Etiquette for funeral donation

Glowing

Hello there,

I have to attend a funeral, and the family have requested a donation to the hospice instead of flowers. I was just wondering what the etiquette is here for making the donation? Someone already suggested that the cheque is given to the undertaker, can anyone confirm? I was planning on dropping it straight into the hospice and giving the receipt to the family ....

Thanks

scitpo

I was planning on dropping it straight into the hospice and giving the receipt to the family ....

hahaha. Man seriously, no. Thats like something Alan Partridge would do.

A Dub in Glasgo

You just give to the hospice what you would have spent on flowers. No need to involve the family surely

scitpo

No the receipt idea might work Everybody could place their receipts on the coffin in place of flowers. Could be quite a moving thing.

MagicMarker

just keep the money for yourself

Jesus Wept

I've never heard of a donation for a funeral??

robinph

Just give the donation directly to the hospice and possibly tell them who is is in memory of, I expect they will then tell the family at some point that they got a total of X amount.

Irish Wolf

Glowing wrote:

giving the receipt to the family ....

Thanks

No.

If you want to give something to the family then a mass card should suffice..

As for the donation - donate to the hospice directly and let the hospice know who the donation is for and they should take care of letting the family know..

Talliesin

It's common enough in such cases to have somewhere to put a donation at the wake.

Otherwise you should donate to the charity in question, and that's it.

Froot

A donation, when somebody dies?

That is news to me.

Irish Wolf

It's pretty common for families (at times, as a request from the deceased) to request a donation to a specific charity rather than having flowers.. nothing new tbh..

faceman

donations are mentioned in the notices in the paper for nearly all funerals. Guess alot of you are too young to have people dropping dead regularly!

the old tradition was that people would send flowers to the family but obviously thats just silly so a donation to a hospice is more appropriate.

Wishbone Ash

Froot wrote:

A donation, when somebody dies?

That is news to me.

At the end of a death notice you may see "Donations in lieu of flowers to St Francis Hospice etc."

Op - I would make the donation to the requested charity etc. but I wouldn't bring receipts to the family. That seems a bit tacky IMO.

My trade union at work has a policy of sending flowers to the funeral of a deceased family member of a union member. Even when there is a specific request for no flowers, they still send them as it's union policy wheras sending a donation in lieu of flowers is not. I always think it's seems bit awkward.

While we are on the subject of funerals, does anyone else think it's a bit odd to state "no flowers, no donations, no letters, no callers, house private" on death notices. I'm thinking why bother with the bloody death notice in the first place. When my parents die, I'd be delighted and honoured to have as many people as possible calling to the house.

is_that_so

Wishbone Ash wrote:

While we are on the subject of funerals, does anyone else think it's a bit odd to state "no flowers, no donations, no letters, no callers, house private" on death notices. I'm thinking why bother with the bloody death notice in the first place. When my parents die, I'd be delighted and honoured to have as many people as possible calling to the house.

Not at all. The notice is to let people know that the person has passed away and a notice like that is to pre-empt our natural desire to sympathise with people with our presence. Some people reserve the right to have the whole thing completely private. For many people the comfort of so many visitors helps in the grieving process. There are other situations where the discomfort of dealing with so many strangers far outweighs the comfort.

Wishbone Ash

is_that_so wrote:

our natural desire to sympathise with people with our presence

I've been to countless wakes/funerals but I have never gotten used to it. I tend to go out of respect rather than a desire to go. That probably sounds very hypocritical.

is_that_so wrote:

Some people reserve the right to have the whole thing completely private

If I was interested in totally privacy, I don't think I'd use a death notice. It must make it very awkward for close friends of the deceased who may not be known to the family.

pande

Really there is no one best way to make the donation - you can either send directly to the specified charity or you could give the donation to the Funeral Director, as they will be forwarding other donations to the charity anyway. In some cases there may be a basket at the wake/church. In the case where someone gives a donation directly [either via the Funeral Director or to the charity] it seems common practice for the charity to thank the family, and let them know who made donations. So the idea of sending a receipt is really not needed. Obviously all charities are different, but I know of a couple of instances where this has happened.

On the other issue of publishing or announcing a death notice where the house/service is private, the family is merely expressing it's wishes. In the absence of such a notice, neighbours and friends might turn up unexpectedly at a time that the family are not ready for them.

pande

Really there is no one best way to make the donation - you can either send directly to the specified charity or you could give the donation to the Funeral Director, as they will be forwarding other donations to the charity anyway. In some cases there may be a basket at the wake/church. In the case where someone gives a donation directly [either via the Funeral Director or to the charity] it seems common practice for the charity to thank the family, and let them know who made donations. So the idea of sending a receipt is really not needed. Obviously all charities are different, but I know of a couple of instances where this has happened.

On the other issue of publishing or announcing a death notice where the house/service is private, the family is merely expressing it's wishes. In the absence of such a notice, neighbours and friends might turn up unexpectedly at a time that the family are not ready for them.

cooperguy

Irish Wolf wrote:

No.

If you want to give something to the family then a mass card should suffice..

As for the donation - donate to the hospice directly and let the hospice know who the donation is for and they should take care of letting the family know..

The way its done in my opinion.

Dermo

Glowing wrote:

Hello there,

I have to attend a funeral, and the family have requested a donation to the hospice instead of flowers. I was just wondering what the etiquette is here for making the donation? Someone already suggested that the cheque is given to the undertaker, can anyone confirm? I was planning on dropping it straight into the hospice and giving the receipt to the family ....

Thanks

in a rolled up wad of 50's with the dead person's blood all over them

impr0v

Give the hospice enough to build a new wing, and have them name it after the deceased.

Probs best to see if everyone else is doing this before, because it would be really confusing if the new super-sized hospice had 7 or 8 wings all named the same.

Glowing

Well thanks for the replies. It has been a pretty upsetting time and some of these reponses haven't been exactly what I wanted to read.

The donation is made to the hospice directly in memory of so and so, and they inform the next of kin that a donation has been made in their name. That's how its done in case anyone else is in the same situation.

Orlee

Froot wrote:

A donation, when somebody dies?

That is news to me.

It's request they made instead of wasting money on flowers.
When my dad died that's what we asked - he/we had no use for flowers adn they are little comfort. But knowing that you might have encourage others to give to those who cared for your loved ones in their last hours gives some solace