Fight / money / leaving

pepper

This could be long

During the weekend was very sick- getting sick every 15 mins and felt awful- turned out 2 be food poisioning. Anyway during the weekend my sister called over to see how i was- ill be honest i wasnt in the mood 2 see any1 i felt awful- so i told my bf to get rid of her(ie tell her i was in bed r summat)

That was that anyway- today i popped over to her house cos i was due to mind her lil girl(as is always on a monday) anyway her fiance answers the door and says "Shes not talking to u- and tell ur BF if i see him ill kick his head in the way he spoke to her the other day" i was like WTF and then he slammed the door in my face

I went home in tears- no idea what the hell was happening, then my sister text me saying "I didnt ask him to say that- but hes still v mad about the way ur bf spoke to me" I was like what u on about the way he spoke 2 u and she said"He told me at the door to get lost that ya didnt wanna see me" (Now this is a lie cos i was in the hall that day i heard what he said to her at the door and thats not what was said")- she said after he said that he slammed the door in her face(also didnt happen)

So i just said "sorry i know for a FACT thats bull you can **** off lying about my BF how dare u ur so petty"- and she didnt answer me back.

Now im moving home in 2 days- going off 2 a new town- and i cant believe im saying this but i never want to see her again- it wasnt just that she lied- it was that she was justifing her fiance screaming and me and slamming the door in my face

Also she owes me money- 1000 euro to be exact- that i loaned her a year ago that she was giving me b4 i moved(need it for a few things)i wont say i dont give a crap about it cos i do she owes me it fair and square- anytime shes loaned me money shed be at my door looking for it the next week.

I donno what to do ...im going and she can piss off as far as im concerned- but then again that is my money

and now i sound greedy!:o

Poco Loco

Firstly, on the money, that's not greedy! I know it can feel horrible asking for money back but like you say it is yours - they should feel horrible for not repaying you for so long! So don't be worrying about that, you are totally within your rights to ask for it back. Although perhaps now is not the right time? Can you hold off a little longer?

On not want to speak to her again. Do you think it's just cause she is your sister? I always find the anger I feel with family members when we fall out is so much stronger than with others! I think it's cause you do love them so much. Ye are obviously close, given that you mind her kids and loaned her money - ye look out for each other. So maybe this is just the initial rage talking?

Perhaps there is more to it? Could you try the 'being the bigger person' approach - ask her to sit down and talk about it. Texts are evil! People always get the wrong end of the stick!! It might be a complete misunderstanding? Maybe she was upset about something else and took it way too personally?

PeakOutput

your both being petty and immature you should of told her you didnt want to see anyone yourself. she should of given out to you at her door herself.

either way she owes you your money tell her if she is not going to talk to you you want your money before she leaves. if she has to get a loan so be it but again this should be a non issue both of you need to grow up imo

pepper

PeakOutput wrote:

you should of told her you didnt want to see anyone yourself.

hey come on i was dying sick and i wasnt in the mood to see anyone if i went to the door myself she would have come in and stayed a while- if i dont want visitors i shouldnt have to have them

kmick

Id say leave it pass over before you ask for your money. At the end of the day she is still family and you should put them first no matter how nuts they are. Ask your boyfriend to make a fake apology. If he refuses offer him sexual favours. It workes a treat for me!! I just pretend to apologise - a text is all it takes. "Sorry if I appeared short the oher day - was very stressed and tired. Hope you are well."

pepper

kmick wrote:

Ask your boyfriend to make a fake apology. I just pretend to apologise - a text is all it takes. "Sorry if I appeared short the oher day - was very stressed and tired. Hope you are well."

This will sound very inmature but im not saying sorry fake or not

she was the one who lied and then dragged her fiance in to the argument and all ive gotten is screamed at

CathyMoran

Your sister is still your sister and it is not worth it to fight over petty things, I would try and make up with her. In terms of the money, I doubt that you will see it again, normally money lent within families never gets paid back from what I have seen. I remember by brother loaned me money to get a wig (I was having chemo at the time) in the end he gave it to me as a wedding present, though to be fair, I was willing to pay it back. I know that you are still annoyed but in the end of the day she is your family and it is not worth falling out over it.

PeakOutput

pepper wrote:

hey come on i was dying sick and i wasnt in the mood to see anyone if i went to the door myself she would have come in and stayed a while- if i dont want visitors i shouldnt have to have them

you were standing in the doorway listening anyway..... i just dont see the problem with saying "hi sis ....ah no im in bits just heading back to bed now so i suppose ill give you a buzz tomorrow sorry i cant invite you in im just fit for bed."

it would of prevented any misunderstanding


also her boyfriend is so far out of line its not even funny

PeakOutput

pepper wrote:

she was the one who lied

eh??? you lied as well even if it was threw your boyfriend

so i told my bf to get rid of her(ie tell her i was in bed r summat)

she may or may not know/suspect your lie but it was your lie that caused the problem.....your not blameless at all in this

pepper

PeakOutput wrote:

you were standing in the doorway listening anyway..... i just dont see the problem with saying "hi sis ....ah no im in bits just heading back to bed now so i suppose ill give you a buzz tomorrow sorry i cant invite you in im just fit for bed."

it would of prevented any misunderstanding


also her boyfriend is so far out of line its not even funny

we have a downstairs toilet i was getting sick in there when she called so i wasnt standing at the doorway listening i was crossing over to the sitting room

yes he was very far out of line- and she thinks hes in the right to scream at me like he did and mortify me(10am and people in their gardens gawking at us):(

pepper

PeakOutput wrote:

eh??? you lied as well even if it was threw your boyfriend



she may or may not know/suspect your lie but it was your lie that caused the problem.....your not blameless at all in this

so she told her fiance that my bf screamed at her and slammed the door in her face which he didnt and im supposed to take the blame

Leeby

Have a look at the personal issue titled "my sister won't talk to me" and you'll see how far refusing to back down and not talking to your sister will get you.

Refusing to have anything to do with her isn't going to make you feel any better, I'm not saying you have to apologise but maybe meet up with her to explain how you were feeling at the time and that you didn't know she would think your boyfriend was out of line by not asking her to come in. Hopefully this might diffuse her anger a bit and maybe she *might* apologise for the behaviour of her fiancee.

I really don't mean to trivialise your problem in any way but its small enough now that you can get past it, continue not talking and the problem will become much too big.

PeakOutput

Leeby wrote:

I really don't mean to trivialise your problem in any way but its small enough now that you can get past it, continue not talking and the problem will become much too big.

exactly its not about doling out or taking blame its about resolving a stupid issue with your sister.

the thing with her fiance is a bit more serious but an apology should not be long coming after you and your sister make up though if they are in anyway reasonable humans

CathyMoran

Leeby wrote:

I really don't mean to trivialise your problem in any way but its small enough now that you can get past it, continue not talking and the problem will become much too big.

I agree, I have faced death in the past year due to cancer and something like this is nothing compared to the general scheme of things. She is your sister, talk to her!

Marksie

Oh my! there are a pair of you in that alright. Both as bad as one another.

Why lie in the first place? hell, i am sorryu i am sick as a dog and want to sleep/be left alone, there is nothing wrong in that.

Now its escalated beyond all recognition
Yous said this...
she said that
i am not apologising as its her fault....

and probably both of you are saying the same thing.

Cop on the pair of you and get over it, start acting like adults instead of children.

Beruthiel

pepper wrote:

hey come on i was dying sick and i wasnt in the mood to see anyone if i went to the door myself she would have come in and stayed a while- if i dont want visitors i shouldnt have to have them

I can understand that comment if it were a neighbour or friend and you couldn't face them, but this is your sister!
What difference does it make what state you're in? Now you say you were in the hall, so not so bad that you needed to be in bed and well able to answer the door to you own sister.
So I'm thinking there's a pair of ye in it and both acting childish

pepper wrote:

and i cant believe im saying this but i never want to see her again

As for this comment, to say you never want to see her again over something so petty smacks of total immaturity. What age are you?

you sent your bf to the door to get rid of her, then she sent her bf to the door to get rid of you
now you are throwing a hissy fit and demanding money :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
One does wonder how old you are

pepper

Beruthiel wrote:

Now you say you were in the hall, so not so bad that you needed to be in bed and well able to answer the door to you own sister.
So I'm thinking there's a pair of ye in it and both acting childish

if u had bothered to read down the page ud have seen someone already said that and i told them why i was in the hall and it was nothing to do with me listening in

Beruthiel wrote:

As for this comment, to say you never want to see her again over something so petty smacks of total immaturity. What age are you?

hmmmmmmmmmmm

she lies about my bf

her fiance mortifies me in fronta the neighbourhood

and im supposed to take part of the blame

im 22 shes 28

pepper

bluewolf wrote:

demanding money :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

demanding? i have not mentioned the money to her so how exactally am i DEMANDING money?

CathyMoran

Please just count to ten and relax, sure both of you made mistakes here but surely you are mature enough adults to let this slide. Please just speak to your sister, you will regret it if you do not. If not for you, for your little niece who probably misses her favorite aunt very much.

pepper

pepper wrote:

demanding? i have not mentioned the money to her so how exactally am i DEMANDING money?

The first thing you seem to think about is not "how can I resolve this issue" but "I never want to see her again! Oh no my money!"

pepper

i just rang her phone to talk and she cancelled my calls- so i left her a voicemail explaining everything and asked her to call me back..

she just text me and simply said "**** OFF I HATE YOU"

And im supposed to be the inmature one!!!!!!!!!:rolleyes:

pepper

bluewolf wrote:

The first thing you seem to think about is not "how can I resolve this issue" but "I never want to see her again! Oh no my money!"

excuse me to burst ur bubble but its 1000 euro that i gave out of my own money and i need it to help with the move. ive mentioned already that previously when she loaned me money she,d be at my door looking for it the next week- so a year later i "dare" to want my money back- tut tut!:eek:

biko

Make sure not to drag your parents into this petty quarrel. It'll pass in time.
Don't make a big deal out of it and it should blow over.

About the dosh, just send a polite text (or better a quick voice mail) that you need that back. Unfortunately it'll sound bad asking for it now but that can't be helped, if you really need it now.

Beruthiel

pepper wrote:

if u had bothered to read down the page ud have seen someone already said that and i told them why i was in the hall and it was nothing to do with me listening in

And you need to calm down and read what I said again, no where did I mention the word 'listening', though even if I did, I'm not seeing what point you are trying to make above.

im 22 shes 28

So both old enough to know better.
It's clear that you cannot see that both of ye are being petty here.
I'm wondering, this sort of behaviour normally doesn't just happen out of the blue, is there a history of ye fighting like this?

Again, calm down, people are giving their opinion on what you have said so far, it's just you're not liking it. If you came on here in the hopes we would agree with you, then that's not what PI is about.
You're getting honest replies.

CathyMoran

Leave her stew for a day but again do not give up on your sister, count to ten and remember your lovely niece who is missing out on you due to no fault of her own.

pepper

pepper wrote:

excuse me to burst ur bubble but its 1000 euro that i gave out of my own money and i need it to help with the move. ive mentioned already that previously when she loaned me money she,d be at my door looking for it the next week- so a year later i "dare" to want my money back- tut tut!:eek:

And of course you discussed this with her recently before this little argument and she already agreed to pay it back asap?

And whether she would demand her money back quickly is irrelevant. This tiff is not an excuse to air all your old grievances, and it still doesn't justify "I never want to see her again!"

pepper

bluewolf wrote:

And of course you discussed this with her recently before this little argument and she already agreed to pay it back asap?

yes the arrangment was shes give it back to me before i moved-and considering i tried to contact her again(as mentioned above- and she wouldnt take my calls and then sent the **** off text im sure i wont be seeing that money again)

And your biggest concern is that you won't see the money again rather than not seeing the sister again. I see.
Well, it's sad you feel that way. although I would still suggest giving it a few days to cool down before trying again.

dellas1979

Oh I have a sister who is highly strung......

Now, I dont see the both of ye faultless, maybe she was offended by you not coming to the door. Yes, we know you were sick, but maybe she thought you couldnt have been bothered. She then went home and sensationalised what had been said to her to compensate for her feeling a little hurt.

Then it spun out of control.

As I said above I have a sister who is very highly strung like this. If it isnt her way, she will certainly let you know about it.

I tend to ignore her. But if she ever told me to F off, she would see the pointy side of my boot. Ok, I dont advocate violence here (!) but you need to go around there and say "lets sort this out"....

Also, you seem kinda scared of her.....what with asking about getting the money back and all that......

Are you a little intimidated by her?

pepper

dellas1979 wrote:

Also, you seem kinda scared of her.....what with asking about getting the money back and all that......

Are you a little intimidated by her?

shes very vicious when she is mad- she would stab you in the back as quick as she would look at you, if i mentioned the money she would be straight on the phone telling the rest of the family that"ive badgered her for money- she had to put herself in debt paying me back bla bla bla- and wouldnt mention we had arranged payment already

She has done something similar before i know whats shes capible of

Marksie

pepper wrote:

yes the arrangment was shes give it back to me before i moved-and considering i tried to contact her again(as mentioned above- and she wouldnt take my calls and then sent the **** off text im sure i wont be seeing that money again)

So are you insinuating that she engineered the argument to not pay you back?
Is there a history of aggressive bickering/ short tempers/ arguing in your family?
Which is more important to you, your continued family relationship or the money?

CathyMoran

pepper wrote:

shes very vicious when she is mad- she would stab you in the back as quick as she would look at you, if i mentioned the money she would be straight on the phone telling the rest of the family that"ive badgered her for money- she had to put herself in debt paying me back bla bla bla- and wouldnt mention we had arranged payment already

She has done something similar before i know whats shes capible of

If that was the case, I would not have lent her the money to begin with. It still does not address the important issue of you and your sister not speaking. Appologise even if you do not mean it if it means that the two of you are speaking and keep on thinking about your niece.

pepper

Marksie wrote:

So are you insinuating that she engineered the argument to not pay you back?

i didnt say that and you know i didnt

Marksie wrote:

Is there a history of aggressive bickering/ short tempers/ arguing in your family?

yes actually half my family arent talking to the other half

Marksie wrote:

Which is more important to you, your continued family relationship or the money?

my family- but i am sorry i do need the money and even thinking about it seems to make me look very greedy but i was relying on it for the wages id lose due to moving and new job(working week in hand etc)

CathyMoran

Be the more mature person and just give in for the sake of peace and your beautiful niece who I am sure that you are missing like crazy by now.

pepper

CathyMoran wrote:

If that was the case, I would not have lent her the money to begin with.

she needed it badly the little one was going back to school and she needed to pay for her books plus her car tax was due and honestly i felt bad cos i had it and she needed it

pepper

CathyMoran wrote:

Be the more mature person and just give in for the sake of peace and your beautiful niece who I am sure that you are missing like crazy by now.

i have tried (as posted above) and she wont have it so...:(

Talliesin

pepper wrote:

And im supposed to be the inmature one!!!!!!!!!:rolleyes:

Nobody said you were the immature one. They said you were being immature, not that your sister wasn't also.

Marksie

pepper wrote:

i didnt say that and you know i didnt

Do you always overreact so? i was asking a question for clarification, not an accusation

pepper wrote:

Yes actually half my family arent talking to the other half

You know, i honestly knew you were going to say that. Any reason do you think why?
Can you see yourself what the posters saw straight away?

pepper wrote:

my family- but i am sorry i do need the money and even thinking about it seems to make me look very greedy but i was relying on it for the wages id lose due to moving and new job(working week in hand etc)

and what would be the permanent long-term affects of not getting the money?
What would be the long term affects of not talking to your sister again? How many left in your family are you talking too?

pepper

Marksie wrote:

and what would be the permanent long-term affects of not getting the money?

having to get a loan out and paying interest on it- more money i shouldnt have to spend

Marksie wrote:

What would be the long term affects of not talking to your sister again? How many left in your family are you talking too?

never seeing my niece again- but as ive pointed out already about 3 times ive tried 2 contact her and shes having none of it- and i am talking to everyone in my family

Beruthiel

pepper wrote:

never seeing my niece again- but as ive pointed out already about 3 times ive tried 2 contact her and shes having none of it- and i am talking to everyone in my family

Give her a few days to cool down and then go round to her house and talk to her

dellas1979

Hhhmmmm, well one thing is for sure, you should learn never ever to lend her money again!!

I would confront her directly anyways.

I'd hand over my bank details whether or not my sister is talking to me and say "sort it now" whether its the whole amount or €50 a week.

Dont be intimidated by her. Sounds like she is getting away with murder.

And, one last thing, I love my niece and nephew like anyone would, but if my sister was to be a jackass like that, then I wouldnt feel bad about loosing time with them. The problem needs to be sorted both sides, not just the OP grovelling to her sister to keep the peace. That is not being immature or being the bigger person, that is called keeping check on your own well being i.e needing money back that her sister owes her.

Leeby

You've tried to contact her, she blocked your calls
You left a voicemail explaining your side, she just sent you back that horrible text
I'd say you've tried your best to resolve the issue so leave her a day or two and see if she'll come to you. I'm definately not saying give up on her but you've made an effort and she's not being very mature about it so leave it for just a day or so and if she hasn't made an effort, try approaching her again.