Should I believe him?

LegacyUser

I was staying in my boyfriends house on Saturday an we were in bed together I stretched and put my hand under the pillow at the back of the bed and felt something
It was a girl’s ring, costume jewellery big fake diamond silver really tacky, I asked him where it came from he took it off me and said he hadn’t a clue
Then asked could it be yours? I said to him that I don’t wear jewellery which I don’t and he said Jesus that’s weird
I went silent for a while tbh I didn’t know what to think or say. He said then he honestly had no clue how it go there and then said it must have been caught up in the stuff he took out of the wardrobe last week as he was packing to go away as he was just back, I said grand, there is stuff still there as he used to live with a girl and we aren’t together long I haven’t had any feeling so far that he couldn’t be trusted
He then made me breakfast I had a shower and left no more discussion of it really
I said it to my friends they recoiled in horror and said yes it was really suspect now I’m wondering am I just a big pushover that will believe anything he says

seamus

asdfgjk wrote:

there is stuff still there as he used to live with a girl and we aren’t together long I haven’t had any feeling so far that he couldn’t be trusted

Sounds reasonable enough tbh. 9 times out of ten, the most reasonable explanation is the correct one. If he's a male, and not living at home, then it's likely that his bed might get made once a month, so stuff sitting under a pillow for a good while is reasonable enough.

I remember my girlfriend had the same "suspicious moment" once. She found a hair bobbin and lipstick in my bedside locker. I told her it was hers, she said it wasn't. All I knew is that at some point they'd been in my car, and when I cleaned out my car I assumed they were hers and left them in my room for her. That was about as much as I could explain, but I knew I'd done nothing wrong so aside from, "I've no idea who they belong to", I couldn't give anything better.

axer

asdfgjk wrote:

I was staying in my boyfriends house on Saturday an we were in bed together I stretched and put my hand under the pillow at the back of the bed and felt something
It was a girl’s ring, costume jewellery big fake diamond silver really tacky, I asked him where it came from he took it off me and said he hadn’t a clue
Then asked could it be yours? I said to him that I don’t wear jewellery which I don’t and he said Jesus that’s weird
I went silent for a while tbh I didn’t know what to think or say. He said then he honestly had no clue how it go there and then said it must have been caught up in the stuff he took out of the wardrobe last week as he was packing to go away as he was just back, I said grand, there is stuff still there as he used to live with a girl and we aren’t together long I haven’t had any feeling so far that he couldn’t be trusted
He then made me breakfast I had a shower and left no more discussion of it really
I said it to my friends they recoiled in horror and said yes it was really suspect now I’m wondering am I just a big pushover that will believe anything he says

Are you sure he wasn't going to propose to you or something as part of a silly romantic type of thing?

Beruthiel

If he were going to propose, her finding the ring would have been the perfect time, no?

seamus wrote:

Sounds reasonable enough tbh.

Sounds reasonable if the sheets have never been changed since then, otherwise how could it still be there?

Does he have any sisters or friends that ever stay over OP?
That would explain it if he did.

Jimoslimos

Beruthiel wrote:

If he were going to propose, her finding the ring would have been the perfect time, no?

Well maybe not if she came out with something like "Ugh, what's this...a tacky diamond ring". Guess he decided to play dumb and save up for a classier piece of jewellery:rolleyes:

axer

Jimoslimos wrote:

Well maybe not if she came out with something like "Ugh, what's this...a tacky diamond ring". Guess he decided to play dumb and save up for a classier piece of jewellery:rolleyes:

My thoughts exactly.

LegacyUser

Propose emmm no!
We've been seeing each other seriously 2 months.
I was just so shocked at my friends reaction to me saying it to them
and I have actually changed the bed with him before
Its been there probably since wednesday week last as thats the last time I was in his bed so could easily be the truth

seamus

Beruthiel wrote:

Sounds reasonable if the sheets have never been changed since then, otherwise how could it still be there?

Depends on where it was found. I'm assuming it was under the pillow, but maybe it was between the edge of the bed and the mattress, or something?

LegacyUser

'Just believe him, bugger what your friends think because they're guard dogs.'

Jimoslimos

Jimoslimos wrote:

Well maybe not if she came out with something like "Ugh, what's this...a tacky diamond ring". Guess he decided to play dumb and save up for a classier piece of jewellery:rolleyes:

that would be a pretty funny situation
reminded me of a "friends" type moment

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

asdfgjk wrote:

I’m wondering am I just a big pushover that will believe anything he says

well you don't believe him, finish it now.
but a big part of a relationship is trust... if you do trust him, then happy days ahead and a good strong relationship...
if you don't ( and by even putting up the post, we can all see you don't) then finish it now.

mcauley

Sounds very dubious to me OP....

But then I always look at the worst possible scenario?!

rubyred

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

well you don't believe him, finish it now.
but a big part of a relationship is trust... if you do trust him, then happy days ahead and a good strong relationship...
if you don't ( and by even putting up the post, we can all see you don't) then finish it now.

That's ridiculous. So if you trust your partner and find a naked girl in bed with him and he says that they were doing nothing you would be fine with that because you trust whatever he says.

Leeby

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

well you don't believe him, finish it now.
but a big part of a relationship is trust... if you do trust him, then happy days ahead and a good strong relationship...
if you don't ( and by even putting up the post, we can all see you don't) then finish it now.

I don't think posting this means she doesn't trust him. She accepted his explanation, it's only her friends reaction that has made her post here, everything she's been saying in her own opinion seems to suggest she trusts him.

Personally I'd find it a little dodgy, but as you say, he's never given you any reason not to trust him. Can you talk to the girl he used to live with and find out if it is hers?

axer

rubyred wrote:

That's ridiculous. So if you trust your partner and find a naked girl in bed with him and he says that they were doing nothing you would be fine with that because you trust whatever he says.

There's a big difference between a naked girl and a ring but still I think he has given his explanation but the OP refuses to believe it (or should I say her friends refuse to believe it).

LegacyUser

No I can’t she’s his ex so I wouldn’t be going there I’m going to take his word for it and hope for the best, also keeping my eyes open
I’ve been badly hurt in the past so I wouldn’t be the wholey trusting type anyway but he hasn’t given me any other reason to not trust him
My friends are thinking that I'm just believing what I want to and I tend to have done that in the past

Talliesin

I'd be really suspicious once, and not until, I worked out where a whole bunch of little things I've found from time to time (including times when I was living on my own) came from.

For that matter, I also want to know where a lot of stuff goes to.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

rubyred wrote:

That's ridiculous. So if you trust your partner and find a naked girl in bed with him and he says that they were doing nothing you would be fine with that because you trust whatever he says.

you have proved my point....thank you

lets look at this scenario, if you do find your partner in bed with a girl and he say that nothing is happening, then i presume unless you trust him 100% then the realiship over isn't it....

therefore as i said before..... if you don't trust him dump him if you do trust him don't.

obviously some people will have more experience of the lying and cheating relationship as pointed in the above scenario

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

asdfghjk wrote:

he hasn’t given me any other reason to not trust him

well that speaks volumes

asdfghjk wrote:

My friends are thinking that I'm just believing what I want to and I tend to have done that in the past

rather that believe what they are saying....go with your heart. its very rarely wrong

Attol

I just think that trust is a major part in any relationship. If you're uncomfortable and feel it will be an issue in the future maybe it's best to end it. If you feel you can get over this then continue. Nobody can decide your feelings for you. If you trust him you do, if you don't then you don't. Don't let anyone else change that for you.

Strokesfan

I think go with your gut instinct on that one - unless he's in a shared house and it could be the case that someone slept in that room and he didn't know....

Girls do have a tendency to put jewellery under the pillow - I would be highly suspicious of how that got there

SarahSassy

I am doubtful.... I think its an excuse... You have been seeing each other only 2 months. Have you agreed you are in an 'exclusive' relationship???

Sounds like a smokescreen to me.

Piste

Somewhere there is a girl saying "feck it, where did I put that effing ring?!" and chances are she was ffiends with your boyfriend's housemates or something, or there was a party and it got shoved under the pillow.

Here's a thought, were there any parties in your boyfriend's house lately? If there were it's very possible that a couple was doing the bold thing in is bed (ok not a very nice thought I know) and the girl put it there for safe keeping.

There are tons and tons of explainations to why that ring was there, infidelity is just one of those, I'd say the best thing for you to do if forget about it and go on with the relationship, you said yourself you don't feel at all suspicious, good for you!

aidan24326

Like Piste said there is a number of reasons how it could have got there, infidelity being only one. On the face of it it does like mildly suspicious, but if he's given you no reason to doubt him other than this small incident then you owe him the benefit of the doubt. Ignore your melodramatic friends and follow your own instincts. As evidence for the prosecution in a cheating case, this wouldn't hold up without alot more to go on. Could easily belong to the ex. Forget about it.

goz83

what would he say if he found a guys ring under your pillow?

LegacyUser

'He lives alone and no there have been no parties otherwise my mind would be set at ease , it really isn’t now and I cannot make up my mind at all.
I’m not great at relationships so I’m wondering is my fear of getting hurt is becoming a smokescreen as its something I’ve done before
Sure even today and yesterday he doesn’t know this is playing on my mind as I have acted completely normal on the phone as if I’m afraid to let him know that I think this in case he’s done nothing and thinks I’m a paranoid woman also I’m weighing up delaying seeing him till I decide
Its as if in my head I’m saying I’m upset with you I’m not showing it but you’re a man so you have to be able to tell

Half of my brain says he is innocent you are mad, stop looking for a reason to be annoyed with him and close yourself off from the relationship and the other half is saying what if he is cheating be it the ex or another girl and thinks he can do this to me and get away with it'

Peyton Manning

Id say trust him, only my girlfriend does the same things and puts her jewellery under the pillow if shes in bed and has forgotten to take it off before she goes to bed.....wait a minute.......where the feck is ur fellow from?

Needless Gossip

Maybe he's into crossdressing.

Seriously. I mean even if he is hiding something it doesn't have to mean that he's cheating on you. Jumping to conclusions will get you in a lot of trouble.

axer

asdfghjk wrote:

Its as if in my head I’m saying I’m upset with you I’m not showing it but you’re a man so you have to be able to tell

ohhh, god. I hope you are are not expecting him to sense it. Contrary to popular belief a man can't read minds nor can he detect when something is wrong and the reason why. Please keep that in mind.

Talliesin

asdfgjk wrote:

it must have been caught up in the stuff he took out of the wardrobe last week as he was packing to go away as he was just back, I said grand, there is stuff still there as he used to live with a girl and we aren’t together long

What's wrong with this explanation anyway.

Especially when you consider that it was a tacky ring by your description - precisely the sort of thing that gets bunged in with a lot of junk and forgotten about.

Where do you put a large amount of junk you are sorting through if you are in a bedroom? Ideally you'll want a large flat area, preferably elevated a bit above the ground to make it easier to reach. Why, this bed matches that perfectly. Okay, junk on bed. Sort, sort, sort, keep, chuck, keep, chuck. Stuff falling on floor, tidy back up. Woah, I'd forgotten I had that, gosh great times, keep, chuck, keep, chuck, hmm. what the hell is that? keep, chuck, eww 5 years old chocolate bar, chuck, keep.

An item could easily end up under a pillow in that.

SarahSassy

I think its a bullsh*t excuse but I dont know him.... You have to trust your gut and no one here can tell you what happened..... But in fairness how realistic is it that a ring moved form inside his wardrobe to under his pillow - come on.....?????????

MrsA

I think you and only you can judge exactly how he reacted when you found the ring. Did he blush, was he in a hurry to explain it away, did he get flustered about it?
If he was calm and rational it would say to me that he was telling the truth but, then again I am a bit niave at times and would not want to think it was anything else.

MrsA

jubi lee

so u found this ring under the pillow towards the back of his bed... has he not changed the sheets since he met you?

Shinners23

I would go with Mrs A on this one. You should go with your gut on this one. If he was calm and unflustered when explaining where if came from and you weren't suspect - I'd say there is an innocent explaination. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

axer

Shinners23 wrote:

I would go with Mrs A on this one. You should go with your gut on this one. If he was calm and unflustered when explaining where if came from and you weren't suspect - I'd say there is an innocent explaination. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

but he could have been shocked about finding it in the first place and by the OPs reaction.

DamoKen

I wouldn't place much faith in his reaction at all. He obviously didn't know the ring was there so a natural reaction when you found it could quite easily be flustered (guilty in some mindreaders minds), no matter how it ended up there. People react differently in these situations so I wouldn't rely too heavily on this.

I know if it was me I would be a bit freaked, I always look guilty no matter how innocent I am! don't know why.
First thing I'd be thinking is how that could look and be trying to figure out how the hell that ended up there well aware the longer it takes to figure it out the worse it looks.
Sign of a guilty mind maybe?, or just someone who doesn't react well to being accused of something they haven't done?

Personally I was in a similar situation a few years back, girlfriend of 8 months moved in, went to put some of her stuff in a drawer on the side of the bed I don't sleep on and there was a pack of condoms in a girls purse at the back of the drawer!
She was a bit freaked finding it but thankfully she asked me about it when I got home. Luckily I recognised the purse, turned out they'd been there for well over a year, girl I'd seen for a while had left them there and I'd never used the drawer since except to throw the odd letter in etc.

So say I'd cleaned out that drawer for her before she moved in, and that had inadvertently fallen under the duvet/bed wherever. Would be a hard one to explain and I'd look guilty even though I had a perfectly rational reason behind it.

LegacyUser

Ha, ha!! I have been guilty in the past of carrying on concurrent relationships with two or more women and I have never met a woman who doesn't leave something behind when she leaves. It's usually something small - hairpin, bobbin, ring, etc. I quickly learned to always carefully check the bedroom and bathroom and remove any incriminating evidence when I was expecting anyone over. Sometimes I think that they are subconsciously marking their territory!

Go with your gut instinct. It's not usually wrong.