I'm in a Bad Way

Loki1983

Alright lads, this is my first time on the boards so I do apologise in having the tenacity to start a thread straight away. I heard about this place off one of the guys at work and he recommended it as one of the most useful forums known to man...he exaggerates a lot.

To the point; my girlfriend of nigh on 4 and a half years broke up with me the Tuesday after the June Bank Holiday weekend and since then I've been all over the shop <---techincal term. To be honest I wasn't the best boyfriend in the world, in fact I was quite the fecker. I wasn't the most loyal and I realise now that I really took her for granted (I often thought I should break up with her nut didn't have the b*lls). As the old cliché goes, "you don't know what you've got til it's gone" and unfortunatly for the second time in my life I realise it's significance.

I'm not just going through the whole rejection/heartbreak thing but as of the past month everything has hit the downword spiral. I was getting on really well in my first job (I'm 24 and just outta college) and building up a good bnunch of mates here (I'm originally from "down the country").

But lately, everything seems to have gone arseways. I have absolutly no confidence in anything I do. I feel awkward around everybody, including my best friends and struggle to talk to anyone. And when I do say something to someone it comes up all muddled up. I keep thinking about this sh*t and it consequently gets worse. Sometimes I can be a really confident chap but as of late my head is a mess and I'm tending to avoid social occasions. If something like this happened before I had my ex to fall back on and she was always there to reassure me but deservedly that crutch is gone.

I'm not fishing for sympathy but this has been the hardest period of my life and embarrasingly I have tears in my eyes typing this. I really don't know what to do and it feels like the whole thing is caving in. When my Dad commited suicide 6 years ago (I know, you can't write this sh*t) I had to stay strong for my Mam and older bro (who really fell apart) and maybe I didn't really grieve.

I dunno why I'm posting this here but I guess I had to get it off my chest. Has anyone gone through anything similar or know someone that has. I apologise for the rant and moaning but I'd like to get back to myself and maybe need some advice.

Thanks for listening.

P.S. I have tonsilitis

Marksie

Well, dealing with the post. I would say that your current thinking is built up of all thats happened recently.

The reasons for the breakup are your own to explore and come to terms with, what is of concern here is how yopu are handling it now, which is poorly

Often a whole series of negative events can gradually build up on each other and lead to a fugue state, in your case it has been one major event.
As you say she was a crutch when hadnling things before and now she is not there. You are essentially adrift, feeling crappy and unsure of how to handle things.
Certainly issues may have been brought forward that were outsetanding from your fathers passing, they can lie hid there, and the fact you mentioned this may give some credence to it.
It may be that you are down and possibly (though not necessarily) depressed about things, which can lead to a variety of effects like lassitude, confusion, withdrawal from people. the tonsillitis may be a sign of generally being worn down

From that aspect a talk with your GP may be in order or at least sitting down and trying to work out what feelings you have surfacing, why such things are surfacing and then thinking about ways to flush them out of your system.
Counselling may be one option, a complete change of scene may be another, seeking some closure on your past relationship and a determination to learn by what has happened.

OH and while your at it, go to your GP about your tonsillitis (if yuo havent already), it seems to be very common at the moment.

Talliesin

To get out of a downward spiral, all you can do is get one thing right and start going up from there.

Get your health sorted out now while it's just tonsillitis. Make sure you're eating well enough that you don't fall sick again soon (add being physically worn down into the mix and that'll feed into and feed off your other problems no end). Have a holiday. Pick something you want to do, not a big thing anything, work on making sure you do it damn well, go on from there.

Loki1983

Marksie, a thousand thank yous on my part. It's cool to talk to someone I don't know but genuinley seems interested and/or concerned. I think I'm gonna consider the therapy option. I've known that I've wanted/needed it for awhile, even prior to the break up, but didn't have the courtesy towards myself to admit it (being proud has finally caught up with me).

Mark, as we say back home, "you're a legend!"

Beruthiel

Loki1983 wrote:

I heard about this place off one of the guys at work and he recommended it as one of the most useful forums known to man...he exaggerates a lot.

Nope, I don't think he does!

the past month everything has hit the downword spiral.

It's not so much a downward spiral as a bad patch.
Look at it this way, you're sick, this can make you feel miserable and a bit sorry for yourself, on top of this your g/f broke up with you for obvious reasons to yourself, and not very nice ones. This had made you really look at yourself, perhaps for the first time, you don't particularly like what you see, that can be a downer. The terrible past and your Da leaving you in such a terrible way has put pressure on you to keep the family going (that's a whole lot of pressure for someone of your age).
Putting all the above stuff together, it's no wonder it's finally come to a head. As mark said, it's no harm at all to go see a professional about this and talk it through. It could be of great value to you.

I'd bet good money on it that you'll be back to your old confident self if you take the steps required.
How do I know that? Because you have already started to get help by coming on here, because you have put your finger on what the problems are and from your post, you're smart enough to take the steps required to fix things and become a stronger and better person for it.
Character building stuff if you approach it right.
Best of luck on the journey.

ladylorenzo

Hey there Yoki.Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time at the minute. Just so you know though, you're not alone. I was reading your post and it was the first time since I joined Boards where I could relate to almost everything you said.Particularly in relation to the passing of your Dad as I lost my Mum in the same way 8 years ago. As the only girl in the family, everyone seemed to rely on me to keep it all together and so I've always had to be the strong one.
I think Marksie's right though. I think we can only brush our emothions and feelings under the carpet for so long before they start to manifest in other ways i.e lack of confidence, self-loathing etc. Dealing with them therefore seems to be the key. But how??
I'm pretty much at the stage you're at at the minute so I dont know how helpful I could be at this stage but if you feel like talking about it more, PM me as chatting to someone who's in the same place as you can sometimes help. LL