Whats the Lesser of 2 evils .. to go or not to go ?

my name is

Ok .. my head is in a mess about this one..

Basically I've gone and managed to get myself into a "very" long distance internet relationship over the course of more than two years.

We havent met but planned to this Sept, we are both mad about each other and the trip has been on the cards since before Christmas, I guess neither of us thought of the following....

She failed her finals in college and the results came out a few days ago .. .. her only option now is to pass is in 3 months time.

Obviously I want her to pass (med degree), and i get the feeling that I might be more of a hindrence on her studies whatever I do. Whats the best option though?

If i go .. it'll be 2 weeks of travelling and taking time away from her studies .. (we'd already planned to visit a few surrounding cities).

That said its only 2 weeks outta 3 months... and it might actually relax her, not to mention being there and meeting up might be some proper moral support for the coming exams.

If I dont go, im worried that it might reflect negatively too .. another few months of waiting to meet up, and yet more sleepless nights and days "dreaming" and not studying, I wonder if not being there is a large factor in her failing the first time.

We've both done a silly amount of all-nighters during the past couple of years and the past 9 months more than ever, basically any time we can get ... we both have screwed up hours and when we get the chance we try to get as much time as possible ... day here though and night there ..

Lastly her family might not be too impressed with me arriving on the scene given the current situation, but the relationship isnt dissappearing anytime soon.

Just seems to be a catch 22 ...

dazed and confused .. and thoughts greatly appriciated.

orlyice

thats a tough one! id say go!! if you dont, you'll still be on her mind! two weeks out of 3months is not bad, it would be just the break she needs! it'll give her the time to relax before she starts studying again.

go for it!!!

tba

Yep go, 2 weeks is nothing, she has had years to study.

Talliesin

I think it's up to her to decide how likely two weeks of travelling is to disrupt her stuides. Two weeks isn't much, but it's not negliable either.

It's up to you to let her know that you understand either decision and are happy to go with which she feels is best.

Kali

Go. You can always go and do your own thing during the weekdays if you want to give her time to study, or she feels guilty about not getting anything done.

biko

What Talliesin said

artnotort

dont go.

jellie

Do whatever she wants to do. If she wants you to go, go, if shed rather you waited until after her finals when wait.

1 of the things thats always been part of any relationship ive had is that college comes first. Admittedly sometimes i did choose the bf over college work, but when it comes down to it college is a temporary thing. you want her to do her best, whats an extra few weeks waiting when youve already waited this long.

kittenkiller

Aw... It all sounds so romantic!

Could you compromise and maybe just go for a week?

star-pants

Well... if ye've both put that much effort into it over the past 2 years, she'd probably be upset if you didn't go. Maybe talk to her and just say that you don't want to disturb her study (but you do really want to visit) and see what she wants to do. If I was her, I want you over -- it'd make a nice break & probably relax her before getting back into the stress of studying.

hunnymonster

How badly did she fail? Does it require sitting multiple exams again? These will influence how much work she has to do.


As someone else said, discuss it with her. She knows better than you what needs to be done and how she adapts to breaks in study. When I was a student it was all or nothing and I locked myself in the Library for 6 months before my finals. For other people they do better when they take some time off to relax and recharge.


Another factor is that you haven't actually met. People try to tell us the "physicality" (can't think of better word) of someone doesn't really matter but I've always found it does and maybe it might to you? What will the fallout be if you meet and it goes badly? Just something to consider.

milli

star-pants wrote:

Well... if ye've both put that much effort into it over the past 2 years, she'd probably be upset if you didn't go. Maybe talk to her and just say that you don't want to disturb her study (but you do really want to visit) and see what she wants to do. If I was her, I want you over -- it'd make a nice break & probably relax her before getting back into the stress of studying.

Couldn´t have put it better myself!

The_B_Man

you could probably ask her.

like along the lines of "Hey, you still want me to go over, or do ya reckon it'll disrupt your studies?".

Piste

Going seems like the better thing to do, but don't take the words of a bunch of itnernet strangers, ask her how SHE feels, say that you understand if she needs those two weeks to study, and if she wants you can come over another time.

That said, a break might do her good, while you're over there you can always take a few hours off each day and maybe do something on your own and leave her to study.

my name is

Thanks for the responses guys and gals ..

The consensus of most people I've talked to is that 2 weeks is nothing .. and would probably do her as much good as bad if I didn't go, I'll leave it up to her, if it sounds like it'll be REALLY hard going e.g. multi exams I'll try to keep my distance and re-schedule .. I think she'd be disappointed to if i came over and didn't go to half the places or do half the things she'd planned for us

and replying to some ideas and questions posed...

She only failed one part of her finals .. unfortunately a major part .. she aced the written (one of the top in the year) but failed on the practical, shes finding out about her options now e.g. what needs to be repeated etc.. , its been a few days of hell for her, and taken the past 3 to even leave the house and talk to anyone

She does still want me over, but i'll see what she says after talking to the admin in her college before I start going over the options with her.. she may need to put in alot of extra practical time which would probably mean screwed up long hours plus lots of study and I would no-doubt be getting in the way (I think)

Aw... It all sounds so romantic!

and every time I hear her voice I get that cute fuzzy feeling inside and my eyes glaze over *dreams*

Could you compromise and maybe just go for a week?

I would consider only going for a week except..... typical me bought non-refundable or transferable tickets (it was a sure thing!). I don't think I could afford the trip again for about 2-3 months ...

What will the fallout be if you meet and it goes badly? Just something to consider.

I have thought about this too - Alot ... and once again another catch 22 .. if it doest work at least we'll both know it, I don't think we'll end up hating each others guts though either way ...

my name is

She's just asked if I'd mind postponing .. looks like the question wasn't mine to ask :P

Feel a little silly now, What was I thinking, I knew she'd do the right thing deep down, shouldn't have jumped to conclusions so fast !