Have GF, was nearly with another girl last night

LegacyUser

Im a 24 yo lad going out with the GF since im 19, 5 years now. In love with her and before last night would never ever dream of cheating on her.

Last night though I was out with the lads and got chatting to a really good looking, smart, intelligent girl. We are both involved in a similar career field and she has very similar music tastes. She was also my dream in the looks department. In other words she was my dream girl.

Anyway was having a great laugh and got her number (very unlike me) and she wanted to kiss me at the end of the night but i wouldnt. Although i desperatly wanted to, i was thinking of my GF so i didnt.

I've never ever even been tempted by anyone else in my 5 years, but there was just something about this girl, she was perfection.

My GF and I are very differnet and sometimes i wish we had similar intrests, she will never let me listen to the music I like, has no career ambition and is working in a dead end job and would never go travelling, something i want to do over the next year. On the other hand this other girl had all these qualities.

The girl i was talking to text me earlier this morning but i havent wb cos i know if i do im going to be on the slippery slope.

I dont know why im writing this, i know i have to delete her number and break all contact, but i just feel that she is perfection and i'd be mad not to go for her, but i'm with my gf 5 years and am mad about her.

I don't know, what do you's think?

MrBaseball

24 years old and repeatedly referring to some girl you've talked to once as "perfection", wow... Anyway, it sounds like you're unhappy with your girlfriend and don't feel like you're compatible with her. Perhaps you should break up with her? Funny, you make it sound like you and her have nothing in common, so why have you been going out with her for 5 years? You say you're mad about her, but the other comments you've made really don't seem to back that up.

I think you're deluded if you actually believe that this person is "perfection" or if you've actually formed much of an opinion at all about her after one conversation.

easyontheeye

i was once in the same position as you. I think what made my mind up was that i looked at my relationship from an outsider view. I was 23 i had only been with one girl since 18, i wanted to travel, expand my career, develop in many ways. my gf was happy ticking along, her only goal was a house marriage and kids.

I made the decision then that there were too many differences and that if i continued on i would be fooling myself and her. Also i think i was abit scared with the thoughts of "oh what if i never meet another girl" and felt complacent. in the end im for my happy now. i can concentrate on things i want in life and i now am nearlly 100% sure on the kind of girl i am suited to.

seriously though you have mentioned some huge differences and they will eat away at you more and more. i hope what ever ya choose to do that it works out for ya

Girrrrseach

Hmmm... I think that last night opened up your eyes in a lot of ways.. If you have been with this girl for 5 years, you may have gotten a bit comfortable with the relationship and last night made you realise what exactly is going on.

Fair play for not kissing the other girl, you have a lot to be proud of, and try not to feel guilty about what happened. What you need to do IMO is to have a sit down and think is the girl you're currently with enough? More than likely the girl you met last night ISN'T the girl for you either, moreso nshe represents what you're looking for in a woman.... As people say, the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but it has started you thinking about the bigger picture.

Maybe what you can do is have a sit down with your current girlfriend and see where you are. Needs and wants change, and you have both grown up a lot since you first got togther. So what you BOTH may have wanted when you were 19 years old wil have inevitably changed since then. Some people grow togther, some apart. You need to find out which.

The thoughts of NOT being with your current girlfriend prob scare the beejaysus outta you because you have been togther for so long and have gotten into a routine, a habit almost. Have a sit down and see are you singing from the same hymn sheet -- Discuss the scary things, the future, family, travel, and see do you both want the same things. Forget about this "perfect girl" that you met last night for the time being and sort your own current situation out first....

Hope that helped somewhat...

Good luck

LegacyUser

be like Nike and just do it. Life's too short to turn down opportunities like this.

Pyr0

Don't delete her number, get to know her more. Make sure she's the girl you think she is etc and wasn't just acting around. Texting her and getting to know her doesn't mean you're flirting wildly and arrange nights alone together ! surely you can text other girls ?

I think there must be a lot missing in your relationship if you meet a girl once and think she's "perfection". It may be that if you got to know her you wouldn't think so at all anymore, but it still means I think that you and your gf have maybe grown apart anyway or something
sit down and have a chat with her and see what you both want and if you can go anywhere from here
not just because you're chasing another girl, but because you arent happy in your relationship

B00MSTICK

Agree with above, get to know her more. As a person and a friend at first. Then if it turns out she's "your dream girl" as you think she is you can make a decision. You say your in love with your gf but if youre considering ending it over an hour or two long conversation with a beautiful stranger (cue Madonna...) it says something doesnt it? Something's up, youre not 100% happy.

Just don't make a rash decision one way or the other IMO

LegacyUser

My advise, forget about the other girl for a minute. The grass is not always greener on the other side, you could break up with your girlfriend and find this other girl has plenty of not so perfect qualities of her own!

Instead you should take a good long look at your own relationship and decide is it what you want. Think about it independently, is your current girlfriend who you want to be with. If not, you should break up with her, not because of the other girl, but because of yourself and your girlfriend and who you both are.
You shouldn't dump her because someone else is a bit better (supposedly) but because she is not right for you.

dlofnep

Grass isn't greener on the other side dude. The last thing you want is to date someone identical to you. It will get boring!

Stay with your girl. You could go out with this other girl and end up breaking up after 3 months and then where are you? Is it worth the risk?

Chinafoot

Pyr0 wrote:

Don't delete her number, get to know her more. Make sure she's the girl you think she is etc and wasn't just acting around. Texting her and getting to know her doesn't mean you're flirting wildly and arrange nights alone together ! surely you can text other girls ?

There's a bit of a difference between just texting other girls as friends and texting a girl that you fancied like mad, think is "perfect" and seriously considered cheating with. He wouldn't be texting/calling her with a view to being mates. Not exactly fair to his girlfriend of 5 years.


OP, I agree that you need to sit down and talk to your girlfriend about your relationship. Forget about this other girl and sort out your current situation.

aequinoctium

these things happen

Pyr0

Chinafoot wrote:

There's a bit of a difference between just texting other girls as friends and texting a girl that you fancied like mad, think is "perfect" and seriously considered cheating with. He wouldn't be texting/calling her with a view to being mates. Not exactly fair to his girlfriend of 5 years.


OP, I agree that you need to sit down and talk to your girlfriend about your relationship. Forget about this other girl and sort out your current situation.

Aye thats true, but if he has no intention to cheat and can trust himself when it comes to this girl, why not be friends ? i'm not saying run off with her or anything, by all means stick with the girlfriend and talk things out if he's having doubts to the relationship. doesn't mean he should lose out on a possible friend.

Chinafoot

Pyr0 wrote:

Aye thats true, but if he has no intention to cheat and can trust himself when it comes to this girl, why not be friends ? i'm not saying run off with her or anything, by all means stick with the girlfriend and talk things out if he's having doubts to the relationship. doesn't mean he should lose out on a possible friend.

Thing is though, she wouldn't be a friend. He's seeing this girl as his perfect match and any "friendship" would have that behind it and wouldn't be a real friendship, imo. The OP said himself that he "desperately wanted to" kiss this girl at the end of the night and she was obviously interested in him. Texting her could potentially make him see that she's not so perfect but it could also (and I reckon this would be the most likely outcome) lead to him cheating on his current girlfriend.

Even if the OP and his girlfriend do call things a day after this, does the OP really want to jump from a 5 year relationship into another one, regardless of how perfect he thinks this girl is?

He should try to sort out his current relationship and I doubt he could do that with a clear head if this "dream girl" is on the scene at the same time.

newestUser

Andrewstarsey wrote:

Im a 24 yo lad going out with the GF since im 19, 5 years now. In love with her and before last night would never ever dream of cheating on her.

Last night though I was out with the lads and got chatting to a really good looking, smart, intelligent girl. We are both involved in a similar career field and she has very similar music tastes. She was also my dream in the looks department. In other words she was my dream girl.

Anyway was having a great laugh and got her number (very unlike me) and she wanted to kiss me at the end of the night but i wouldnt. Although i desperatly wanted to, i was thinking of my GF so i didnt.

I've never ever even been tempted by anyone else in my 5 years, but there was just something about this girl, she was perfection.

My GF and I are very differnet and sometimes i wish we had similar intrests, she will never let me listen to the music I like, has no career ambition and is working in a dead end job and would never go travelling, something i want to do over the next year. On the other hand this other girl had all these qualities.

The girl i was talking to text me earlier this morning but i havent wb cos i know if i do im going to be on the slippery slope.

I dont know why im writing this, i know i have to delete her number and break all contact, but i just feel that she is perfection and i'd be mad not to go for her, but i'm with my gf 5 years and am mad about her.

I don't know, what do you's think?

The impression that I get, from the way you tell it, is that you're not as into your girlfriend as you claim. Your profession of love for her comes across as perfunctory. Most of your post is about how wonderful this stranger is, and how you and your girlfriend are incompatible.

flogen

If you're going to leave your long term girlfriend you should do it because the relationship isn't what you want, not because there might be another relationship somewhere else that you might want more.

You don't seem entirely happy with how things are but don't be distracted by this girl and don't fool yourself into believing she's perfection. You need to have a serious think about what you've got and decide what to do based on the merits of that relationship alone.

TheDriver

Sounds like you have realised your not into your gf as much as u thought. Lifes too short, if your not into the same things, then its probably going nowhere.

Froot

Get rid of the 5 year girl and try the new girl.

That is what I would do.

It's not a big deal.

LegacyUser

I think you should leave your gf because I am pretty sure she deserves better than a man who is capable of getting so obsessed over a woman he's only met the night before he's posting for advice on the internet as to what to do concerning her! I'm pretty sure she deserves better than that because every woman does.

I also think you really do need to cop on here. How on earth can you maintain a total stranger is your idea of "perfection"? - the thing about a stranger is you dont have a damn clue who they are, hence the term 'stranger'. For all you know this woman could be as far removed from perfection as it's possible to get.

Froot

Unreg909 wrote:

I'm pretty sure she deserves better than that because every woman does.

I love that broad sweeping statement.

Maybe this guy met somebody who had some qualities that he found attractive and he wants to give it a go (maybe not also).

It is no disrespect to his girlfriend if he breaks up with her. Jesus what is the point in being with somebody if you meet people that you actually want to give a chance.

It isn't a big deal to break up with someone because your attracted to someone else. In fact I think that unless he has a complete change of heart he would be mad not to give it a go. You only live once. You might as well make sure you know who you are with and try to get what you want from life.

Exit

Froot wrote:

Get rid of the 5 year girl and try the new girl.

That is what I would do.

It's not a big deal.

This is what I did, except that I had known the new girl as a friend for about 8 months beforehand. I've never been happier and my 5 year ex has never been happier. We're both getting married in the next year or so to our prospective partners. That's just my situation, and obviously yours could turn out different. It is a little risky to change your life for a girl you've met once.

Still, making that break was the best decision I made. And while it was a painful breakup for a couple of weeks, it was a huge relief to get out of it. I kinda knew things weren't right, but up until then I was afraid to admit it and was a bit of a chicken **** in that regard. We had just kinda been coasting along for the last year or so of the relationship, and I thought I loved her, but afterwards I realised that I had been forcing myself to think that way so as not to ruin the relationship and hurt her. I liked her obviously, but I didn't want to spend my life with her.

So, in essence, I agree with the guy above me. You only get one chance at life. Do you want to be tied down to a girl for the rest of your life that you don't truly want to be with? Do you want to live your life wondering... what if?

If you are going to follow this path, make sure you be a man and be fair to your girlfriend. Don't go pursuing some other girl while still being in a relationship.

Ickle Magoo

Froot wrote:

It isn't a big deal to break up with someone because your attracted to someone else.

Lol, there would be no such thing as a long-term relationship or marriage if we all dropped the current partner & bolted whenever someone else turned our heads...

OP, I agree with the posters who say you should get to know this girl & find out if she is indeed perfection - for you, anyway. I also think you should have some serious discussions with your gf because being attracted to someone else is perfectly normal even while in a very happy, long-term relationship - wanting to act on that attraction is a signal that there are enormous issues within your relationship that really ought to be addressed. Best of luck.

SarahSassy

Does the 'new' girl know that you have a long term gf???

I ask this because it would personally put me off someone. I would prefer if he finished with the ex, sorted out his sh~t and then came to find me..... You should at least let her know that you are in a relationship and then the decision may be made for you.....

Froot

Ickle Magoo wrote:

Lol, there would be no such thing as a long-term relationship or marriage if we all dropped the current partner & bolted whenever someone else turned our heads...

Yes of course, I am not an advocate of just dumping someone because you meet someone who is attractive. The point I was trying to make is it is not a good idea to stay with somebody if you are think you could be happy with someone else and that unless you think it is the final relationship you will have in your life then it is not exactly critical to drag it out just for the sake of it.

Yeah ok perhaps I was oversimplifying the whole situation, you responded with a gross oversimplification in turn :P

BigCityBanker

cant you keep the two of them on the go at the same time?

Froot

BigCityBanker wrote:

cant you keep the two of them on the go at the same time?

/me waits in excitement for the convention police to start tearing you apart for that one...

BigCityBanker

Froot wrote:

/me waits in excitement for the convention police to start tearing you apart for that one...

why?

look whichever way you look at it life is all about insurance and protection...

People join the AA in case their car breaks down
People insure their home in case the fricking thing burns or is robbed
People buy medical insurance in case they get sick
People carry a spare tyre in the boot of their car in case they get a puncture

on this rational i think it is only fair to advise the OP that he should have 2 women at all times, isnt there a name for it? (dont anybody suggest that the name is cheating). This is just his own social life protection! Deffo +ev. Its all just common sense really - i cant see why i bothered to explain myself.

LegacyUser

Froot wrote:

The point I was trying to make is it is not a good idea to stay with somebody if you are think you could be happy with someone else...

Yes I take your point, but dont you think wondering if you could be happy with someone else you'd only met the night before is a bit bloody premature??!!!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the advice.

I think I kinda copped on over the weekend and realised how close to "perfection" my current girlfriend is. I don't think i'd ever risk losing her as i know i'd regret it as we're great togther.

I think i was kinda in awe of this girl i met the other night, she just made me feel really weird and i had this massive attraction to her that I really wanted to act upon. She was just amazing or something, i'm not going to do anything about it, i was as happy as larry with my current GF until I met the other girl.

If I knew my current GF couldnt get hurt, I woiuld give the other girl a try, but im not going to risk losing her for a total stranger, no matter how great she seemed.

DD

Take your time and think good the situation, don't rush into anything. Do you still love your gf? Is still the same flame ... would u be able to break up with ur gf and start the new rship with the perfection girl?
think well

Andrewstarsey wrote:

I dont know why im writing this, i know i have to delete her number and break all contact, but i just feel that she is perfection and i'd be mad not to go for her, but i'm with my gf 5 years and am mad about her.

kaizersoze1980

BigCityBanker wrote:

why?

look whichever way you look at it life is all about insurance and protection...

People join the AA in case their car breaks down
People insure their home in case the fricking thing burns or is robbed
People buy medical insurance in case they get sick
People carry a spare tyre in the boot of their car in case they get a puncture

on this rational i think it is only fair to advise the OP that he should have 2 women at all times, isnt there a name for it? (dont anybody suggest that the name is cheating). This is just his own social life protection! Deffo +ev. Its all just common sense really - i cant see why i bothered to explain myself.

Great advice mate

BigCityBanker

kaizersoze1980 wrote:

Great advice mate

I only hope the OP realises my wisdom.

DarkJager

OP: Play it cool for the moment, and for gods sake keep your phone out of your current girlfriends reach! As other posters said, you should defo get to know this girl better as its sounds like you are slowly realising that the current relationship is heading towards a brick wall. Good luck!