My sister wont talk to me

LegacyUser

Me and my sister used to be closer than close- we talked about everything anf my 2 girls adored her she was their favourite aunty.

About a year ago i called over to my sisters house and her boyfriend answered the door and all he said was "She said **** off she is busy"- I was in shock and just walked off.

Over the next coming months i refused to talk to her- she text me and called me and i didnt answer- she seemed oblivious to why i was mad at her until i found out she was in hospital. Her BF had beat the crap out of her- It was that day i found out he had been hitting her and the day of the "**** off" incident he was in the middle of a beating and she hadnt said it.

I felt so sick and went to see her but she wouldnt see me. Its two months later now and shes out of hospital and happy. But she still wont talk to me, she has moved house and has a new phone number all of which i dont know.

i bumped into her in town the other day and asked her why she wouldnt talk to me and she just said "You really believed id say that and for a month you pushed me out of your life when i need you the most- your so petty and your not my sister anymore" and walked off

I feel like ive lost a part of me- i agree it was petty but i seriously thought she said that- My daughters see her around and try to call her over(They are 3 and 5) The love their auntie so much and miss her like crazy

And i miss her too- How do i get her to talk to me again?

Beruthiel

Write her a long letter explaining everything.

SarahSassy

I agree with Beruthiel - write her a long letter. You were in the wrong, you were stubborn and you shouldnt have taken what he said to you as words out of her mouth.....

You have a lot of making up to do and dont give in. She is hurting and wont forgive you for a long time for not being there for her... You let her down when she needed you most and maybe she blames you for some of it happening as you did not come to her when she reached out for you.

Im sure you feel guilty already but its time to eat humble pie - beg, harass and force her to talk to you..... Do you have another family member to mediate between you?

Talliesin

If the long letter doesn't work, then try a short card. Harder to throw in the bin unread if you don't have to open it to read it.

Oryx

When you took offence over her (pig-of-a) boyfriends comments, you refused to hear her side - imagine how hurtful that must have been for her, especially when she must have been going through hell with him. Now, shes doing the same thing to you, and its understandable because shes very hurt.

You say you didnt speak to her 'for months' and its only two months since youve tried to contact her, so its simply taking time for her to get over her anger and hurt at you. Keep attempting to contact her, dont give up. Let her see how much you really do want to talk to her and sort it out. As Sarahsassy mentioned, if you have a mutual friend or relative could they be a go-between to try and get her to meet you and hear your side?

limklad

vbcxsixch wrote:

Me and my sister used to be closer than close- we talked about everything anf my 2 girls adored her she was their favourite aunty.


About a year ago i called over to my sisters house and her boyfriend answered the door and all he said was "She said **** off she is busy"- I was in shock and just walked off.

Over the next coming months i refused to talk to her- she text me and called me and i didnt answer- she seemed oblivious to why i was mad at her until i found out she was in hospital. Her BF had beat the crap out of her- It was that day i found out he had been hitting her and the day of the "**** off" incident he was in the middle of a beating and she hadnt said it.

I felt so sick and went to see her but she wouldnt see me. Its two months later now and shes out of hospital and happy. But she still wont talk to me, she has moved house and has a new phone number all of which i dont know.

i bumped into her in town the other day and asked her why she wouldnt talk to me and she just said "You really believed id say that and for a month you pushed me out of your life when i need you the most- your so petty and your not my sister anymore" and walked off

I feel like ive lost a part of me- i agree it was petty but i seriously thought she said that- My daughters see her around and try to call her over(They are 3 and 5) The love their auntie so much and miss her like crazy

And i miss her too- How do i get her to talk to me again?

You push her away without talking to her and now complaining and not that she is ignoring you after her ordeal (by the way is far worst * X than your incident with her boyfriend). She was under serious stress and you did not want find out why, throwing a tantrum.

You betrayed her trust and confidence when she needed you the most.. You did not give her a chance to explain or find out why there is a rift between you. I am not surprise she has push you out of her life.

See the hypocritical pattern in your behavior.
If you cannot see this then, How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

Talliesin

In fairness to the OP, I think she realises she ****ed up, and if she doesn't realise how much she ****ed up then managing a conversation with her sister will deal with that more than any amount of giving out from us.

The Sweeper

I'd go for the biggest bunch of the most stunning flowers you can possibly think of, along with a long letter.

But if you write the letter, mark this: DO NOT FOR ONE SECOND DARE TO TRY AND JUSTIFY YOUR BEHAVIOUR IN THAT LETTER.

When you've written it, read it, and re-read it. There should be nothing in it but apologies, and declarations of how much you miss her and how you want both of you to be friends again. In fact, make it a short letter if you have to, if you find you can't write it without trying to big yourself up.

This may sound cruel, but you're in the wrong here and your sister knows it and you probably cut her to the bone. Anything you put in a letter that isn't totally sackcloth and ashes, she'll focus on it in a second and it'll be the only thing that really sinks in. When you say something bad, it sticks with someone for a while. When you write something bad, they can read it, and re-read it, and even put it away and take it out and read it again.

Big flowers (no petrol station jobbies - take the hit to your pocket on these, send her the sort of flowers that make people goggle in the street - most women these days secretly hanker after magnificent flowers and they never get them - the feminists should be shot - but that's off topic) and either a long letter of sorries, or a short letter of begging.

Finally, tell her she means so much to you that if she doesn't respond to your letter with a call or a text within a week, you're going to keep writing and keep apologising once a week every week until she'll talk to you again.

If you don't know where she lives, get a family member to pass on the flowers and the letters.

This is your sister. And you shat on her. To get some perspective, a lot of women who are on the receiving end of violence from their partners don't tell their nearest and dearest because they believe, rightly or wrongly, they are protecting the people they love the most from their partner. That's where she's coming from, so to get her back is going to take some serious work on your part.

Are you willing to do it?

I'm only asking because if you were petty enough in the past to take the sniping of her arsehole of a boyfriend as gospel, and then completely snub your sister's efforts at contact for weeks on end, how are you going to react if you make a half-hearted effort to get back in her good books and she tells you to go jump again? Are you going to start the whole "Oh she's such a bitch like she should KNOW I'm sorry, I can't believe she's so mean to my poor kids" thing?

If you're going to apologise to your sister and get her back, you need to really, really mean it.

Foxykitty

i know everyone here is trying to help but i think Talliesin is right, she knows she is wrong and it's not helping that everyone has a go, lets help her and not shun her

SarahSassy

Foxykitty wrote:

i know everyone here is trying to help but i think Talliesin is right, she knows she is wrong and it's not helping that everyone has a go, lets help her and not shun her

Well go on then.... Your post didnt include any help there but rather a lecture for the rest of us.

Nevyn

Off topic and unhelpful posts will get you banned from this forum.
Read the charter and abide by the rules while posting.
Have a nice day
Thaedydal.

rs

People are being pretty hard on the op I think.

The op had no idea at the time what the real situation was. Yes it was petty of her to ignore her sister at the time, but she had no idea what was really going on. If she knew the full story, she would have behaved differently.

As other people have suggested. Write a letter. Apologise for not being there for her and apologise for ignoring her. Hopefully, in time you'll patch things up.

Hagar

vbcxsixch wrote:

Me and my sister used to be closer than close- we talked about everything ?

Obviously not if she didn't tell you she was in an abusive relationship.

If she had told you that I very much doubt if you would have taken what her b/f said at the door as really coming from her. The sister has her share of the blame to carry IMO. She did not take the OP in her confidence at a time when she really should have and as a result the OP made a poor decision based on lack of info.

By all means contact your sister and swallow down a good thick slice of humble pie but leave a slice for her too.