Rain

Lucas10101

Raindrops

Raindrops float in a blanket of crystals,
dancing to the winds forceful beat,
Move the drops to another crowd,
Quick to become a Winter sleet.
Further beyond, it precipitates down,
Leave nothing but a tropical drown.
To Glisten in the sun, dropping as blue,
Nothing more beautiful than this sapphire hue.
================================

Just wrote this out of the blue to see what people think....haven't posted anything here before, so just checking opinion. Haven't written a poem before.

Lucas.

red_bairn

sweet and simple I guess.


How come "crystals"? Raindrops float in a blanket of ripples...?

Lucas10101

I suppose when "Rain" exists in the air, it floats as ice/water crystals....

red_bairn

Ah! I thought you meant float in a pool. Bumping beside each other. Creating a ripple, a blanket of water together...ya know?

Lucas10101

Ya,.....well like I said I wrote this in 2 mins, it's probably crap anyhow. Mainly in response to out weather and the fact that the stuff I have read here is crap, so I thought this would be a breath of fresh air for once.

Jingo

Good of you to try and haul the standard up from the other "crap" that is posted here. Perhaps next time, spend a little more than two minutes on it and it may end up not quite so inane and poorly punctuated. I found your last reply arrogant in the extreme.

Lucas10101

Punctuation goes out the window for poetry, the form is part of the work.

Can you elaborate on why it seems Inane? Constructive criticism is what you cannot offer.

Lucas.

sitout

i thought it was an average attempt to be honest! id give it 2 out of 20.
the 2 marks for the guts to go fo it . im docking the 18 for its complete lack of fealing . i belive all art should be given a mark! then we could weed out the 5hite and go straight to yeats!

Lucas10101

The 2 stands for the 2 minutes creating it then.

sitout

Lucas10101 wrote:

The 2 stands for the 2 minutes creating it then.

the 2
the number 2,
that i gave you,
repersents what i just did in the loo!

and that took just 28 seconds to write! :cool:

Sarky

Any more c*ntbaggery and I will start banning people. Behave.

busted flush

lucas if this really was your first time writing a poem well done not bad.
if it is not then poor poor atempt

busted flush

sitout wrote:

the 2
the number 2,
that i gave you,
repersents what i just did in the loo!

and that took just 28 seconds to write! :cool:

cruel and colourful