A bit of humour

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I didn't put this in the humour forum because it's specific to GAA and thought it would be better suited here. If I'm wrong, feel free to move it. Just got this in an email from a work colleague. GAA quotes:

"Is the ref going to finally blow his whistle?... No, he's going to blow his nose!" - Radio Kilkenny commentator

"It’s all over... Clare are... Jeeeesus !!" - Matthew McMahon, Clare FM (at the end of the Munster Final 1995)

"The cigarettes are being lit here in the Commentary Box. The lads are getting anxious. It’s a line ball down there to Clare and who is to take it?... Will ye put 'em out lads! Ye'll choke me." - Matthew McMahon, Clare FM (During the 1995 hurling All-Ireland)

" Ollie Murphy is after throwing so many dummies, you would'nt see the likes in a creche " - Kevin Mallon on n LM/FM local radio

‘And it looks like there’s a bit of a schemozzle in the parallellogram” - A favourite euphemism of Mícheál O’Hehir’s

‘And Tom Cheasty breaks through with Kilkenny defenders falling around him like dying wasps’ - the legendary Mícheál O’Hehir

From the great Mícheál Ó Muircheartaigh:

“And Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, I’ll tell ye a little story. I was in Times Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a newsstand and I said 'I suppose ye wouldn't have ‘The Kerryman would ye?' To which the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said 'Do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?'... He had both... So I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet..."

"Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down - his people are undertakers"

"I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner Street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them. The priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! Forty yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Ciarán Whelan goes on a rampage, its a goal. So much for religion."

Colin Corkery on the ‘45’ lets go with the right boot. It’s over the bar. This man shouldn't be playing football. He's made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn't kick points like Colin Corkery.

"1-5 to 0-8… Well, from Lapland to the Antarctic, that's level scores in any man's language".

"Pat Fox has it on his hurley and is motoring well now ... But here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail ... I've seen it all now - a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!"

"I see John O Donnell dispensing water on the sideline. Tipperary, sponsored by a water company. Cork Sponsored by a tay company. I wonder will they meet later for afternoon tay."

"Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy"

"Danny "The Yank" Culloty. He came down from the mountains and hasn't he done well"

"He grabs the sliothar, he's on the 50...... He's on the 40...... He's on the 30...... He's on the ground"

"In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball".

"He kicks the ball ard san aer. Could've been a goal. Could've been a point.... It went wide."

"Stephen Byrne with the puck out for Offaly... Stephen, one of twelve ... All but one are here to-day. The one that's missing is Mary. She's at home minding the house… And the ball is dropping i lár na páirce...."

"Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar. I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal. The dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide… And the dog lost as well.”

"Sean Óg Ó hAilpín.... His father's from Fermanagh, his mother's from Fiji - neither a hurling stronghold

"Teddy McCarthy to Mick McCarthy, no relation, Mick McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation "

Equally famous, but in his own part of the world, a man called Eddie Moroney commentated on video for his local club in Aherlow, County Tipperary:

“That referee must have no wipers on his glasses!”

“And it’s in the back of the net, but there’s a free out to be taken by I dunno…”

“Brian Connolly… Kenneally … Connolly … Will ya kick the ball!”

“And the referee is looking around and acting the mickey!”

“Me false teeth are coming out!”

Some of the best examples of encouragement to players, on the field and off ...

"God would you rise it McMahon! If ‘twas a skirt you'd lift it quick enough!..." -
A spectator’s words of encouragement at Athenry, in county Galway as a player struggled to heroically to lift the sliothar.

“Lock the gates and make the shaggers stay and watch!’ - A shout from Meath football fans at the All Ireland semi-final of 2001, as their team toyed with Kerry, while Kingdom fans fled the terraces in droves.

"Wrap up those sandwiches and put them in the deep freeze for the replay" - A cry heard from the terraces at the 1996 Munster hurling final. Tipperary had led by nine points at half time but Limerick came back, with the scores level with 4 minutes to go.

An inter-county player was sounding out Christy Ring on what aspects of play various players would be remembered for. "What will I be remembered for?", he asked... "Nothing", came the reply.

"Keep your eye on the ball, even when it's in the referee's pocket" - Ring’s advice to aspiring hurlers.

"He ate the ****e out of us" said an Offaly player of Eamon Cregan’s half time speech in the 1994 senior hurling All Ireland

‘Ye can put out the cigarettes now lads. This is championship!’ - Meath football mentor in a senior football club, just before the lads took the field