BF and ex best friend

LegacyUser

Hi,

Ive been with my bf for 4 years. He was with my best friend at one stage, a once off. I forgave him, if he promised he wouldnt see her or be in contact with her again, which he agreed to completely.

So lately, I know shes been texting him, which he has no control over, but he's been texting her back. At parties, hes always leaving me and i find him talking to her, and hes been out with her once or twice when I wasnt there. Before this we all had a mutual group of friends, which myself, himself and my now ex best friend were in. Since I now hate her, I dont see them friends as much, but he does.

My problem is that I feel like I still cant trust him around her, because he promised me he wouldnt do these things, but he is. If he still wants to be in contact with her, he should've said at the start, no I dont agree with that.

I love him so much and dont want us to finish over that b***h (no idea how much i hate her, alot of background history I spared you's). But it just upsets me so much. Everytime he does something like this, and I say it to him, he says he doesnt realise it'll piss me off, I mean come on?! lol

And I know people will ask why did I take him back, and got rid of her, but theres a lot of history there I havent gone into.

Any help or experience?

Thanks in advance

Bottle_of_Smoke

its a tough one. He's probably somewhat attracted to her or likes the fact that she's attracted to him.

I wouldn't be able to deal with it. Just remember if you try & stop them talking they'll talk about the fact that you won't let them & want to see each other more. As I said I just wouldn't be able to do it.

Rb

He leaves you to find her when she's around.
He goes out with her when you're not around.
He texts her when you are around, even though he agreed to not contact her again.

Dump him, it may hurt now but it'll be a whole lot worse later down the line.

CathyMoran

If it were me I would dump your boyfriend as he is being deceitful and cruel. My husband also saw my ex best friend a LONG time ago and even now I would leave him if he contacted her again. Part of me wants to play the moral upper hand but she hurt me and I can not trust her. I imagine that it is the same with you. I would not want my husband to contact her even if I died.

Canis Lupus

rb_ie wrote:

He leaves you to find her when she's around.
He goes out with her when you're not around.
He texts her when you are around, even though he agreed to not contact her again.

Dump him, it may hurt now but it'll be a whole lot worse later down the line.

What he said ^^

For gawds sake like.

kittenkiller

He seems to be disregarding your feelings for a bit of an ego boost.
Not particularly caring behaviour.

Whether or not you should dump him is up to you and whether or not you can continue putting up with this behavious and whatever behaviour goes on behind your back, because it seems like it's not going to stop.

Sorry.

Loomis

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

its a tough one. He's probably somewhat attracted to her or likes the fact that she's attracted to him.

I wouldn't be able to deal with it. Just remember if you try & stop them talking they'll talk about the fact that you won't let them & want to see each other more. As I said I just wouldn't be able to do it.

I was in the position of the OP and found this to be true. I could never trust her because she lied to me so much. Alon with other reasons, I broke up with her because if there's no trust there then you'll never be happy

thecheese

its a tough one. He's probably somewhat attracted to her or likes the fact that she's attracted to him.

I have to agree with this. Sounds like he's enjoying the attention..

LegacyUser

Seriously,

You hate your ex best friend so much and call her a bitch or whatever but you forgive your boyfriend???

What does that say about you eh?

The exact same thing happened a to a friend of mine, boyfriend cheated with her friend, she clung to him for dear life, couldn't bear the thought of losing him over some other girl but hey guess what?? He cheated because he WASN'T HAPPY with her and after a few more painful months of what you've just described he dumped her. Not to go off with another girl but because he wasn't happy.
So save yourself the bother and dump him now.
Oh and my mate was with her fella for 3.5 years when he cheated and 4 when they broke up.
Sad really but she'd better off out of it.

dudara

You need to talk to him - find out what exactly is going on. The signs don't bode well if he isn't respecting your feelings like this.

Talliesin

Giving him the best possible benefit of the doubt: he likes her too much to be happy not remaining friends with her, he's either going to remain friends or be continually resentful.

Giving him no benefit of the doubt at all: he's shagging her.

Somewhere in the middle: somewhere in the middle.

Venom

rb_ie wrote:

He leaves you to find her when she's around.
He goes out with her when you're not around.
He texts her when you are around, even though he agreed to not contact her again.

Dump him, it may hurt now but it'll be a whole lot worse later down the line.

Agreed dump the jerk. He's cheated on you once and gotten away with it and is now breaking his promise not to have contact with this girl. If he's not cheating on you now it wont be long till he is.

SarahSassy

GetRealNow!! wrote:

Seriously,

You hate your ex best friend so much and call her a bitch or whatever but you forgive your boyfriend???

What does that say about you eh?
QUOTE]

I 100% agree - you should hate them BOTH. He is not worth this stress. He sounds like a player and is probably still having a fling with her behind your back (or in front of your face....)

Dump him and take your relationship out of 'soap opera' world.

Piste

You have no proof that they're having a fling behind your back other than that you've found him talking to her. It's possible that he just misses her company and friendship as a friend and that he feels it's unfaier that his girlfriend should dictate who he talks to or not. This would explain why he's sneaking around talking to her, he doesn't want to piss you off but still wants to hold onto his friendship with this girl.

So what should you do? If you do nothing you'll be suspicious and doubtful and you'll probably end up having a fight and dumping him, try talking to him calmly, ask his what exactly is the nature of his relationship with this girl, get him to tell you honestly if they're jsut friends or if it's something more. If it's just friends I think you should let him talk to her, you don't want to be a controlling psycho girlfriend now do you? He's a grown man he was decide who his friends are.

If on the other hand, they're anything more than friends, then dump him straight away.

Are you still in contact with anyone who knows both this girl and your boyfriend and would be around them both at the same time? Maybe they could keep an eye on things for you.

goz83

Well I think this is a tough one. More than likely he is cheating because he was romantic in the past with this girl. It's completely wrong for him to see her if he promised not to. That's disrespectful. He should have said it at the start or stood up for himself later if he disagrees with your thoughts/feelings. You could play the same game if you want a catalyst.

Ekancone

howmuchtoomuch? wrote:

Hi,

Ive been with my bf for 4 years. He was with my best friend at one stage, a once off. I forgave him, if he promised he wouldnt see her or be in contact with her again, which he agreed to completely.

So lately, I know shes been texting him, which he has no control over, but he's been texting her back. At parties, hes always leaving me and i find him talking to her, and hes been out with her once or twice when I wasnt there. Before this we all had a mutual group of friends, which myself, himself and my now ex best friend were in. Since I now hate her, I dont see them friends as much, but he does.

My problem is that I feel like I still cant trust him around her, because he promised me he wouldnt do these things, but he is. If he still wants to be in contact with her, he should've said at the start, no I dont agree with that.

I love him so much and dont want us to finish over that b***h (no idea how much i hate her, alot of background history I spared you's). But it just upsets me so much. Everytime he does something like this, and I say it to him, he says he doesnt realise it'll piss me off, I mean come on?! lol

And I know people will ask why did I take him back, and got rid of her, but theres a lot of history there I havent gone into.

Any help or experience?

Thanks in advance

****ing hell, dump him!

ShowUsYourXbox

How hot are you on a scale from 1 to 10 and how hot is your ex-best friend on a scale of 1 to 10.

Serious question!

Lola123

rb_ie wrote:

He leaves you to find her when she's around.
He goes out with her when you're not around.
He texts her when you are around, even though he agreed to not contact her again.

Dump him, it may hurt now but it'll be a whole lot worse later down the line.

You can't trust him. If he was that worried about upsetting you or your relationship, why would he talk to her at all?!

Poco Loco

You definitely have to end it with him. After 4 years, he should have more respect for you, and more cop on, than to be doing the one thing that will hurt you. He can't play dumb - you've already told him that you don't want him doing that and he continues to. No excuses.

Hope it goes ok for you.

hellbell123

Poco Loco wrote:

You definitely have to end it with him. After 4 years, he should have more respect for you, and more cop on, than to be doing the one thing that will hurt you. He can't play dumb - you've already told him that you don't want him doing that and he continues to. No excuses.

Hope it goes ok for you.

agree 100%..its says so much about someone who could cheat on you with your best friend..some things are unforgivable !

its no wonder alarm bells are ringing for you..move on and have a great life without him..

dellas1979

Lay out the situation for him.

If he doesnt acknowledge it, or makes out its your problem, then you should seriously consider a more drastic approach i.e ending it.

I couldnt cope with a situation like this. I wouldnt give him the option "Its me or her" that gives him the choice/power. I would state what I feel and then tell him "you should think about what I said" and then leave (the important thing is you have to leave after such a conversation).

You'll then have your answer.

rubyred

Piste wrote:

he feels it's unfaier that his girlfriend should dictate who he talks to or not. .

He doesn't have any right to think it unfair. He cheated with the girl fgs, and then promised his gf he would never contact her. Firstly he shouldn't have cheated, secondly he should have made promised he didn't intend keeping.

If he was my bf he would have been kicked to the kerb a LONG time ago - and it would have been a kick with my pointiest stilletos in his crown jewels.

rubyred

Piste wrote:

he feels it's unfaier that his girlfriend should dictate who he talks to or not. .

He doesn't have any right to think it unfair. He cheated with the girl fgs, and then promised his gf he would never contact her. Firstly he shouldn't have cheated, secondly he should have made promised he didn't intend keeping.

If he was my bf he would have been kicked to the kerb a LONG time ago - and it would have been a kick with my pointiest stilletos in his crown jewels.

Foxykitty

Two words!

DUMP HIM!!

your trust is gone there is nothing more you can do!!!

Civilian_Target

lol! He's entitled to his friends, do you trust him or do you not? Ask him if they're just friends.
If he says yes and you believe him, good.
If he say no or you don't believe him, there are 3 options:
- Dump him
- Put him in the same situation by trying it on with one of his friends
- Propose a threesome with both of them: he'll be your friend for life if it happens and if not it'll show her up to be a bit of a prude