Can long distance work?

Blondie86Star

Relationships that is...
Just wondering, whether it be different counties or countries?

The Mad Hatter

Depends on the people.

AlmightyCushion

It depends on the distance, how often the two people will meet up, how long it's going to be for and various other things but unless it's for a short period of time I doubt it.

Recon

I'm in Cork, my girlfriend is in Switzerland. We've been together 2 years and so far everything is going very well.

Terry

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055134745

AlmightyCushion

Terry wrote:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055134745

I think you may have just broken the ops heart there Terry. Naughty boy, very naughty boy.

biko

For me, no
For you, maybe

nesf

Terry wrote:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055134745

ROFL.



In short, it depends on the people. It can work in some relationships and not in others.

Peyton Manning

Recon wrote:

I'm in Cork, my girlfriend is in Switzerland. We've been together 2 years and so far everything is going very well.

To be honest, she's probably got someone's fat swiss roll in her privates right now.

AlmightyCushion

Archimedes wrote:

To be honest, she's probably got someone's fat swiss roll in her privates right now.

Ha ha ha. I must remember that.

Ruu_Old

It has with me, for you..hmm depends on a few of your characteristics. You have to have some patience.

AH answer: Yore ma!

MooseJam

no it can't, it's the cheaters dream and cheater = everybody !

The Bollox

well it depends. did you meet in the same country and then one of you has to move away, or did you meet over the net / on holidays? if it's the latter I wouldn't put any real hope in it lasting tbh. if it's the former then there's a chance. it depends when you'll see each other again I suppose

Never worked for me, tried it on at least three occasions.

Nailz

In my local Chinese resturants, there is a lovely waitress there and she is married 3 years now. And she's in Ireland now 2 years, and will be here for a further 2 years. And her husband is in southern China (the area north of Hong Kong), and she never seen him in person since she left.

What do you think about that?

admiralofthefleet

it worked for 6 months for me, dublin > cork

bonkey

Recon wrote:

I'm in Cork, my girlfriend is in Switzerland. We've been together 2 years and so far everything is going very well.

Heh. What part of Switzerland?

My ex-girlfriend was Swiss. We met in Ireland, then she moved home to Switzerland after about 6 months. For 2.5 years, we 'commuted' with one or other of us finding time and resources to make the trip at least once ever 5 weeks.

Then I moved to Switzwerland some 5 years ago.

And why is she my ex-girlfriend? Well, because technically she's not my girlfriend any more. She's my wife.

Funnily...my sis came over to Switzerland the weekend I moved. She met one of my now-wife's best friends....and they too are now married and living in Switzerland.

My best mate came over the same weekend. He met one of my now-wife's best friends....and they too are now married, although they left Switzerland a year ago.

This whole Ireland/Switzerland thing is funny....

nesf

bonkey wrote:

Funnily...my sis came over to Switzerland the weekend I moved. She met one of my now-wife's best friends....and they too are now married and living in Switzerland.

My best mate came over the same weekend. He met one of my now-wife's best friends....and they too are now married, although they left Switzerland a year ago.

A discordant divorce could be very messy there.

Wacky though.

MAYPOP

Nailz wrote:

In my local Chinese resturants, there is a lovely waitress there and she is married 3 years now. And she's in Ireland now 2 years, and will be here for a further 2 years. And her husband is in southern China (the area north of Hong Kong), and she never seen him in person since she left.

What do you think about that?

Pics of waitress and address of restaurant please.

m83

I'm in Galway, she's in Dublin. We see eachother once a week/fortnight. Unbelievably good relationship, we're both so happy

aequinoctium

doubt it

Dord

Well it worked for me and yur ma!

Rowley Birkin QC

In my experience, no they can't. Not saying yours wont but it takes a lot of work.

embee

They can work, but you have to be prepared to work harder at it than if it wasn't long distance.

Brian017

Didn't work for me

gary the great

They can but it s hard. Im in London the GF is in Dublin were with each other 5years and im over here 6months+. Its really difficult and im planning on moving back pretty soon.

It will only work if you can work towards you living with her/vice versa in the not so distant future.

Clare gunner

Been doing it for 24 years.Christ! Thats longer than some marriges.:eek:
She lives at home ,I live at home ,we meet every weekend from Fri to Tuseday AM.You got to have immense trust and take alot of time with each other in the short time you spend together.If you have unathordox jobs,it is the way to go.

Reku

The Mad Hatter wrote:

Depends on the people.

Agree, though this can be said about any relationship so I'll just elaborate with & how willing they are to trust one another while apart.

Terry wrote:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055134745

lol!
Meanie!:rolleyes:

Tar.Aldarion

Yeah, it works fine during college.

jester77

Depends on the relationship. Worked for me, was doing Finland-Germany, then Ireland-Germany for a while. Now we are happily together in the same place. One of us would hop on a plane on a Friday and we'd meet up.

Depends on how often you see or communicate with the person while they are away
and also how much time you have spent around them before it went long distance

funk-you

Worked for me. It's easier if there is some sort of end in sight (ie: someone making the move) even if it's gonna be a couple of years away.

-Funk

bohsman

m83 wrote:

I'm in Galway, she's in Dublin. We see eachother once a week/fortnight. Unbelievably good relationship, we're both so happy

Somethings not right then, why would you be happy about not seeing each other very often?

LivingDeadGirl

So far so good for me! Currently with someone living in Dublin, while I myself live in Cork. We didn't know eachother previously, met online. We see eachother about once every 3 weeks on average, for about 3 days at a time.

It isn't the easiest thing in the world, but I've found myself adjusting to it over time. Nothing's as good as spending time together but texts and phonecalls do make it bearable. Time consumption and expense are two obvious negatives. There's also the issue of trust, without that there's no point even trying.

On the other hand, it makes you appreciate the other person more, and treasure the time you do get to spend with them. I find it something to look forward to. We never get bored of one another this way either, and don't end up living in eachother's pockets.

If you think the person is worth it(in my case, definitely) then it's worth all the extra hassle.

Pyr0

The above girl (livingdeadgirl) is my other half ! And yeah I believe long distance can work, it can be really hard sometimes though but the texts and phonecalls do make it okay. I've gotten used to not seeing her and I enjoy my own time a lot more, of course that doesn't mean I don't miss her ! Which I do loads !

See you sooon babeh

littlesurfer

no

WhiteWashMan

the general answer for me is that no, long distance relationships cant work.

and the simle reason is that the more time you spend apart, the more time people grow. and when two people grow when they are apart, they will inevitably grow in different directions.
when people grow together, they will often grow as a couple.
when youre apart, you grow as individuals.

and in the end you find that you may have little in common with the person you were once with, and to boot, all this time that youve been apart, you find that youve been lonely, and not in love. you may have started in love, and you may be fond of the person you were with, but you will probably find that when you are together again after so long, then you both want different things.

of course, there is always going to be those couples that buck that trend, and good luck to them. ive had two long distance relationships, both of which did not work. i wont do it again. for the simple reason that i dont want to waste either my, or the other persons time. for me, thats a bigger crime than being unfaithful.
if you are not 110% committed to what you are doing, and have got dates set when you will be together, then dont even bother.

youll just look back at your life and think that was time you could have spent having fun, instead of being miserable while youre partner was somewhere else.


i think another big problem with long distance relationships is that communication goes down the pan. the first time you dont sign off with a big hug and kiss at the end of mail or text, the other person will immeditaly start to think theres something wrong. youre going to bed wrecked tired after a disaster of a day at work, and your partner is lying in a bed, 1000 miles away staring at the ceiling wondering if you still love them.or if youre ona call and youre a little bit curt because its 11pm and you have a presentation to prepare, and youre mind is on work. they pick up on that vibe, and again, the hang up feeling like something is wrong.
and its human nature to immediately be selfish and think its you. they are unhappy at you. they are going to dump you. they dont love you anymore. they have hung up and are now snuggling up beside some person you could never compete with. everything goes through your head.

except that maybe they are tired and preoccupied with work or something.

no, unless you have absolutely incredible communication between the two of you, you have a plan, and you are totally committed to each other, then there is very little chance of it working over a long time.

and if youre prepared to be sad and lonely for that amount of time, personally i reckon youre probably already in trouble on a personal level, let alone in a relationship level.

DemocAnarchis

It depends on how long distance i guess. Mine turns into one when im in college; im in Dublin, shes 50 miles away at home, but I spend the summer back home, back home every weekend to work and see her then too, and we're both under a pretty big workload during the term anyway. Certainly have it easier than a lot of posters in this thread.

Miss Fluff

Yes I think they can. You have to have an inherent ability to chill and not get too paranoid though. Think the hardest part is phone calls. A sigh or pause in conversation can SOOOOOOOOOOOO easily be misinterpreted as something else when you can't see the person face-to-face. Still, Skype is the mutt's nuts as it were and should help enormously. Depends on distance too. If you are in Ireland and your other half is in Australia for example, can that really work????

Tar.Aldarion

bohsman wrote:

Somethings not right then, why would you be happy about not seeing each other very often?

I'm the same, I live in Galway, her in dublin. See fri-sun. Living with during the summer. You can be happy, especially when you both work so much during the week that you wouldn't see much anyway and you get to have a fantastic weekend together every weekend. Obviously it is not ideal.

deman

Worked for me. I was in Donegal, she was in Finland. Now I'm in Finland and married 12 years.

fakearms123

I go to college in dublin and my girlfriend goes to college in cork, outside the college year we both live in kerry with family, our houses are 5 minutes apart, long distance is terribly tough, in college i meet her every weekend, we've been together 2 years, we could last a full term long distance relationship but long distance didnt work with an ex, it ended badly, people grow apart, its hard to love whats never there

Dagon

I'm in Galway, girlfried is a teacher in Dublin. Started going out last summer, then did the long distance thing for the year.

It's working really well, but by May, it was getting more difficult...I was having doubts whether we were going to be ok or not. Then she moved to Galway for her entire summer holidays (our first time living together) and it was really amazing, and we've gotten even closer.

She's going back again in September, but I think we'll be fine. She has great holidays, and we have fri/sat/sun each week (well, it's nearly half the week together, right?).

There is an end in sight - she's looking for jobs in the wild west. I don't want to move to Dublin (and she wants to get out of there), but if I have to go there temporarily for this relationship, I will. A job is just a job...

jellie

Terry wrote:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055134745

& that thread was inspired by long distance cheating..

it can work. for awhile.. but whatever problems normal relationships can have, LDR have much more, and the normal ones get blown up to huge proportions. there seems to be a million threads on this recently (probably just lots in PI). Personally, after doing it once id never put myself through it again. yeah when its good its good, but if youve any problems whatsoever theyre so much harder to sort out etc.

curiousxxx1

Long distance my ASS... that's BULL****!!!! What planet are you on? Wake up and smell the freaking coffee... he/she is CHEATING it could be emotionally, mentally or physically

gary the great

It can work its hard though. I moved away early this year and its been really hard, so much so that i'm going back home to Wexford from Liverpool in the enxt few weeks as its seriuosly to hard for both of us to keep going the way it is. I'm gone 7months and they've been the most unenjoyable months ever, work is grand now but i have my priorities and she's top of them.

milli

From my experience they can work, but like the others have said it is really down to how much you trust them.

WhiteWashMan made the point that communication goes down the pan - but I think this will only happen if you let it to (ok there are exceptions, like being stuck in some back-of-beyonds place with no internet/phone etc). People are going to grow apart somewhat if you seperate them for a certain amount of time, there´s no point in saying otherwise but once you are committed to making the relationship work then there shouldn´t be a problem. I also agree that you need to have a definite date to work towards being together - the whole not-knowing puts too many doubts into the equation.

I´ve been in a situation in the past where I was going out (happily) for about a year with someone in Waterford while I was in Cork but when we moved closer and saw each other nearly every day it just didn´t work out.
And now I´m abroad travelling, leaving my boyfriend of 6 months behind was one of the hardest things I´ve ever done but we both trust each other 100% and I know the long distance thing is going to work for us.

As long as you put the effort in it will work!

Hydroquinone

curiousxxx1 wrote:

Long distance my ASS... that's BULL****!!!! What planet are you on? Wake up and smell the freaking coffee... he/she is CHEATING it could be emotionally, mentally or physically

If someone's going to cheat, they'll cheat whether you live in the same house as them or if you live on two different continents.

ambro25

deman wrote:

Worked for me. I was in Donegal, she was in Finland. Now I'm in Finland and married 12 years.

I was in France, she was in UK - twice:

* after our first 3 months, had to go back to FR for 9 months to finish studies

* week after getting back from honeymoon, had to go back to FR for 12 months to do National Service (with no overseas leave while called under)

Blissful 14 years, 11 of which married.

Long distance isn't easy, you got to work at it - it's all about commitment, being 110% honest with oneself, and being lucky enough to find a comparable person. But the rewards, oh the rewards: you (both) can go through any curve balls life throws your way, once you've been through that mill.

EDIT - verry sorry to see the level of cynicism in here. God, how I'd hate to be young again!

angelsfire

Hey it worked for me. I was in the States and my husband in Ireland. We met online as friends and it just grew from there. Am not saying it was easy we had to put alot of hard work into it and trust is key. We chatted almost every day for 4 or 6 hours and after about a year I flew over to Ireland and met him. Went home finished unfinished business and was back inside a month. We have been together for 5 years now!!:D