guy a dirt-bag, for all you know he beat up some pervert who was messing around with his little sister , and not mentioning a one night stand till he was caught out ???

So what, he was single at the time , do you tell all girls your with about all you previous one nighters ?

I say give the guy a chance, you really like him , he makes you happy ... until that chances stick with him.

LegacyUser

WTFShould I do wrote:

My new Boyfriend (been seeing him for about two months), dropped a bombshell on me a few weeks ago, he is due in court for beating somebody up, ok I've gotten over this because the fella deserved a beating for what he did, anyway, another bombshell was dropped a few weeks ago, there is a girl from about two years ago who he had a one night stand with and she is claiming that he is the father of her child!!!! He is waiting on the results of the DNA test. Like these things happen and I can't hold it against him if he has a child but it just seems like there is just one thing after another with him. I really am falling for him though, and we have a ball together I just can't help thinking am I a mug to put up with all this or should I get over it and be with him because of who he is now (a decent guy who treats me well)....Help Please!!

no one deseves a beating

Anthony_1980

pervert or no pervert , u take the law into ur own hands then yeah ???

i dont do 1 night stands never have , have respect for women i meet and myself

not saying others dont ok , its just me i dont do 1 night stands ok

the_syco

Anthony_1980 wrote:

he sounds like a dirt-bag

---

no matter what ur man said ok , no reason for violence , takes a bigger man to let it go and a dirt bag to get involved in a fight

Take this as you wish: if the bigger man is beating the crap out of the smaller man, and the smaller man can knows thai-boxing, the little man may get a court apperance for using his knowledge of attacking, even if it was defence.

I say this, as I've seen a few people get the sh|t kicked out of them, but if they (the smaller person) know how to fight, they know that unless they get aggressive, the bigger lad will keep up the fight.

As for "walk away"... you walk away from a fight, you get a bottle to the head.

SarahSassy

Bottom line he is hardly 'a catch' for all the reasons I outlined above.... Its too early to have to deal with all this crap. Find a nice guy, who has no court appearances or maintenance payments pending....

Anthony_1980

sassysarah can i have ur number ?? ur fiesty

i agree with what she said

fighting doesnt solve anything and anybody who does , was dragged up and not raised , use any excuse u like , countless times ive seen fights and knew alot of the men fighting and , all dirt bags

waiting at a taxi rank on sat and a bloke and his gf ahead of me and while i was there he was saying to her " dont u f**king speak to me u c**t etc and she took it , so deserves all she gets if she sticks that

dudara

@ Anthony_1980

Please read the forum charter. Keep comments on topic and flirting to PM.

dudara

daiixi

Anthony_1980 wrote:

didnt mean women like a smack

No, I believe I meant some do.

Anthony_1980 wrote:

he never mentioned a 1 night stand till he was caught-out

Do you tell all girlfriends/potential girlfriends your sexual history? How strange. Do they all want to know? Do you want to know their sexual history? Does it really matter?
Who the OP's boyfriend slept with in the past has nothing to do with their relationship except for the fact that he may now be becoming a dad. I don't really see how your comment makes sense to the vast majority of people who don't give up all the details of past lays.

Anthony_1980

i wouldnt do a 1 night stand and laugh all u want ok

no matter how drunk u are u always know what u doing , u just use the i didnt know what i was doing line

standing prick has no consience

Gaz

Anthony_1980 wrote:

this girl is with him 2 months so maybe a chance he slept with this old bird while with her

plus i wouldnt do a 1 night stand and laugh all u want ok

Who's laughing ? I just find your view on this a little strange , i wouldnt expect someone to tell me there sexual history and vice versa , especially in a 2 month old relationship.

Anthony_1980

neither would i

but i wouldnt have to worry as i dont do casual

the_syco

He could have not told you anything, but he did. If he didn't, you'd be none the wiser.

Chinafoot

SarahSassy wrote:

He has a history of having unprotected sex

Eh, where did she say that? Because it was a one night stand they automatically didn't use anything? Riiiight, ok. Never heard that contraception is never 100%, no?

OP, go into it with your eyes open. He's been honest with you and you say he treats you well. We don't know the circumstances surrounding the physical fight but you do so use your own judgement there.

As for the child issue, I'm sure it'll probaby be impossible for you to do but try not to freak out until you find out the results of the DNA test, then take it from there.

MrsA

To the OP - the very fact that you are asking the question shows you are unsure of the relationship. If you were happy with how things are going and what is coming out of the woodwork well then you would not feel it was an issue worthy of posting.

If it were me in your shoes I would not be happy to stick around. I cannot tolerate "Men" who use their fists to settle disputes and that would be reason enough for me to leave him.

Him having or not having a child would not be a deal breaker on its own.

One good thing is that it is early days and you do not seem to be "in love" with him so for your own sake don't get in too deep.

MrsA.