to call or not to call

EDO

Hi Folks

First time in this part of the boards - I have a small conundrum that I need a second opinion - Im 90% sure of what Im going to do here - but I justhave a touch of that little nagging voice in the back of my mind which is undedecided.

OK - Story is

Was out friday night with the boys from Work after a 66 hr week - We end up in a nightclub - the younger chaps head for the dance floor - the married lads stagger off home and yours truly , the 30 something singleton, decides that getting a seat at the bar is good enough with the energy he has left and proceeds to shoot the breeze with the barfolks and some of the regulars. so far pretty routine. Just as Im thinking of calling it a night - a lady appears at the bar and we get involved in conversation - before I know it Im over at her table and time just flew - We really clicked I think is the best expression for it. Before I know Im under her spell and offer no resistance when she suggests going back to her apartment. There again we proceed to talk and drink and get to know each other a bit better into the wee hours of the morning .

Then the suggestion was made that we proceed towards the bedroom. In hindsight that was where I should have made my excuses and left and I'll call ya tomorrow - I was knackered - so even with my protestations of tiredness I was cajoled,manipulated,seduced (insert your own verb of persuasion here!) into going ahead. Well to spare you all the gory details - I wont be up nomination for best actor in the forthcoming Adult film awards! - to put it mildy I finally ran out of credit for the day - my mind and heart were writing cheques my body just wasnt able to cash despite the best efforts of my willing partner! (plus a bag of nerves - why is it when you are really really into somebody the nerves conduits between your brain and other more expressive parts just disintegrate!). So following morning was interesting and naturally a bit cool - hangovers and sexual frustration arent good for tension release. So we made small talk, danced around the issue on eggshells , I took her number , said I'll call ya and left.

On the way home I was philosophical about the whole thing - It was a classic on a par with Ireland circa the Mick McCarthy era - defeat snatched in dramatic fashion from the Jaws of Victory - Well thems are the breaks and just put it down to experience and move on - which as I spent the afternoon in convalense on the couch was exactly what I intended to do. Then later in the evening unexpectedly She texted me - just how lousy she was feeling physically - so we preceded to have the "My hangover is bigger than yours" and small talk text conversation and more of the same the following evening and I finished up by texting her that I'd catch up with her later in the week.

So - if you're still with me here - I decided to give her a call yesterday to see if she would be interested in meeting up again the near future - I know I know - was it too soon? , did I leave it too long? - If I listened to every piece of advice on that one, I'd go mental - Games are all well and good but at the end of the day Im a bit long in the tooth for that craic and If it feels right - well goddam it , just do it!. So I did - got the message minder on both occasions - so I left a message casually saying I'd called, it was nothing urgent and to call me if she wanted , but i'd call again today - no big deal she was probably out doing stuff - as I was in between calls.

So - f*@+ me, its taken this long to get the point - Jasysus -. Should I call her again today or wait for her to get in contact. The sister says no way should I call - on the other hand I said I would call and I like to keep my word on things. I'm well aware Im sailing dangerously close to needy nutcase territory and there is no way Im going there. All I want to know is if she wants to be meet up again or not - If not , no sweat, life goes on and thanks for a pretty cool evening - its just you dont meet somebody with whom you have that kind of instant rapport every day of the week. Why does Life have to be so darn complicated?

thanks for listening people- I feel much better already - any suggestion,disections or arguements this way or that welcome.

LegacyUser

If you gave her your num either when you were with her or on that vm then you should back off there is not much worse then someone pushy

Also have you thought bout the fact maybe she doesnt want more then what happened?

Hope it all works out the way you want it to though man best of luck

milkerman

Ring her.
If you get the message minder just say that she did not see you at your best last week, that you fancy her and want to see her again today, NOW.

Stop using texts as a way of wooing women, it doesnt work.

Caliden

Don't ring her.

You're already rang her twice. Give it till the end of the week and maybe try texting her since calling her hasn't worked. If she doesn't respond then forget about it and move on.

To repeat, don't ring her.

Agent J

milkerman wrote:

Stop using texts as a way of wooing women, it doesnt work.

I concur. Best course of action is usually upfront and direct.

Maybe i missed it but what do you actually want to do?

If you want to see her then by all means make the 1st step and call her.

// Sorry re read that. You have already called her but no answer.

Then sit and wait. You've taken the 1st step and now the ball is with her.

boffin

You've rung twice, left a message so she knows you have called. The ball is in her court.

PeakOutput

grand the ball is in her court but it was you who didnt perform on the night and i think acknowledging that would be a good idea so she dosnt think thats how you are usually if you know what i mean.

depends if you can say "i think i can do better" in non lame way

Firetrap

Yep, the ball is in her court. If you make more attempts to contact her, you'll come across as desperate and make things worse. All you can do is hope that she gets back to you I'm 'fraid.

Oryx

Id give this situation a few days space. I know youre taken with this girl, and dont want her to slip away, but she may just be busy working or whatever. I know its hard to balance between being too keen and too nonchalant, noone seems to know where the perfect point is! Give her a few days to get in touch. If she doesnt you can try phoning one more time and if its no go, leave it at that.

As for performance issues, a lady should always tell you it doesnt matter. Its not always about sex, and if shes into you, youll get a second chance to prove yourself.;)

ali.c

hmm if you left a message saying you would call today, i'd call. I think its good manners to follow through on what you said you would do, then its good manners to return someones phone-call. The fact that you said you'd call her though, kind of excuses that.
Go with your instincts, nothing ventured nothing gained and all the rest

Talliesin

EDO wrote:

I left a message casually saying I'd called, it was nothing urgent and to call me if she wanted , but i'd call again today

Well. Firstly if you couldn't even manage to make a phone call when you said you would, what are you going to be like if things got serious with her. Maybe you shouldn't have said you would call, but you did, so you'd better do so now.

Also, since you've said that you would call there is no point in her calling you - and for all she knows it's possible that you said you would call because you expected to be off-mobile for much of today so you were planning to call her the one or two times you had a chance to do so.

You kept the ball in your court, so you have to play it.

Call. If you get her voicemail again, ask her to call you rather than saying you'll call. Leave it at that until you hear from her.

LillyVanilli

No, I reckon you should call her again cause you said in your message that you would, so that may be why she hasnt called you back. If you get no answer then, dont call her again.

EDO

ali.c wrote:

hmm if you left a message saying you would call today, i'd call. I think its good manners to follow through on what you said you would do, then its good manners to return someones phone-call. The fact that you said you'd call her though, kind of excuses that.
Go with your instincts, nothing ventured nothing gained and all the rest

Ali.C - you have hit on the crux of my dilemma - WTF did I say, after asking her to give me a call ,that Id call her today - I have snookered myself here big time - normally, once I;ve made the first call - sit back see if they return - but this time??? - I said I would call - so what to do?

Talliesin

EDO wrote:

I have snookered myself here big time

Oh FFS!

You've said you'll call someone who you may or may not end up dating. Neither turn of events is the end of the world.

You haven't said you'll give her a kidney, you've said you'll give her a phone call.

This isn't the riddle of the labyrinth guards. She won't cut your head off if you have the wrong answer. Just bloody well do what you said you were going to do and that'll be an end of it one way or another.

CaroleLynch

EDO - I think you're reading into things too much. She contacted you first saturday evening (the night after you met, she wasn't worried about appearing eager) so chances are she's interested in you... Now, you have 3 choices....

1. Call her tonight as you said you would
2. Don't call her
3. Ring her voicmail direct and leave a message - putting the ball in her court

I know the last one is gutless but one you could use if you're feeling a bit eager/needy about calling her again today.....
I'm sure she's waiting to hear from you. Go for it.......!!

Firetrap

When you called and it went to her message minder, was her phone turned off or did it ring out first?

kmick

you have called twice I would be inclined to leave it well alone. You could try a text and say 'fancy a drink - im in diceys after work?' if you do not hear back then fark it its gone. Next time when it looks like you have pulled stop drinking!

Lola123

milkerman wrote:

Ring her.
If you get the message minder just say that she did not see you at your best last week, that you fancy her and want to see her again today, NOW.

Stop using texts as a way of wooing women, it doesnt work.

Do NOT say this! It looks well desperate IMO.
U said you'd ring her again, so do so. Ask her if she would liek to go out sometime. Leave ur name (and number, maybe she doesn't have this?) and then leave it at that. If she doesn't call after all that, she ain't interested.

jubi lee

EDO that's the most entertaining thing i've read all day!!!

you have snookered yourself.... but she did text you first the morning after so to speak... she was prob too drunk to notice that ur performacne wasn't on par and i'm sure you can rectify that even if she does if you get the chance again

so call her!!!

Wibbs

I agree completely with what Talliesin wrote(twice in one day. Jesus, must be slippin). Just ring her. You said you would, so do so. If she wants to play games the you have your answer. If not, you also have your answer, whichever way it goes.

This whole game playing 3 days waiting shíte. I dunno. I swear I've never had this. I must be some lucky bugger for sure. If I wanted to talk to a woman I just did. Very often the next day after meeting her. I've been told to bugger off manys the time(usually they had good reasons ), but never over that.

celt262

Ring her but block your number.

Caliden

So what age did you say you were again?

EDO

Thanks for all the advice folks - yeah it appears to be a unanimous 50/50 decision:D

I will go with my own gut instincts on this - it was the sister that threw me with ' dont call again' - but I said I would call and this ,as other posters have said, is the polite and mannerly thing to do so I will. that and the fact that this lady has made quite an impression on me. Anyway we are both in our thirties so Im quite sure we can resolve this impasse like adults - if its a runner its runner - if not ,well too bad and tomorrow is another day.

thanks again

EDO

louisecm

ali.c wrote:

hmm if you left a message saying you would call today, i'd call. I think its good manners to follow through on what you said you would do, then its good manners to return someones phone-call. The fact that you said you'd call her though, kind of excuses that.
Go with your instincts, nothing ventured nothing gained and all the rest

Totally agree. She texted you after the original event so there is an interest there, its not like you're some freak stalker. Worst case she won't be into it and then at least you know where you stand.

biko

Ring her as you said you would.
If you do you seem interested and honest.
If you don't you seem uncertain and not confident (which is actually the case heh heh)
My2cent

Firetrap

Can you let us know what happens? I've got my fingers crossed for ya

EDO

Firetrap wrote:

Can you let us know what happens? I've got my fingers crossed for ya

Thanks Firetrap - well the update would be that I called again about 90 minutes ago and once again got her message minder - for the techies - the phone doesn't ring - there is a little beep and then just goes directly to message minder - it is her message minder alright.

So I had a chat with her message minder who I appear to know better than her at the moment and then left a brief upbeat message basically stating the ususal jazz -hope youre well etc etc , and stated the intention of my call (i want to see you again) and asked her to call me back - either way, and left it at that in the politiest way possible - ball in her court.

Now she could be incredibly busy, out of the country , I know she's a very career driven lady or , for the conspiracy theorists out there, she could have arrived in Monday morning - talked to the girls and I got the thumbs down from the mob - who knows! - but a reply would be nice.

We'll see

thanks folks

SarahSassy

I am gripped - any update? I hope she got back to you. I admire men who call when they say they will...

EDO

SarahSassy wrote:

I am gripped - any update? I hope she got back to you. I admire men who call when they say they will...

Nope - gulp:(

that said - Im not exactly quivering in a cold sweat beside the phone shredding a bouquet of daisies either - heh heh:D

Currently going through 6months of unopened correspondence in relation to my pension and investments portfolio in advance of a meeting with my advisor tomorrow (there's a romantic thought killer if there ever was one!)

Hell - I dont know! - and what I do know, is that when it comes to trying to come in an asses roar of vaguely interpreting what actually might be going on in the fairer sexes cranial cavity - you can take your male logic and drop kick it over the horizon for all the good it will do you!

If there was money involved here - I'd say my chances of getting a reply, any reply are about 25/75 against and declining all the time.

Deleted her number out of my phone this morning - will be having a few drinkies tonight and tomorrow night and dont need an attack of the needies when the willpower is weakened.

Anyway folks yis'all be the first to know!

(then again I'll probably be back to y'all sooner looking for divorce advice when my mail order Russian wife takes off with the recycling man a decade hence!)

Have a good one

EDO

Firetrap

Sorry to hear that, Edo. You sound like a lovely guy. I feel your pain - trying to meet someone when you're in your 30s is that bit harder. At least you can say you gave it your best shot. It's her loss.

SarahSassy

EDO - her loss!! Enjoy your night out and be proud of yourself that you had the balls to call her when you said you would...

EDO

Thanks all

Yeah its just one of those things.

Slightly disappointed I didn't get a reply , even a PFO by text:D

Slightly disappointed- but nothing more - its funny , a couple of months ago I had a one night stand with a young lady - I thought we were both clear on the rules of engagement , didn't give her my number , yet she still tracked me down and persisted for a month , despite my protestations that it was what it was and nothing more. This time round - the utter opposite - women:D - what do I know!! - ya just got to roll with it.

Yeah - I was gently ruminating over the events-or non events of the past week last night and it occurred to me that I had neglected to mention an incident on the night in question in my original post - now before you all go Ah Jasysus well that changes everything I dismissed it as irrelevant and trivial at the time - but now that I think of it , it might have some bearing on what has transpired since then or not.

I had been down talking to the lady in question at her table for a while at this stage when another girl approached and asked if she could sit on the other side of me - it was a long couch thingy along the wall with several tables off it and I said ,sure - hey lets me move in closer to my intended-great. Then, I would say about 10 minutes later, when my ladyfriend had gone to powder her nose , this girl turns to me and starts giving me down the banks for ignoring her and why was I with this other woman etc etc ,really strident and high pitched and loud and gesturing wildly - yeah everybody at the table and beyond could see what was going on! - Once I retrieved my jaw from the floor - I looked at her really hard to see if I had any inkling of recognition- WTF are you? - none - she was much younger than I was - say early 20's - and my casanova days are well behind me - if I've been with someone in the last 7 years - I will remember - good or bad. So I try to talk reasonably to her, saying I don't know her , is this a case of mistaken identity, She's having none of it - by this stage the company at the table have gone from mild squirming embarrassment to quietly guffawing into their drinks and the bouncers nearby are in the hysterics.

It is still going on as herself returns from the ladies and , oh boy, am I under pressure -The nut proceeds to lay into her then - did she not know what kind of a person I am etc etc - by this stage all I can do is laugh - I am able to see the funny side of most things thank god, even if it gets me in trouble at times - My ladyfriend looks at me , I look at her and just shrug my shoulders and give a gesture of helplessness with a smile on my face and she cracks up - thank god - and our highly strung young friend , getting no rise out of either of us, storms off in a strop - "So your a bit of a player" She says as I shake my head in disbelief as I visually follow my bete noire away into the distance (believe it or not ,later in the evening - on my way back from the restrooms I see her pulling the same stunt on another guy - with more immediate physical reprecussions - unfortunately - if any of the ladies out there would care to illuminate me on this sort of attention seeking behaviour - I've seen a lot of crazy s**t in my time but this was a new one for me).

Anyway the incident didn't derail the evening - but women are really good at picking up and storing away the slightest details over incidents that blokes think are trivial - it all goes on your file in the end! - So I wonder............

I not loosing any sleep over this and it will be one for the memoirs!

Will be keeping out of trouble this weekend as I head out of the big smoke to the home country - South Co Carlow - which according to a recent national newspaper , has the highest proportion of unmarried males in the country! women are pretty thin on the ground!

Have a great weekend People

EDO

Drift

Hey man I know its not really any use to you coming from another guy but you seem to have a great sense of humour and you write/story-tell really well. Sounds like her loss to me.

patrickolee

+1

LegacyUser

Maybe she lost her phone and the battery is dead, hence it going straight to message minder?

Miss Fluff

+2, you can phone me anytime OP;)

Pyjamarama

Drift wrote:

Hey man I know its not really any use to you coming from another guy but you seem to have a great sense of humour and you write/story-tell really well. Sounds like her loss to me.

Agreed! Your replies have been cracking me up, definately her loss. And that's coming from a girl

Talliesin

Miss Fluff wrote:

+2

How come you get 2 votes?

+1, wouldn't lose any sleep over it, OP.

Oryx

For you, OP:D


A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a Woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

SarahSassy

EDO wrote:

if any of the ladies out there would care to illuminate me on this sort of attention seeking behaviour

I dont think any man / woman / child could explain this lunatic.....

Her loss and enjoy the weekend!!!

Firetrap

You should know by now that you'll never understand the way womens' minds work. I can't understand my own brain sometimes and I'm a female of the species. If there were more people, both male and female, who called when they said they'd call and didn't bother will all this game playing lark, we'd all be better off.

PS If you're not careful, there'll be an expedition of us sneaking into South Carlow and smuggling you across the border You sound like a nice guy with a great sense of humour

littlesurfer

ah she must be a nut job edo.....forget about her.....there's loads of girls out there who'd love to go out with someone so straight up.....

And never a good idea to say you'll ring em back if your returning a call...best way to find out if someone is really interested or not. I love getting the voicemail!

EDO

KtK wrote:

For you, OP:D


A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a Woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Nice one KTK:D

Yeah I could give you countless versions of that one!

Sure isnt it great that we dont fully understand each other! - where would the fun in it all be !- it can be down infuriating at times , but deep down its all the fun of the chase - you're not going to get rid of a million plus years of biology overnight. Besides think of all the entertainment I've supplied over the last week from one little incident:D

Anyway got to get back to the real reason Im online this evening , looking for a new propeller blade and keel component- Myself and the 2 bros sank the auld lads' new boat on the Barrow this afternoon - dont ask - but a point of information for any budding naval commanders out there - never - and Im mean never - put a hungover short sighted git with issues over left and right on navigation duties! - Yep - Malcolm in the Middle has got nothing on us lot when we hit top form!:cool:

Later EDO