Male point of view please

LegacyUser · 10-08-2007 9:03am #1

I met this guy a year ago and we had a brief fling that ended bizarrely. I never really got rid of quite strong feelings for him and we just met up again a week or so ago. He's a good bit older than me, I'm 29, he's 45, but this is my usual pattern.

Anyway, things progressed along again, and we do seem to have a genuine connection and have a great time together in all respects. So he was the one who made contact this time, and has invited me out once with friends, and then over for dinner just me and him. When I'm with him, he's all things good, and does seem to like me a lot. The problem is, I don't want to overly communicate my feelings, or press him for answers to things, but I really don't know where I stand, and I find this makes further actions difficult. For example, should I contact him next, or just wait for him to make another move? I don't want to misjudge him completely and let him think that I'm not that interested, but also don't want to seem to eager. (for self preservation reasons, it was a long year)

So just would like to know what guys think?
Thanks

Victor · 10-08-2007 9:10am

If he has made contact a few times, I don't think there is any harm in reciprocating. I don't think you'll come across as too kean.

But hey, you've only been out a couple of times, don't quite go losing the run of yourself yet.

Star Lord · 10-08-2007 9:10am

Talk to the guy. If you can't communicate with him then it'll never go anywhere.

BigCityBanker · 10-08-2007 9:14am

In the words of vodafone - its good to talk.

challengemaster · 10-08-2007 9:20am

are you sure that you're the age you say you are? honestly. you sound 16 with the 'will i make a move or will he or ...' stuff.. granted you dont want to come on too strongly, but jesus, if you cant talk to him...

LegacyUser · 10-08-2007 9:24am

'Thanks. I don't necessarily think that the usual rules apply in matters of the heart. It's also slightly difficult to fully express an issue on boards. But thanks for the tuppence worth.'

Star Lord · 10-08-2007 9:28am

Depends on what "rules" you're talking about

Ekancone · 10-08-2007 9:30am

BigCityBanker wrote:

In the words of vodafone - its good to talk.

Hey, no spamming!

LegacyUser · 10-08-2007 9:41am

'Just in reference to age and approach to personal issues. I think everyone has difficulty when the heart is in greater command than the faculties of reason and logic.'

tbh · 10-08-2007 9:44am

You have a choice.

if you want to maintain a certain distance from him, and not make yourself vunerable, then the price you pay is that you can't be sure how he's feeling.

if you want to find out how he's feeling, you have to tell him how you are feeling, and risk rejection.

which is more important to you?

Beruthiel · 10-08-2007 9:44am

Needingadvice wrote:

I don't necessarily think that the usual rules apply in matters of the heart.

There are no rules except for being straight forward and honest. You can never go wrong with that.

Wibbs · 10-08-2007 9:50am

I do think talking to him and finding out where you stand is really the best plan. It's not as if he's some awkward teenager. He should by this stage be able to understand what he wants and communicate same. You may or may not like his answer, but you're in limbo at this stage of the game as he seems to hold all the cards. Presumably he knows how you feel about him. Again because of his age he's going to have the experience to be pretty sure about that. If he does know that, what's holding him back? I'm pretty sure he knows what's what. If he doesn't I'd be more worried about that TBH.

Now you talk about the usual rules in affairs of the heart not really applying. Big mistake. They may be slightly different rules but they are there. Don't be too caught up the whole pink fluffy hearts love stuff. There are practicalities to be considered if you have a hope of taking this further and getting to the pink fluffy heart love stuff. Namely what does he want out of this relationship. Is it the same as you? You've already had a fling with the guy so that can impact on this any number of ways. He might see this as another fling for a start and maybe not realise you want more. Maybe he's changed in the interim and does want more with you. Him making the first contact is a good step. Bringing you out to meet his friends is another.

I'd ask him out straight if I were you, even at this early stage. As I said you have some history together so it's not out of the blue. You shouldn't have to go through another year of waiting and maybe even missing someone else that may work out better, while you're dangling on a string with this guy.

Hey, he might want to take it further, you never know, but you will never know unless you discuss it. I also don't think he'll feel pressured that much. Again he either knows what he wants or he doesn't. If he avoids the question? Walk. He's a bit long in the tooth to be confused.

Star Lord · 10-08-2007 10:04am

Beruthiel wrote:

There are no rules except for being straight forward and honest. You can never go wrong with that.

Well put, that lady!

LegacyUser · 10-08-2007 10:18am

Thanks Wibbs.. I think you've covered everything there, and you're absolutely right. Like I said, I really did just want a male point of view, sorry if I seemed impaired. :-)

BaZmO* · 10-08-2007 11:23am

As has been said already you're not two lovestruck teenagers, if you've got feelings for this guy tell him. If you start playing games and waiting to see who rings who and all that nonsense you'll just give him the impression that you're not that interested.

And by telling him that you're interested in developing the relationship you don't have to turn up in a wedding dress or go searching for his pet rabbit. Just tell him how you feel, he's 45 and he contacted you so it'll hardly be a bolt out of the blue.

TheDriver · 10-08-2007 11:24am

Your not a teenager, call and meet, ask where you stand and get the truth. Just don't overdo it too much....

azezil · 10-08-2007 11:35am

Beruthiel wrote:

There are no rules except for being straight forward and honest. You can never go wrong with that.

Yes you can, you can go horribly horribly wrong when you're completely honest with people, I'm not saying lie but certain things really do need to be kept to yourself.

lucernarian · 10-08-2007 5:17pm

I don't see what the teenager thing has got to do with this.

If you want to spend more time with him, suggest you meet up or something. It won't seem eager if you do it gently and naturally it's not good to sound pushy. Nothing wrong with calling the guy I think.

Male point of view please

Comments