Rape

LegacyUser

when i was 14 i was in a situation where i feel i was raped.

Basically i was at a friends house and being rowdy teens we broke into her parents drinks cabinet and got hammered and then went and hung around the estate

There was a guy who was 17 who i flirted with and ill admit i gave him signals. The only thing i remember after all that was him on top of me and grinding pain in my stomach, i asked him to get off me and he said"Wait im trying to get a thrill here"- i went to push him off and he held me down and said "One more second" then got off me

I had pushed it outta my mind cos according to my friends id agreed to have sex with him(never remembered saying that)

I saw him a week ago and since then have been having nightmares about that night

But i dont think it was rape cos i agreed to it

Victor

A 14 year old can't consent to sex - so what he did was illegal.

It appear you were out of your head drunk, so it would appear to have been difficult for you to give informed consent.

You asked him to stop, he continued.

---

How does this make you feel? Have you been able to get a sympathetic ear? You don't seem to have gotten one from your friends (sometimes friends aren't objective judges).

Talking this out may let some of the ghosts out. Just saying the words out loud really does help.

http://www.drcc.ie/
http://www.rcni.ie/

Zillah

As said, it was statutory rape regardless of whether you said yes or no. Even if you had thrown yourself at him screaming for him to take you now it would still be illegal.

He's sounds like an total asshole, and if you want you could press charges. If your friends are willing to testify that the two of you had sex, regardless of whether you agreed to it or not, he'd probably be done for it. The fact that he kept at it even when you said no, and that you were incapacitated at the time would probably make his sentence worse.

I don't know the technicalities of the law in this situation though, so whether the lack of physcial evidence would be enough to get him off I don't know, or whether he'd just get a slap on the wrist or not.

Personally, if he is the kind of guy who might do this again, or has been doing it since, I'd press charges, even to scare him into behaving himself. However, if he's grown up and hasn't done anything like this again, it would be more trouble than its worth I think.

Carrigart Exile

I doubt the courts would proceed with a prosecution for a couple of youngsters having drunken sex (even tho' she is 14, he is still a minor as well) given she cannot remember not giving consent and her friends say she did.

I would choose the counselling route rather than the legal route.

Talliesin

The legal issue with prosecution would be whether you could demonstrate beyond a reasonable doubt that sexual intercourse took place (or sexual contact for a charge of sexual assault).

Doing so could make the OP feel better, like she's drawn a line under at least some of it, or worse, being a rape prosecution is a daunting experience.

Whether she decides to press charges or not, the counselling route would be a better place to start. I'd suggest giving the local rape crisis centre a call (1800 788 888 if you're in Dublin, http://www.rcni.ie/hlp_map.htm gives information on others throughout Ireland).

trilo

My heart goes out for you hun.

You were 14 years of age. He had no right to do what he did. What he did was take advantage of a young girl who fancied him and forced himself onto you. You made out with him, grand but that was kissing someone is not permission to continue with intercourse.
You did not give your consent to it, you asked him to stop and he didn't.


Memories are resurfacing again since you saw him.
My advice to you would be to go and talk to someone. Even to ring the Samaritans may help, just to talk to someone who isn't going to judge what your saying. you could also go to rape Crisis centre as well and chat to someone there.

I can understand where you are coming from, something similar happended to me when i was younger and i can empatise with what your feeling. It ain't nice.

Talk to someone about this, otherwise it will continue to eat at you.

miju

trilo wrote:

You made out with him, grand but that was kissing someone is not permission to continue with intercourse.

You did not give your consent to it, you asked him to stop and he didn't.

i think your reading what the OP is saying and adding your own bit here trilo. the OP didnt say they were kissing and she cant remember giving consent but her friends said she did. that is not the same thing here

i'd tend to agree with the other posters and be more inclined to go down the counseling route rather than the trial and trauma of a rape case especially if its a bit flakey sounding (no offense meant to OP by that last comment)

G&T

Was 14 at a house party, had load's to drink,was a virgin
all my ex-friend's left me alone with a guy 17

I was the only one in my group who had not had sex so felt under hugh pressure to get it over with.

Half way through I asked the guy to stop,he didn't.
He wasn't hurting me I just regretted saying yes.

I dont think/feel I was raped
what I think is that I was in a situation too soon too young.

I was a teenage girl who thought I could handle my drink/myself
After that night I started acting my age,hanging around with better people,
having the odd drink and not trying to be/act 18

I consider I had a wake up call at an early age
about drink and respecting my body.

The guy in question did not know it was my first time as I lied,
he was also drunk.

Moral of my story:don't put yourself in the position again where you are so drunk you dont know your own mind.

Im sorry for what happened to you and think counselling would help.

trilo

miju wrote:

i think your reading what the OP is saying and adding your own bit here trilo. the OP didnt say they were kissing and she cant remember giving consent but her friends said she did. that is not the same thing here

I am not adding my own bit here. Perhaps i was persuming. thanks for calling me up on it miju.


Is it not inportant what she feels herself happened that night? How the hell would her friends know if she gave her consent. they may think she did cuz they were making out. That is not consent.
TBH if a friend said that to me in this case they wouldn't be my friend anymore.

The girl is really upset about what happened that night. What she feels is what is important. Not the stupid fact that her friends say she consented.

LegacyUser

Carrigart Exile wrote:

I would choose the counselling route rather than the legal route.

im not considering any legal action it was my own fault i got drunk and was stupid enough to let it happen

patrickolee

Doesn't sound like rape to me tbh, more like kids experimenting. But at the same time OP, if it is bothering you, you should go for counselling. What age are you now? I mean is this something that happened many years ago, or rather more recently?

cowzerp

I think you let him start while stupified then realised he was shagging you near him climaxing and told him to get off as he was cumming-sounds crappy but during cum stage a person is like a dummy and not exactly going to jump off unless they realised you where very serious-a bad experience but not rape imo, but he still should not of done a 14 year old.

Talliesin

hggkghhghjg wrote:

im not considering any legal action it was my own fault i got drunk and was stupid enough to let it happen

Please don't tell yourself that.

If you got drunk and fell and fractured your skull, that would have been your fault because floors aren't capable of taking advantage of an incapacitated child and jumping up at them.

Most men manage to go through their lives without raping or sexually assaulting children, no matter how wasted the child gets on drugs or alcohol. There isn't some sort of reflex that'll kick in the proximity of a drunk child. The sick **** had to assess the situation, realise he could get away with it, and then act upon it.

While you did get yourself into a position where you were more at risk than you should have been, the responsibility for what happens lies entirely with the abuser.

IANAL (hullaballoo's test a/c)

It is rape, there's no doubt about it. You cannot have sex with someone under 15 (full stop). You cannot have sex with someone between the ages of 15 and 17 unless you had an honest belief that they were over 17. The age for consent in this country is 17.

That means that he raped you. There is no question about that. He could be prosecuted for it, and currently, children above the age of 14 are fully accountable to the criminal law as if they were adults. He wasn't a minor (in this sense).

The fact that you were drunk means that he's even more likely to be found guilty of rape - not less.

It was in no way your fault. People who get raped are never at fault. Rapists are at fault.

cowzerp

at 17 fella's are only kids too-a 14 year old girl probably has more maturity than a 17 yr old, definetly not much difference anyway-i doubt he thought he raped anyone, or meant to.

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

Talliesin

cowzerp wrote:

i doubt he thought he raped anyone, or meant to.

Okay. Let's say he didn't think he raped anyone.

People should give a damn what a rapist opinions is, why?

scitpo

The only thing i remember after all that was him on top of me and grinding pain in my stomach

Did he anally rape you?

Nevyn

scitpo off topic and unhelpful posting will get you banned from this forum.
Read the charter and abide by the rules when posting.

LegacyUser

scitpo wrote:

Did he anally rape you?

I DONT KNOW I NEVER CHECKED ALL I KNOW IS ID A HORRIBLE BURNING PAIN

Nevyn

hggkghhghjg you need professional help to work through this.

Get in touch with those who are trained to help you.

24-hour Helpline

The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre offers a free confidential, listening and support service for women and men who have been raped, sexually assaulted, sexually harassed or sexually abused at any time in their lives.

We also take calls from anyone who wishes to talk about the effects of sexual violence.

Our Telephone Counsellors are available to listen 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year. We take calls on our freephone number from anywhere in the country.

All the counsellors in the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre are aware it can be difficult and takes courage to make contact for the first time. We would like to assure you that every caller to our helpline is treated as an individual with respect and dignity and given the time and understanding they need to get the help and support they deserve. Repeat callers are also welcome.

If you are reading this now and are considering contacting the Centre for any reason, no matter how small, please phone us.

We are here to listen

FREEPHONE 1800 778888

address: The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre
70, Lower Leeson Street,
Dublin 2, Ireland
Office Hours Mon - Fri - 8.00am to 7.00pm
Sat - 9.00am - 4.00pm
Phone No. 01 661 4911
Freephone 1 800 778 888
Fax No. 01 661 0873
Email rcc@indigo.ie
Website www.drcc.ie

Carrigart Exile

Talliesin wrote:

Okay. Let's say he didn't think he raped anyone.

People should give a damn what a rapist opinions is, why?

I don't think anyone has been tried in a court of law, so 1) he is not a rapist and 2) there are two sides to every story that have to be heard.

Sully

I dont like the laws around this at all and its something which I think needs a complete reform. Cosent is CONSENT. I really dont see if two people agree, and then afterwards one regrets and claims rape. It was NOT rape if both parties agreed to it - unless one was fooled into giving consent.

In this case, I dont think the OP should consider legal action for rape. She has no clue what happened and witnesses say she agreed. The only think that was wrong is that when the OP asked him to get of, he did so slowly and not immediately. I dont see that as grounds to rape - but maybe im to soft.

To conclude, forget legal action (for now at least) and discuss this with a professional. Thaedydal has provided you with numbers, and I highly recommend you call them and talk it through. It really is the only and the best solution.

I do feel sorry for you, and I do regret what happened to you. I hope you are able to overcome the problem. I really am sorry for what happened, but your best bet is to follow Thaedydal advise. Best of luck.