what can i say i fcuked up

wasteroflife

i met the most beautifull girl in world who means world to me and i lost it all cause of a sex addiction im 25 and so far ive been addicted to drink drugs sex gambling my childhood was fine so theres no issues there that cause my addictions anyway she has giving me loads of chances i used to be on online chat sites looking up escort sites driving around where hookers do be but i was never unfaithfull to here in the 5 years we have been together i dont know why i done these things we started going to see a syckartrist to help us but oppisite happened she has left me for good i dont expect anyone to feel sorry for me but the thing that baffles me is all the other times she back when i was doing what i was doing i wasnt getting help but now that i have myself back on track she abondons me due to my past druging ive left my oldtown and friends so i ad no one except her so now im alone worse still we were married owned house and a daughter

MrBaseball

wasteroflife wrote:

i met the most beautifull girl in world who means world to me and i lost it all cause of a sex addiction im 25 and so far ive been addicted to drink drugs sex gambling my childhood was fine so theres no issues there that cause my addictions anyway she has giving me loads of chances i used to be on online chat sites looking up escort sites driving around where hookers do be but i was never unfaithfull to here in the 5 years we have been together i dont know why i done these things we started going to see a syckartrist to help us but oppisite happened she has left me for good i dont expect anyone to feel sorry for me but the thing that baffles me is all the other times she back when i was doing what i was doing i wasnt getting help but now that i have myself back on track she abondons me due to my past druging ive left my oldtown and friends so i ad no one except her so now im alone worse still we were married owned house and a daughter

You reap what you sew. Hard luck, try not to be such a crap partner next time and maybe the next one won't dump you, eh?

wasteroflife

tell me something i dont know eh?

Sir

Why didn't you mention the child and marriage at the start of your post? Seems like she did what she thought was best for the sake of your child.

As you said, she gave you loads of chances, maybe the psychiatirst you went to see helepd her clear up some issues she had herself. She can't be your crutch forever and if she forgives you constantly then you're never going to learn and take responsibility for your actions.

She has a child to think about, not just you.

I think until you truly have your addictions sorted out you can't expect her to sit and watch you affect not only your life, but her's and that of the child you have together.

Marksie

Op: It took me ages to work out exactly what was going on there. Could i ask you to use punctuation. It will help posters to highlight the main issues.

the_syco

The kid her's, or from both you and her?

wasteroflife

yea its our daughter shes nearly 4 thats worse again cause both of them will end up with some one new ie man in their life new fella playing santa on christmas mornings with my daughter

Marksie

wasteroflife wrote:

yea its our daughter shes nearly 4 thats worse again cause both of them will end up with some one new ie man in their life new fella playing santa on christmas mornings with my daughter

She has to do whats best for her and her daughter in the long run.

If thats with someone else more reliable then so be it. You are very muhc responsible for your own happinness or unhappiness.

Learn by this

hellbell123

you seem surprised that she finally left..the only thing that surprises me is that she didnt leave you sooner tbh..sorry if it sounds harsh but sometimes losing the things we love can make us see the error of our ways!

i hope you have learned from this and start to really change your life

helen

Beruthiel

wasteroflife wrote:

yea its our daughter shes nearly 4 thats worse again cause both of them will end up with some one new ie man in their life new fella playing santa on christmas mornings with my daughter

In fairness, as everyone else has said, you got 5 years worth of chances. She's a mother and must do what is best for her daughter and herself.
If that means finding someone who cares enough to give her a stable, happy life, who can blame her?

While she was there by your side you never felt the need to get yourself together properly, after all, she'll put up with it... Only when she left did you suddenly realise what you should have done all these years to keep her.
It's a dead tough lesson to learn, but if you're smart you will take from this and if you meet someone new you'll not treat them the same way.
Spend the next year on yourself dealing with your problems.
Go out of your way to make sure your daughter is provided for and spend frequent time with her.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

i think ye are all being a bit harsh on the OP...everybody has the ability to change,

oh and this from the charter...

smiles wrote:

Charter
Any advice given should be mature, contructive and non-abusive. Opinions are welcome. Ridicule and nastiness are not.
<< Fio >>

i think the post below breaks the, mature, constructive and non-abusive. rule and certainly falls under the Ridicule and nastiness heading

MrBaseball wrote:

You reap what you sew. Hard luck, try not to be such a crap partner next time and maybe the next one won't dump you, eh?

Beruthiel

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Did an Admin make you a Mod of PI while I wasn't looking?
If not, kindly leaving the moderating to the Mods of this forum.
B

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Beruthiel wrote:

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Did an Admin make you a Mod of PI while I wasn't looking?
If not, kindly leaving the moderating to the Mods of this forum.
B

i hear ya barking big dog
but its an very obvious observation, slight difference.
see as a mod you can take action...i know you wont because i highlighted it, but you could...see i cant so for me its only an observation.... see the difference, hope this helps.
\m/

Marksie

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

i hear ya barking big dog
but its an very obvious observation, slight difference.
see as a mod you can take action...i know you wont because i highlighted it, but you could...see i cant so for me its only an observation.... see the difference, hope this helps.
\m/

No its a perception not an observation and to be honest i percieved it differently.
Same as your first sentence may be percieved differently from how you meant it smiley or not
But back on topic. Which is the OP query

Talliesin

This reminds me of the way people will complain about teachers in school.

Some kid having behaviour problems tries to get their act together and finds themselves in trouble for something. They feel agrieved because it happened when they were trying to do better, and indeed it would have been better if the teacher had been omniscient and could act according to that attempt of the kid to get themselves sorted out.

When that happens the kid has a point. Out in the real world though, there isn't a big teacher in the sky making things happen. You didn't get the strap when you should have gotten a gold star. You had half a decade's worth of behaviour that had consequences.

You pretty much don't get to whine about it. Especially considering that you could have been a perfect partner for five years and still not had it work out between you. Some people build a life together with someone and after five years a truck drives over one of them, do you think the big teacher in the sky made a mistake, or do you think it was just something extremely ****ty that happened?

Both of you started to work on getting yourselves sorted out. She realised that one of the ways to do that was to get rid of the waster you've just said you had been.

What on earth made you think it was going to be easy?

You've got pretty much two choices.

There's the easy choice, all the easier now if anything; drink, drugs, sex, gambling, go back to that and it'll be easy. Hell, a lot of it will even be fun. You can have plenty of fun with drink, drugs, sex and gambling until it catches up with you. It'll lead to misery again soon enough, but you are guaranteed at least a few hours of having a good time before you choke on your own vomit, be beaten to death by a loan-shark, or any of the other myriad interesting ways for indulgence to deal you a bad hand.

Or, there's the hard way. You can just do your best to be the best you can be. And if you **** up, you pick yourself up and go back to that. This doesn't guarantee you'll be able to build everything back up to what it could have been - doesn't even make that likely, it doesn't even guarantee a few hours of fun. It does give you a chance of being someone your daughter can look up to. It gives you a chance of some real joy rather than stolen hours of vicarious pleasure.

wasteroflife wrote:

thats worse again cause both of them will end up with some one new ie man in their life new fella playing santa on christmas mornings with my daughter

How is that worse again?

That's better. Sorry, but as long as he's good to your ex and your daughter, that's a good thing.

Now sure, the idea of someone else being important in your daughter's upbringing hurts. I can get that. I'm not going to be unambiguously over-joyed if my ex-wife settles down with someone - as much as I can totally understand that she would wish to do so and wish her every success in doing so if she wishes to - I'm going to have fears and worries and so on.

So yeah, not an entirely great thing. But look at how you phrase it, "new fella playing santa on christmas mornings". WTF? Christmas morning? 0.07% of the year. The other 99.93% of that statement is self-pity and rhetoric aimed at getting our pity.

Will that do you any good? Let's see.

There, there. Ach, it's a terrible thing to be sure. You poor wee mite.

Did that help? Probably not. Is your self-pity helping? I doubt it.

What might help is moving forward as best you can and doing the best you can in the situation no matter how crappy that situation is. Easy way or the hard way, up to you.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Marksie wrote:

No its a perception not an observation and to be honest i percieved it differently.

i do believe you may be a little confused...

perception is the process of acquiring, interpreting, selecting, and organizing sensory information. The word perception comes from the Latin perception-, percepio, , meaning "receiving, collecting, action of taking possession, apprehension with the mind or senses." --OED.com.


so as you can clearly see is was an observation and could not be a perception as explained in OED. hope this helps you understand the meaning of the word perception and how it couldn't be used in the context you have used it.
might be better to IM me with any further queries as this is taking it off topic
and this doesn't help the op....

so, i do believe that the OP can change and could win back his love....but it need a lot of effort. its up to you OP

wasteroflife

i have been clean from drink and drugs since 4th janurary 2002 i thoght i couldnt went and got help i did it but needed help to stop so i know i can stop this 2 i have stopped for about a month now

Talliesin

Good for you and well done.

All you can do is keep it up, try your best and hope for some luck and some joy in the future.

Gumbyman

Does she still love you? If so you might be able to sit down with her and ask her to wait 6 months, not with you but for you (living separately). This will give you some time to sort your own sh1t out. If you can do it well and good, if you can't then too bad. It's a lot to ask of her.

Beruthiel

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

i do believe you may be a little confused...

perception is the process of acquiring, interpreting, selecting, and organizing sensory information. The word perception comes from the Latin perception-, percepio, , meaning "receiving, collecting, action of taking possession, apprehension with the mind or senses." --OED.com.


so as you can clearly see is was an observation and could not be a perception as explained in OED. hope this helps you understand the meaning of the word perception and how it couldn't be used in the context you have used it.
might be better to IM me with any further queries as this is taking it off topic
and this doesn't help the op

Banned
B

King of Kings

dude
you were married that means she can't stop you seeing your kid, go see your kid drag your ex through the court if needs be - you daughter will appreciate the clean sober, non-addicted you.

It's strange that your partner put up with the bad times and once you were clean she left.
I reckon when you changed you became a different person - maybe she didn't like the new you. Perhaps she felt no connection.
It can happen - just cos you sorted your life out and are clean and sober - it doesn't mean she'll love the new you.
maybe the counselling opened her eyes and she had enough.
That's her decision - respect it. you can move on with your life make new friends and find a woman who appreciates you.


At 25 you have so much ahead of you. My marriage ended when i was 28 and 18 months later my life is the best it's ever been.

Beruthiel wrote:

Banned
B

ROUGH. he had a valid point which i happen to agree with. the post he was complaining about was out of order.

Nevyn

King of Kings there is a proceedure if a post breaks the charter,
the report post function is ment to be used to alter the mods,
not using this results in off topic posting within the thread which can lead to a poster being banned from the forum.
Arguing about a mod's decision or action with in the forum can also leading to a banning as it is off topic and should be dealt with via pm or the feedback forum.

Leeby

King of Kings wrote:

dude
you were married that means she can't stop you seeing your kid, go see your kid drag your ex through the court if needs be - you daughter will appreciate the clean sober, non-addicted you.

It's strange that your partner put up with the bad times and once you were clean she left.
I reckon when you changed you became a different person - maybe she didn't like the new you. Perhaps she felt no connection.
It can happen - just cos you sorted your life out and are clean and sober - it doesn't mean she'll love the new you.
maybe the counselling opened her eyes and she had enough.
That's her decision - respect it. you can move on with your life make new friends and find a woman who appreciates you.


At 25 you have so much ahead of you. My marriage ended when i was 28 and 18 months later my life is the best it's ever been.


ROUGH. he had a valid point which i happen to agree with. the post he was complaining about was out of order.

I would think the reason she left when he was getting himself back on track is that she's been unhappy and wanted to leave for a long time but only left now because maybe she feels he can handle it now and doesn't feel so guilty about it anymore but I'm open to correction on that.

OP: Maybe in years to come when you've rehabilitated fully she may want to start things up again but you really need to give her some time, and you'll need time too, to prove you can be a good husband and father, continue doing what you're doing, stick with the therapy, there may be hope in the (maybe distant) future.

milkerman

Part of loving someone (a big part) also includes fulfilling the boring mundane duties & responsibilities like- Providing for partners & children, not going with hookers risking your partner getting VD, not drinking or taking drugs to the point where you seriously affect a 4 year old girl etc.

I hope you have changed as the person you were certainly fell into the 'Waster' category.

Over the course of 5 years you squandered your partners trust. You will probably never earn it back - sorry. All you can do is move on and start again and dont screw it up this time. At least your little girl will have a father figure to look to on Christmas morning, you had your shot at that task, were you able to do it?

MrBaseball

I'd just like to mention that I didn't intend any malice in my other post. It just seemed like this is a situation where the OP has acted in a certain way consistently over a number of years and found that it has caused his partner to become fed up and leave. As painful as it must be for him, the most important thing he can get from this situation would be the knowledge that he should try to be a better partner next time. Actions have consequences. 5 years worth of negative actions have all sorts of consequences. He might be surprised that she's left him now that he's trying to get his act together, but 5 years of negative actions can't be undone just like that. A lot of resentment can be bred in 5 years.

Maybe it's a tough thing to accept, but the woman in question doesn't owe it to the OP to stick with him. Maybe she'd had enough, regardless of his decision to get himself together. Maybe the past 5 years have had a damaging effect on her feelings for him, to the extent that even him fixing himself won't allow her to love him again. Maybe she just wants a new start, and hopes to find a relationship with a person who will be good to her from the start, so that when he acts nice she won't have a feeling in her gut reminding her of all the bad things he's done in the past. Gut feelings like that are tough to shake off, especially in relationships. Even if she wanted to give you a chance, a feeling like that could make it extremely difficult for her.

fullstop

Beruthiel wrote:

Banned
B

That's ridiculous, what is he banned for?

cowzerp

MrBaseball wrote:

You reap what you sew. Hard luck, try not to be such a crap partner next time and maybe the next one won't dump you, eh?

The ts did bring the problems on himself-sorry for ya but thats how the cookie crumbles-The lad asking for a ban just because he disagrees is wrong and brought it on himself, hopefully the ts can get himself together but as he said he fcuked up all by himself.

Marksie

Folks: The banning has been covered in a feedback thread.

Now back to th OP issues, if you please

regards
mark

dudara

fullstop wrote:

That's ridiculous, what is he banned for?

Read the thread. If you have an issue with the banning then take it to the feedback forum, or PM a mod. Please do not post comments in threads.

mastermind2005

Beruthiel wrote:

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Did an Admin make you a Mod of PI while I wasn't looking?
If not, kindly leaving the moderating to the Mods of this forum.
B

Beruthiel your a jackass

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ is perfectly right... the op is looking for help not abuse is it not clearly obvious he has a problem outside of his control?? cop on to youselfs my best friend is very like the op i actually tought it was him till i read about the curb crawling....

OP my mate went trought EXACTLY what you did, lovely girlfriend for about 5 years or so she stuck trough his drinking and all sorts and she left him and wont come back when he finaly did get help and stop the cheating drinking gambeling.... its weird but she will talk to him but not be with him... there is no logic i can see!

wasteroflife

milkerman wrote:

Part of loving someone (a big part) also includes fulfilling the boring mundane duties & responsibilities like- Providing for partners & children, not going with hookers risking your partner getting VD, not drinking or taking drugs to the point where you seriously affect a 4 year old girl etc.

I hope you have changed as the person you were certainly fell into the 'Waster' category.

Over the course of 5 years you squandered your partners trust. You will probably never earn it back - sorry. All you can do is move on and start again and dont screw it up this time. At least your little girl will have a father figure to look to on Christmas morning, you had your shot at that task, were you able to do it?

poster if you read the posts you would see im clean from drink and drugs for 5 years and secondly i said i was never unfaithfull where as the father figure thing goes i am her father my parenting skills were not affected by this so dont butt into to my family situation by your comment i would guess you dont have kids i apprecaite peoples views but all 3 of yours were rubbish imo

Marksie

mastermind2005: Banned
Personal abuse.